When you are waiting for a family member during surgery, do you want company?

[mrsstats79]

My husband will be having surgery shortly for a tumor near his lung. It is a 2 hour surgery. You are allowed to have 1 person with you. Do you prefer to have someone or be alone?

I prefer to be alone. I will bring my Ipad or laptop, a few magazines, a snack and I will be fine. His niece (who I am close to) offered to make a 5 hour drive to stay with me but I told her I really appreciated it but not necessary. Just told her to keep her phone on so if I feel the need to reach out I can call her.

 

[fla4fun]

My husband will be having surgery shortly for a tumor near his lung. It is a 2 hour surgery. You are allowed to have 1 person with you. Do you prefer to have someone or be alone?

I prefer to be alone. I will bring my Ipad or laptop, a few magazines, a snack and I will be fine. His niece (who I am close to) offered to make a 5 hour drive to stay with me but I told her I really appreciated it but not necessary. Just told her to keep her phone on so if I feel the need to reach out I can call her.

It depends on the seriousness of the surgery. Ironically, the less serious the surgery, the more inclined I am to want someone to wait with. If it’s a very serious surgery, I prefer to be alone with my thoughts.

 

[mjkacmom]

I prefer company (but would never expect someone to go that far out of their way for it). My mom was there for one of my son’s surgeries, and my husband was there for another son’s, and two of my daughters’ surgeries. It’s a welcome distraction.

 

[tvguy]

Really doesn't matter to me. I am usually by myself.

Still not an option here because of the pandemic. I have had two biopsies this year (and one last year) and they still don't allow anyone to wait. My wife dropped me off outside the hospital, and they called her when it was time to come get me, and they wheeled me out to the car out front.

 

[lucas]

I prefer to be alone.

 

[OneOftheB's]

It depends on the company. My husband or in laws? Probably not. My brother? Yes. He and I sat through multiple surgeries for my mom or dad over the years and it’s rare we have a long period of time just to talk and reminisce. He’s also a reader, so if we’ve ever run out of conversations we both bring a book

 

[anniemae]

I prefer to be alone. If people are around, I feel like I have to be "on" for them, strong for them, make them comfortable, feeling guilty that they are taking time to sit with me etc. It makes my anxiety worse I think. I know some take comfort with others around, but I find it can be difficult for me. In those situations, I prefer to keep moving. Take a walk, go sit in the cafeteria, sit in the car for a change of scenery etc.

 

[soccerdad72]

I guess there's lots of factors. Personally, I'm an introvert, so I would probably prefer to be alone, especially since many of those who would volunteer to be there with me (like my mom) would probably annoy me more than help me.

Good luck to your husband.

 

[JAMIESMITH]

I would rather be alone with a book to distract me. I waited out my husband's back surgery alone last year. Prior to that, my Grandmother waited with me during my daughter's tonsillectomy and she drove me absolutely insane!

 

[John VN]

Company - NO.

DW was alone for my 4hr cancer procedure and it was OK for her and myself and she was also alone for our DD's spinal surgery

 

[thinkerbell]

I definitely want to be alone. I agree with what others have said that someone being with me would drive me crazy. I have waited on my husband’s surgeries several times and had offers of someone being with me. I was always truthful and told them that I just need to be alone. I don’t want to have to entertain anyone. I’m actually surprised how many people are saying that they prefer to be alone. I thought I was the different one and others wanted to have someone to distract them. The only person I would want to wait with me is my husband. He knows me well and wouldn’t try to distract me.

Mrsstats79- Saying prayers for you and your husband.

 

[Meriweather]

I prefer to be alone

 

[slo]

If I may be getting upsetting news or death was a possibility, then I want the company.

If the above isn’t going to happen, then I want to be alone.

When my mom had her valve replacement 12-13 years ago I was alone - my StepDad had Alzheimer’s and was with a caregiver. I felt very uneasy being alone - I would have liked some company, but I had no one since DH couldn’t miss work at that time.

 

[Disneylover99]

I prefer to be alone.

 

[holden]

Alone

 

[DLgal]

If I may be getting upsetting news or death was a possibility, then I want the company.

Isn't this technically always a possibility with any surgery?

 

[disykat]

I want someone on call or nearby, but not necessarily with me. I waited with my BIL when my sister had surgery, but we took turns going to the gift shop/coffee shop, for a walk, etc. Part of the time we even waited in separate rooms but knew where each other were if needed. We preferred different waiting areas so we'd just check back in with each other occasionally. It was really nice to feel like we were just able to wander the hospital etc. without needing to stick together. I think I might have started it because I felt like he needed the space, but it ended up being a comfortable solution for us and I'd recommend it to anyone.

 

[JLTraveling]

I want someone on call or nearby, but not necessarily with me. I waited with my BIL when my sister had surgery, but we took turns going to the gift shop/coffee shop, for a walk, etc. Part of the time we even waited in separate rooms but knew where each other were if needed. We preferred different waiting areas so we'd just check back in with each other occasionally. It was really nice to feel like we were just able to wander the hospital etc. without needing to stick together. I think I might have started it because I felt like he needed the space, but it ended up being a comfortable solution for us and I'd recommend it to anyone.

This 100%! I like having someone available by phone, but I've also done the multiple people there but not together thing, and that works too. I'm so not a fan of being "on" or "strong" at those times, and I do need to pace a lot.

 

[MamaLema]

With company

 

[YachtClubWoman]

I always thought alone - my husband had triple bypass in 2019 and friends from church, my husband’s best friend and my mom showed up - the time went fast and the distraction ended up being good for me