When should my kid enter kindergarten???? HELP!

[MomNeedsVacay]

I just read a fantastic article that makes me think I need to hold my September baby back a year...
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/03/m...?em&ex=1181275200&en=258c9398d3e9a4cb&ei=5070

She has one year of preschool under her belt and will go to pre-k 5 mornings/week this next year...If I put her into Kinder. when she is supposed to go, she'll be 4 years old turning 5 (the cut off is September 30th) ! At first, I thought, we'll just push her forward....she'll be fine. After reading this article- I'm thinking holding her back would be the best. I don't want her to possibly 15months YOUNGER than other kids in her same class- thats a 25% difference in age!!!!
Any thoughts?

 

[Hannathy]

When I was debating this with my son my friend who teaches kindergarten said it will never hurt your child if you give him the "luxury of time" I waited till the next year and have never regretted it.

My sister started early and has always hated it and still talks about it and she had her 35th HS reunion. MY DH started early and did fine academically but suffered socially being so much younger in High School. If possible I would wait till next year, She still won't be the oldest by far.

 

[kaysmommie]

I just read a fantastic article that makes me think I need to hold my September baby back a year...
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/03/m...?em&ex=1181275200&en=258c9398d3e9a4cb&ei=5070

She has one year of preschool under her belt and will go to pre-k 5 mornings/week this next year...If I put her into Kinder. when she is supposed to go, she'll be 4 years old turning 5 (the cut off is September 30th) ! At first, I thought, we'll just push her forward....she'll be fine. After reading this article- I'm thinking holding her back would be the best. I don't want her to possibly 15months YOUNGER than other kids in her same class- thats a 25% difference in age!!!!
Any thoughts?

I think it dpends on the child. I used to live up north and most people I know sent there kids at age 4 or 5. Now we live in TN and alot of parents hold there kids back a year. I never even knew you could do that. Some just don't feel there kids are ready for full day Kindergarten when they turn 5 in August or September. It seems many that keep them back a year are boys, at least from what I've seen. Also I don't really like the idea of my just turned 7 YO in second grade with 8 and 9 YO. DD started kindergarten after she turned 5, but she was more than ready. DS3 should be fine too since his birthday is the end oy May. Now that they are expected to do more in Kindergarten I can see why some might be concerned. Here with it being fullday it is really long for even a 5 YO. to be in school from 8-3. My DD was pretty cranky when I picked her up. You know your child best.

 

[design_mom]

I think it has a lot to do with your specific child and his/her personality, learning style, etc.

Our son would have qualified for kindergarten in 2005/2006 by two days (cut off was September 30. His birthday is September 28.) Like your daughter he would have started kindergarten at age 4 with kids who were as much as a whole year older than he was.

I spoke at length to his preschool teachers, friends who are teachers, etc. One thing that one of them told me was: They've met several parents who wished they'd started their children late in kindergarten, but didn't. But they'd never met anyone who'd started their kid late in kinder and regretted it. (Some might not feel it made a difference, but no one regretted it.)

We chose to start our son this year (2006/2007) instead. Tomorrow is his last day of kindergarten. I do not regret our decision. He, of course, knew his letters, numbers, shapes, etc. from preschool -- but you'd be surprised what they expect kindergarteners to know these days. DS is reading on his own. They've learned about tectonic plates in the earth's crust and 3D shapes like spheres. I *know* we didn't cover that stuff until much later in school (probably not even in first grade.)

In addition to that, DS is generally a very good kid but he had a tendency to "go with the crowd" even if he knew they were making poor choices. The extra year has given him the confidence to make choices for himself, even if it means going against what his friends are doing. I think the extra year of maturity helped with that.

Thirdly, our school does full-day kindergarten with no nap/rest period. Last year, at 4/5, DS still *needed* that nap and took it without complaint. (He's always needed a lot of sleep.) I think the full day with no nap would have set him up for failure.

My DS is doing well in school, but he's not bored. But, this first year has given him a very positive outlook on school in general. He loves it and is eager to learn. Part of that is because he had a great teacher. But I think part of it is that he was really ready to go. I hope we can continue to foster his good attitude toward school because I really do think that goes a *long* way toward success.

So -- anyway -- you're the best person to judge what's best for your child. Chances are you'll "make it work" whichever way you go. I think DS probably could have succeeded last year, but I'm not sorry we waited.

Good luck with your decision.

p.s. For what it's worth, I hate the term "red shirted." I think that implies we held our children back so that they'll be bigger, older and able to be *better* than other kids. That couldn't be farther from the truth for me -- I wanted him to do well on his own right (against the curriculum, against the schedule, against peer pressure), but it had nothing to do with being better than other kids.

Edited to add: I would not hold my child back *just* because he'd be the youngest in the class -- because no matter when they set the date, someone's going to be the youngest. (I was nearly the youngest when I was in school.) But I did not feel my DS was ready to go at 4 years old.

 

[kcromley]

you know your child best, but it is simply not true that no one regrets holding their child back-I have at least three friends who held their children back (with summer birthdays) on the advice of the preschool, and regret that decision. Their kids matured, "caught up" with their chronological peers, and were bored and thus disaffected in school. Holding back may be the right decision for you and your child, but just wanted to correct the argument that it is a "no risk" option. You may have second thoughts no matter which way you decide.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

This decision feels like one of the most important ones that I've had to make for my child thus far. Its good to know that others' wouldn't look down if i decided to hold her back a year. What's the rush, right?
Good point about Kindergarten being a full day vs. when I was a kid, it was a half day. I remember my first day of school very clearly.

 

[design_mom]

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that starting late was a no risk option. My friend's personal experience as a teacher (4th grade) was that none of her students/parents regretted their decision... and we do not regret our decision. But that's not to say that no one in the whole world regrets their decision. Your mileage may vary, of course.

 

[jodifla]

My son's birthday was the cutoff date. Meaning, if I sent him on time, he was guaranteed to be the youngest in his class throughout his school years.

I held him, and he'll start in September. He's so much more ready now than then.

One thing that influenced me is that I had two friends who started their summer birthday boys on time, only to have them have to repeat first grade. My friends told me they wish they would have waited a year. I have another friend whose brother, many years ago, was held back in third grade after starting on time....which she feels affected him adversely the rest of his life.

 

[beattyfamily]

It really does depend on the child.

I have a June baby who is always the youngest in her class. She is doing great though.

I also have an October baby who is always the oldest in her class and I am fine with that. She wouldn't have been ready if I could have put her in Kindergarten sooner rather than later.

They are so different from each other and their birthday months worked in their favor and has benefited them!

 

[JJ&JSMOM]

I haven't read the other responses but we're in the same situation. We decided to hold DD4 (will be 5 on 10/3 our cutoff is around 10/20) because I think she needs a year to develop her social skills. She certainly is intelligent enough - I have no doubts that way. But being in the schools as a volunteer I've noticed that the social aspect of school can be so much more difficult then the academics. If a child has a problem learning to read like my son did theres tutors. I don't know of any tutors for social development-maybe there is?!. DD4 is shy and quiet and has trouble speaking up for herself - I think a year will help her.

I've never heard a parent say " Geez - I wish I didn't hold my child back a year" but I've said and heard "Geez - we probably should have held him (DS8) back a year." Base your decision on the best info you have now and go w/it.

 

[Skatermom23]

There is also another way of looking at this issue. Do you want your child to go to college just turning 18 or closer to 19? My son is a summer birthday child and was probably more than ready to go off to school at the early age. Instead, we choose to enroll him in a private school that used different dates and therefore making him begin Kingergarten at age 6. Since then, he has switched to public schools and is now in HS> I was never concerned about his maturity or level of learning. I was always looking at the big picture...**High School** I can't tell you how thankful I am that we did this for him.

 

[mommytothreeboys]

I agree that it totally depends on the child. My DS has a late October birthday and we made the decision to wait to send him to Kindergarten. (Here in NY he can start the year he turns 5 before 12/1) It was the best decision we could have made. He is the baby of the family and definitely not as independent as the other boys were at his age. He needed that extra year. He now LOVES school and was so ready to go! You know your child better than anyone else. Do what feels right to you and let everyone's "comments" go in one ear and out the other!

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Thats the problem...my instincts are on the fence. Academically,I'm sure my DD would be fine. I'm a former teacher myself (although I taught middle school and the birthdates seemed insignificant once middle school rolled around) and think I'd be able to "fill" in academic gaps. Socailly, my daughter has many friends at preschool, but she is definitely not an "alpha" girl. She is quite a follower. I know a cannot change her personality, nor do I want to, but her personality may flourish better in a situation where she is oldest rather than youngest.
I had a late birthday (August) growing up in my grade. Academically, I was above average. Socially, I followed the crowd. I had lots of friends, but desperately wanted the sophisication and confidence of the other girls. Was it my age? Was it my personality? Do all girls go through this?

 

[rlrx]

We are also making the decision to hold our DS4 back another year before starting kindergarten. He turns 5 a month and a half before the cutoff and would be ready for kindergarten this year but we just think it's best for him. Our older DS8 has a July birthday and we have a December 1 cutoff and I've always thought he could've used an extra year. He gets very good grades in school (3rd grade) but has trouble handling the social issues like standing up for himself and handling the stress. If I had known how intense school is now compared to when we were kids, I would have kept him back a year. As friends and teachers have told me, it's not necessarily the kindergarten year that you have to think about. It's the years to come.
In my personal experience of being an end of October birthday and always the youngest in my class, I didn't have problems until I was 13 and when I started college. I always got good grades but had problems with self esteem and more of the social issues too.
It's such a difficult decision-good luck. Everyone wants our children to grow up so fast now. Preschool is what kindergarten used to be and it just gets worse from there. My DS8 has had so much homework and studying some nights that it was difficult to have time for him to just relax and play!

 

[Eeyore4me]

I also held my August 21st DS back. He had already completed a year of Pre-school, but I felt while he was fine academically, socially he just wasn't there. Always played alone or with maybe 1 of the girls drawing. I spoke with my DD's teachers from previous years as well as the curriculum supervisor. The unanimous decision was while he could suffer being pushed ahead, giving him the extra year to mature would only help him. When I tell you it was the best decision I ever made for my son, I'm not exaggerating! He is still a peanut & 1 of the smallest in Kindergarten even though he is the oldest, but socially he is top of his game & no longer a follower at all. Every kid in the class wants to be his friend & look to him as a leader. I know that seems a little silly in Kindergarten, but you can walk into the class & immediately tell the difference. I hope whatever decision you make, know in your heart that you're there to get her though any "rough" patches!


Lauren

 

[KTMEMOMMY]

It's such a hard call. I was sure I had my philosophy on this down pat- I taught PreK and K for 12 yrs, have advanced degrees in the field, and felt strongly about giving kids the "gift of time", from how it impacts them in K all the way through how being the youngest could affect them in middle school when the peer pressure intensifies.... My dds are both fall b'days, and our state's cut off is Sept. 1. We started dd #1 in a 3 yr old preschool class weeks shy of her turning 3, with the expectation she would do 3 years in preschool and go to K as a 5 turning 6 year old.

I've been convinced as I followed her progress this was the right move. Her teachers have consistently praised her academic abilities but found her behaviors and work habits immature for her group (which makes sense, to a degree, as she has been a full year younger than many classmates). In fact, I heard so much from her teachers about her lack of focus, attentiveness, inability to complete assignments over the course of the year that I decided to have her assessed by the public school system to get a handle on where she is as a learner, what her skills and deficits are and if we were dealing with more than an immaturity.

The assessment was yesterday. DD tested as a year or 2 older in every skill set they looked at, and the practicioners all agreed that they think that, while she is probably somewhat immature, it should all be within what is expected for this age, and that more likely than not they believe she needs to be challenged more academically. Having her test to enroll early in K would have been an option but I never wanted to for a variety of reasons; in fact, her preschool teacher had said that she would "ace the test" for early admission, but struggle more socially. The assessors yesterday argued that, if she would "ace the test" for K now, what more can they teach her in preschool....??? They point out that she might be craving the challenge of K and do far better behaviorally if the work is more advanced.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, it's hard to have an absolute philosophy about this, when there are various factors at play. I still don't think I will push my dd ahead into K (she missed the cut off by 3 weeks) because I just feel in my heart that 5 full days is just more than she is ready for right now, and I am hopeful that a year as the oldest in the class, with greater academic challenges, will make a difference for her and give her more time to mature and even out.

Good luck!

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

I'll be one of the few voices for starting "on time", after all if the kid falls within the dates set by your school then they are not going eary. My DD14 has a mid Sept bday, she just finished her Freshman year at HS with Honors. She was usually the 2nd youngest in her class in elem. (by 2 days, we often combined parties with the other girl). She had a great time in school and in girls scouts, many of the friends she made then are still very good friends now. Her age was never an issue for her or her friends, it may become an issue when she is a junior as far as issuing parking passes(cut off date to be driving is start of school not age cut off, I'll plead that case if needed). I say it really is dependant on the child(and the comfort of the parent) if you think DD is ready then send her, if you don't she may be bored. If you think her maturity is not yet there, then don't send her.

P.S. I work at a preschool and this is a big topic every year, sometimes we recomened they stay 1 more year, sometimes not, sometimes we are right, sometimes not, it isn't cut and dry. Some kids mature tremendously over the summer months and unfortunatly you and you alone will have to make the final choice, based on what you know about your kido.
Good Luck with whatever you choose!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I started on time and I somehow managed to always be the youngest anyway. Never bothered me in the slightest since kids don't care about age, they just know they like you and your friends. The only time I had a twinge of envy was when it came time to get the drivers license and I was the last one...but it just meant I got to be chauffered by all my buddies.

My kids started right on time. The oldest two are now in high school and middle school. They seem to be the youngest ones too, so maybe I'm the only one that didn't hold my kids back a year? I don't know-I just find it odd. But-you do what you think is best for your individual child, not based on what the masses do.

 

[pantherlj]

You still have a year to make your decision. She is going to change a LOT in the next year at 5 day a week preschool. It might be more clear of an answer for you a year from now, but you will still have your doubts which every way you go!

We have the same concerns. DD makes the NC Oct 15th cut off by 12 days. There is a little girl in the neighborhood that she plays with that misses the cut off by 12 days. They will start K at the same time, a full 12 months (well, less 24 days!) apart. But, I have seen them play together at the pool and there is really no difference in their social skills.

We are obviously sending DD. She seems ready - knows all the basics (shapes, colors, letters, numbers, etc) and socially, her preschool teacher says she is on track. She only goes 3 mornings a week so full day will be a tough transistion. It took my other DD about 2 months to adjust so we are expecting it. I think any kid going from 3 day a week, 1/2 day to full day, 5 day a week will have an adjustment period regardless of being almost 5 or almost 6.

If it turns out she isn't ready, we will hold her back another year in K. I would rather have her spend another year in K than another year in 3 morning a week 1/2 day preschool (all the budget allows) where they will focus on more skills such as reading foundations. She is sad and bored at home when her older sister is at school all day.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[jakenjess]

Thats the problem...my instincts are on the fence. Academically,I'm sure my DD would be fine. I'm a former teacher myself (although I taught middle school and the birthdates seemed insignificant once middle school rolled around) and think I'd be able to "fill" in academic gaps. Socailly, my daughter has many friends at preschool, but she is definitely not an "alpha" girl. She is quite a follower. I know a cannot change her personality, nor do I want to, but her personality may flourish better in a situation where she is oldest rather than youngest.
I had a late birthday (August) growing up in my grade. Academically, I was above average. Socially, I followed the crowd. I had lots of friends, but desperately wanted the sophisication and confidence of the other girls. Was it my age? Was it my personality? Do all girls go through this?

This sounds like me! I have a late Aug. birthday and started school when I was five. I was the youngest in my class and academically did great, but I was very shy and not self-confident, and I wonder now as an adult if that extra year would have been good.

My DS has an early Sept. birthday and we held him a year. It was absolutely the right decision. He's extremely smart and we have had some times when academically it was too easy for him, but most of the time the teachers have kept him challenged and doing great. He's also very shy and small for his age, so socially holding him was the best thing we could have done.

My DD has a July birthday and we started her at age 5, so she's only a grade behind DS. She's done very well, but she was always the more social and outgoing of my kids. She's the youngest in her class, though, and there are times when I can see she's a little less mature than those who are nearly a year older than she is. I think more and more people are deciding to wait that extra year. I thought DS would be the oldest in his class but he's not. There are three other boys who have birthdays right around DS's, and the oldest in the class has a May birthday (and he didn't repeat a year).

Good luck with your decision!