When To Get Married....

[CarolAnnC]

We began dating when I was 24 and he was 29. Proposal came 6 months later, wedding came a year and a half after that when I was 26 and he was 31. I lived at home till marriage and he lived in an apartment. We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on the Disney Magic, and it lasted till death parted us, just as the vows say. We were committed and devoted to each other.

Live for today as tomorrow is never guaranteed....

 

[EltonJohn]

I do have a little cousin of mine who married in between her sophomore and junior (?) years of college a few years ago. I have no idea what her husband does, but she now works at a Loves Travel Stop in Texas. She still has not gone back to SFA to get her degree, and she wants to be a pharmacist.

Unless you are in your senior year of college (pref your final semester), then I would not advise you to get married yet. Whatever you decide, make getting your degree a high priority.

I also believe that you should not live with a man before marriage. Studies have shown that people who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced later on.

This same cousin's parents met and within a few months they were married, and they did not live together before marriage. That was over 25 years ago, and they are still happily married.

diane

 

[hopemax]

DH and I got engaged the spring of our Junior year. We decided to wait to get married until 1 year after we graduated. The "motivating" factor was I wanted a really nice honeymoon, and I figured that after we had been in the "real world" for a year we would have saved enough to do it. Which is what actually happened. I had a fabulous honeymoon at WDW staying and doing things I never would have been able to do if we got married right after graduation.

But it turned out to be a good idea because of the stress. Senior year was the most stressful year of my life and I can't imagine trying to plan a wedding at the same time. We were able to tackle each of life's big adjustments (getting a degree, finding a real job, getting married) one at a time.

 

[disykat]

My only advice for a person still in school is to take a hard look at finances before making a decision. I know I was relying on parental help that would have stopped if I was no longer a dependent. I think beginning a marriage financially stable is best.

Other than that only you know - but if in doubt wait.

As for the living together issue others have raised - if you choose to live together because you feel the need to test drive - then you probably aren't with the right person.

 

[Disney Dee]

We have been engaged over a yr also, and lived together over 2, not sure when we will marry, time isn't right, I think you will know when it is. Setting a date sometimes makes people get married when they aren't quite ready, and thats not good. But if you are planning a big wedding, you just don't have a choice.

 

[dianeschlicht]

As my friend, who is an expert on everything, told me the other night, anyone who gets married at or before age 23 will be miserable or divorced in 2 years.

I got married AFTER college at age 21. I have been VERY happily married for 35 years now, and we did NOT live together first. We did, however date for 4 years.

 

[believe]

I would have married DH before I graduated had it not been for my Dad paying for my college. We owned a house for over 1 yr before we were married, I still slept at my parents house but was there the majority of my time. We had a rough first year, but it was well worth it. I don't think getting married before graduation would have made a difference in the success of our marriage.

 

[CamColt]

Originally posted by dianeschlicht
I got married AFTER college at age 21. I have been VERY happily married for 35 years now, and we did NOT live together first. We did, however date for 4 years.

Can I tell my friend about you? I was in shock when she said this, especially with her knowing that I got married at 23! Of course her only long term relationship ended at age 21, and was with an alcoholic loser, but she knows whats best for everyone else. LOL!

And...CONGRATULATIONS on 35 years!!!!!

 

[FOJMO]

I don't think the question should be WHEN to get married, but rather WHY you want to get married.

It matters more WHY you're getting married than an age or a date.

And if people dwelled more on the MARRIAGE than on the WEDDING & HONEYMOON, we'd have more married couples today. Your wedding and honeymoon only last a week or so, combined, but the marriage is a lifetime.

I also feel if it someone made it more difficult to get married and less easy to get divorced, it would be a good thing. Too many people now are looking right off the bat at the "if it doesn't work out" bit.

 

[annemariec]

Originally posted by CarolAnnK
We began dating when I was 24 and he was 29. Proposal came 6 months later, wedding came a year and a half after that when I was 26 and he was 31. I lived at home till marriage and he lived in an apartment. We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on the Disney Magic, and it lasted till death parted us, just as the vows say. We were committed and devoted to each other.

Live for today as tomorrow is never guaranteed....

CarolAnnK,

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry for your loss.

Annemarie

 

[Mishetta]

I couldn't help but go back to this thread to see what other opinions were out there. I couldn't have wrote the words better myself that FOJMO just expressed.

 

[Jeafl]

You have to do what's best for you. The two couples we were friends with in college that married before graduation are now divorced. They both had financial difficulties because they didn't work full time during school, and the pressures got to them. For what it's worth, college for me was such a fun, fairly carefree time. Would getting married before really change things for the better? It's a really tough decision, I don't envy you.

I also respectfully disagree with Preshi. My husband and I never lived together first and we have been happily married for 17 years. I think all couples go through rough spots in the early years. You're either committed to work it out or you're not.

 

[ChibiJones]

For us, even though we're emotionally ready, it's a purely financial decision. We've been living together for almost 8 years now. We know we'll get married someday. Not living together was never a financially feasible option either. I moved 3000 miles to be with him & just could not afford 1st, last & security deposit on any apartment in this area.

Right now, I just started law school. My BF makes alot more than I do & that would impact my financial aid award. I'd be in the same pickle I was as an undergrad (when financial aid was based on my parents' income), making too much for need-based aid, but not enough to cover tuition, fees, books & living expenses. So, no wedding for us for at least 3 years.

 

[VelvetGloves]

I know when I would like to get married, but I know there are many factors involved in the situation. A couple posters mentioned parents' financial support and finances in general. Right now, I support myself. I attend class and work 20 to 25 hours a week...depends on the week. My parents don't pay for my schooling, but they do cosign my loans. When I'm finished with school in about three semesters, not counting this one, I will be paying all my loans off without any additional help; I didn't think my parents should be burdened with my schooling, so I decided to pay it myself.
One of my financial thoughts is that after school, I won't have the money for the wedding for a couple years. My fiance's loans are upwards of 40,000, and he plans on being a teacher, so it will be financially rough for a while.

Once again, thanks for all the help...

VelvetGloves

 

[RUDisney]

The hardest time I spent getting an education was completing my MBA after I was married. I am a Type A personality and I have to make sure that I'm giving 150% to everything all the time. The amount of reading that was required for my MBA really put a damper on giving everything to my marriage. I got through it, but if I had to do it again, I would have finished my MBA quicker before I got married instead of doing half before and half after.

If I had no commitment to my DH during the first year we were married, I would have easily left him. It was the worst year of our lives, getting used to each other's quirks (he, of course, has far more than I do ) and melding our finances together. Adding the fact that we had to move out of the house that he was living in prior to our wedding two months after we were wed and 5 months before the house that we bought was ready. Every year since just keeps getting better and better. I'm glad we both rode out that storm, because when we think it can't get any better, it does. Yes, we still have issues now and then, but nothing we haven't been able to conquer together. I am not an advocate of living together prior to marriage... can you tell?

I agree with the others, if you have to ask, then you're not ready. As for my DH and I, we have discussed that at times we felt we were ready to marry in our early 20's (to other people then) we would not have been able to enjoy the financial freedoms that we have enjoyed by getting married when I was 27 and he was 28.

 

[suzannen]

The first year of marriage is a little stressful and the last year of school can be very stressful. Making the decision to marry at that critical time just means it will be a much tougher year for you, not that you can't make it.

I would advise my own daughter to wait the year.

I also disagree that you need to live together beforehand. I dated my DH for several years, so we more than knew each other's quirks when we married. If there are that many surprises after marriage, then you didn't spend the time getting to know each other well enough before you got married.

 

[CamColt]

My experience was different than some of the replies here. Our first year of marriage was probably the best year of my life. We never fought, had no stress, had tons of fun, and were totally happy. Then the kids came along and the stress began.
Seriously, I always hear people say the first year of marriage is the hardest, but from our experience, it was the easiest.

 

[Lynn CC]

I got married half way through college and we went on our honeymoon during spring break.
I remember studying a lot, and DH worked a lot.... but we were both happy to be married!

We will be married 21 years this month

 

[disykat]

Camcolt, my first year of marriage was the best too! We hadn't lived together and had a blast "playing house" and just enjoying being together. I've never understood when people say how hard the first year is either.

 

[suzannen]

Actually, the majority of the stress for me for the first year came not from my DH, we had a blast, but learning how to diplomatically deal with ALL (and there were a lot) of the in-laws and relatives! You are never quite prepared for their expectations.