When should my kid enter kindergarten???? HELP!

[graygables]

I skipped kindergarten and went straight to first grade at 5. Graduated at 17 (could have graduated at 16, but the idiot principal wouldn't sign off on the ONE course I needed in summer school) Had a job my senior year and took English, office aid, office aid, office aid, drafting, late in/early release. Started college at 17 and didn't have any problems at all. I *loved* being the youngest, but I was also smart (without the nerdy aspect) and it gave me something of a "shield" against the other girls, primarily in the puberty years.

Now 18yo was always a year ahead, too, and she wound up graduating at 17. My 8yo was "forced" into a virtual charter school a year early; I put her through the K curriculum, so when it was time to enroll her at 6, I could prove she'd already done K and should be moved onto 1st. We homeschool now and I just did a placement test with her, which put her in the 5th grade. She'll be 9 in October.

It honestly depends on the personality and intelligence of your child. Will she be bored? Will she be able to hold her own if she's being harassed or will she break down? Is she pretty flexible and laid back? All of that will have to play into your decision.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

So I was just at the pool with my two DD's.
My 3 and 1/2 year old saw two of her friends that could potentially be in her same grade at the pool... both of these other girls were confident swimmers. Both could easily retreive objects from the bottom of the pool, could float on their backs etc... My DD won't go 10 feet away from me with arm floaties on, let alone get her face wet.... The two other girls kept going, "Look at me! Look what I can do! I'm a really good swimmer! Why do you have floaties on? Can't you swim?" ...I'm thinking- HEY my kid is 11 months YOUNGER than you girls! Leave her alone!

 

[PrincessHeart]

I guess the midwest is very different from the east coast. We have July 31st as our cut-off. I just can't image 4 year olds going to Kindergarten. I held my son back (March B-day) and he is the oldest in his class. His best friend in his grade is exactly a year younger (although about 5 inches taller than him!) I did it because he was not ready (he had motor skill developmental delays) and I as his parent have the right to determine what is right for my child. I have two friends whose sons barely made the cut-off and they sent them to school. Both boys are struggling in school. It is so sad because neither child likes school. My son loves school and is exceling in all areas. I am 100% sure that if I had sent him to school on time that he would be struggling. It really offends me that someone should suggest that I as a parent should be arbitrarily cut out of the decision making process of when my child should go to school.

 

[belle&beast]

I did not read all the posts, but I want to give you my perspective.

My birthday is 8/29 and the cutoff for school was 9/1. I started kindergarten at 4 years old and went away to college at 17. Many kids were 6 months-a year older than I was. I was not allowed to date or drive when my friends did and turned 21 my senior year in college, so I was left out of some social situations.

My DD is 5 turing 6 this summer, so I was in the same position as you. Academically she is bright and I never would have worried about her abilities. I talked to my mom and she really pushed to wait a year. She reminded me of things that I did not remember and maybe didn't even recognize. I physically and emotionally was behind the other girls in my class. I didn't develop when they did and I was very sensitive- just young and less mature. She said if she had to do it over again, she would have waited.

So I followed my mom's advice and we decided to wait and she will be 6 when she starts kindergarten in the fall. This extra year of preschool was not necessary academically, but socially she has grown tremendously. She is no longer shy, she no longer gets pushed around and she is very self-confident! I am so glad we waited, it was the best choice for her.

On the other hand, I do not think that waiting os the best solution for every kids with a summer birthday, it is a very individualized decision. In fact, our DS started preschool early! He was ready, so we did not want to slow him down. Every kids is different. Just weigh your pros and cons to find the right solution for your family.

 

[mexican-mouseketeers]

Here in Mexico children start school at 2 years old (private schools, and I mean 5 days a week 4 hours per day programs).

DD was the 2nd youngest in her class last year and I remembered her once telling me that other girls (with oct and nov birthdays) said she colored awful because she colored outside the lines. My DD´s development was right on track, but she was a whole 11 months younger than those girls, and that time is A LOT when you are with 4 and 5 year olds.

She goes to one of the best schools in the country, but there were 28 kids in her classroom last year with one teacher and no aide (the nanny is in the restrooms to help them there), so definetly in this environment it is much better to be older and need less attention than to be younger.

We decided to hold her back and now she is the oldest in her classroom (sept. bday), but there are 32 kids there, and they are taught mostly in English and have French lessons twice a week (I definetly could do without the french and the computer lessons, but I went to that school and was very happy there).

My point here is that it not only depends on the child, it depends a lot on the school too. There is no way that a teacher with 32 3 and 4 year olds can take her time with each child, so they need all the advantage that they can get, and the statistics about income, etc., wouldn´t apply in this case since it is a private catholic school, so most children have the same background, or I can say that it does apply because there are some kids who are left in the hands of nannies and chauffeurs all day (and not the kind of babysitter who will read books to the child, these are servants who are many times bossed by the kids, so you can just imagine some of these children).

We decided to hold our DD back because she was the youngest, and I have a lot of older friends and asked more than 50 mothers what they thought and I only had one answer that having her being the youngest would be best, all of the others said that it is much better being older than younger, and when I asked the shool to hold her back, the coodinator said the same thing that pp said, that we would never regret holding her back, but might regret having her be the youngest, and the thing is that many times the problems start when kids are around 3rd grade, so the decision must be made as soon as possible.

I was one of the youngest and did great academically, but struggled socially. DD is much better socially than I ever was, but we decided no to risk it.

Also parents have enough things to fight about with their teens without adding not giving permission to many things because our DD is the youngest, so we decided to avoid these problems and not put her in a position where she would not be allowed to do the same things as her friends (i.e. many girls have their 15th bday at a nightclub, and I don´t want my 13 yo in one, I prefer her to be the oldest there and not the youngest).

 

[WDWfor5]

MomNeedsVacay - As another preemie mom I wanted to tell you how much I understand where you're coming from. My DS was born on 9/11, 2 weeks before the NJ deadline but wasn't due until 12/7 - well after the cutoff.

DH&I really wanted to send him "on time" and I think that it was us not wanting to admit he could use the extra time as we are very protective and thrilled that he has basically no residual preemie issues. In the end what I decided is that he was punished enough being born early and I wasn't going to risk punishing him for the rest of his life by sending him before he should have gone if wasn't born early. I second guessed myself for a full year and even after he started Pre-K this year I wondered if I'd made the right choice.

THe moment I realized what a great choice it had been was at the mother's day tea in PreK. THe quiet kid from last year was now the most confident little boy who held the microphone and spoke clearly and sang beautifully. I was in tears Then at Kindergarden Orientation he was thrilled, confident and the other kids loved him and he was invited for playdates by boys he'd never met before because they wanted him to come to their house after meeting him for 10 minutes.

He's ready now instead of being okay - he won't struggle socially, he won't be the smallest or youngest and I'm so glad we gave him the extra year to come into his own.

This got really long, but the point was follow your heart - you seem like you want to hold her but don't want it to seem like you think she can't go on time. Remember when they told you to adjust her age untl she was 2 ? DO the same for school - she shouldn't make cutoff and if she'd been born on time you wouldn't even be considering all of this so remember that you're just honoring the day she was due instead of expecting her to be older just because she was in a hurry to meet her mommy

 

[surfgirl]

This is an interesting thread.

My dd#1 is an April birthday -- the reality of the situation now is that she is the youngest in her class -- a full 5 months BEFORE the cut-off! I understand why people with special issues (preemie, autism, etc.) need to hold their children back. But if I held her back, she would be a leader in her class, more confident socially, etc. But then my dd#2, with a December birthday, would be the youngest in her class. And you know what, she could benefit by the extra year to gain confidence emotionally, socially, etc.

Where do we draw the line?

When you compare this to 30-40 years ago, the trend then was to send them early. I know many people that were summer and fall birthdays and the youngest in their class. Were we 'behind' others ? Probably in some areas, but ahead in others. When I was in high school/college/working, I thought it was pretty neat to be the youngest person to have accomplished things.

Another downside is age-based programs. For example, little league - you play by birth date, not by grade. So if you are the oldest in your grade level at school, you might still be moved up to the next level for baseball and you are the youngest in little league. Sometime you will be the youngest. Life is learning how to deal with disappointments as well as successes.

Our township has the policy that if you meet the cut-off date, you come to school. They will listen (and document) 'special cases' -- but that is exactly what they are -- 'special cases'.

In 30-40 years, will there be a generation of kids saying, "my parents held me back and it was the worst thing. I was the first driving in high school and everyone assumed it was because I had to repeat a grade." ??

getting out the flame-proof suit now. Someone had to express the other side, today it was my turn!

 

[pigletof4]

Where we live, school districts aren't giving us the options as they are pushing the dates up as to when you have to be 5. There is one school district that has already said that you have to be 5 by 5/31 or you can't go and some of the other school districts are pushing it to 5 by 8/31 and next year 5 by 7/31. I guess I "redshirted both of my summer babies DD7 is the end of July, DS6 is beginning of June. I also have an infant with a summer birthday so depending on the school district we will eventually move into will depend whether she will be an older child also. Holding them back is better than getting them in school and holding them back after making friends.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

This is an interesting thread.

My dd#1 is an April birthday -- the reality of the situation now is that she is the youngest in her class -- a full 5 months BEFORE the cut-off! I understand why people with special issues (preemie, autism, etc.) need to hold their children back. But if I held her back, she would be a leader in her class, more confident socially, etc. But then my dd#2, with a December birthday, would be the youngest in her class. And you know what, she could benefit by the extra year to gain confidence emotionally, socially, etc.

Where do we draw the line?

When you compare this to 30-40 years ago, the trend then was to send them early. I know many people that were summer and fall birthdays and the youngest in their class. Were we 'behind' others ? Probably in some areas, but ahead in others. When I was in high school/college/working, I thought it was pretty neat to be the youngest person to have accomplished things.

Another downside is age-based programs. For example, little league - you play by birth date, not by grade. So if you are the oldest in your grade level at school, you might still be moved up to the next level for baseball and you are the youngest in little league. Sometime you will be the youngest. Life is learning how to deal with disappointments as well as successes.

Our township has the policy that if you meet the cut-off date, you come to school. They will listen (and document) 'special cases' -- but that is exactly what they are -- 'special cases'.

In 30-40 years, will there be a generation of kids saying, "my parents held me back and it was the worst thing. I was the first driving in high school and everyone assumed it was because I had to repeat a grade." ??

getting out the flame-proof suit now. Someone had to express the other side, today it was my turn!

I get what you're saying, too... Like i said before. I probably wouldn't even be considering holding her back if OTHERS didn;t hold their kids back. I really don't want kids 15 months older than my kid in the same classroom.

 

[belle&beast]

I get what you're saying, too... Like i said before. I probably wouldn't even be considering holding her back if OTHERS didn;t hold their kids back. I really don't want kids 15 months older than my kid in the same classroom.

I know you are looking for opinions because this is such a tough decision. Please don't let "peer pressure" (for lack of a better word) sway you. Make your decision based on what will be best for your child, not what others are doing.

It was best for my DD to wait, but she has friends the same age that went on to kindergarten. They are stil friends and are successful, too. It truly is a case by case decision.

 

[pigletof4]

I really don't want kids 15 months older than my kid in the same classroom.

You may still have this even if you don't hold your child back. My child goes to a Montessori program where she is in a 6-9 year classroom. There is one boy who is actually 11, which is 4 years older than my child. He was held back in kindergarten and he was held again in 3rd grade. I do like the intermix of kids because even though I held child back she wasn't the oldest or youngest in her class although I think last year in kindergarten she was because that is a 3-6 year classroom.

 

[BMNABrinx]

Sorry, I didn't take time to read all of the posts.

We had the same concern before our DD entered Kindergarten. Her b-day is 8/30 and the cutoff is 9/01. She started Kindergarten at age 4, two weeks before her 5th birthday. Even though we thought about holding her back a year her Pre-K teacher (a friend of mine) encouraged us to send her on. She was afraid that she would be bored if we held her back. DD is going into the 5th grade and is a straight A student so far. She hasn't struggled with any concepts yet and she doesn't have to study much. She doesn't seem to be lacking in any areas of socialization or anything else.
Now my Aunt and an Uncle on the other hand both have boys that have summer b-days (one in July; one in Aug). The one in July has struggled through to the point that he hated school. The one in Aug. repeated an early grade.
I think it all depends on the individual child. Just do what you think is best.

 

[MinnieGi]

This is an interesting thread.

My dd#1 is an April birthday -- the reality of the situation now is that she is the youngest in her class -- a full 5 months BEFORE the cut-off! I understand why people with special issues (preemie, autism, etc.) need to hold their children back. But if I held her back, she would be a leader in her class, more confident socially, etc. But then my dd#2, with a December birthday, would be the youngest in her class. And you know what, she could benefit by the extra year to gain confidence emotionally, socially, etc.

Where do we draw the line?

When you compare this to 30-40 years ago, the trend then was to send them early. I know many people that were summer and fall birthdays and the youngest in their class. Were we 'behind' others ? Probably in some areas, but ahead in others. When I was in high school/college/working, I thought it was pretty neat to be the youngest person to have accomplished things.

Another downside is age-based programs. For example, little league - you play by birth date, not by grade. So if you are the oldest in your grade level at school, you might still be moved up to the next level for baseball and you are the youngest in little league. Sometime you will be the youngest. Life is learning how to deal with disappointments as well as successes.

Our township has the policy that if you meet the cut-off date, you come to school. They will listen (and document) 'special cases' -- but that is exactly what they are -- 'special cases'.

In 30-40 years, will there be a generation of kids saying, "my parents held me back and it was the worst thing. I was the first driving in high school and everyone assumed it was because I had to repeat a grade." ??

getting out the flame-proof suit now. Someone had to express the other side, today it was my turn!

Problem is 30 - 40 years ago 5 & 6 year olds were not expected to go to full day K and learn to read, write stories, do science experiments and write down their results, read and write math word problems etc......

Kindergarten is not playtime anymore. What used to be the first grade curriculum is now the kindergarten curriculum. Many of the posters are citing how their children are much more focused and able to pay attention and just last a full day as older rather than younger. Everyone does not mature at the same rate therefore an abstract cut-off date may not suit every child. Parents need to look at their child and the curriculum expected. They also need to look at social readiness. It is a decision that will last a life time.

 

[graygables]

Problem is 30 - 40 years ago 5 & 6 year olds were not expected to go to full day K and learn to read, write stories, do science experiments and write down their results, read and write math word problems etc......

Kindergarten is not playtime anymore. What used to be the first grade curriculum is now the kindergarten curriculum. Many of the posters are citing how their children are much more focused and able to pay attention and just last a full day as older rather than younger. Everyone does not mature at the same rate therefore an abstract cut-off date may not suit every child. Parents need to look at their child and the curriculum expected. They also need to look at social readiness. It is a decision that will last a life time.

Part of that is *because* of the trend of parents to hold children back and also because of the pressure to preschool. 30-40 years ago, mothers stayed home with their children, so kindergarten was social prep for primary school. It was the time when the kids were brought together in a socially engineered situation in case their mothers hadn't taught them their ABCs or numbers to get them ready for primary school. I did attend kindergarten for 3 days before they realized that there was no way I belonged there and they promoted me to 1st grade. Other kids were still learning their colors and they were all 5yo. If everyone had an extra year of preschool under their belts, the playing field has to be raised to that level.

Even 20 years ago, there were very few "pre-school" choices and many daycares were called "Mother's Day Out" programs. Daycare morphed into preschool and preschool morphed into kindergarten and K became the new 1st. Playtime *IS* learning time (I have a post on a homeschooling thread about that one) and turning kindergarten into what it's become is a huge mistake that will become evident in another 20 years. Children are no longer encouraged to be creative thinkers.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Both of my boys started kindergarten at 6. The oldest has a July b-day and we still kept him back for a year. He's in a different situation because he has Asperger's and really wasn't ready to start. We kept him in a special ed preschool class when he was 5 and that made all the difference. He was able to be mainstreamed for kindergarten and has been ever since (he's just finishing 5th grade .

Our second son has an early September birthday. He would have been starting kindergarten as a very young 5 year old and we also felt he wasn't ready. We put him in a private Jr. K. class for that year. He was also more than ready for K at 6 and has done well ever since (he's just finishing 2nd grade).

A kindergarten teacher once told me that if you're on the fence about sending a child to school, it's always a good idea to keep them out for another year. You should have them in some kind of a program for that year to keep building their academic and social skills before they actually start K.

 

[MinnieGi]

To the OP, your DD and situation sounds similiar to our DD and our K decision. I know this decision is agonizing. We debated and debated about what to do for our late Aug. birthday DD. Cut-off here is Aug. 31st. We have a happy ending!! Hope you will too.

DD went to preschool on time so was the youngest in class. Teacher and the Ed. director who tested all the children at school always mentioned she was doing fine in skill learning, however she was not as attentive as the others, not as focused. But then again they would say she is just acting HER age. It was the Ed. director who first mentioned to me about possibly keeping her back a year. In fact this was her mantra for the majority of summer birthday kids. With todays curriculum for K children they need to be as focused and ready for academic work as possible. I listened but didn't hold her back that year and sent her onto 4yo preschool. In her 4 yo preschool class 6 of the children were 5 b/4 DD turned 4!! I talked to all those parents about how they felt about their decision and all thought it was so positive. I would look at DD's drawings and look at the older kids and you could see a HUGE difference. And all the parents would tell me just wait a year and THIS is what it will look like! DD also hated to print at this stage and would practically be in tears trying. Her fine motor skills were just not ready for printing. DH and I made the decision to hold off on K. We moved to a new area and found a new preschool for DD. She flourished in the new Pre-K but I was still nervous this Sept. when DD started K...

All I have to say is WOW!! We made the best decision for DD. She did beautifully in K!! We are so proud of her. She can read and write wonderful stories and do quite a bit of math. She is so interested in learning. She was cited by her teacher as a positive leader in class who is well-liked. She is a child who is very sensitive and would have felt bad if she could not keep up with her peers. Being on the older age range and giving her another year of devlopement has proved invaluable. The same child who would practically be in tears learning to print in 4yo preschool, now LOVES to write and draw stories. She even has 3 research projects under her belt from K. Yes, I said research in K!! (research involved reading, writing 5 facts, making a project like a clay model or poster and presenting it to the class). I know if we had sent her last year she would have felt too much stress inside and not been able to learn as much as she did.

We unfortunetly have to make the decision again for our 2yo DS. Also late Aug. birthday. Actually we already made the decision. He will stay in preschool another year too.

Just think another year to save for college tution!!

 

[MinnieGi]

Part of that is *because* of the trend of parents to hold children back and also because of the pressure to preschool. 30-40 years ago, mothers stayed home with their children, so kindergarten was social prep for primary school. It was the time when the kids were brought together in a socially engineered situation in case their mothers hadn't taught them their ABCs or numbers to get them ready for primary school. I did attend kindergarten for 3 days before they realized that there was no way I belonged there and they promoted me to 1st grade. Other kids were still learning their colors and they were all 5yo. If everyone had an extra year of preschool under their belts, the playing field has to be raised to that level.

Even 20 years ago, there were very few "pre-school" choices and many daycares were called "Mother's Day Out" programs. Daycare morphed into preschool and preschool morphed into kindergarten and K became the new 1st. Playtime *IS* learning time (I have a post on a homeschooling thread about that one) and turning kindergarten into what it's become is a huge mistake that will become evident in another 20 years. Children are no longer encouraged to be creative thinkers.

The academic quality that kindergarten has taken on is NOT the result of parents holding their children back. It is the result of the accountability and standards movements by states and federal government. The % of children "redshirted" from starting K has remained the same. It is a low 6 -9% overall. However higher concentrations of redshirting are found in more affluent areas which makes sense since they can financially afford to pay for another year of preschool.

I'm not saying I agree with the pure academic slant of today's K, but that is its reality. With that reality parents need to take a good look at their children and truly evaluate if they can handle that type of setting so young.

I also agree playtime is learning. DD and now DS go to a fantastic preschool where development is throught play. They have learned to be very creative thinkers. I will disagree with you on the children not being encouraged to be creative thinkers in school. Encouraging creativity and putting value on that creativity is highly respected and taught at DD's school. I would say that a generation ago when I was in school I was NOT taught to be a creative thinker in that workbooks dominated my curriculum. This is not how children are taught today or at least in my area.

 

[DawnM]

My 9 year old will go to 3rd grade next year instead of 4th. It will be his first time in school. But we had him tested and he is NOT ready for 4th. He is small for his age and a bit immature too, so this is the best for him.

However, my 7 year old will go ahead and go to 2nd grade. I think he will be fine as he is academically stronger.

So, I think it really depends on the kid.

A girl I would tend to go ahead anyway as they tend to be ready earlier, but it depends on YOUR girl.

Dawn

 

[tinkandpan]

We were exactly in your position last year. My dd5 made the cutoff by 5 days. We held him an extra year in a trans K. My reasonings:
in his preschool class last year he was in there with 6 other boys who had been held and were a full year older. I saw first hand he just couldn't keep up socially.

He knew the basics that you used to need to know for K- colors, letters numbers and writing his name- but nowadays with No Child Left Behind and testing they need to know so much more in K. Our K curriculum this year has them journaling sentences, reading and more of a first grade curriculum.

I am so happy with our decision. He went from being a lone boy that was more of a baby in the group to a leader, to the kid everyone in the class looks to and wants to hang with. He is focused and he LOVES going to school. Last year- some days it was a struggle to send him to school because he told me he "wasn't as smart as the other kids". It broke my heart at 4 years old to hear him say this.

My dd2 is also a summer birthday so I will have to make the decision again. With her though- i see her as much older so I very well might send her.

 

[wahoostampingirl]

The problem is that I have to make a decision shortly going into the next school year. Our Preschool and the private school for Kindergarten both require very early admissions (up to 8 months ahead of the next school year!) Both require hefty non-refundable deposits as well!

I haven't read all the responses, so I'm sorry if this has already been addressed. My b/g twins have a late June birthday and I really felt my ds wasn't ready to go to Kindergarten this past Sept after they turned 5. I found a private consultation company that did assessments on both children. It was very inexpensive ($50 per child) and they were able to do the assessment right when I needed it since I also had to sign my kids up for another year of pre-school last Spring if they weren't going onto kindergarten. Anyhow, they advised that I wait a year for my ds and because my kids are twins, they also recommended waiting a year for my dd to start (I was planning on keeping them in the same grade anyhow). In their pre-school class this year, both were over a year older than some of their classmates, but for the first time, they both really "fit in". My dd went from always being worried about school, to being one of the leaders of the class and showed much more enthusiasm about all facets of school. My ds made huge strides in his social skills and made friends on his own for the first time.

It remains to be seen if waiting for a year will benefit the kids academically, since I do feel like my dd will need more challenges in the next few years, but socially, it was totally the right decision for both kids. I hope you come to a decision that you feel great about.

ETA: I should mention that my ds has an IEP and was already receiving services for Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy and Physical Therapy. So the agonizing decision was really whether my dd, who was not lagging behind would benefit from the extra year of pre-school or if she would be bored. I can honestly say that the extra year of pre-school has been helpful to a child who probably would have been fine in kindergarten this year. By the way, my kids were premies (2 months early) and I do think that played into my decision.