What's your take on this situation?UPDATE post 50

[snoopy]

People just amaze me with their nerve......why on earth would this woman think its your responsibility to pick up her children? Most people who can't pick up their own children PAY someone to do it for them. I'm a working parent and I can count the times on one hand that I've asked a favor of another parent....and the few times I have done it, I made sure everything was in order as to not put them out at all.

I'd have NO problem telling this lady you are done picking her kids up. She is taking advantage of your generosity.

 

[RitaZ.]

Personally, I think any person with 1/2 a brain would realize what they were doing (using, abusing).

I agree with that. However, "users" feel that as long as you say "yes" to their requests, then you must be ok with it.

You've been too nice and she knows it, so she keeps pushing for "more". Personally, I would tell her that I can't do it anymore, that's it. Once resentment sets in, there is usually no turning back. These arrangements can work when you are dealing with a considerate person, which this woman obviously is not.

I will help friends and neighbors in emergency situations, but I will not be their built-in babysitter.

Good luck!

 

[Lisa F]

When she originally presented her situation to me, she told me that it would save her $200 a month in afterschool care. I found out the true cost shortly thereafter.

Tell her that you want to charge her $100/month for picking them up. Explain to her how much money she will be saving by paying you half price for personalized attention. She might decide you're not such a bargain after all.

 

[va32h]

I've been in your shoes - and if you don't put a stop to it now, the situation will snowball. I "helped out a friend" by letting her daughter come to my house after school. After a few weeks of picking up promptly at 5:30, the pickups became later and later...eventually the girl would have dinner with us, go with us to the store or whatever other errands I had to do.

This was my daughter's best friend - and I love this little girl. She's a doll. But it became very difficult to juggle my family's needs and activities with an extra person around.

If we wanted to do anything special as a family (go to a ballgame, a movie, etc.) we had to wait until the other mom showed up.

Then came a school holiday, and I found myself awakened at 7 am by a knock on the door. Mom had just assumed that since I was watching her daughter every day after school, I'd do it on holidays too.

I am non-confrontational too - I waited until we moved, and the girls went to different schools. Then I just said "I'm sorry, but I can't pick up from two different schools each day. Someone would be stuck waiting for 20-30 minutes, and I'm sure you don't want that."

It was amazing how quickly and easily she was able to find afterschool care once I completely refused to do it!

I do wish my daughter could see her friend more. But I am relieved that I don't have the responsibility of caring for another child.

So I am on the side of ending this now, before it gets worse. In my situation, at least I liked the child. It doesn't sound like you or your daughter are enjoying the company of these boys!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I have repeatedly talked to my friend about how the boys don't come out as requested and told by their teachers...how the daughter never seems to be able to let the boys in promptly. Believe me, she knows exactly how the kids are behaving.

In this case, I don't think that you owe this mom anything! If you stopped driving the kids would they be able to stay at school those days or is the aftercare booked? If they would be able to stay I would tell her that it's not working out anymore and that she needs to make other arrangements by next week. You have been overly nice to her and she should be worried that she has imposed on you instead of you worrying that she is going to think bad of you!

You are in the right!

 

[luvmy2sams]

In this case, I don't think that you owe this mom anything! If you stopped driving the kids would they be able to stay at school those days or is the aftercare booked? If they would be able to stay I would tell her that it's not working out anymore and that she needs to make other arrangements by next week. You have been overly nice to her and she should be worried that she has imposed on you instead of you worrying that she is going to think bad of you!

You are in the right!

Aftercare is open to any of the school kids...no reservations required.

Tell her that you want to charge her $100/month for picking them up. Explain to her how much money she will be saving by paying you half price for personalized attention. She might decide you're not such a bargain after all.

She'd probably agree to it, and then not pay me.

va32h---Your story struck just a little too close to home for comfort. I'm so glad you were able to extricate yourself from the situation. Sounds like she really took major advantage of you.

I've decided to take the youngest home today after school (older one is home sick with his dad), and then I'll call the mom tomorrow evening to let her know that she needs to make other arrangements. She's out of town until then, but that should still give her plenty of time to make other arrangements for next week. I might even offer to front her the money to pay for the first month of afterschool care. I'll just tell her to use the money she owes me from when I babysat her oldest this summer. Sorry...that was mean, but I'm feeling much better about everything now, and I couldn't resist.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I would remind her of the $ that she owes you from summer!

I have a neighbor who will take advantage of a person. She asked me to pick her kids up from their daycare a couple times last year. One time they were running late and another time the daycare closed early without much notice to the parents. The second time she asked if my 14yo son could babysit her 2 active little boys (2 and 5yo). My son changed his plans for that day to babysit and then she paid him way less than the going rate. I've learned to not answer the phone if she is calling.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

So what happened?

 

[erinz]

I know how difficult it can be, but I don't understand why you haven't spoken up about it.

It will be uncomfortable, but you need to contact her and tell her that you can continue picking her boys up after school on the specified days but that they need to get their act together. You have afterschool commitments with your own children and you do not have time to look for them at school, get them into the house, or keep them. Tell her this in no uncertain terms that if they are not outside when you are at school, you will leave. You will be dropping them off at the door and leaving, you will not watch them. These people are being totally irresponsible and you are enabling it. I KNow it is hard to do this, but you have to. As for the "extras" you can control that by saying no, which you've started to do.

I don't see anything wrong with helping out a working mom (I'm one) but ONLY if it in no way inconveniences you. You should never have to cause extra stress on yourself to help. If you are at the school and picking your own child up and they happen to catch a ride and it helps someone out, that's good. But for them to push you like this *is* truly wrong and you need to speak up about it.

Took the words right out of my mouth!!

 

[luvmy2sams]

So what happened?

I've been trying to contact my friend since I originally made this post, and she is not returning my phone calls. I've left messages on both her cell and home phones, and I have left messages with her DH and her step-daughter, asking her to please call me as soon as possible. I really preferred to speak to her in person about finding other transportation for the boys...didn't want to leave it as a message on her voicemail. Something is up because she's normally calling me several times a week, and I haven't heard from her at all. Today I waited for 15 minutes after school, trying to find the boys. Turns out their mom picked them up at lunch but didn't think it was important enough to let me know so I wouldn't wait around for them. I spoke to her DH this evening and told him that after next week I won't be available. I can't continue waiting for her to decide she has 5 minutes to spare to give me a call.

 

[luvmy2sams]

Took the words right out of my mouth!!

I hope you read further in the thread to see that I have spoken up about the various issues in the past. There are only so many times you can reiterate something without sounding like a broken record.

I couldn't ever just drop them at the door and leave without knowing they'd made it inside. I'm responsible for them until they're seen safely inside their own home. I would certainly hope that any adult transporting my child would do the same for me.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

How so rude of her picking them up early and not telling you! Good for you for telling her DH the news. She sounds like a real user!

 

[luvmy2sams]

How so rude of her picking them up early and not telling you! Good for you for telling her DH the news. She sounds like a real user!

That's pretty much my thinking, too. Oh well, life goes on...