When should my kid enter kindergarten???? HELP!

[vbarry]

My dd now 7 was 5 weeks premature. I held her back and I am sooo glad I did. There was no way she was ready for our full day kindergarten program when she was 5. She struggled making it through the day when she was 6.

I have heard many comments from parents who say they are sending their children no matter- if they are ready or not just so they do not have to pay daycare!!! How sad is that!

I feel we should have every right to make this decision for our children. I gave my child one more year to grow up and mature before kindergarten and also one year to do the same before college!!

I plan on doing the same with my second child who was not early but a very late July Birthday.

 

[katybugsmom]

I've taught 5K and 4K for over 17 years and I feel it truly depends on your child and your child alone. In SC the cutoff for 4K and 5K is September 1. We have a lot of kids who enter 4K at 3 years old. I can honestly say that some do very well and some don't. It again depends on the child. I read a lot myself and it's easy to get caught up in what we read. We all want what's best for our children! In SC if your child doesn't enter school when they are supposed to you can't hold them back-if your child turns 4 on August 30 and he doesn't go to 4K he will automatically go to 5K the next year! I have to say we have an outstanding 4K program at my school-lots and lots of developmentally appropriate activities. We take children where they are and help raise them to their full potential.
I wish you all the best in your decision-I know you'll make the right one!

Katybugsmom
4K Teacher
Mother of two-ages 8 and 2


Trip to WDW-September 19-23!!!!!!! Can't wait!!!!!

 

[katybugsmom]

Sorry guys! It's been a long time since I posted! I forgot to update my signature!

 

[brymolmom]

As an educator who works at all campuses, I believe in a delayed start for most boys. As a general guideline, boys lag behind in social skills and attention skills while girls are more oriented towards a classroom setting. In Texas, the cutoff is August 31. I would delay my sons automatically if they had summer b-days. My oldest's birthday is at the end of May. I wanted to hold him back but did not because he is very advanced academically. However, we have revisited this every year for the past four years. Hindsight: I would have held him. His social skills and his size are outpaced by boys 9 months older than him although he has no trouble academically. Other skills, though, like organization, conflict resolution, etc., still lag. But now there is a social stigma attached to being left behind your peers.

Further, I can pick out (with about a 95% success rate) the older boys in a high school class. Traditionally, they are calmer, more mature, more resistant to peer pressure and lead by example. IMHO, how you get along and work with others is much more important in life than how intelligent you are (above the norm).

With girls, the difference is not noticeable by 1st grade or so. Please know that these are just generalizations. I wouldn't worry about a daughter young for her grade, but would about a son. My two cents.

I'm not denying that you can pick out the older kids...but don't forget the other factors involved (which have not been proven, IMO to be unrelated in the studies) - those older kids, if in fact redshirted at K level - MOST LIKELY also have at least one parent at home, a high economic income, were read to as children and had high level of parent involvment in school. As the article the OP posted points out - socioeconomic status is a HUGE factor in whether or not kids are redshirted...so naturally, there are other similarities to the situations these older kids are in (like a lot of parent involvment) - so that, too, could lead to better behavior and manners, etc. in early adulthood. What I'm saying is that it could have nothing or little to do with the actual age in many of these kids.

And the poster who spoke out against people sending their kids on time for monetary reasons...well, I wouldn't knock it until you've been in their shoes. How much do you pay for daycare and is it affecting your ability to make ends meet? If not, try it for awhile and see if you find school a better alternative to maybe-not-ideal-inexpensive-daycare, especially if they are age qualified to go. It might very well be the best decision for that family, given their alternatives.

 

[kcromley]

Can I ask a question for those educators reading this? I've seen so many claims that a six month maturity difference may manifest in problems in middle school or later and I'm just puzzled. By 7 or 8, it seems maturity can depend upon so many factors other than chronological age-birth order, influence of older siblings, exposure to media, parental values, life experiences. There are children in my daughter's class who are regular 7, and those who are 7 going on 17, and in no case does it have anything to do with what month they were born. I would imagine the gap just widens as the kids get older with different experiences and temperaments. Yes, I understand that certain behaviors (like driving) are age-related,but not everyone can get their license on their 16th birthday or engage in other behavior just because it is legal to do so. I guess I'm confused as to when the educators think the maturity differences end, if we all agree that by adulthood six months don't matter?

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

I'm not denying that you can pick out the older kids...but don't forget the other factors involved (which have not been proven, IMO to be unrelated in the studies) - those older kids, if in fact redshirted at K level - MOST LIKELY also have at least one parent at home, a high economic income, were read to as children and had high level of parent involvment in school. As the article the OP posted points out - socioeconomic status is a HUGE factor in whether or not kids are redshirted...so naturally, there are other similarities to the situations these older kids are in (like a lot of parent involvment) - so that, too, could lead to better behavior and manners, etc. in early adulthood. What I'm saying is that it could have nothing or little to do with the actual age in many of these kids.

And the poster who spoke out against people sending their kids on time for monetary reasons...well, I wouldn't knock it until you've been in their shoes. How much do you pay for daycare and is it affecting your ability to make ends meet? If not, try it for awhile and see if you find school a better alternative to maybe-not-ideal-inexpensive-daycare, especially if they are age qualified to go. It might very well be the best decision for that family, given their alternatives.

Unfortunately, I will be paying for school tuition whether I choose to push my DD into Kindergarten or keep her back in preschool. They cost about the same, too. I wish we were in a good school district, but we aren't!
Good points- the article nicely addresses the socio-economic trend of red-shirting.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Can I ask a question for those educators reading this? I've seen so many claims that a six month maturity difference may manifest in problems in middle school or later and I'm just puzzled. By 7 or 8, it seems maturity can depend upon so many factors other than chronological age-birth order, influence of older siblings, exposure to media, parental values, life experiences. There are children in my daughter's class who are regular 7, and those who are 7 going on 17, and in no case does it have anything to do with what month they were born. I would imagine the gap just widens as the kids get older with different experiences and temperaments. Yes, I understand that certain behaviors (like driving) are age-related,but not everyone can get their license on their 16th birthday or engage in other behavior just because it is legal to do so. I guess I'm confused as to when the educators think the maturity differences end, if we all agree that by adulthood six months don't matter?

I taught middle school and never knew what month the kids were born. Some girls were just alpha girls- it didn't seem to matter how "old" they were. Other boys were leaders whether they were older or not. Some of the physically smallest boys in the class made great leaders. It seemed that I had the same amount of the "late developing" girls as I did the "early bloomers" and they all had a wide variety of personality traits on both sides. Just my observations....

 

[Alyssa88]

I don't usually post on this board but when I saw this thread I thought I'd come. I started kindergarten when I was 4, and I did not turn 5 until January. I never had any academic or social problems in school. I always loved being a year ahead of those children my age. My mother had a different experience and says she felt like I grew up too fast and that in a way, I lost a year of my childhood, since I moved out to go to college at 17. I feel more like I gained a year of adulthood, a headstart. She says she would not have not have started me so early if she could do it again.

The puberty issue was the hardest thing for me in middle school. My friends developed earlier and started having other interests and I was not quite there yet. However, my best friend at the time developed early for her age and I definitely feel she had a much harder time during those years.

 

[estherhead]

My sister skipped 2nd grade & was a full 2 years younger than all the kids in her class from 3rd through her senior year. Middle school was very tough on her. Skipping was not allowed by the time I went through school & so I wasn't skipped. I was so bored my teachers just let me sit in the back of the classroom reading books on my own because they didn't know what to do with me. My mom calls my grade school years an absolute waste. So they pulled me out & homeschooled me until high school when I could choose classes. Both my sister & I graduated at 16.

Those are our two extremes. We consider it a very serious decision whether a child will be ahead (or behind) academically vs. whether they will be ahead (or behind) socially. Schools, by necessity, are set up by the "standard" child at 5 years old. Of course no child is actual standard so I think that it is a decision that parents have to make on their own. Without parents be involved the entire burden of teaching children at the high and low ends of developing is on poor teachers & school systems.

It's not a perfect system but I believe parental involvement is key. Her eldest is 2 years younger than his class and will begin 6th grade. He is almost more mature than the kids he's with and definately academically matched so it was a very wise desicion for her to start him in K. at 4. Her next kid has speech issues & social issues but is brilliant. So she started him at 5.5 in K but has him take a year ahead of him math & pays for specialized speech classes. I'm facing similar issues (my kids are younger than hers) and will also make speciallized decisions for each of my kids. I'll have to take the middle school decisions as they come & if necessary I will pull them out & homeschool them during the tricky adolescent scene.

Again, public schools work on "standardization" and if you have a kid that is on either extreme of standard you must work hard with the schools to assure your child gets the help they need.

To the educators reading this, I love you all & thank you for caring so much about all children & working so hard!

 

[auntie]

I just read a fantastic article that makes me think I need to hold my September baby back a year...
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/03/m...?em&ex=1181275200&en=258c9398d3e9a4cb&ei=5070

She has one year of preschool under her belt and will go to pre-k 5 mornings/week this next year...If I put her into Kinder. when she is supposed to go, she'll be 4 years old turning 5 (the cut off is September 30th) ! At first, I thought, we'll just push her forward....she'll be fine. After reading this article- I'm thinking holding her back would be the best. I don't want her to possibly 15months YOUNGER than other kids in her same class- thats a 25% difference in age!!!!
Any thoughts?

I've done it both ways...my first son was also a Sept. baby..and I felt he wasn't ready. Even though he had preschool. EVERYONE thought I was nuts. He was an only child at that time, and "knew" everything he needed, as far as numbers and letters and the like. I just had a "gut" feeling..that I should wait. His being my first..I listened to everyone else except myself. He went into Kindergarden. He did fine..only he was with kids that were sometimes much older than he. He didn't want to "sit" for the time that was expected of him. At that point there wasn't much to do..except wait it out. But we had a couple of less than happy years. I could "make" the child older than he was, and he needed to mature emotionally. It had nothing to do with how prepared he was academically. I think this is common with boys in particular.

My daughter was an April child...and that's when I saw a HUGE difference. For one she was a girl..and they are more mature to begin with..and starting at 5 1/2 instead of 4 made a big difference.

Flash foward to the youngest...he was a late June baby.(He's 15 now!) I was sort of on the fence. Mostly because we had been in a bad accident(he was in a body cast for 3 mos.)..and felt he needed more time to be running around, and less time sitting in school. I made the BEST decision I ever made. Listened to the "gut" this time. He is a leader..he has done well with his studies, but more than that he is outgoing and confident. Not to mention that waiting that extra year, can be a real advantage with boys and sports. Certainly I would never base a decision on that factor alone..but it is a plus I didn't think about at the time. Waiting that extra year is as his preschool teacher told me at the time not holding him back...but giving him a "gift". The "gift of time"...it is very valuable. There is no rush. The best advise I can give...is to trust your gut.

 

[vbarry]

I was the one who posted on the children whose parents send them because they do not want pay for daycare. It is not only paying for daycare but I have had my friends who stay at home with their children state that they are sending them ready or not because they are not staying home another year.

All I am saying is that we each know our children best. Take a look at your child and see how they act with other children their age and a little older. My daughter never spoke a word in preschool. She even let the older kids carry her around (she is very small). I held her out a year and now she is very confident and ready to be in school!! There was no way that a year ago she would have been ready for a full day of school.

Our children are only young once- why not try to give them the best start even if it is a head start instead of making them struggle!!!

 

[3princesses+aprince]

My dd5( will be 6 at the end of June) will be starting K this year, I'm so glad we kept her in preschool another year, I knew she needed it. Since you said your dd was in preschool now, you should talk to her prek teacher and see what she thinks too. I talked to my dd5's teacher and she made me feel alot better about my decision to keep her in prek another year. She knew it would be good for her too. In my dd's pre k class right now , almost every child was able to start K last year,and there parents chose not too. So I think if you feel your dd should start next year, then let her start next year. You'll probably be glad you did. There is such a big difference in my dd5 this year than last, and I feel that she's all ready to go to K now!

 

[maroogreen]

We live in and I work in a very low socioeconomc school district. "Red-shirting" is not the norm although it happens on occasion. When I said that I can pick out the older boys in high school, I simply meant those that had birthdays in the fall and therefore began school at almost 6 instead of barely 5. While size is not a determining factor as adults, I do believe it can play a large part in a boy's self-esteem during the elementary years. Not all children are raised with kindness

When I talk about maturity, I simply mean that youngsters are developmentally able to handle different events as they get older. Things like organization, conflict resolution, self control, ability to withstand peer pressure, etc., normally improve with age. Middle school is a hormonally charged age when the children you have lovingly raised become unrecognizable little animals with tempers, snide vocabularies, and raging hormones. One minute they want to be treated like an adult and the next they want to be treated like a child and you, as a parent or a teacher, should be able to know exactly how they prefer to be treated even if they dont' know themselves And tweens are incredibly hard on each other at this time.

A few months can make the difference between a difficult transition and a smoother one. I don't know anyone who loves the middle school years with their kids, but why not give them every advantage to deal with it if you think it may be a problem?

Once again, just my two cents

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I don't know anyone who loves the middle school years with their kids, but why not give them every advantage to deal with it if you think it may be a problem?

ME! ME! ME!

I'm going to consider myself lucky that my kids were an absolute joy during middle school and continue to be that way even in high school. Phew!

 

[maroogreen]

ME! ME! ME!

I'm going to consider myself lucky that my kids were an absolute joy during middle school and continue to be that way even in high school. Phew!

You go, girl! I don't know what you did to deserve such a blessing, but keep it up!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

You go, girl! I don't know what you did to deserve such a blessing, but keep it up!

I don't know...maybe I should be scared that the worst is yet to come? We're on the brink of the drivers licenses, so we just may get a curveball!

 

[seawitch0313]

"But for those who just choose it because they want their kid to be older, know more academically, know more socially, be bigger for sports, to be a leader...I don't think it should be a choice."

This makes me cringe! I can't imagine holding a child back for anything other than academic and social reasons! This year I decided to hold my 2nd grader back another year because he struggles so much with reading (and he's imature for his age and isn't ready to do the 'work on your own' he'll be expected to do in 3rd grade) and it took me all year to decide and when I signed the papers I felt horrible. I should have held him back in first but I mistakenly thought that if it would benefit him that they would recommend it, but I guess nowdays it has to be the parents move to hold back (which I don't understand, in my day you didn't make the grade you didn't pass!) I do not want my kid to be the oldest, I don't want him to feel like he's 'stupid' for being held back, I don't want him driving when he's a freshman and I don't want him being a legal adult and able to sign himself out of school when he's a Junior (tho I'm told I can sign papers that don't allow him that) But I also don't want him drowing in 3rd grade work that he can't handle, and his self esteem going in the toliet because all the other kids 'get it' and he doesn't. He's an October bday btw and will be turning 9 this year, which makes me cringe and I see no benefit in him being the oldest. On the plus side he is very social and gets along with everyone so he should be able to make new friends easily. The only thing I like about it is at the end of the year he stands a much better chance of being where he needs to be socially and academically.
At least he doesn't have what I did. My brother and I were 11 months apart in age and my brother was held back in 1st and we ended up in the same class from then on and we did *not* get along. Everyone in highschool thought we were twins and when we corrected them they always guessed that I was the oldest.

 

[DisneyPhD]

In MI the cut off date is Dec. When I was growing up people with Oct, Nov and Dec birthdays were the questionable ones. Not summer or early fall.

Now I have a almost 3 year old (Aug 3rd.) and I do not plan to hold her back unless she really isn't ready (I don't see that happening, but we will have to wait a few years to see.) I was pretty shocked to find out I would even have to make that choice. She is very smart, gets long better with older kids, but is very small so it might be hard for her. Still she is going to be small even if she starts a year later too.

I am in my DD's class a few times a month to help out.

In my older DD's class there are 3 kids with Sept birthdays. 2 boys with very early Sept birth dates. One is very small, and started K last year, and took it again this year. He is doing great, good kid, has a lot of friends. Right on target for what he should be doing.

One is a big boy who is a bit of a bully, isn't good friends with any of the kids in the class (all of his friends are in 1st grade right now.) He is not the top of the class at all he, but looks and acts very bored. He doesn't finish his work, and does not pay attention well in class. I feel sorry for him, but I agree with DD who does not like him too much (he is rather rude to the rest of the kids.) I think he feels he doesn't fit in and doesn't want to.

Then there is one girl (my DD's good friend) who is a year a 3 weeks younger then these boys She is the top of the class and is doing very well.

Oddly enough there are no birthdays in the class from Oct to Dec, so it isn't an issue with any other kids.

I don't really agree with the "hold them back and give them the advantage" angle. On the other hand if they really are not ready I see nothing wrong with giving them an extra year to get ready. It just really irks me when parents do it just so their kid can "be the best, and the top of the class." That seemed to be happening a lot around here and it does not seem fair to the rest of the kids. Just admit to yourself, they aren't ready, not "I want my kid to be the best so I am going to give them the advantage" that I hear so many parents saying around here. Sorry it is a pet peeve of mine.

 

[JVL1018]

I am on opposite ends of the spectrum. DDs birthday is on October so she is one of the oldest in her class(cutoff is Oct. 1) and DS is in September, so he would have been one of the youngest..I held him back.

He "graduates" PreK on Wednesday and I cannot even imagine him being where he would need to be at the end of K.

He needed the time, I was concerned, thought about it a lot, probably too much, I really agonized over it, but now I am 100% sure I did the right thing.

 

[wishtdream]

My DD is 4 will be 5 in September she reads Dick and Jane, writes her name and some other words and knows what she should for Kindergarten, But...She has the attention span of a gnat. I have read quite a bit about this issue including the article the op posted. I needed to make this same decision back in January because that is when the preschool holds registration (they were fully booked up in 5 hours) After reading quite a bit of material on the subject and talking to DD's teacher who said she needed real school or would become bored. I decided she was not ready to sit at a desk in public school with one teacher for 28 kids. I Chose to keep her at the preschool for their accredited Kindergarten program. They have 18 kids and two teachers allowing for a lot of individual attention.There she will receive one more year of that little bit of extra attention she needs, and a year to mature without staying behind. My DH and I thought it would be the best solution for our child but it is not a cheap one. If you can afford this perhaps it can be a good compromise for a child that is academically ready but not socially there yet.

Good luck with whatever you decide.