When your child is filled with anxiety

[PooohBear]

Does anyone have a DD who is always filled with anxiety?? for about roughly 2-3 years my poor DD is this way ! I'm really not sure what to do, but it just doesn't seem to be getting better like we thought it would (she is almost 11).
My DD and I are very close, we talk all the time and I always try to help her but it always just seems to be a very temporary cure!
My DD gets so upset sometimes and cries because she is worried about this or worried about that, in my opinion, I think she is afraid something will happen to me, she doesn't like to sleepover at others houses (which is really no big deal) but if she gets invited to do things with people where she might be gone for a few hours or so, she gets all nervous and worried and sometimes just doesn't want to go (even if it is some place fun). If she doesn happen to go somewhere with someone, she feels the need to call me after a couple hours to talk to me.. again not a big deal...
but it's so hard to see her struggle and worry all the time about every little thing, she really gets upset!
Even our Disney trip in December, she's worried about going... I don't understand that, and she's not sure what she's worried about (we've discussed this many times) she just says she's worried something will happen !
Have any of you had this with any of your children ?! I know kids get "attached" to their parents, but most grow out of it, especially by this age.. my son was attached to me also but only when he was alot younger.
I have offered to take her to "talk" to someone about it to see if he/she could help but she says she only wants to talk to me about it..... any thoughts, suggestions ???

 

[DisneyJules]

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is going through that. I can definitely relate. I've suffered from anxiety from the time I was a child. I remember having many irrational fears. I use to be terrified of being forgotten or left behind. When we went on school outings, the teacher had to be in my line of vision the entire time. I felt the same way when my parents were picking me up from swimming class and they were late, which they most often were. I'm now three weeks into an attacking anxiety program by Lucinda Bassett, which REALLY does work and I can tell I'm starting to change. Though I've started to see some of the same symptoms in my half sister who is only 9 years old. She too is really scared and gets VERY upset when her mom has to go to the store alone, or is gone for the evening. She said she was scared something would happen to her.
I would try and get your daughter help, you can comfort her but anxiety deals with many irrational thoughts that even comforting words don't seem to eliminate. I do recommend Lucinda's program, it is excellent! Trust me, if it were really crappy I would not recommend it to another person. But it seems to cover every aspect of anxiety and why we suffer from it.
Hope that helps

 

[caitycaity]

i started having anxiety problems in 3rd grade. i still have them, though i am able to control them a little bot better now.

i really don't want to go on medication for it, and the couple of therapists i have seen have not been helpful. my mom has had the same problem her entire life and i have pretty much just accepted it as a part of who i am.

i don't have any thoughts or suggestions for you other than to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter. i think it's great that she talks to you about it. i still don't like talking to my mom about it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, I have dealt with this although her anxiety manifested itself as anger & finger moving.

I took my dd to a psychiatrist and got her some counseling and medication. I think it was around 4th grade it started. It took a year for her to become "normal" again.

She is in 8th grade now and is doing great!

I recommend professional help even though she is against it. Sometimes kids have things they need to work thru. Prolonging it may breed more anxiety.

Taking charge of the situation will be a relief for her as well. Strange to say that but it is true.

 

[KristaTX]

Sounds like you have identified a problem, and it would probably be better to deal with it now rather than when she is 15.

I don't have children of my own, but I am a school nurse and have worked with children of all ages. Are you familiar with the school counselor in your daughter's school? That might be a good place to start since your DD is probably familiar with him/her and he/she can be a little more objective than you can be. You could talk to her teacher about this or with the counselor directly. Sometimes school counselors work with students in groups without totally singling them out. Whether or not you want to use the school counselor kind of depends on the counselor, though. Hopefully your school has a good one. The school nurse is another person who might be willing to spend some time with and talk to her. Most kids are very comfortable with the school nurse.

If the school is not a good option, you could take her in for a check-up at her doctor. You could mention the anxiety to the doctor beforehand so that he/she knows to somehow address the subject gently during the check-up.

Another option is to have her spend time occasionally with a female relative or close friend of yours whom she might be willing to open up to about her worries and life in general.

 

[Pete's Mom]

Originally posted by caitycaity
i started having anxiety problems in 3rd grade. i still have them, though i am able to control them a little bot better now.

i really don't want to go on medication for it, and the couple of therapists i have seen have not been helpful. my mom has had the same problem her entire life and i have pretty much just accepted it as a part of who i am.

i don't have any thoughts or suggestions for you other than to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter. i think it's great that she talks to you about it. i still don't like talking to my mom about it.

caitycaity - you have described me to a "T". I was literally driving myself nuts and felt like something was wrong if I didn't have anything to feel anxious about. I did not want to be on medication either but it had gotten worse the past few years and I finally sought some help for it when it started affecting my eating and sleeping habits and especially when I started snapping at Pete.

My doctor started me on Zoloft back in February. The change has been amazing. It's not that I don't get stressed out from time to time (we all do) but I able to deal with it without wigging out. I don't know quite how to explain it. It's funny, because now I find myself sometimes wondering if I am "under reacting" when compared to my earlier experiences. Shouldn't this be stressing me out more?

 

[caitycaity]

i think if my anxiety issues ever got worse i would investigate medication. i just really don't like to be on any medication that i don't have to be taking. i'm glad things are working better for you.

 

[AmyBeth68]

I am sorry to hear your DD is having anxiety. I have been a chronic "worrier" since as far back as I can remember. I remember worrying about everything as a young child....from nuclear war, to my parents' safety, to irrational fears about fire, etc. My worrying got better as my energy was more directed in HS, College and early adulthood. But once I had my first baby it came back full-fledged and I had major anxiety about my own health, my children's health, flying and all sorts of things. Somehow I have managed, on my own, to keep my worrying to a minimum over the past year. It is very difficult given all the craziness in the world.

I wonder if, since she is probably a VERY sensitive child, she is reacting to the world around us. Terrorism (she was at a very impressionable age during 9/11), Hurricanes, War discussions are all over the news. She may be internalizing all of those images which are causing her inexplicable fear. I would suggest couseling, if only to help her confront any deep fears she has. I wish I had been counseled as a young girl....and I would consider it now if my worries start to take hold again. As a matter of fact, I can see it manifesting in my 4 y/o DD. I am watching it carefully and will be sure not to say to her what people have said to me my whole life "Stop Worrying, you're driving yourself crazy". I want to say "NO KIDDING".

My best piece of advice, please don't minimalize what she's feeling as that just adds more anxiety to her. I know from personal experience. However, based on your thoughtful post, it sounds like you are taking this very seriously.

 

[Christine]

Well, you have just describe me AND my DS (9). I was also very anxious/fearful/worrying as a child and it has gotten no better as an adult. I was very quiet about it when I was a child and suffered. As an adult, I have sought treatment with a few different therapists, tried all of the different medications out there, etc. Nothing really seems to work. I think anxiety without depression is a VERY difficult beast to treat.

What is disheartening is that my son now has it. He seems much worse than I ever was but I think that is due to the fact that he is much more vocal about it. He is constantly worried about dying, something bad happening, his health, etc. In fact, just last night we had an episode. I should *know* better about how sensitive he is but sometimes I forget. I was channel surfing last night and there was a show on public television about 9/11. It really had more to do with the structure of the Towers and how they could have collapsed. Well, my son is interested in all things engineering and he said "oh, stop, I want to see this." I thought, well, no harm, he knows all about 9/11 and this is about the steel beams in the building. Unfortunately they showed some of the crash shots, the people running, crying etc. He was so disturbed and upset after the show that he got a stomach ache. Which proceeded to turn into major vomiting. He was then shivering in his bed. Fortunately, I had some anti-anxiety meds on hand and gave him some. But this is kind of normal behavior now at my household and it really concerns me.

I have taken him to a psychiatrist and we have tried to address the anxiety with medication but we have had no luck. The medication (antidepressents and other things) change is personality so much (not for the better) that I just cannot believe that they could be a good thing for him. But it is different for everyone.

I think a lot of issues for me revolved around me being an only child and my parents being divorced. Not that this CAUSED it, but it exacerbated it. I always felt like my mom was my only family and I was terrified that something was going to happen to her and I would be alone. I hated when she went anywhere and I hated being away from home. I did outgrow that and had a wonderful social life as a teen--so there is hope. But, bottom line is, that the anxiety issues are usually life long. It doesn't hurt to start addressing them before too many negative thought patterns take hold.

That is my advice even though it really hasn't helped my son.

 

[mudnuri]

While I do not have these issue's personally, I have 2 cousins one male and one female that both had these issue's. They are not siblings.

My aunt's- took them both to the doctor, because it got to the point where they did not want to go ANYWHERE....not even family gatherings etc.

1 was put on Paxil- and 1 on Zoloft. The one on Zoloft seemed to handle it better. The one on Paxil, with the help of a doc got off it. The one on Zoloft- just left here, (VT) last week, to attend THE UNIVERSITY OF NEW MEXICO!!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine that! just 5-6 years ago, she had such anxiety issue's she hated leaving the house!

I have a very sensative child, though not anxiety issues. She needs structure, routines, and a lot of "when are we doing X"...if something in her schedule changes its rough on her. i hope this does not lead to more.

I feel for you, as I know what my aunts/uncles went through with their kids, though they were both in highschool at the time they started the meds.

You know whats right for your child, maybe medication is, maybe it isnt......and I commend you for taking the steps needed to help...so many kids/adults try to deal with this on their own, and unfortuantly you just cant with this type of illness!

Brandy

 

[snarfer1]

I strongly suggest professional counseling as well, you have done an excellent job as DM for your DD, and have found and tried to help. Now it is time to step it up a notch. Childhood Anxiety Disorders generally respond well to short courses of medication and some desensitivation training (forgive the spelling please). And you don't have to use medication if you are against it.

Best of luck to you and your DD

Tony

 

[Jynohn]

After years of his pediatrician telling me he'd "grow out of it" my son was finally diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and Selective Mutism when he was in first grade. His anxiety had reached a point where he wouldn't speak to anyone outside of the family, not even people he'd known since he was a baby. He would also worry so much that even a trip to the store would be a source of anxiety for him, would we run out of gas, would I get a speeding ticket, etc.

PLEASE take your child to a specialist right away. It's the best thing I could have done for my son. I too was reluctant to put him on medication, but we eventually did, and he was only on it for 6 months before the selective mutism went completely away. He's now a typical, outgoing kid who makes friends easily and is no longer afraid of new situations. The anxiety still rears it's head on occasions, but no where near to the extent that it used to be. He hasn't been on medication in over 5 years now and I'm still amazed at the difference between the kid he used to be and the kid he is now.

Best of luck!

 

[PooohBear]

Thanks so much for everyone's thoughtfulness !!! my DH just keeps thinking she will outgrow it but I am more negative every day about that happening! I will definately start with a doctor appt. or maybe the school counselor and take it from there, i'm so glad I had the opportunity to address it to everyone and confirm my thoughts!
Thanks so much !! I'm so glad I found this message board with so many helpful people !!!

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't have a child like this, but my mother is like this. She worries about everything...things that are just ridiculous. Her latest thing is that she's worried because in October, relatives are visiting from out of state, and they are all going to Boston for a couple of days and she's worried that the people next door will have their house vinyl sided while they are gone, the workers will notice that no one is home at my parents' house and come later in the night to rob them!

We are going to Florida for a 4 day weekend starting Sept 17th, and she is wrorrying about hurricanes. I have already told her that if they are predicting a hurricane for when we are away, obviously we wouldn't go since there would be no point ot it, but she's still worrying about what if one just "pops up". POPS UP!!!!!!!!! How many days in advance did we know about Frances???And now we are watching Ivan, and have been for a few days already! Hurricanes don't just pop up!

It's actually very difficult sometimes to deal with the amount of irrational worry she has. I don't know how my father does it sometimes, although he is becoming slightly hard of hearing, so that may help!

 

[snarfer1]

Originally posted by PooohBear
Thanks so much for everyone's thoughtfulness !!! my DH just keeps thinking she will outgrow it but I am more negative every day about that happening! I will definately start with a doctor appt. or maybe the school counselor and take it from there, i'm so glad I had the opportunity to address it to everyone and confirm my thoughts!
Thanks so much !! I'm so glad I found this message board with so many helpful people !!!

Go to the Doctor first:

You don't want your DD given a label that is passed year to year through the school!

Best wishes

Tony

 

[septbride2002]

I didn't have this problem until College and really felt like I was out there on my own. I worried about anything and everything and it lasted for about 3 or 4 years. I never went to anyone for treatment because I really didn't know what it was - my mind would just go crazy with off the wall things that would never happen! Finally one day I learned how to talk myself down from this. Now I know I just need to get quite for a few minutes and reassure myself that the things I am worrying about are happening in my head and not in the real world. It seems to have worked and since I've started doing this I have these anxiety attacks less often.

Since your daughter is so young I would suggest talking to a counselor like other people have suggested.

~Amanda

 

[DIZNYFAN]

Our 7 year old was very upset about going to school this year. What DW and I do is just try to give her good reasons not to be upset about it and that no matter what happens we are here for her and stand behind her decisions. We always try to build up her self confidence in this type of situation just like everything she tries and we tell her not to worry. We also let her know just how much fun she is going to have and to try and think of all the people she would like to see again after a long summer away from school. It helps her to settle down quite a bit and it makes it that much more fun for her aftert she gets to school for the first day and sees everyone from her class from the year before.

 

[goofy4tink]

Well, this is certainly a timely discussion for me. My dd also almost 11, is have some anxiety issues. She doesn't sleep at night, lies there worrying about everything from her heart beat rate to the sun crashing into earth and ending life as we know it. She worries if I go out at night. If her dad and I are 10 minutes late she just knows that we've been in an accident. Finally, I took her to see her pedi yesterday. Counseling was recommended. But, you know what? She actually slept last night. I think that the doctor telling her that some of her worries were justifiable and that everyone worried about some stuff at times, made her feel better. Yes, she will still see a counseler. We have had 3 family deaths in less than 9 months here. So, I know she is stressed out. Hoping to keep her off the meds. So, keep talking to your kids, take them to an outside person if you feel it's warrented.