What's wrong with people?

[a Really Bad Egg]

All, don't let strangers touch your kids. Would you want a stranger touching you? Yuk.

Also, do not let a stranger take your child's picture! I have seen this happen more than once. For what reason could they possibly want your child's picture?

Be careful!

 

[swilshire]

Sometimes they are just too cute to resist a photo. One should certainly ask permission, but I confess I snapped a shot of a sleeping baby on (I assume) grandpa's shoulder at Disney World. It was just TOO precious!

Sheila

 

[roserae]

Originally posted by feistyblue
you can't catch something just from touching someone!

I don't agree with this. Of course you can catch something from touching someone. Say that person has a cold, sneezes in their hand (to avoid sneezing in the air of course. ) and then comes over and touches you or your child. You then rub your eyes, nose, mouth, whatever. and you get that cold. That being said, I think the probability is low, but just in case I always kept a bottle of hand sanitizer and as soon as the person left, I'd squirt some on dd's hand. Then everyone was happy and no harm done.

 

[Jordan's MOM]

Roserae is right. Most germs are passed on by hands. Dirty hands touch your little ones hands and those little hands go directy into his mouth. I'm not a germ freak by any means but I still remember my DS's ped. saying that it was better to have someone kiss the baby on the cheek than to touch his hands. I kept baby wipes at all times to wipe those little hands. I do agree that kids need exposure to germs but that happens just being out in public and as they grow playing on play grounds and such. Way to many things are transmited by other's hands. The #1 way to prevent flu, cold , virus and a host of other things is to wash hands often!

Jordan's mom

 

[GEM]

Originally posted by feistyblue
I think its totally outrageous to pick up someone else's child or take their hand and lead them down a bus, but I think it's OTT to say touching a babies hands will give them germs. I'm a trained paediatric nurse, and you can't catch something just from touching someone!

Exposing children and babies to minor germs is good for their immune system.

When my mum had cancer and was going through chemo, I asked the doctor if I should keep my then 2 year old away from her in case of germs and he just laughed. Whilst people with supressed immun systems should be kept away from serious diseases and illnesses - they can't be passed on through touch.

Hmmmm . . . . so if I'm sick and I'm sneezing and coughing into my hands and blowing my nose and I haven't washed my hands and I touch a baby's hand and he puts it in his mouth, he can't get sick from that?

That's certainly not what our neonatologist told us! And it isn't what all of our doctors and nurses told us either. We were given very strict orders to keep our little guy away from any other children or anyone who might have been ill. We were told not to take him out in public for the first year. And we were told that it was absolutely crucial that no one be allowed to touch him without washing their hands.

Lots of things can be spread by touch. If some stranger comes up and grabs your baby's hand, you have no idea if they just came from the toilet without washing up or have been picking their nose or have just touched a million germy public hand rails. To say no illnesses are spread by touch is just silly.

 

[megan2346]

Wow, I agree with the thread. People love to touch my children and I hate it. Why Why Why would someone touch a babies hands and face. People do it to my 1 year old all the time and then they look at my 4 year old and touch his hair. Well, my 4 year old is shy and hates having his hair touched. He ends up pulling away and giving the person a dirty look and patting his hair down which in turn cause the person to think my child is a brat. He won't even let my DH and I touch his hair. I feel that for the most part we would'nt touch an adult so why do we touch children. They have feelings about personal space and some children do not like to be touched. I always feel like I have to make excuses for my DS because people get so put off but his reaction but I am tired of doing that. Respect children and their space and do not touch them. There are also a 101 reasons not to touch babies. It is great to admire a baby but there is no reason for a stranger to touch a child.
Megan

 

[luvthatduke]

"but I think it's OTT to say touching a babies hands will give them germs. I'm a trained paediatric nurse, and you can't catch something just from touching someone!
Exposing children and babies to minor germs is good for their immune system.
When my mum had cancer and was going through chemo, I asked the doctor if I should keep my then 2 year old away from her in case of germs and he just laughed. Whilst people with supressed immun systems should be kept away from serious diseases and illnesses - they can't be passed on through touch."


I see others have responded to this outrageous statement already. While it is true that being exposed to MILD bacteria builds immunity, as far as I know you CANNOT build immunity to staph, flu, strep, etc. all of which can be transmitted by casual skin contact if the person (child) that was touched puts that skin in their mouth, rubs their eyes, etc. And I just have to point out that if infections cannot be transmitted like this - WHY DO DR.'s WASH THEIR HANDS BETWEEN PATIENTS?? And for that matter, in flu season we are constantly being told to wash our hands after contact. This is just plain common sense. Money is the filthiest thing around, and the most common - I've seen news programs where people got arrested because they tested positive for drugs, and it turns out it was transferred from the money they were given back in change somewhere!

Ok, now I'll 'un-bold' my words as I have calmed down

I wanted to reiterate that we weren't the ones who put the
sign on the stroller - my DH's relative did.

And I wanted to agree with everyone that said that most
people are kind and loving, this is true!
But, I would have had heart failure if I was the mom who's daughter was picked out of the grocery cart!!!
How quickly that could have turned tragic if that
guy had evil intent - and as others have pointed out,
you can't be letting people grab & hold your kids
without a reaction, the world is more & more dangerous,
there's no getting around it.

Anyway, we try to always be kind & pleasant to people who
touch or try to touch DS. We only tone down the niceness when
they just don't listen and do it again - still can't understand
someone's nerve to not listen to the parent!

And I agree with the older person appeal,
it goes both ways! DS, 18 months, walks right up
to people (i.e. in the Dr.'s office) and wants to
climb up on their laps!

This is an interesting thread & it's good to hear
others opinions on this...

 

[phamton]

The original post has made me see just how of touch I am with today's rules.

I grew up in the 50's and 60's where everyone came up to hold or kiss your baby on the forehead or cheek. There were many more diseases out there like polio back then but kissing babies was common practice.

My youngest is 16 years old so it's been awhile since I have had a baby but, when he was a baby, strangers would touch him and play peek a boo. I had trouble shopping with my twins when they were babies because so many people came up to see the babies and tickle them under the chin.

I just retired from teaching school (3rd grade and 1st grade) and many of my students hugged me. Whenever a teacher had a baby, she would bring the baby to a shower after school and most of us would hold the baby. Maybe touching babies is still common in Texas. We just moved to Florida from Texas and, the other day, my husband patted a 3 year old on the head while we were talking to the parents. The parents didn't say anything but I could tell they were a little surprised. That was my first hint that maybe things were done differently here than in Texas. Maybe things really have changed all over in the last few years and we just never noticed.

Bev "feeling older by the minute" Hamilton

edited to add: I'm not criticizing anyone for being upset with others touching your baby. I'm just feeling embarrassed because I didn't know it wasn't acceptable. Now that I do know, I won't do it.

 

[pvtsms]

I'm not a frequent poster here, but this discussion really made me think about the direction our society has taken. Think about it! I love to look at babies and tell their parents how beautiful and adorable they are. True, after having 2 of my own, I do not touch babies, however, I am a different generation. Elderly people (such as my mother) always touched babies - we have gotten so "freaked" out that it is sad that we (that includes me!) cannot let this roll off our backs.

I was always tickled when someone complimented my children - I have had the "grandpas" give candy or even money and the "grandmas touch them (usually their feet though! not their hands!). To me, it was a sweet, poignant moment of one generation bonding with another (parenting is a common bond among alot of people!).

I completely understand the parents that have children who are immune deficient or allergic. I'm not defending anyone, just saying that the "germ factor" is not uppermost in elderly folks' minds. They just want to compliment you and your child. Now, people our age, that's a different story (I'll only say I'll be 29 forever!). We are more informed and cognizant of the repercussions (although that doesn't always guarantee the right decision).

Thanks for letting me "air" this. What a great discussion!

Respectfully,

pvtsms

 

[GEM]

Wait a minute, let me make this clear, I LOVE it when people talk to my little buddy! I love it when they smile and interact with him. I love it when they ask about him, etc. He is adorable (I admit it) and he is still very tiny for his age, so he attracts a lot of attention. I have no problem with strangers talking to him, smiling at him, asking questions, etc. In fact, as I said, it makes me happy!

I don't like strangers touching him, though. You just never know what they've been doing with their hands just moments earlier. As I said in my first post, though, I usually don't say anything about it or react negatively at all unless they touch his hands. If they touch his hands I just ask them very politely not to touch him on the hands, since he loves to chew on them.

 

[JessetheCowgirl]

It is very common where I live.

And I was extremely paranoid with DS#1, but by the time DD (3rd child) came around, I had relaxed quite a bit.

The other day at soccer sign up, my 3 year old kept disappearing from me (hiding in clothes' racks) while DD #3 started screaming her head off in her infant carrier. All the while I'm supposed to be filling out paperwork for DS age 5. One of the ladies helping with sign up asked if she could hold the baby.

ABSOLUTELY!!! Thank you!!

I would have NEVER done that with DS #1; but sometimes I need all of the help I can get

 

[luvthatduke]

"...asked if she could hold the baby."

Personally, that's my whole point,
and depending on the circumstances
I may very well say yes.
The lady was being kind and helpful,
and most importantly she ASKED.
My peeve is the people who touch, poke,
tickle, grab and even try to KISS, without asking...

A previous post also mentioned how
the people at her shower, I believe,
wanted to touch & hold her child,
and she didn't have a problem with it.
That made the point, also.

Those were people she knew (mostly)
and had been invited.
When it's flu season, or if we notice
one or two people at a neighbor
or family get-together with obvious colds,
we'll say (hopefully graciously) something
like, "You all know about DS's health issues,
so if you know you're not feeling well please
resist the temptation to touch his hands or face.
You know how the little ones are - everything
in the mouth - chuckle, chuckle."

It usually works well and (hopefully) we've
never offended anyone...

 

[Belle5]

It seems like I have spent much of my adult life being pregnant and am still shocked that strangers will come up and lay their hand on a woman's pregnant belly. I would not mind a close female friend or relative doing that, I guess, but I don't understand for the life of me why anyone would think they have the right to come up and touch me that way! As a matter of fact, an older woman, a WDW server in a popular restaurant, did this to me. She remembered us from previous visits and apparently felt "familiar" with us enough to do that. As a matter of fact, she took it a little further and seemed to be getting a little mystical about the whole thing. I don't know if she was trying to determine gender or what...

We took my youngest to WDW in December when he was 3 months old. He was very, very small as an infant and seemed to draw a lot of attention. One server at Shutter's decided that instead of taking care of us (BAD service) she would spend her time 2 inches from the baby's face. I also heard her coughing and sniffing through the evening. Of course, 2 1/2 days later he had his first cold. Not much sleep for any of us after that...

It is so shocking the number of strangers that ask to hold him....I usually say he is very shy and he really knows who his family is...

I always enjoy the compliments and smiles. Just not the touching...

 

[cinder1]

Most of the time I don't mind other folks touching my baby. My youngest (4th) is 3 mths old and people touch her all the time. I've never had anyone do anything bizarre (like trying to feed any of my kids). Although at Bomas once, one of my DDs didn't like her dessert (go figure) and the waitress says don't you like it. DD said no and the waitress picked it up and ate it!! We still talk about that.

I would be bothered if someone touched my baby's hands but usually folks just pat her head. I guess I've always thought they were being nice. Like someone else said, I think I was more worried about it with the first one. By the 4th, I'm way more relaxed.

Now touching the pregnant belly thing is a whole other story!!!

 

[lucy_love_]

this has turned into an interesting thread. i have enjoyed reading it.

love

lucy

 

[LisaZoe]

My DD also seems to attract a lot of attention, although thankfully it has diminished as she's gotten older. It does seem like it is mostly older people who want to talk to her and touch her cheeks. We even had a man at Costco making a fool of himself (I could see by his wife's eye rolls that it wasn't the first time) with his reaction to my DD. I'm pretty sure he was from another culture as he had an obvious accent so I think a lot of this is cultural as well as generational.

Now that DD is older, I'm watching her for clues on how she feels about the attention. I am very uncomfortable with people being too close to me much less touching me. In fact, this is consistent with my siblings and we laugh about it. We are a very loving family we just don't show it through touch. However, I don't want my DD to grow up thinking it is wrong for people to make innocent contact - of course I watch tp be sure it is innocent and will make sure she understands the difference.

I think 99% of the people who touch or attempt to touch a child will not do so if they are sick. My DD got more of her illnesses from other kids than she did from strangers. Unless a child has health concerns that would be aggravated by even minor illness, it doesn't make sense to try to protect them from all common diseases. When my DD first started day care, it seemed like she was sick again just after she'd gotten over the last illness. That lasted until she was about 7 months and since then she's been very healthy with only minor colds since then - she even avoided strep that hit kids at daycare as well as me.

When you come right down to it, once kids become self-mobile, they are generally not as clean as we might want them to be. That's part of being kids and I wouldn't try to change that for DD. I've seen a lot of medical reports indicating that all the anti-bacterial soaps, sprays and misc. may actually make children more susceptible to illness in the long run because they haven't had a chance to build immunity to diseases in general through minor illness. In our family, the 5 second rule is very much in force

 

[POOH&PIGLET]

Wow, what a response! Very interesting posts! Keep them coming!

Originally posted by pvtsms
I'm not a frequent poster here, but this discussion really made me think about the direction our society has taken. . . . Elderly people (such as my mother) always touched babies - we have gotten so "freaked" out that it is sad that we (that includes me!) cannot let this roll off our backs.

I don't think our society is headed in a certain direction, we're already there. The world I live in as an adult with three children is very different than the world in which my parents raised my 5 siblings and me. It’s sad but that’s the way it is. When it comes to my children, I will never let things roll off my back. I will not allow anything that is unsafe or that bothers my child, I don't care who I upset or offend.

When I posted this topic, I didn't have an idea about how people felt. For the most part, the people who touch (or try to touch ) my children are women and it is innocent enough. However, my wife was so upset last night thinking about our oldest DD starting kindergarten in a few weeks. She wants us to have a don't talk to strangers / good touch vs. bad touch talk. I tell her not to worry but I think she may be right. (I constantly make a point of telling my kids what is appropriate and unappropriate behavior, for them and for others, so I'm not sure we need a specific "talk.")

How do you teach your children to "beware of strangers?"
How do you teach your children what is a good touch vs a bad touch? I'm not sure. I do know that allowing strangers to touch my children will not help in getting the message across. It will teach them that its okay for people to touch them. It's not.

 

[BevS97]

I worry about saying 'Don't talk to strangers' - it's just not true - there are lots of times when it's ok to talk to strangers

For Example
My DD got lost in IKEA recently - she didn't like to go up to a member of staff and tell them as she was worried about 'bothering' them, and also because she doesn't know them. Fortunatly, I told a member of staff and they spotted her straight away - but it made me realise that sometimes our kids might need a stranger to help them - and in all honestly - 99% of people that our kids come into contact with are good people - I think it's a shame if they become too scared to talk to any of them.

but there are other less obvious times - for example, sitting watching a parade at Disney last year, she got chatting with the family sitting next to her - they are strangers, and yet it was ok for her to talk to them.

I think a more important message is to make sure they know never to go anywhere with a stranger. Not to get into a car - or follow them somewhere - and that Mummy and Daddy would never send a stranger to collect them from somewhere no matter what happened to them.


Bev

 

[POOH&PIGLET]

We don't take the "don't talk to strangers" warnings to the extreme. We specifically have told our oldest DD (as we will with our younger girls) what to do if she is lost or becomes separated from us. Not to be mean to her, but I have tested this. If she looks around and doesn't see us, she screams bloody murder!

My two oldest girls are very friendly and talk to almost anyone. We have met many people at WDW because our DDs have "introduced us." I'm very glad that they are so outgoing but it also causes me to worry. I never want to stifle their growth but we do live in a dangerous world. Teaching kids to appreciate danger is not easy. I err on the side of being overly cautious.

 

[missyc]

Spanish people kiss ALL THE TIME! It's hard because my kids have been taught that they don't have to let other people touch them, then they go around friends of their dad (who's Mexican), and they are all over the kids! Kissing cheeks, pinching cheeks, picking them up, etc. And they think the kids are just snobby, or EXTREMELY shy. Some take it personally. Especially the older people. It's funny to see how the kids just stiffen up when they know it's coming!
And their dad & I have had words over this too. He said I was teaching them to not be friendly with people. I think he was embarrassed at church. Oh well!!
As a matter of personal safety I have taught my kids that they don't have to let other people touch them. It's sad to think that way though. And they do realize the difference in what I was talking about and being greeted with a kiss on the cheek.