What's Your Reality/Perspective Check?

[DemonLlama]

I love to vent as much as the next person, don't get me wrong. But I've got a reality check that I use to get my perspective back about how rotten I'm feeling. I wanted to share it with you and hope you'll do the same.

Last summer my daughter started her gymnastics career on "pre-team," a group of girls who would be learning their skills to start competing the next season. Some of the moms stayed for practice, and since we drive in from out of town, I was always there, chatting with other moms. One of the moms, Susan, had a son, Josh, a year younger than my son, who was 9, and they played while the girls (her daughter is Jennifer, and both girls are 7) practiced. We struck up a friendship over the months. She was recently divorced, ex didn't seem to make a lot of time for the kids, and she was putting herself through nursing school.

The practice before Thanksgiving we were comparing plans for the holiday. After a big celebration, she and her mom were going up north to visit a terminally ill relative; her dad was keeping Jenn and Josh.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving a train hit her father's truck, killing her father and Josh instantly. Jennifer died the next morning. Susan and her mom got that unspeakably awful call long distance and had to wait until the first available flight out Sunday morning to get home. The hospital kept Jenn on life support until they could arrive and say goodbye.

How do you go on having lost your 7 year old baby girl, your 8 year old baby boy, and your dad? Susan, the strongest woman I have ever had the fortune to know, stood over those three caskets the following Friday and spoke through the flow of tears to the packed church. There was not a dry eye in the house as she recounted her love for the three of them, and how she knew her dad was watching over her children in heaven. She closed by reading this scripture:

"For we know that the sufferings of this life are nothing compared to the glory that awaits us" (Romans 8:18).

When I'm feeling sorry for myself, that memory is what puts it all in perspective for me.

How about you?

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>Thank you.

That puts so many things into perspective. What a person to admire.

I'm almost never down. The minute I start to think that things are bad, I am immediately grateful that I live in a country where we have the opportunity to help ourselves, or to go to someone for help, and we are not in constant fear for our lives. It's hard to get depressed about my small problems when I think of the bravery of others out there.

And when it comes down to it, this is just a small part of our life - just the beginning, in fact. So, no matter what I go through I think - Life is good.

 

[CEDmom]

Wow, that really shows the fortitude of the human spirit. I can't imagine anything worse than losing a child with the exception of never having had that child to begin with. Thanks for sharing.

 

[d.kurz]

Wow. We share the same perspective. I am a very upbeat person. In my mind if everyone I love is still alive, well....then everything is good. And I have used that as my reality check ever since I had kids.

 

[WDWLVR]

Thank you for sharing that with us. It really does show that we need to put things in perspective.

My reality check happened in early 1990 when I was diagnosed with cancer. Now if something "major" happens to me I put it up against that. In the 13 years since that only one thing has rocked my world since that - my mom's diagnosis with cancer in "97. Hers was terminal and I lost her that year.

Nothing else compares even though I've been layed off twice (and a third time could happen any time now).

In fact my first company sent us to out placement and when I was in my one on one the person paid to "help" me said "I know this must be the most tramatic thing you've ever faced". I just smiled and said "No, I think that was when I found out I had cancer!"

It's all in how you look at life. Stop to smell the roses. If all you do is worry and whine about what's wrong you'll never get a chance to see what's right!

 

[preshi]

I've been through enough ups and downs in my own life to keep me grounded... I may vent here and there about petty stuff but when it comes to big things I think I have it together really well. I am a very happy person... I know how lucky I have it... on the same token i also know it's healthier for me to vent than to keep it in... So I vent and I am done with it... I dont dwell on things too long... i've even noticed little crows feet in the sides of my eyes... and you knwo what? I like them... they are from smiling

 

[laceemouse]

My DH has changed jobs many times, some by his choice, some not. We have moved and moved and moved again. We are 1000 miles from family and old friends. Sometimes he does short term contract work, he is doing that now for Discover Card, and when it ends he will be out of work again (we have lots of good maybe's this time though!) People always ask "How can you live like this?" Well, we have a great marriage, 4 healthy kids and have always had a roof over our heads. We have never missed a meal. We believe God will provide for our needs (not always our WANTS.) What more can one ask for??? Your story breaks my heart, thanks for a great thread!

 

[DemonLlama]

Bumping to see if anyone else will share!

 

[JohnTBap]

I just wanted to thank you for sharing that. I am truly blessed.

 

[nativetxn]

Oh my gosh. I'm all teary from reading this story. Bless that woman I don't know if I would have the strength to do what your friend did

 

[FOJMO]

I want to thank you for sharing that thread. I really does help when you put things into perspective.

I can't stand it when people whine and complain. I would much rather do something positive.

I've been shot down more times than I can count on these very boards whenever I try to point that out to some people who think they have it rough.

I believe in hugs and PD as much as the next person, but I try save it for when it's really a serious situation. If we didn't have bad times, the good times wouldn't seem as good in comparison.

Every day is a reality check for me -- just read the headlines to find how good each of us, on the whole, really have it. I thank God every day for everything I have and everyone I love.

 

[DemonLlama]

This is a pic of my little girl (laying down) with Jenn. Treasure every moment.

<img src="http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/253829/samandjenn1.jpg" width=178 height=369>

 

[CathyCanada]

What an incredibly sad story, I literally gasped while reading it. It's a very powerful story with an important message.

I am pretty grounded I think, in knowing how blessed that I am. Even when we found out Patrick was deaf. I have friends with children whose deafness is the LEAST of their problems, and Patrick is healthy, very bright and a great kid, so no pity there.

There are people who just need attention when they are having their own pity parties. I guess that is what helps get them through it. Personally, I would rather look around me, see my family and friends, value their health, know that we can eat and live under a roof and not the stars, and thank God for that.
CC

 

[Serena]

Sometimes I want sympathy, I just need to feel sorry for myself for a minute. I can easily say, ok, that's enough of that.
Other times I need the kick in the butt to get myself out of it.
I usually look to my friends, usually the ones here, to help either way.

One way for a reality check is to count my blessings, and I usually start with something as simple as being alive.
And I think the best way to start to feel better about yourself is to help someone that has it harder than you.

With other people, I understand the need for sympathy and I try to give it. But some people seem to wallow in feeling sorry for themselves, and I tend to not be so sympathetic then. I try to hit the backbutton, but sometimes I do give my .02 whether it's asked for or not.