When a family member or spouse ruins a trip to Disney????

[inCATnito]

Oh, PP, that stinks...you'd been talking about her going for months!

You got that right. It stunk, royally.

THEN, when we first checked in - Im like "You REALLY should book bounce back - blah blah blah - Im going to on such and such dates"

Then when things started going bonkers, I didnt mention it again. I booked it - and zipped my lip.

Then, she leave a note on my door the day she checked out (cuz I checked out a day later) that she rebooked - and during my time.

 

[inCATnito]

OH - wanted to add....not my husband. My husband is great, truly. In fact he is whom I called from the trip-from-hell and he was SO MAD for me.

Every trip I went on with him went smoothly and wonderfully. He loves Disney as much as me... and "knows how to do it"

Isnt that an awful thing to say, but as much as I tried to not get bent out of shape with things, ridiculous comments like "Well, we can just wait in line for Soarin' - it's only 60 minutes" would never roll off my husband's lips - ever.

And while we were there, we also did a Magical Gathering with 3 other DIS'ers... so our rooms were all back to back. And one in particular was with her in-laws. So we met up that EPCOT day over by the Grand Marnier Slushies and I was whining about my day and she whined about her day and she turned to me, dead serious, right in the eye and she said "I (blank'n) hate when people dont do it right" and THAT summed it up.

 

[Paull117]

I would have to say the last trip the Family took DW and I took turns at being the bad guy. The trip was planned great we had the dining plan everything was booked, and we really wanted to surprise our kids with this trip. Kids didn't take the surprise well, and I don't think we will surprise them with a trip again.

The part that is bad actually has nothing to do with us liking WDW or in fact both of us love it. We run a small software company and we have a new product coming out. We started this in May and the company that we had develop the software said they would have it done by August 1st after they read all our specs conducted interview with my staff here. They never met that goal in fact we are still working on this project and it is almost December. Come August we realize the project is not going to be done because the Project manager seemingly forgot a lot of the details for the project. So DW and I decide to take our notebook and we with work on Vacation. While we are on vacation none of the goals that we set with the Project manager that where to be done while we where gone have not been met. DW and I are really P.O.ed and this keeps with us during the whole trip. Every time we lost ourselves in Disney something brought us back to thinking about the project. Which made us grumpy. Long story short we get back fire the project manager, and manage the project with our staff. Later found out this company does this all the time they find ways to delay projects to get you to pay more for them. Right now we see an end in site for the project, and we have just fired all the programmers from that company and got a great one working for us now.

With a January trip coming up, DW is running the marathon, we are looking forward to actually relaxing this time around.

Paul

 

[paigevz]

My ex-husband was a very passive aggressive vacation buzz-kill.

On the last family vacation we took together, his lenses fell out of his cheap, Bill Dance, fisherman sunglasses, and he insisted on wearing them anyway, just to get crazy looks from people. Yep, just cheap plastic sunglass frames, no lenses at all.

He had a big, hairy, beer belly, and about the 2nd day of vacation, he tied his shirt up into a knot right under his chest and announced that he'd be wearing his shirts in this style for the remainder of the vacation. And he did.

My sons and I would be on our way to get in line for a ride (the ex refused to ride any rides, period), and he would make us all stop while he purchased an ice cream at a cart and then would make us all sit down with him while he ate it. He got mad when I suggested that he could eat it while the boys and I were riding.

The final straw was when I was trying to turn our film in to be developed at the CBR marketplace, and before I could rewind the partially unused roll, he opened the camera and yanked the film out, and then kept yanking the film until the entire roll was pulled out of the canister, ruining every shot on that roll. He was an avid photographer, so he knew exactly what he was doing.

Wow, what a tool!

I guess I'm being a pain here but did the OP ever consider letting DH plan the vacation? It might mean a lot to him if just once they did what he wanted. If it means something other than Disney, so be it. Marraige is supposed to be give and take. Karen

HUH? Give and take? Who told you that?

Everything seemed to be going well until we got to the first park. The brother-in-law fancies himself a gifted map reader even though he could get lost driving around the block with a map and GPS. Naturally, the first thing he gets is a park map, even though we had been going for years and knew all the parks like the back of our hands. I would ask what they wanted to do next and he would get out his map and decide which way we should go. It was always... and I mean always the wrong way. I would suggest the correct way and my wife would argue with him. After a few days I pulled my wife aside and told her to let him walk straight into a wall if that's the way he wanted to go, but I wasn't going to listen to any more arguments.

Now, we go to WDW fully aware that most of what we see is an entertaining illusion. At every step of the way, BIL had to stretch to see "how they did that" and proudly announce he had figured it out.

Then came the meals. Every time... every blasted time we sat down to eat, the first words out of his mouth as soon as he opened the menu was, "this is expensive!" No kidding, Sherlock! I prepared you for months on what to expect! That's why we were paying for one of his kids. Anyhow, I soon figured out that was his way of letting the SIL know she should just order soup and salad while he loaded up on the biggest and most expensive meal on the menu. And, he thought 10% was an adequate tip for excellent service! It gets better...

Every time we would browse a shop and SIL would look at something, he would be over her shoulder with "how much is that?" or "what do you need that for?" She collects tea cups and was looking at one in a shop in the United Kingdom one of the many times he did that (I later sent my wife back to get her the one she had wanted).

Another tool.

My mother thinks children don't need discipline. Every time I tried to correct my children at Disney she would criticize and undermine me. It was not pleasant. I either had to let the behavior slide or fight it out with her if I wanted to correct them. And I'm talking about things like running through a store or refusing to do what they were told. Unacceptable behaviors. The last couple of trips she hasn't come. While dh and I haven't had the alone time, we also have had more relaxed trips.

 

[poohandwendy]

OP,
From your signature, it shows you have been to WDW three times this year. Maybe he is just bored with it? I think what I would do is either plan a vacation somewhere else, or plan one trip where you all can do whatever you want, no pressure from anyone else to do anything planned. Like you said earlier in the thread, just let him do his own thing (even if that is watching TV for the whole trip) and you do yours and maybe he will have a more relaxing, enjoyable time.

You cannot expect someone to get the same thrill out of it as you do, it's just unrealistic. He may feel that you are the one who ruins his vacation because of your expectations and planning? Take the pressure off and stop expecting him to live up to your expectations, just go and do your own thing. Be glad that he doesn't nix the whole Disney trip idea, altogether. Believe it or not, there are many people who just don't find it as exciting as the members here do.

There is no right or wrong, I think you both need to just figure out a way where you BOTH get the vacation you want.

 

[edk35]

OP,
From your signature, it shows you have been to WDW three times this year. Maybe he is just bored with it? I think what I would do is either plan a vacation somewhere else, or plan one trip where you all can do whatever you want, no pressure from anyone else to do anything planned. Like you said earlier in the thread, just let him do his own thing (even if that is watching TV for the whole trip) and you do yours and maybe he will have a more relaxing, enjoyable time.

You cannot expect someone to get the same thrill out of it as you do, it's just unrealistic. He may feel that you are the one who ruins his vacation because of your expectations and planning? Take the pressure off and stop expecting him to live up to your expectations, just go and do your own thing. Be glad that he doesn't nix the whole Disney trip idea, altogether. Believe it or not, there are many people who just don't find it as exciting as the members here do.

There is no right or wrong, I think you both need to just figure out a way where you BOTH get the vacation you want.

Yeah we have been 3 times....we have never gone 3 times in one year and we only went twice one year in 2005. We went in Jan. and we also went in Nov. This is the first time we bought annual passes and we went in Aug. and Nov. because we got developer points. It just seems he always has a reason as to why he is how he is on these trips when I get frustrated and upset with him. It used to be my parents being on the trip....but we have taken 3 trips without them....pretty much the same behavior at some point in time on the trip. He has never complained about going or planning an up and coming trip. He never says "oh not again". NEVER. He was actually looking forward to this trip because he had been working long hours and traveling a lot. So maybe he should have chilled more and stayed back at the resort and relaxedc....but you know....he never indicated that ever. He is able to have input into these trips. He knows I do a good job at planning using this board and TGM to make it so we aren't always fighting with the crowds. WHen I bring up this or that about something in the PLAN....he says stuff like "I trust your judgement, I don't need to know all the details just tell me each day when we wake up where we are going". I know he is burned out on the character meals....so we didn't do any on this trip. We did two in Aug. So.....that is why I get so frustrated with him. I feel like I do stuff he also wants to do.

 

[Becky2005]

So maybe he should have chilled more and stayed back at the resort and relaxedc....but you know....he never indicated that ever. He is able to have input into these trips. He knows I do a good job at planning using this board and TGM to make it so we aren't always fighting with the crowds. WHen I bring up this or that about something in the PLAN....he says stuff like "I trust your judgement, I don't need to know all the details just tell me each day when we wake up where we are going". I know he is burned out on the character meals....so we didn't do any on this trip. We did two in Aug. So.....that is why I get so frustrated with him. I feel like I do stuff he also wants to do.

I can understand your frustration!! My DH is similar -- we have only gone once though and it was 2005. I had planned that vacation for nearly 3 years, it was the first time ever for us. Now, I had asked & asked & asked if there was anything special he wanted to do (rides, shows, specific must sees) because I knew we wouldn't get it all in & was trying to get the big things everyone wants in. He would tell me zilch, pretty much he didn't want to hear it, etc... We get there and on the LAST day he makes a comment about having to go on the Teacups! That you can't go to Disney & not do the teacups! Umm..well...yes *I* can because I don't like them & none of the kids had them listed, so we would have skipped them. Thankfully, he did speak up while we were there but I was so aggrevated because well...in THREE years, you couldn't have told me that you definitely wanted to ride the teacups? He somehow thought that was a given when we had never gone so I would have had no clue that was must see?

Lots of other little things that just were aggrevating at the time because I'm not a mind reader but he wouldn't tell me stuff either when I ASKED. I would have been more than happy to accomodate him (actually I thought I did -- there was horseback riding, fishing, lots of sit-down good food). I even asked him about 40 times if he wanted to do Richard Petty since he has done that before other places. Nope. We were on the plan where the boats were included & we even discussed this before leaving. He decided not to go out on one & then on the drive home, he told me he would have liked to do that, I asked him why he didn't when he could have & it was because he thought we'd have to pay extra. HUH? When I told him no it was included, I have no idea who I sat talking to at our house before we left because apparently it looked like him but wasn't him.

When planning, I had it so that we were going to split up some but he never wanted to split up because he told me he didn't know where he was going & since I did all the research he wouldn't know how to use the transportation (luckily, he did figure it out with our "Mom loses family at Downtown Disney" adventure).

I totally understand the frustration when you are TRYING to make the plans so that everyone has a good time and yet get very little input. THEN when you go ahead and plan the best you can with the input you have, it's like a totally different person shows up and wonders why you didn't plan things a different way or do other things and leaves you and since I don't know about you but I'm not a very good mind reader.

We went to Donald's breakfast and by DH's actions I would have never even considered going to that breakfast again since he was SO grumpy that meal, etc... come home & that was one that made his top list. Go figure? I'm STILL baffled by that one but at least now that we've gone he has some opinion (and I know to make sure next time we do the teacups! ).

 

[alizesmom]

I'm going to try again. First, your DH goes because he loves and wants to be with his family. I'm sorry he doesn't get the same joy out of Disney that you do. People are different. When I said going somewhere for him I didn't mean a day at Sea World during a Disney trip. I was thinking of something different like the Grand Canyon or Yellowstone Park or something that sparks his interest and speed. I hope you work this out in a way that benefits all of your family. Karen

 

[edk35]

I'm going to try again. First, your DH goes because he loves and wants to be with his family. I'm sorry he doesn't get the same joy out of Disney that you do. People are different. When I said going somewhere for him I didn't mean a day at Sea World during a Disney trip. I was thinking of something different like the Grand Canyon or Yellowstone Park or something that sparks his interest and speed. I hope you work this out in a way that benefits all of your family. Karen

I understand what you are saying. We have taken other NON Disney trips in our almost 19 years of marriage. We have taken trips to Ocean City and rented a beach side condo at Ft. Walton Beach. We have been to various places in PA and VA. We also lived overseas in Japan and did quite a bit over there and he is prior military and has been all over the world. I think though I have come to the conclusion that he likes/needs ME TIME. Reading these replies has kind of brought that to my attention. He is the type person that literally sacrifices sleep each and every work day morning to sit in front of the t.v. watching the news drinking coffee for 45 min. before getting ready for work. I prefer to sleep and just get up and get ready and do what I need to do to get the kids off to school. At night after dinner, he walks the dog and pretty much retreats to watch t.v. unless we are involved in KID activities which is MOST OF THE YEAR. So he apparently requires DOWN TIME.....he LOVES T.V. I guess I need to just accept that. I think that I expect that he will alter his ways when on vacation and I GUESS that is what makes this all happen. He is out of his realm so to speak. I don't get that ....why someone could go on vacation and want to WATCH T.V. That does bother me. We have really done stuff at Disney these past two trips we have never done. We were all about the parks parks parks. In Aug. we actually did 2 water parks for the first time in 9 trips. We hung out at SSR more enjoying the pool and DTD. We did DQ for the first time. We did a split stay at BWV and did the surrey bikes. Him and the boys rented boats at DTD this trip ....never done that before. We also did two parties...have never done the parties. He did seem to enjoy those....but I think he liked the Pirate and Princess better in Aug. I am going to talk to him and see if what he really wants is TO JUST HANG AT THE RESORT. If that makes him happy I guess I just deal with it. I for the life of me can't understand why anyone would go to WDW and want to WATCH T.V.

 

[Buckalew11]

Yep. Gotta love him even though he is different than you are.

I married the same kind of guy. He can't wait to go to WDW but once he is there, he is not the WDW fanatic that i am. He does have a good time, just enjoys different things than I do. He LOVES looking for Hidden Mickeys! He can go for a whole week and NOT see any fireworks and that is OK for him. That's just odd to me. I love the fireworks (esp. Illuminations).

We've been on different vacations (beach etc.) and he is pretty much the same wherever we go. He seems to enjoy himself at WDW more than anywhere though. He also usually takes one week of vacation and does a trip with guys like biking San Juan Huts or something like that.

 

[alizesmom]

I understand what you are saying. We have taken other NON Disney trips in our almost 19 years of marriage. We have taken trips to Ocean City and rented a beach side condo at Ft. Walton Beach. We have been to various places in PA and VA. We also lived overseas in Japan and did quite a bit over there and he is prior military and has been all over the world. I think though I have come to the conclusion that he likes/needs ME TIME. Reading these replies has kind of brought that to my attention. He is the type person that literally sacrifices sleep each and every work day morning to sit in front of the t.v. watching the news drinking coffee for 45 min. before getting ready for work. I prefer to sleep and just get up and get ready and do what I need to do to get the kids off to school. At night after dinner, he walks the dog and pretty much retreats to watch t.v. unless we are involved in KID activities which is MOST OF THE YEAR. So he apparently requires DOWN TIME.....he LOVES T.V. I guess I need to just accept that. I think that I expect that he will alter his ways when on vacation and I GUESS that is what makes this all happen. He is out of his realm so to speak. I don't get that ....why someone could go on vacation and want to WATCH T.V. That does bother me. We have really done stuff at Disney these past two trips we have never done. We were all about the parks parks parks. In Aug. we actually did 2 water parks for the first time in 9 trips. We hung out at SSR more enjoying the pool and DTD. We did DQ for the first time. We did a split stay at BWV and did the surrey bikes. Him and the boys rented boats at DTD this trip ....never done that before. We also did two parties...have never done the parties. He did seem to enjoy those....but I think he liked the Pirate and Princess better in Aug. I am going to talk to him and see if what he really wants is TO JUST HANG AT THE RESORT. If that makes him happy I guess I just deal with it. I for the life of me can't understand why anyone would go to WDW and want to WATCH T.V.

Thanks, sorry I misunderstood. I guess he'll just have to do his own thing (TV) Karen

 

[Thats_for_Shore]

I can totally understand your grief @ watching TV. I get it, I get it, I truly do.

But it's not my DH. It's my MIL. Now, I normally love my MIL. But during our Disney trip, I was ready to throttle her!

I decided I was going to WDW with DH and DS5. And I also decided to take along my MIL and my BIL(12 at the time), because they didn't have the money to treat themselves, and if I didn't take them, they'd never get to go. So I paid for their hotel room, and I paid for their park hopper/water park passes. They only had to pay for their meals and souvenirs. I planned the trip for late February, since she'd have her income tax check back (poor mans Christmas), and I knew she'd have $$ for the trip.

Well, first of all, she still moaned and groaned about $$. She brought $1500 with her, you'd think that would be plenty for 6 days, right? But she came with the idea that she wanted to bring home as much as she could, so she was being a real tightwad. Anyhow, it's her $$, so I just didn't let it get to me.

Second day there...it's warm, really warm...we decide to do Blizzard Beach. Now, I had told her way before we left that we'd be doing a waterpark one day. And that the hotel had pools. I told her to make sure they brought bathing suits. Of course, they didn't.

Instead of heading to straight to Blizzard Beach, we went down the strip and took them to buy bathing suits and stuff at one of the little shops. What I didn't realize until we got to Blizzard Beach was that she didn't get one for herself! When I asked her where her bathing suit was, she told me she didn't realize we were going to the waterpark, so she didn't get one. This, I knew, was a lie. Duh. Then why did you want us to take you to the shop to get bathing suits?

So she sat on a bench all day long. Why didn't she just say, "I don't want to do the waterpark, I'll meet up with you back at the hotel"?? She just sat there!! All of Disney at her feet, and she just sat there!! Ok, fine, whatever, let her do what she wants.

We decided to do dinner at Fultons Crab House in DTD one night (which I have to say was woooooooooooooooooooooooonderful!!). She didn't want to go to downtown Disney, because she didn't think she'd enjoy it, and she didn't want to eat there because it would be too expensive. Fine, whatever, let her do what she wants. We seperated, they went their way, we went ours.

Come to find out, they went back to the hotel room...by 3 o'clock. And stayed there the rest of the night. How sad for that 12yo boy!! If I had known they'd be sitting there watching TV, I would have brought him to dinner with us!

Anyway, none of that is the bad stuff. That's stuff that I just let roll off my back. The bad stuff happened the next night.

It was about 6'ish...they sky started looking stormy...we didn't really want to be soaking wet at night, wandering through the parks. So we decided the best thing to do would be go back to the hotel, hit the gift shop and the arcade.

Of course, she fussed because her son was wasting too much $$ on those games. But whatever.

When we finally got back to our rooms (connecting rooms) at 8:30, I could literally hear her through the wall, yelling at the boy because he took too long in the arcade and made her miss her TV show!!

WHAT?!?!?!

Needless to say, yelling at the boy was bad enough, but over a TV show?? That was the last straw. I banged on their door, and she opened up. I barged in there and told her that I'd had enough of her b!tching (and a few other choice words) and that I'd take her straight to the bus station and drop her off there, because she wasn't going to ruin this vacation for me or that boy!

It straightened her up for the most part. But still, that was 4 days out of a 6 day trip. We still had to put up with her constant "smoke breaks" and the "oh gosh, I'm so tired I need to sit down" complaints (she was only 50 at the time, not 80). But once I confronted her she settled down.

And I have to say, I still to this day feel guilty about the way I handled it. But at the time, all I could think about was how much moaning and groaning and whining and fussing she was doing and it was making me and DH crazy!!

Sorry this is so long, but yes, I totally understand!

 

[Mom2JoeyandBen]

My MIL loves to ruin disney for me. We just took them to MNSSHP and all she did was complain. She didn't like the candy they gave out, it was raining, she didn't like waiting for the parade, and it was too much walking. You name she complained about it. I can't take it. I know it is my own fault since I keep letting DH invite them. They are coming with us on our next trip too. Last year she drove me crazy with her nagging and complaining that I almost went into labor! After our next trip I told DH that his parents aren't coming with us again for a LONG time!

 

[edk35]

Thanks, sorry I misunderstood. I guess he'll just have to do his own thing (TV) Karen

Yep....I think it is just that he needs TIME alone. I really do. I think it has taken me til now to really figure it out. He freaks out if ever oversleeps....has only happened maybe 3 times that I know of. He hates to rush anywhere.

 

[sajetto]

This thread is interesting to me. I've read multiple replies where posters are claiming that "so and so" ruins disney for me. NO ONE can ruin ANYTHING for you unless you allow them. I've brought people on our Disney trips that just aren't into the magic. I don't have a problem in the world leaving those people to their misery and enjoying my trip by myself. This whole mentality about "not getting" why someone doesn't love disney as much as you confuses me. Not everyone feels the same about WDW. What is so hard to understand about that?

 

[Thats_for_Shore]

Well, I didn't let my MIL ruin my trip. She just annoyed me on numerous levels. But most of the time I shrugged it off. It wasn't until she started yelling at her 12 year old for no good reason that I went freakified!!

Hmm, did I just invent a new word?? LOL! Freak E. Fied!

 

[Frye7127]

My stepdaughter's mother - nuff said!

Not completely ruined, but has DSD so upset and guilty that it was hard to have a good time and get lost in the moment for about two days

 

[Harvest02]

I had to post on here because I have a DH that tries to ruin my Disney spirit on our trips also. WE went in October, and I told him he could stay home, and he insisted on going. We were there a total of 6 days, and by the 3rd day he was ready to come home. He was a total complainer! I told him next time he is STAYING HOME!!! I don't want him along if all he is going to do is whine!!! He said he came along because he wanted to spend time with the family! He just doesn't get the magic! Maybe all of us DIS'ers that enjoy Disney should leave our significant others at home and meet up!!

 

[edk35]

I had to post this.....we all went to see Enchanted this evening...on my DH's suggestion. Yeah.....a cute/fairytale and he wanted us to go see it. Go figure. It was a great movie.

 

[edk35]

This thread is interesting to me. I've read multiple replies where posters are claiming that "so and so" ruins disney for me. NO ONE can ruin ANYTHING for you unless you allow them. I've brought people on our Disney trips that just aren't into the magic. I don't have a problem in the world leaving those people to their misery and enjoying my trip by myself. This whole mentality about "not getting" why someone doesn't love disney as much as you confuses me. Not everyone feels the same about WDW. What is so hard to understand about that?

Well when it is your spouse and he buys the family 300 DVC points and always seems to be on board with going and yet makes you mad on most trips...yeah....it does tend to bother me. So I thought I might post and see if anyone else feels that way. I would think that 10 Disney trips under your belt might warrant LOVING DISNEY.....