When teens are GF and BF.........

[tar heel]

Since you think the boy should be working, I'm hoping you also think your daughter should be. If the boy is supposed to pay for dates, then what is the girl supposed to do with her $ -- use it to make herself look pretty for the date?

We're way past boys paying for everything. That tradition dates from when only boys worked and it was the male's job to take care of the fairer sex. Like you, my dates always paid for everything, but times have changed. If one of my boys was going out with someone regularly and paying for everything, I would think he was being taken advantage of. To quote some of you, I would start thinking that girl was a "loser." If I were paying for their dates (which you seem to be advocating for your daughter's bf, they wouldn't be going out much.

Both of my sons have had steady girlfriends -- sometimes one paid, sometimes the other, sometimes they went Dutch. With the case of my middle DS, who has had the same girlfriend for more than four years, the one who has the most $ at the moment often pays. They went to different high schools, so the one whose school was having the prom bought the tickets. DSs always did the flowers (usually with help from me).

As for the "discussing family business" comments, I'm guessing you folks don't have teens who drive b/c who pays for insurance, how much it costs, etc., is something they talk about b/c it's such a big issue.

 

[noseybuddy]

. It's a good thing your sexist attitude hasn't rubbed off on her.

This statement is just ridiculous. Don't have time to get into now because I an off to WORK.

 

[noseybuddy]

If it doesn't bother her, it shouldn't bother you. As a mother of a boy I have a problem with a hard and fast the boy ALWAYS pays. First date ok but equal relationships should be equal.

I also don't see why it is any of your business that this boy doesn't work or that his parents give him money. Maybe they don't want him working during school? It isn't your concern if the kid has a job or what his parents do or don't pay for. The shoe comment also bothered me. If I give my DS money for shoes he better spend it on shoes not his girlfriend.

A boy always paying makes the relationship that much more serious to me and I wouldn't want my teenager in that type of relationship.

Well it is pretty sad when her birthday came and he didn't even give her a card.

 

[noseybuddy]

I would have to agree with sunee. The kid sounds like a looser. But even so, I really wouldnt get involved because its not that big of a deal. After all, you are the one who raised her, so she will figure things out at some point. And if not, maybe things have changed in the teen world that we dont understand. I personally think the guy should pay, esp if hes got money like that. But other wise, its not a big deal. How he treats her person to person is a lot more important.

I guess your right.

 

[cybrkitn]

Things have changed. It used to be where the boy would pay. Now it doesn't matter.

DH and I started dating 20 years ago next month and he usually paid, but that was how his parents brought him up .

 

[Skatermom23]

Well it mainly turned into an argument because of the attitude she had while I was talking to her.

I guess I feel this way because I never paid when I went on a date. And I guess it bugs me because this kid doesn't even have a job, but he drives and his parents pay his insurance and gas for him. Also he isn't cheap with himself. His Mom will give him money and he goes out and buys $90 sneakers all the time like it is nothing yet he couldn't buy the $9.00 ticket for her.

Am I understaning this right? You want his parents to pay for your daughters ticket?

My DS16 doesn't work, he is in a special program at school that is all AP. He doesn't have time to work and honestly, I feel that school is his job for now. I pay for everything he needs, including $90 sneakers and name brand clothes. If he ever used this money to buy his GF something, I would be ticked.

We did just have this conversation not too long ago and actually DS felt that he should pay for most stuff (because the girls at school say so) while I disagreed, for the simple fact that he doesn't have much spending money and I am not paying for his dates. We finally came to an agreement that while he is in school and not working, he would only pay for initial dates that he asked a girl on. Once they became an item or couple then they would split the costs. This seemed more modern day to me.

 

[NMAmy]

It has been my experience as well as other women I know, (and some women on Oprah,) that when a man pays that much of the time, some often expect something in return.

It is better that your DD learn to stand on equal footing, sharing equally, and find someone who will have the generosity to treat sometimes, while she treats sometimes herself. Then she won't feel she's being bought and feel she needs to make a payment of some kind, that she does not want to do.

I've always felt the same way about this. DD is 16--she usually pays her own way or she and the boy take turns paying for dates. I don't want her to feel pressured in any way and I'll gladly fork over her share.

 

[SeeDisney]

Perhaps when they're teenageers it should be dutch, but when the teenage boy is a man who a full-time job and on his own, then he should pay.

 

[beattyfamily]

Perhaps when they're teenageers it should be dutch, but when the teenage boy is a man who a full-time job and on his own, then he should pay.

ITA.

 

[tar heel]

So when this working man gets a girlfriend who makes TWICE AS MUCH AS HIM, he should pay for everything? I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around that.

I do agree with the poster who said that when a boy formally asks a girl out for a date, he should pay at that point. Ditto if it was the girl who did the asking.

 

[Christine]

So when this working man gets a girlfriend who makes TWICE AS MUCH AS HIM, he should pay for everything? I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around that.

I do agree with the poster who said that when a boy formally asks a girl out for a date, he should pay at that point. Ditto if it was the girl who did the asking.

I'm feeling the same way. I know quite a few young professional women who are making more than their boyfriends. Of course, I don't know how they handle their finances for dates.

 

[helenabear]

In HS I dated a guy for over a year. He didn't always pay... he had no job, had nice things and his parents paid for everything. I had a PT job at a fast food place so my money came from me. I didn't care that his money came from his parents (they actually didn't want him to work yet) and that sometimes they wouldn't give it to him. It truly didn't matter. I think in the end we split everything pretty equal. He did buy me nice things for special occasions though.

In college, I had more money than my then bf, now DH, did to toss around. He was paying out of state tuition on his own. He hardly had any money to pay for anything. In the end I wound up paying tuition for him at one point in addition to giving him a few thousand for his car down payment. I didn't care. Now of course he takes care of me 100% financially.

I think if the couple is fine with it, that is great. It shows your DD how to be responsible as well and not need someone to take care of her. I think that is very important for ALL teens to learn!

 

[Disney Doll]

My perspective is that if she pays for herself then she doesn't "owe" him anything.

I remember being on a date with a guy once ('"once" being the operative word there ) where we went to dinner at a "normal" local restaurant (on the level of an Applebee's or Ruby Tuesday's...not The Ritz). Anyhow, he paid for dinner. I did offer to split the check or leave the tip...I was probably in my 20's, working, so I could afford it without a problem and thought I was being nice. He made some comment about "taking it out in trade". I tossed $40 on the table and said "I'll pay for myself thanks. Then I don't 'owe' you anything". Since it was a first meeting, I had driven myself (can't be too careful) so I was able to drive myself home too.

Choose your battles.

 

[Jeafl]

My 18 year old daughter and her boyfriend have been going out for 2 1/2 years. When they first started going out neither one had their license, so most of their dates were watching DVDs at his house or our house, and other free stuff. Now, he pays a lot of the time, but my daughter pays when she has money and he doesn't. Somehow they work it out between them and I don't get involved.

When the recently went to prom, the tickets were $110 a couple, and the post prom tickets were an additional $80. Since neither one of them had a job because of sports commitments, his parents paid for prom and we paid for post prom.

Also, his mom is a teacher and she gets lots of gift certificates as Christmas and end of year gifts. Often she will pass some on to them so they can go out for a nice dinner once in a while. His grandparents buy him gift certificates to restaurants and movie theaters as well so they can go out.

 

[CourtasanSatine]

DBF and I go dutch quite a bit of the time, he handles the movie and I'll pay for dinner(we usually go out for burgers or split a pizza)

 

[TEENEE]

I have a teenage son, he does not have a job. The only money he gets is from lawn mowing and occassional babysitting. Often times he and his girlfriend find free things to do. When they do go out whoever has money pays or they pay for themselves. They have a great relationship and neither expects the other one to take care of everything. Relationships are about give and take, I'm glad they realize that at such a young age.

 

[smartestnumber5]

Of course your view is sexist. Sexism is when you treat people differently (usually in a way that is degrading or puts more of a burden on one sex) based solely on their sex, even though their sex does not create any relevant difference between them. As far as I know male genitalia does not grow money on it. Given that, it is completely unclear to me what one's genitalia has to do with determining what one should pay for. It makes no more sense than one's genitalia determining what job one can have.

 

[snowy76]

As far as I know male genitalia does not grow money on it.

And to think: I always thought the saying was "Money doesn't grow on TREES"...



Best line I've read all morning!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Well, it's been a while since I was a teen, but I always paid my own way. I don't believe in being beholden to a man for anything, even a $9 movie ticket.

 

[DMickey28]

I guess it depends on after school jobs and who makes/has more money.

When I was dating as a teen my BF's always paid. They worked more after school and had more discretionary income than I did. Also they were always a year or two older.