When a family member or spouse ruins a trip to Disney????

[Serena]

Yes, thankfully I left them all at home this last time. I didn't even tell them I was going until the last minute.

 

[PeterPanette]

My ex-husband was a very passive aggressive vacation buzz-kill.

On the last family vacation we took together, his lenses fell out of his cheap, Bill Dance, fisherman sunglasses, and he insisted on wearing them anyway, just to get crazy looks from people. Yep, just cheap plastic sunglass frames, no lenses at all.

He had a big, hairy, beer belly, and about the 2nd day of vacation, he tied his shirt up into a knot right under his chest and announced that he'd be wearing his shirts in this style for the remainder of the vacation. And he did.

My sons and I would be on our way to get in line for a ride (the ex refused to ride any rides, period), and he would make us all stop while he purchased an ice cream at a cart and then would make us all sit down with him while he ate it. He got mad when I suggested that he could eat it while the boys and I were riding.

The final straw was when I was trying to turn our film in to be developed at the CBR marketplace, and before I could rewind the partially unused roll, he opened the camera and yanked the film out, and then kept yanking the film until the entire roll was pulled out of the canister, ruining every shot on that roll. He was an avid photographer, so he knew exactly what he was doing.

I took my sons on vacation by myself from then on, and we always had a much better time.

Within a couple of years after these incidents, we were divorced. My current husband is wonderful to vacation with, and wants to do and see everything. In fact, he's probably on a message board somewhere right now posting about how his wife tires out too quickly and collapses in the room at night when he's ready to go back out and do more stuff.

 

[RNMOM]

We have been to WDW about 7 times and I must say we never spend the entire day together. We are never together at home all day so why would we enjoy it on vacation? That isn't to say we don't like being together. Some people are loners and some just need some time alone to clear their thoughts, destress, etc.

I am the slow one who needs more sleep so usually DH would take the boys to the park for early rides and I would join them for an early lunch. That way I would have the room to myself and could do my primping alone. I could also stop and shop as I wished. We also would do the same for him later in the day if he asked. It is all about giving each other a little space. The vacation belongs to everyone, doesn't it?

We have never had our cell phones not work at WDW and can easily meet up so that is what we do. I can't ride rough rides or I will be sick so I will go to a gift shop or just people watch. I am fine with that.

Try giving him some space to do his routine and plan the time together that you feel is important for you both to do things together with the kids. You will both have more fun.

 

[daisax]

They say the definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Since he was miserable once, twice, three, four times... something is going on.

I agree with the person who said it's time for a heart to heart talk. You own now, and you've been there enough that everybody knows what's where and how to get around, etc. -- I'd just ask him to join in when he feels like it and entertain himself elsewhere when he's not, but no buzz killing in the parks!

As for the guy who likes his morning and evening routine, I see a little of myself in him. My ideal vacation is up at dawn as usual, with a couple of leisurely hours before park opening, open the park, go til lunch, grab something and head back to the room to rest until 5, have dinner, then some nights out until late, but some nights definitely in by 8 or 9 to watch tv and relax.

It's not necessarily "restful" to totally disrupt your daily routine -- between flying, strange food and water, more exercise than usual... falling exhausted on a strange mattress at midnight and expecting to fall right asleep is asking a lot of some bodies. Also, for those of us who aren't energized by other people but instead somewhat drained by them, we need quiet time to recharge. It's not being obnoxious... it's giving ourselves what we need to stay on an even keel. At least in my case.

 

[alizesmom]

I guess I'm being a pain here but did the OP ever consider letting DH plan the vacation? It might mean a lot to him if just once they did what he wanted. If it means something other than Disney, so be it. Marraige is supposed to be give and take. Karen

 

[GeorgeG]

The only time I wanted to come home early was when we went with my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, neice and nephew.

First of all, they had never gone on a vacation with the kids outside of camping, which I understand was more of a drunk-fest than a family vacation. They had gone on cruises and to Aruba, but never with the kids. We had taken their kids to WDW with us two years earlier and had a ball. I figured it would be a good thing if the four of them went as a family, albiet a dysfunctional one.

Now, this guy can be cheap... not just frugal... downright cheap. To get them to agree we offered to pay half of all the expense for the two kids. I thought that was a pretty fair deal. We made the reservations in January for Thanksgiving week which was the only week the brother-in-law could get off. I spent the months in between getting them all psyched up and explaining the costs and what they should expect to pay for their half of the deal. We have always opted for dinner at the better table service restaurants.

Everything seemed to be going well until we got to the first park. The brother-in-law fancies himself a gifted map reader even though he could get lost driving around the block with a map and GPS. Naturally, the first thing he gets is a park map, even though we had been going for years and knew all the parks like the back of our hands. I would ask what they wanted to do next and he would get out his map and decide which way we should go. It was always... and I mean always the wrong way. I would suggest the correct way and my wife would argue with him. After a few days I pulled my wife aside and told her to let him walk straight into a wall if that's the way he wanted to go, but I wasn't going to listen to any more arguments.

Now, we go to WDW fully aware that most of what we see is an entertaining illusion. At every step of the way, BIL had to stretch to see "how they did that" and proudly announce he had figured it out.

Then came the meals. Every time... every blasted time we sat down to eat, the first words out of his mouth as soon as he opened the menu was, "this is expensive!" No kidding, Sherlock! I prepared you for months on what to expect! That's why we were paying for one of his kids. Anyhow, I soon figured out that was his way of letting the SIL know she should just order soup and salad while he loaded up on the biggest and most expensive meal on the menu. And, he thought 10% was an adequate tip for excellent service! It gets better...

Every time we would browse a shop and SIL would look at something, he would be over her shoulder with "how much is that?" or "what do you need that for?" She collects tea cups and was looking at one in a shop in the United Kingdom one of the many times he did that (I later sent my wife back to get her the one she had wanted).

By Tuesday, I was telling my wife I wanted to take my airline ticket and go home. She talked me into staying. On Thursday we had Thanksgiving dinner at the Coral Reef and my wife had saved up to treat everyone to that dinner. BIL didn't even have to cough up a penny! That was the one dinner he didn't make his "expensive" comment, but he ordered for himself a double order of just about everything he had. No lie!

That's just some of the hi-lites of that vacation. Needless to say, we never went on any vacation with them again.

 

[Poohbear123]

And now he is mad because I am going AGAIN in Feb. I told him, you have your Antiques and I have my Disney! He went with me in Oct. to see Little Richard at Epcot and complianed the WHOLE time about how much walking, too many people, etc etc...he is staying HOME from now on, and if he doesn't like me going to WDW too bad, there are worse things I could be doing.....

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Yep my mom.

She got worse the more trips she went with us.

Her last trip with us (Sept. 2005) was the last straw. Most of my pics of my kids are her standng in front of my camera trying to get her "perfect pic" of my kids.

I was so stressed out. DH and I both agreed never again.

We've gone to WDW twice and on a 7 night DCL without her and its been heaven. (DH loves Disney as much as the kids and me)

She tries to make me feel guilty about not taking her everytime we go, but I won't budge. My DS (9) even commented on our first WDW trip with out her, that "mommy was in a much better mood since baba wasn't with us".

 

[Becky2005]

Yep! I have one of those. I have yet to figure him out though. He's so grumpy when he's there. He told us right up front though that he doesn't really like Disney. So...then I suggest he stay home & he turns around tells me things he wants to do? So, who knows.

Although he would definitely be just as happy sitting in a hotel somewhere watching TV.

 

[edk35]

My ex-husband was a very passive aggressive vacation buzz-kill.

On the last family vacation we took together, his lenses fell out of his cheap, Bill Dance, fisherman sunglasses, and he insisted on wearing them anyway, just to get crazy looks from people. Yep, just cheap plastic sunglass frames, no lenses at all.

He had a big, hairy, beer belly, and about the 2nd day of vacation, he tied his shirt up into a knot right under his chest and announced that he'd be wearing his shirts in this style for the remainder of the vacation. And he did.

My sons and I would be on our way to get in line for a ride (the ex refused to ride any rides, period), and he would make us all stop while he purchased an ice cream at a cart and then would make us all sit down with him while he ate it. He got mad when I suggested that he could eat it while the boys and I were riding.

The final straw was when I was trying to turn our film in to be developed at the CBR marketplace, and before I could rewind the partially unused roll, he opened the camera and yanked the film out, and then kept yanking the film until the entire roll was pulled out of the canister, ruining every shot on that roll. He was an avid photographer, so he knew exactly what he was doing.

I took my sons on vacation by myself from then on, and we always had a much better time.

Within a couple of years after these incidents, we were divorced. My current husband is wonderful to vacation with, and wants to do and see everything. In fact, he's probably on a message board somewhere right now posting about how his wife tires out too quickly and collapses in the room at night when he's ready to go back out and do more stuff.

MY GOSH....good thing HE IS YOUR EX. WOW.....that is terrible stuff you experienced.

 

[edk35]

I guess I'm being a pain here but did the OP ever consider letting DH plan the vacation? It might mean a lot to him if just once they did what he wanted. If it means something other than Disney, so be it. Marraige is supposed to be give and take. Karen

DH does not want to participate in the PLANNING AT ALL. I ask him about certain things, places we eat and he always says "I don't need to know this now....just tell me when we get there". He would never plan the vacation. HE has no desire to even want to go into the planning stuff. He says to plan whatever because he will do whatever. Also just so you know.....we do things he wants to do. He likes certain rides and we do them or the kids will do them if I don't want too....someone will ride it. He likes to eat at certain places and we eat there. So it isn't that I plan it all and it is my way or the highway. He wanted to go to Sea World this trip and we did.

 

[edk35]

Wow, he bought 300 pts and feels that way about WDW? DH is not a freak like me, but he does like it - he just hasn't wanted to board the DVC train just yet.

Anyway, I'm sorry that he's a downer. It really stinks when they don't get it like we do. I am like you, listening to WDW music (daily!) and reading old guide books for pleasure. I just bought three 2006 travel books just to read in the bathtub. I don't care that they are out of date!

Anyway, so is he like this at other places? Places he normally likes, other vacations? WDW can really test your patience, even for us mouse lovers, but answering this will say a lot - is it more him or WDW?

You have two choices - sacrifice to make the vacation a little more to his liking or leave him behind. But really I say you two need a good heart-to-heart. What can he handle, what can you sacrifice. And get a good solid answer on what bothers him so much. He said the commando touring, but last time you didn't, right? So what was the problem there? Or maybe his idea of commando touring is different than yours? Like commando to me is all day and all night whereas someone else might think that more than a few hours in the park is commando. ? He might be in the latter camp.

I've had to change my touring a bit since going with DH. I've never really commando'd so I like a good afternoon break. But I don't need an afternoon nap. I'm happy to sit by the pool or go to a water park. A change of scenery is nice. But DH needs a nap! A be-quiet-close-the-drapes-shut-up-for-two-hours-and-sleep nap! So I've adjusted to that and we make it work. I still don't sleep but I can do laundry, take a bath or decompress another way.

Can you two work out a compromise? Maybe some mornings you take the kids and leave him at the resort. He can go play golf, watch tv, or whatever guy things there are to do. If he likes sports, you take the kids to the pool and he can hit the ESPN Club to watch some football.

And when do you go? If you go at peak times, then stop. I refuse to go during the summer or other busy times. Extreme heat and too many commoners ruin WDW for me - and I love WDW! So we travel during the off season, and will continue to when DD is in school, even if we have to take her out. Sorry teachers!

One last thing. You have 300 pts so get a 1 or 2-bedroom. Then you can do your thing with the kids in the living room and he can so his thing.

Good luck!

Well to be perfectly honest.....we either go to WDW or back home to Florida and AL to visit family. We did a week at Ft. Walton Beach summer before last and my parents were with us.....that turned into a nightmare too. We have done a few weekend type things over the years and they were okay.

 

[Buckalew11]

It is so frustrating.....I love Disney...right now I am listening to Disney Music that I bought while there. My kids love it too. We are 100% addicted. Whenever I start telling him Dis board stuff or TGM stuff or plans we have for an up and coming trip...he says "I don't need to know all of this....just tell me where to be the morning we get up and that is good enough for me." OH and my dh is a HUGE COFFEE drinker and that affects his moodiness. He can't make it through an afternoon without a coffee or two. Trust me when he needs HIS LIQUID DRUG....you know it.

You are lucky. Well my dh told me on this trip "my world does not stop just because I am at Disney". I was mad because he stayed in the room to watch t.v. the 3rd night we were there when I took the boys to the pool. He is not going to change his routines at Disney basically. He is the type person that is a big time creature of habit. He is in heaven to be in front of the t.v. so every morning he expects his 45 min. of t.v. before going anywhere because he does that before work every day. He wants to watch t.v. every night when we get back from a park...so he hates staying late at a park. He is not getting up any earlier at Disney to add t.v. time in. So if I want to head to the busses at 8:15 or so...he is the last one rushing around in the morning and we are always waiting on him. All he has to do is get dressed and put waters in the back pack. I however get up, get the kids up, something for breakfast, maybe wash or dry/fold some l laundry. SO it is soooo frustrating. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I told him last night he just needs to meet us at the park when he is ready. If he never rides a ride because he isn't there when park opens during busy times....oh well. He just brings me down anymore at Disney. He is not a disney freak like me. However he was all for becoming members at DVC this past Jan. We bought 300 points. I think he would prefer to sleep in every day, get up leisurely and just chill most of the time.

Maybe he is not a good "vacationer? "

DH and I usually do not spend every day, all day together either. We both need space. Sometimes he'll go out to the pool or take a nap or watch a ballgame on TV. If I'm ready to leave in the a.m. and he is not, he'll meet up with us. If he wants to go back to the resort earlier that we do, he does.

DVC tends to change your touring habits a bit and allows you to hang around the resort and take your time touring. I'd just ask him what he wants to do or not to do (stay in the room with TV etc.) & tell him he is free to do what he wants up to a point. DH could probably tell him his "out of the crowd" places in each park, because he is just like that!! He does like to people watch so if he finds a "quiet" spot, I can leave him there for awhile.

I have not ever had anyone mess up a trip for me. I've taken almost all of my family except one sister and her DH. I *think* I could actually pull off a good time with her but she is a crank sometimes on vacation!

I tell everyone we take that I'm the leader and we'll get along just fine if they let me lead. They might think I'm kidding... but I'm probably not. I probably couldn't do WDW with another DISer 'cause we're all alike!

I've actually done WDW with Dan Murphy a few times and we've made out fine. He probably just lets me think I'm the leader.

 

[Pakey]

DH and I vacation great together and really enjoy it. We have 3 grown sons, the two oldest are married. We love our DIL's and have a great time with them. But that 3rd son, DS26. He's bipolar and difficult, even on a good day. He says he loves going to WDW but his actions while there speak loudly that it isn't true. He shows up with inappropriate clothing that embarrasses the rest of us, he gets angry over the littlest thing--in fact he seems much worse at WDW than anywhere else--perhaps too much stimulation with his disorder.

Anyway, our older DS's do not live where we do and these WDW vacations are a chance for us to all get together as a family and spend that time together. Now if we could only figure out how to go without DS26 finding out about it. Our next trip with them is a year away and already he's telling me that he wants to stay at a different resort than the rest of us. Perhaps that will make a difference for all of us.

 

[darlak]

My DH is pretty good about it and doesn't actually complain much, but I know he doesn't enjoy WDW the way the DD's and I do. We go twice a year; once with him and once without him. I think after more than 30 years, I've finally figured out how to vacation with the man. He doesn't want to be at the parks all day and is prefectly happy hanging out at the resort alone sometimes. So I let him and we're all happy. I booked the Segway tour for him this past September and he loved it. So he's doing the one at FW next Sept.

I think part of the discontent stemmed from the fact that I worked so hard to plan the vacation and he wasn't doing the things that I thought were fun, so I used to think he wasn't having a good time. We just have different vacation styles. Many days he'll decide to hang out at the resort and meet us in the evening. That used to annoy me, but I've finally accepted that it doesn't mean he isn't enjoying his vacation. We usually meet up in the evening for our dinner plans and then everyone enjoys the rest of the evening together.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

My mother freaked out and acted like a colossal nut job one day of our last trip. I'm talking major meltdown that left us sitting embarrassed at the table and her storming off home before our food was served. There were excuses later, of course, but it all boils down to her being selfish in that particular situation. She was fine the other days except for her usual chronic lateness and one night of griping about perfectly good food. We didn't let her ruin our vacation. We got appropriately ticked off and told her so, and that was pretty much the end of it.

 

[Princessbaby]

My DH just watches every penny I spend. I tell him I am in Disney and need to buy things that can only be found there. My in-laws went with us 2 years ago and made several comments that Disney was nice and all, but it wasn't a cruise. So, when we started planning our trip for this past August, sh made the comment that she thinks they won't be going this time and it took everything I had to not say, "I don't remember inviting you". They are saving for their cruise in April 2008. I'll take Disney any day!!!

 

[inCATnito]

My sister totally ruined our last trip to WDW (see the trip report in sig)

She went totally werid on us.

YES!!! Yes!!! I had to make a fake name - the girl I went with goes on here now. I dont THINK she comes on the CB...I dunno...

But I'm C a T h R y N r O s E..... anyways...

I waited forever for my BFF and her daughter to come with us. I mean YEARS I tried talking her into it. She finally agreed and you summed it up. She got weird on my son and I. And then her daughter followed her lead and got weird too. It wasnt even like I was there with them. They were these weird, odd people. I'd known her for 14 years, for crien out loud. The girl who I used to say I'd make her marry me if she was a guy. What happened to her?!?!? We got on Disney property and POOF! She was gone!

Im still - not really mad - but a little annoyed, now. And we got back Sept 19th. It was BY FAR the worst trip Ive ever had - ever. Ive never ever ever wanted to come home - and I wanted to just ditch her, SO many times.

I was at EPCOT at opening - OPENING - in fact, not even open yet. ANd I didnt leave Future World until 4:30!! No one would listen to me... Im like "We got a whole half a park more to see" DIdnt matter... 4:30...THEN, we finally wander out of there, get to Norway and have to head BACK to Future World for a 5:30 ADR at Coral Reed....which dragged butt. It stunk...

My son and I spent the last 2 days on our own. And those 2 days rocked. But OMG... yes.

So yes. I had it happen and it sucks...totally.

 

[edk35]

My DH is pretty good about it and doesn't actually complain much, but I know he doesn't enjoy WDW the way the DD's and I do. We go twice a year; once with him and once without him. I think after more than 30 years, I've finally figured out how to vacation with the man. He doesn't want to be at the parks all day and is prefectly happy hanging out at the resort alone sometimes. So I let him and we're all happy. I booked the Segway tour for him this past September and he loved it. So he's doing the one at FW next Sept.

I think part of the discontent stemmed from the fact that I worked so hard to plan the vacation and he wasn't doing the things that I thought were fun, so I used to think he wasn't having a good time. We just have different vacation styles. Many days he'll decide to hang out at the resort and meet us in the evening. That used to annoy me, but I've finally accepted that it doesn't mean he isn't enjoying his vacation. We usually mmet up in the evening for our dinner plans and then everyone enjoys the rest of the evening together.

You know what I think after reading all of these I am figuring out that my dh is not a good vacationer. I really think that is it. I think we probably do have different styles and commando does not work for him and a set schedule so to speak. What I think is MAGICAL and the absolute best thing....he does not.

 

[Hedy]

YES!!! Yes!!! I had to make a fake name - the girl I went with goes on here now.

But I'm C a T h R y N r O s E..... anyways...

I waited forever for my BFF and her daughter to come with us. I mean YEARS I tried talking her into it. She finally agreed and you summed it up. SHe got weird on my son and I.

Im still - not really mad - but a little annoyed talking to her now. And we got back Sept 19th. It was BY FAR the worst trip Ive ever had - ever. Ive never ever ever wanted to come home - and I wanted to just ditch her, SO many times.

So yes. I had it happen and it sucks...totally.

Oh, PP, that stinks...you'd been talking about her going for months!