When should guests leave?

[Pollito916]

We held Christmas Eve at our house this year, and 2 of DH's friends were too intoxicated to drive, so they stayed the night. No problem, better than drinking and driving. But then they stayed until after 3 on Christmas day. One of them didn't even get up until after 11 am (we are early risers, no later than 8 am).

I was sooo mad at DH. This was our first Christmas together in our first house, and we had company for most of the day. DH made me breakfast in bed, then said he was going downstairs to make breakfast for them so they would leave, but they didn't! I was so mad, I didn't leave our room all day, and just sat around watching tv and napping.

By the time they left, I was so cranky I didn't want to go to BIL's house, which we usually do on x-mas day. Plus, I believe these 2 friends were planning on going there when they left, and I already had enough of them.

When should guests leave after staying overnight, especially on a holiday? Is there a nice way to ask them to leave? Am I being unreasonable in thinking they should have left earlier?

 

[Nancy]

I would have asked them to leave! Cicumstances being what they were, (too drunk to drive the night before) I would not have had that problem. Didn't they have their own families to spend the day with? Of course since they were DH's friends he should have said, "Hey, I'd like to spend the day with my wife, so could you go?" I'm sure his friends would have understood. As long as he looked ok with them being there they probably didn't know they were being unwanted guests.

 

[Planogirl]

It's hard to throw people out. What with the Christmas spirit and all.

It was nice of you to let them stay after they'd overindulged. But what was the point of you staying in your room all day? You should have gotten up and told them that you and DH had things to do and would be leaving the house shortly. Whether you really left "shortly" or not, that probably would have gotten them moving.

 

[tmt martins]

Now did you mention this to DH or did you just hide out .

I would have asked them to leave but if you would have wanted to just stay in bed then I would've given you your wish and stayed out of your way.

I know WE MEN claim to know everything But we have no crystal ball. Please let us know you WILL get an answer might not be what you want but an answer just the same.

 

[Kae]

I think they should have left right when they got up Holiday or not. Or if the host offers after a quick cup of Coffee. Or in a togo cup. We have NYE parties every year & someone always stays overnite & most of the times they are gone before we get up.

Kae

 

[shortbun]

"Hey, I love you guys, but you're outta here!" Practice this with a big smile on your face and their coats in your hand. It's your house too, they are your husband's friends so they're your friends too-kick their arses out if they ever try this again. That's bachelor pad behavior and your's is not that. They only need a gentle but firm and friendly push I bet.

 

[Pollito916]

I repeatedly told DH how I was feeling. I know he has no clue on his own, so when I want something, I make sure to let him know very clearly.

Unfortunately, I couldn't work up the nerve to tell his friends myself. And DH is just way too nice. He would come upstairs when I called him, then lay and watch tv with me for a half hour, then I would remind him to get them out, so he would go back down, but nobody left! This went on for most of the day, until I couldn't take it anymore and threatened to throw him out with his friends!

Someday I will work up the nerve to throw people out!

 

[drgnfly30]

If it were me I'd have been gone before the hosts awoke... at a minimum as soon as I heard them up & about, they should have gotten up & out!

I assume you don't have kids? Mine would have pushed them aside & started opening presents.. that would have been a hint

You & DH should have politely asked if they were getting ready to go because you had places & people to see & were sure they had obligations as well...

 

[Ali and boyz]

think I would have been upset and done the same Pollitto I havn't worked up enough courage as yet to be assertive and as it was your first anniv. together you would have thought the friends would have known but then people sometimes don't think. My friend is threatening to take me to assertiveness classes so if you are ever over here in scotland give me a shout

 

[tmt martins]

I repeatedly told DH how I was feeling. I know he has no clue on his own, so when I want something, I make sure to let him know very clearly.

Unfortunately, I couldn't work up the nerve to tell his friends myself. And DH is just way too nice. He would come upstairs when I called him, then lay and watch tv with me for a half hour, then I would remind him to get them out, so he would go back down, but nobody left! This went on for most of the day, until I couldn't take it anymore and threatened to throw him out with his friends!

Someday I will work up the nerve to throw people out!

Yes you then did all you could do but do it your self .They are your freinds now as well and you have earned the right to tell them you got thing to do so they gots to go.

My DW chased my BF out of our apartment when we were just dating because she didn't want him there while she was not at her best.

Amazing how fast they leave when a vacume is heading for your head even though it's not plugged in

 

[disykat]

They should have left first thing, but since they didn't your DH should have asked them to leave. Maybe they thought they were keeping him company since you weren't around? You'd think they would have picked up on the fact that you didn't want to spend your Christmas with them, but they obviously didn't.

You are not being unreasonable - they should have left as early as possible and it was rude not to do so. However, since they didn't you should have felt perfectly free to tell them it was time to get going so you and your dh could have Christmas together.

 

[Michie]

I think instead of being mad and staying in my room, I would have said "hey, boys, it is time to leave" Actually, I would have not let them spent the night~ I would have called a cab for them when I saw they were becoming intoxicated.

 

[Disney Doll]

A simple "Hey guys, love ya, mean it, but it's time to go and we'll see you later at Joe's house" would have worked.

Learn to speak up in a cute but firm way.

 

[Wishing on a star]

We held Christmas Eve at our house this year, and 2 of DH's friends were too intoxicated to drive, so they stayed the night. No problem, better than drinking and driving. But then they stayed until after 3 on Christmas day. One of them didn't even get up until after 11 am (we are early risers, no later than 8 am).

I was sooo mad at DH. ....

When should guests leave after staying overnight, especially on a holiday? Is there a nice way to ask them to leave? Am I being unreasonable in thinking they should have left earlier?

Sorry, but I would have had a cab or a designated driver on hand!!!!

When you ask, "When should guests leave", you are asking the wrong question.

This is not an issue of when guests should be expected to leave. (This answer would be different, depending on the circumstances, and when the hosts expected/needed them to leave. This should be determined by the hosts invitation.)

I see some very different questions and issues in your post.

You begin with " DH's friends...." not "OUR friends" or just "friends", but "DH's friends".

You then say that you were "soooooo mad at your DH"

Then tell how instead of showing his unwanted 'friends' the door, he made them breakfast!!!

Sorry, but, you know the story... If you give a mouse a cookie....

And, you mention how you and your DH are spending your first Christmas together in your first house, etc.. etc...

Honey, you do not have a 'guests' issue, you have a huge 'MARRIAGE' issue!

 

[Pop Daddy]

Its your own fault, you should never let anyone in your house.

 

[Pollito916]

Sorry, but I would have had a cab or a designated driver on hand!!!!

When you ask, "When should guests leave", you are asking the wrong question.

This is not an issue of when guests should be expected to leave. (This answer would be different, depending on the circumstances, and when the hosts expected/needed them to leave. This should be determined by the hosts invitation.)

I see some very different questions and issues in your post.

You begin with " DH's friends...." not "OUR friends" or just "friends", but "DH's friends".

You then say that you were "soooooo mad at your DH"

Then tell how instead of showing his unwanted 'friends' the door, he made them breakfast!!!

Sorry, but, you know the story... If you give a mouse a cookie....

And, you mention how you and your DH are spending your first Christmas together in your first house, etc.. etc...

Honey, you do not have a 'guests' issue, you have a huge 'MARRIAGE' issue!

They are DH's friends, not mine. One I kind of like, and can tolerate, the other I do not like at all, and would rather not have at our house, but it would have been rude to only not invite him. If I had called them cabs, they would not have had the money to pay for it.

Also, I must have been unclear on the "first x-mas" issue. It was not our first x-mas together, we have been married 6 years. It was our first x-mas in our new home.

I had an issue with the guests, because I think it was rude of them to stay so late. I also had an issue with my husband not asking them to leave sooner, but I don't think that means I have a "huge marriage issue". I have a husband that can't say no to anyone, and does not always know how to be assertive. Since I obviously have the same problem, I can't really be too mad at him for that.

 

[Pollito916]

Its your own fault, you should never let anyone in your house.

That's what I'm doing next year!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Your DH did not seem to have any problem effectively saying 'NO' to your request for him to have 'his' guests leave so that you could be comfortable in your own home on Christmas day...

 

[Pollito916]

I'm not saying that I'm not mad at him. I just don't think this is something worth getting a divorce over. I've made it clear to him that he should have asked his friends to leave earlier, and he agreed and apologized multiple times.

 

[Bob NC]

My DW chased my BF out of our apartment when we were just dating because she didn't want him there while she was not at her best.

OK, I've been around the Dis for awhile and I've never been into the DH, DW, DD, etc. thing...BUT, does this not mean, "My wife chased my boyfriend out....?"