When someone dies, is it ever a "good thing"? Update in OP.

[Twinkles6892]

It really irritates me when people go to the funerals (especially those of infants and children) and say that the child is in a better place.

I can understand the child thing, but whatabout an adult who lived a full life?

My great aunt passed away friday, she had been in the hospital since january. She was really confused and didn't know who any of us were, she got better for a little while, and I'm so glad I went to see her, but then it just got worse. And she actually said that she never wanted to be "like Edie" (family friend), but she never wanted to never know her family. I think that this is the best possible outcome for her, instead of being kept alive artificially. My friend ryan described it to me actually as "well, she's no longer in pain, and she knows all of you now, and can watch out for you like she did while she was living". It made me feel better, and I do think she's in a better place.

It can be a good thing when people pass away, never happy for anyone, but it can be a good thing.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

to sum it up, I don't think life is right for everybody. my SIL is a waste as well. if she and her boyfriend dropped off of the earth, it would be a positive step for my niece and nephew.

 

[Stacey2grls]

I do agree that sometimes when people die that it is a "good thing". Obviously depending on the circumstances. My Sister works as a nurse in a nursing home. She has told me that so many times when a patient is dying that so many times the family of the patient will say "please do whatever you can so "grandma" "grandpa" can live. She and I both find this very odd. When someone is at a very advanced age, and is in extremely ill health for a long period of time, really what is the point?

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Perhaps not a GOOD thing, but better than the alternative, which might have been continuing down the path of destruction for several more decades and ruining lots of other lives besides her own. Everyone can sit around and say that in time she might have become med compliant and managed her bi-polar disorder appropriately and built a relationship with her daughters, but the fact is she might not have. Is it better to be dead than to have the life she was living at the time of her death? Maybe so.

 

[Disney Doll]

There are worse things than dying. I am a nurse. I have seen them.

So yes, when someone des, it can be a "good thing"...not in the sense of "hooray, they're dead", but more in the sense of "they are at peace, their suffering and troubles are over".

My brother went to HS with a fellow who was into drugs, big time. He finally died, OD'd. My mother went to the wake, and approached his mother to give condolences. His mother said to my mother "Don't be sorry. At least now I know where he is". In that one sentence, I think that mother conveyed the hell on earth that she lived, and while I am sure she was not celebrating her son's death, there had to be some part of her that was relieved...that thought it was a good thing.

 

[Briarmom]

My Great Grandmothers that have passed in the past 7 years were very old and ill. Neither of them had a clue what was going on. They were sitting in nursing homes wasting away. It was so very sad to go and visit them, because they were not 'themselves.' One of them outlived all 4 of her children. One no longer talked at all. It was a blessing when they passed.

I have a Great Grandmother that is still alive. She is 93 (I think). Her husband died when she was in her early 40's and she had a lot of mental problems after that. She has been 'waiting to die' since her husband died. She worked for a priest or 2, cooking and cleaning for them, but has been basically grieving for the past 50 years. Now she is sitting in the nursing home (I think for about 8-10 years now).

 

[MouseWorshipin]

If someone is just hanging around on Earth to suffer before they die, then I think death is a good thing. I have a friend who is always using the expression, "this guy has no business being alive." It is kind of a joke, because the first she said it, I flipped out. She means that he's just suffering before he dies, and would be better off if death came fast.

I don't know about the OP's situation. I always have hope for people, that they'll clean up their lives. People do every once in a while.

But the OP knew this woman. Her mental illness may have been a permanent thing that just caused her (and her family) to suffer. So, maybe it is better that she's moved on to a place where she can be happy.

My thoughts and prayers out to you and your family, Papa Deuce.

 

[Papa Deuce]

If someone is just hanging around on Earth to suffer before they die, then I think death is a good thing. I have a friend who is always using the expression, "this guy has no business being alive." It is kind of a joke, because the first she said it, I flipped out. She means that he's just suffering before he dies, and would be better off if death came fast.

I don't know about the OP's situation. I always have hope for people, that they'll clean up their lives. People do every once in a while.

But the OP knew this woman. Her mental illness may have been a permanent thing that just caused her (and her family) to suffer. So, maybe it is better that she's moved on to a place where she can be happy.

My thoughts and prayers out to you and your family, Papa Deuce.

Thank you. Not so much for me, since I did not know her well, but for her kids, mostly.

I will say that I was TOTALLY unprepared for her ex husbands response. This was an incredibly bitter divorce, and I heard from my wife that he wasn't just crying when she talked to him, but sobbing uncontrollably.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Thank you. Not so much for me, since I did not know her well, but for her kids, mostly.

I will say that I was TOTALLY unprepared for her ex husbands response. This was an incredibly bitter divorce, and I heard from my wife that he wasn't just crying when she talked to him, but sobbing uncontrollably.

That is understandable. People go through life taking for granted that the people around them will always be around. Not true. Here today, gone tomorrow. He probably realized now that she is gone, what a sad, miserable life she lived.

 

[FergieTCat]

It sounds like she had a death wish. She probably was headed down a path where she would have died of an overdose or a car accident. It may have been a "good thing" that she didn't kill anyone else when she was driving.

As far as death being a good thing -- My father died in the end stages of cancer. So, yes, I'd say it was a "good thing" that he died rather than continuing to suffer.

 

[In a hurry]

I think maybe you miss my overall point. I understand her dependancy on all these nasty things. But sooner or later, I think, she would have killed people other than herself. She totalled 3 vehichles while under the influence, one with her daughters in it.

I always felt bad for her. But now I think she is better off. At least I hope so.

My sons were killed by a drunk driver. Who knows how many times that woman got on the road, and could have done the same? I don't wish death on anyone (including their killer), but the world is probably much safer without her.

Cold hearted, yes. Honest...entirely.

 

[Jpgirl]

I totally understand "it's a good thing". My ds suffers from Bipolar and he is miserable most of the time and he works hard at making us miserable too. I would never wish him ill but I really hate seeing him suffer. He has soo much help too. I also had a mother and fil who died and I felt relief that there was an end to their suffering. I jsut know they're in a better place and happier. So don't feel guilty.

 

[Papa Deuce]

bump for the update.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

i can see how death could be a good thing.. On Thursday, a family friend of ours passed away..She was 16 and had been fighting cancer for over 10 years...the last couple weeks she has been in a ton of pain and it was hard seeing her like that. While i miss Alyssa like crazy and am still very upset, i konw that she is better off

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This reminds me of an episode of the show "Medium". Basically the mom was a monster to her son and ended up killing herself, allowing her son to become a wonderful person instead of a mass murderer.

Your ex-sil's death will change the course of her kid's life. It may be good or it may not be, that remains to be seen.
We assume it is "good" since she is a mess.

I will say I am happy she is off the road, for good.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I've seen elderly people die of emphysema and cancer - terrible deaths and yes when the time finally came it was a relief and a good thing. In some cases, it would have been a good thing years before.

In this case however - no. A "good" thing would have been the legal procedings incarcerating her and making sure society was protected from her. Alcoholism and/or Drug Addiction is a terrible thing to watch in family members.

I hope both your relatvies find Peace.

 

[Colleen456]

It really irritates me when people go to the funerals (especially those of infants and children) and say that the child is in a better place.

My brother died when he was 12 from Cystic Fibrosis. In the end he was a shell of the child he used to be and his quality of life was far from good. When he did die we truly believe he went to a better place. That is what helped me deal with his death. I imagined him running and riding a bike things he couldn't do in the last 2 years of his life. I knew he wasn't dependant on breathing treatments to keep his lungs clear just to take a breath.

We were left in a horrible place but Brandon is in a much better place. I guess my point is that its not always a bad thing. It just depends on what lead to the death.

Papa Duce I do understand what you mean and my heart breaks for her daughters. I'll say a prayer for the girls.

 

[rayelias]

I believe that it's ALWAYS a good thing.

My faith tells me that life is a gift from God and we are here, not for ourselves, but to serve His plan. My life, my body, my stuff are not really "mine", they're His - everything I have and everything I am is merely "on loan" from God.

I am not so important that my life or death is any more meaningful than to be put here to do what God wants of me. When I am done serving his purpose here, that's when it's lights out.

Even though some things might seem like horrible circumstances when we ask "Why did so and so 'deserve' to die?" or "Why do the good die young?" or "Why does God let bad things happen?" all happen for a reason, even if our tiny minds can't grasp it. You just gotta believe.

Here's an example... even though it was a completely horrible thing that Hitler slaughtered millions of Jews (and Catholics, etc.), the state of Isreal probably would never have been reestablished after WWII. Or, even though millions of Americans died during the Civil War, it was necessary beginning to the abolishment of slavery.

Although it goes against human psychology, there are no "good things" nor "bad things." There are just events. It's all about perception. What's perceived as a "bad" thing to one person may be a "good" thing to another. How many times has a small incident occured in your life that you thought was bad, but turned out in retrospect to be good? Here's an example (although not a very good one...) Did you ever have a bad breakup that really hurt you, then a week later meet the perfect person? You wouldn't have met them if you were still involved.

My faith tells me to trust God's perception over my perception. Yep, it's tough sometimes. But, you just gotta believe.

When someone dies, although it hurts for me, I still try to celebrate that that death means that they accomplished God's plan for them.