When you take family, do you charge them for the room?

[DISNEYVILLASCOUPLE]

I think your post says alot about your relationship with your inlaws. Dealing with inlaws is always a touchy area, especially when they may be your inlaws, but they are HIS parents. Are they normally the type of people who invite themselves? or do you truly think your husband invited them? It is a tough situation.

Not that I am an expert, but I would never charge or expect compensation if I invited someone, but I would also try to set the guidelines upfront and establish what they needed to pay for on the trip like their park tickets, food, any other entertainment, airfare etc. In this situation you do not really know if your husband invited them or not. Even if he didn't officially invite them, by not stopping them when they said they were coming, he did in a way invite them.

I know its hard when you are worried about establishing future guidelines, but put it in prospective. This is just one trip with his parents. Don't begrudge them joining you this one time or put your husband between you and them over this one trip. ALso, the trip hasn't happened yet. Who knows maybe they'll pay for some meals or something.

Also, I think taking parents along is alot different from taking siblings, etc.

Lee

PS I am sorry if I sound harsh about this, but I am talking from the prospective of my dad being gone over 3 years now and currently watching my husband struggle with the possibility of losing his dad soon to cancer.

 

[Mary Anne]

Aside from the room, I think you may have other problems too.

You mentioned that your in-laws have never really been on a real vacation.

They have to keep a close eye on their budget and they don't have tons of extra money lying around. They go to Virginia Beach every year and stay with my MIL's sister who lives there. That is their idea of a vacation. Except for the Jersey shore a few times with FIL's parents, they have never been anywhere, nor do they have a desire to go anywhere.

Forget about the "free" room they are getting. Do they realize how much it is going to cost just to go into the parks each day? I have a feeling they are going to really freakout over the cost of even a 3 or 4 day pass. X 2 people!!!! What about food costs? Even if you eat in, you still have to buy it.

I think you need to call a family meeting. Go over the other costs upfront, and to be honest tell them you need the money for the tickets upfront from them, you buy them. I have a feeling if you don't you're going to end up in Disney for a week with them sitting in the room being pains and not even letting you go to the parks. With people like this I think you also need to buy into some type of food plan at Disney. Either the vouchers or tell them up front you need X amount of $$$ to cover the food.

I hate to say it but I fear you're not only going to be paying for the room but everything else on that vacation too.

 

[Snow Shoe]

If you invited them, then you should not expect anythong in return. To expect something in return for inviting them along as guests is not very polite. However, if they offer/insist to pay some, then ask them to buy dinner some night for everybody.

 

[Northwoods]

I must be in the minority - we are charging our family. Here's the situation:

My FIL wanted to take everyone on a trip together. We discusssed a couple options, Disney being one of them. When comparing our options we offered that we would cover the 2 bedroom if FIL would cover the cost of the studio. There are 10 of us total. We figured if our family of 4 went we would probably get a 2 bedroom anyway. Now we just have to share it with 2 additional adults. When we presented this idea to the family I laid out what the studio and 2 bedroom would cost if booked directly with Disney, and what it would cost if renting points, then what our cost was - we just used $7 / point. We then used points to book both rooms and FIL will pay $7 / point for the studio.

I don't feel bad about charging them at all. They are getting great accomodations at a fraction of the cost.

 

[kathleena]

If we invite family, we do not ask for anything. We are extending the invitation and the room is a gift to them. We do not usually pay for anything else, except maybe a character meal or a birthday present (i.e. taking my step-daughter on a tour in March).

We have taken family a few times now and never asked for anything in return. For this next trip, my step-daughter has said she wants to take us out to eat at Boma to thank us. That's fine with us, but not expected or implied.

However - I would not extend the same invitation to friends. And if any family members knew we were going and asked us to get a larger room so they can go with us, or get them a room, they would definately be given a price. The freebee only comes with our invite.

 

[jekjones1558]

As DH and I get older, it becomes more and more important to us that we spend as much time with family and friends on vacation as we can. So we do not ever charge family or friends. Our October trip was worth every point (all 754 of them!) because as our 20-somethings lives become more complex we will never be able to line up all of the schedules again.
We have the luxury of more points now than we did when we first joined DVC and we are gray-haired. The view from opposite sides of age 40 or 50 can be very different. I think this is an issue that can only be resolved between DH and DW. JMHO.

 

[kathleena]

Oh, I just read backwards a bit and saw your other posts. Hmmm quite a predicament here.

I would be a little miffed at my DH. Well, maybe a lot miffed at my DH, if he invited someone along without talking to me first. Sounds like you're not really sure how that happened. You may need to make some DVC ground rules about who you invite and when. We definately have family members that we will not ever, ever invite or agree to take if they ask (and they already have.) This is our vacation and I refuse to take a vacation from my job, just to spend the time with someone who drives me crazy!

I think you have to tough it out this time - and live and learn. Instead of trying to convince your DH that you have to charge them this trip - talk to him about how to organize future years and what using up 300 points all at once does to the Disney Bank of the future. Who knows - maybe you'll start talking add-on!!!

 

[OurDogCisco]

Even if they invited themselves I certainly would not charge them especially if they are in your in-laws or parents. My reasoning is that our parents raised us and gave up a lot of their lives to raise their children. I realize you don't have children right now so, this might be more difficult to understand. Raising children is not easy and I think, it is great if you can offer them a place to stay for a week. Who knows maybe you'll bond better. My FIL is exactly how you described your inlaws but you know after 10 years of marriage I realized who am I to judge what he does and doesn't do with his money.

Second, I would bring up the extra costs involved like park passes, meals, etc... I think, it would be important that you tell them what you plan to do on the trip. Like we will be at the park on the following days. If they choose to hang out at the room that is their decision. My MIL goes on vacation with us all the time but she loves just hanging out at the resort. She really doesn't like doing tourisy stuff so, it usually works out for us. Maybe once you hint on the expense of the extras they might back out. Also, give clear guidelines on the last time they can back out. You don't want to lose out on points either.

GL,
Tina

 

[DrTomorrow]

Northwoods, I'm not sure you're in the minority - the situation you describe is different from OP's. If I understand correctly, someone else (FIL) wants to play host for the family, and you're offering a lower-cost alternative; seems fair to me.

 

[jomik1]

We are planning a trip with DH's sister and her family (4 people) over springbreak 2006. We will be getting a 2 bedroom for the 8 of us. We are not asking them for anything toward the room. This part of the trip is "on us". We thought it would be fun for the 4 boys (my 2 DS's and 2 DN's). They will take care of their own airfare, park tickets, food and miscellaneous. We're just providing the room. This was part of the reason we just did an add-on. We love going on vacation with friends and family. What better than to be able to provide the rooms for all of us at the "Most Magical Place On Earth"!!

 

[joepoe]

We tend to take only one or two family members at a time and they stay with us in a two bedroom. When you start inviting everyone and becoming the travel agent, concierge and have to hassle with cancellations and complaints, it becomes a nightmare very quickly, so yes, I would charge them some nominal amount, like 99 a night for a studio.

 

[Patty3]

I agree with the others that have posted saying that they would not expect or request any type of payment for the room accomodations. I totally agree with your DH. How do you know that after dinner one night, that they would not pick up the tab? When we go out with our grown kids, we always pick up the tab. We do not make a big deal out of it, it is funny the server always seems to put the bill in front of my DH, like they know he is going to pay. I have used two years of points to take friends and family and expected nothing in return, but I do have great memories and that for me is enough.

 

[Kewz1]

We don't charge our family. They are the reason we bought into DVC - we wanted to be able to go with my parents and sis and not have to worry about everyone saving up, etc. (sis is a starving college student...).

My family is great about bringing groceries and paying for meals. They also love to babysit the kids ensuring my dh & I at least one meal out by ourselves.

Kristen

 

[Doug Wolfe]

I agree with your DH. No charge.

You said it yourself, they don't have a lot of money and they wouldn't do it otherwise.

In 2003, I put my mom & dad in a studio for a week at OKW. I was next door in a 2-bedroom with the DW & kiddies.

In 2004, after my dad passed away, I just took mom and put her in our 2-bedroom.

No charge....no expectations. It's just something nice to do. I contributed to a trip for the DW's parents to Alaska.

It just makes me feel good to help others to enjoy life without asking for anything in return. In 2005, I'll probably ask mom to join us again.

 

[Disney-Kim]

This question has come a few times and I think it has to do with the situation. But yes, we have charged.

in our case we told my sister that we could share our points to make it cheaper for them to go and stay deluxe if they ever wanted to go. They asked us if they could go and use some of our points. We mutually came up with $500 for the week. We up both felt this was fair as we were using some of our next years points and they are getting to stay deluxe for super cheap. She would not have wanted to go "free". We are doing the same thing this year too because they thought it was a fantastic deal and loved the DVC.

We do have to borrow some pts for them to go. This is one reason I added 50 pts this year to make our total 200, so we could lend points every so often.

I hope this helps.

 

[milachy]

Follow your gut and live & learn..

We planned our trip in the early part of this year so that we can visit in OCT. A member of my immediate family slipped and told one of the other parties that was going with us that it was a timeshare. The change I saw in them was amazing. It was as if I was to pay for everything. It disgusts me to even think about it let alone write it.

Now only my immediate family knows about me being a DVC member and I prefer it that way.

 

[vernon]

This can be a very tricky situation, particularly when it appears in this situation it's far from clear as to whose idea it was in the first place.

I have charged relatives before, but I have always made sure they were completely aware of the situation BEFORE any plans were made. I would only charge if extra points were being used to get a larger unit. While I think it's very generous of those that decide they want to invite their families along at the DVC owners expense, I don't feel the same compunction to treat my family out of my pocket to that degree. I don't feel it's anyone's duty to support their families vacations, if it makes you feel good to be able to do so, then that's fine. If however, like me, you don't feel that debt of honour, then I think that's fine as well.

I don't think there is any way out for the OP in this situation, particularly as her DH is against charging his parents. However reading the other comments I do think there is grave potential that her PIL could take advantage of the situation as they seem to have a habit of using other people's houses as their vacation option of first choice. Unless the rules are laid down pretty quickly I can see this as becoming a festering boil in her relationship. I think I have to agree with those that say THIS TIME, there is little option but to allow the trip to pass off without any further comment, although a meeting to discuss the likely cost of the trip for "other expenses" might prove a saving grace. By putting all other possible costs at their higher plausable levels you may succeed in discouraging them, if that's what you want to do.

Unfortunately I think you're kind of stuck. The time to discuss "payment options" was really during the trip planning stage, before you made the room ressie for them.

I have to agree whole heartedly with this comment, as a general rule I think any discussions need to be done BEFORE plans are made. In this case I think the OP has no choice but to let this instance slide, but to have a discussion with her DH to make sure similar "misunderstandings" don't occur again as with just 150 points this will put a large dent in her vacation plans for a good few years.

 

[rocketriter]

There's talk in this thread about having a discussion with the in-laws before reservations are made. That's true.

But there's another discussion that needs to occur even before that one, and that's where husband and wife come to mutual agreement before any offer is even hinted at to the relatives. That needs to become an iron-clad part of the marital ground rules.

 

[DrTomorrow]

Originally posted by vernon
[...] While I think it's very generous of those that decide they want to invite their families along at the DVC owners expense, I don't feel the same compunction to treat my family out of my pocket to that degree. I don't feel it's anyone's duty to support their families vacations, if it makes you feel good to be able to do so, then that's fine. If however, like me, you don't feel that debt of honour, then I think that's fine as well. [...]

Just to clear up one misconception, vernon: I feel no "compunction", feel no "duty" nor feel a "debt of honour" to treat anyone to a DVC visit. I just enjoy sharing a good holiday with friends and family that I like to spend time with - it's as simple as that. No obligations: I invite whom I wish, solely because I want to, and I expect no payment from those that I do invite. And though I speak only for myself, I'd bet that there are others who share my attitudes.

Be well!

 

[dianeschlicht]

Originally posted by DrTomorrow
Just to clear up one misconception, vernon: I feel no "compunction", feel no "duty" nor feel a "debt of honour" to treat anyone to a DVC visit. I just enjoy sharing a good holiday with friends and family that I like to spend time with - it's as simple as that. No obligations: I invite whom I wish, solely because I want to, and I expect no payment from those that I do invite. And though I speak only for myself, I'd bet that there are others who share my attitudes.

Be well!

I totally agree, Dr. Tomorrow. We choose who we invite and when. They choose if they will or wont join us. We pick the dates and make the ressies and ask guests after that. Their only decision is if they will or will not join us.