What's up with some people? (Am i in the wrong?)

[NewJersey]

So today is one of my best friends' birthdays and we're all going out tonight in the city (about 12 of us). We're meeting at the birthday girl's house at around 7:30 for a little bbq and pre-gaming before going out. Since one of my friends (not the birthday girl) lives near me, I said I'd drive her.

So yesterday we were emailing back and forth and she asked if we should leave at 4 and miss rush hour traffic and hang out at my friends house until everyone shows up. Well my boyfriend works until 5:30 so I said the earliest we could leave is 6:30 or 7 depending on traffic getting to my house from work. So then I get an email back where she was in essence, lecturing me about how inconsiderate I am being and that its not my boyfriend and I's day; rather it's my friend's day (the birthday girl). And she said maybe I should think about someone other than myself. Also, she adds how one of my friends is bringing clothes to work so she can leave right from work (which my boyfriend is also doing so ). At the end of the email she adds "Think about that."

At first, I laughed and said "Is she serious?" It's not like we are sitting around and watching TV so we can be late. Now, mind you, my friend who's birthday it is, is my best friend (and I'm her best guy friend) and I know she won't have a problem if I'm a half hour (hour late max) since I told her I might be late and she said "oh not a problem...everyone won't be showing up until 8 probably anyways." And then I realized for my birthday, everyone came to my house around 8:30 or 9 to hang out before we went out to some bars, and alas my friend (who sent me the email) napped and showed up 2 hours late to my house. Now, I didn't care because I don't think it's a big deal. But it just shows how hypocritical she is.

What's up with some people??

 

[NMAmy]

It sounds like the friend who you are kindly driving to the party is the one who has her knickers in a twist because SHE wants to get there several hours early.

Now, you know the answer to your question--she's being inconsiderate and rude, not you. I'd just tell her if she wants to get there that early, perhaps she should find another ride or drive herself. You and your bf have work committments.

Ignore her and have a great time!

 

[cepmom]

some people seem to think they are more important than others, unfortunately

Tell her that if she doesn't want to wait for you then she can drive herself to the party and then tell her to get a life!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Here is the problem....You offered to drive someone knowing you would be late. That is a no-no.
If you know you are going to be late do not offer and turn down people asking for a ride.

Alot of people find being "late" very uncomfortable.

 

[NewJersey]

Here is the problem....You offered to drive someone knowing you would be late. That is a no-no.
If you know you are going to be late do not offer and turn down people asking for a ride.

Alot of people find being "late" very uncomfortable.

I would understand if we had reservations for dinner, or something like that. But, knowing these sort of bbq's/pre-gaming/what have you, my friends and I have, we're not the type to get our underwear in a bunch if someone comes after the suggested time. It's really informal. If I was going to be a few hours late, that's a bit different.

But if she didn't want to be "late" along with me, she should have said "Well I think I'll just drive myself, thanks for offer." She didn't need to be caddy.

It was just that. An offer to be considerate of someone and drive them.

NMAmy and cedmom - Glad to see I'm not crazy. My boyfriend said the same thing as Amy (she just thinks you're being inconsiderate of HER needs, and not my friend)

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would just tell her to drive herself to the part before rush hour traffic. Is your BF going to the birthday celebration too? If so, then it makes complete sense to wait for him. Why should you take two cars so she does not have to drive?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

But if she didn't want to be "late" along with me, she should have said "Well I think I'll just drive myself, thanks for offer." She didn't need to be caddy.

Yes, she should have been more adult about it, this is true. Is this person always this rude?

 

[NewJersey]

I would just tell her to drive herself to the part before rush hour traffic. Is your BF going to the birthday celebration too? If so, then it makes complete sense to wait for him. Why should you take two cars so she does not have to drive?

Yeah - he'll be going too, which is why I'm waiting for him to get to my house after work and then we'll go. Depending on traffic, I'll get up to my friend's house 15 minutes "late."

mystery machine - She takes the attitude of "holier than thou" and I'm better than you. She has a way of being quite passive-aggressive. And I've noticed it more and more over the past year. Someone I don't really want to be around much anymore.

 

[Nancy]

So, basically your boyfriend should leave work early so he can get to your house and then you can pick her up way early and sit around doing nothing waiting for eveyone else to show up? I don't think so! Or maybe you are supposed to tell boyfriend "sorry we are going without you cause so and so wants to get there way too early and sit around doing nothing"

 

[mickeyfan2]

Yeah - he'll be going too, which is why I'm waiting for him to get to my house after work and then we'll go. Depending on traffic, I'll get up to my friend's house 15 minutes "late."

I would call her back and tell her that you and BF cannot pick her up tonight.

 

[kelleigh1]

Sounds incredibly selfish to me...on her part. She wants to be there at a certain time and doesn't seem to care about what works best for everyone else.

Someone mentioned that had you known you were going to be "late", you never should have offered to give her a ride. I don't necessarily agree with this assessment. It sounds like the bbq/pre-bar-hopping stuff is very casual and not at a set time, so I'm not sure how you can actually be late. If it were dinner at x time, then that would be a different story. But the bbq sounds pretty casual with no time constraints.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Someone mentioned that had you known you were going to be "late", you never should have offered to give her a ride. I don't necessarily agree with this assessment. It sounds like the bbq/pre-bar-hopping stuff is very casual and not at a set time, so I'm not sure how you can actually be late. If it were dinner at x time, then that would be a different story. But the bbq sounds pretty casual with no time constraints.

What I meant was if you know you are going to be late to an affair, you need to tell the person at the time of offering the ride.
Alot of people do not like to be "late", doesn't matter what the "thing" is, KWIM? Now I used to be that way, but not anymore.
However, despite that your "friend" doesn't sound like much of a "friend".

 

[RickinNYC]

Yeah - he'll be going too, which is why I'm waiting for him to get to my house after work and then we'll go. Depending on traffic, I'll get up to my friend's house 15 minutes "late."

mystery machine - She takes the attitude of "holier than thou" and I'm better than you. She has a way of being quite passive-aggressive. And I've noticed it more and more over the past year. Someone I don't really want to be around much anymore.

First, after having received that email, I'd have picked up the phone and told her she could find her own darn way to the party and not dealt with her.

Then, given what you just said above, I'd write her off completely. She doesn't sound like someone who's worth the time and effort to remain as friends.

 

[NewJersey]

Thanks for the advice and replies everyone! I talked to her and told her how I felt regarding the email, in a very adult manner, to which she didn't understand my point. So I said "Well, take a look at your actions, and maybe you'll realize how childish you're acting." I didn't want to press it any further as to ruin tonight for my best friend's birthday. She just emailed me with an apology, so all is good. Like I said, I don't let these things bother me because life's too short, but enough was enough with the way she was acting (this has been going on too long).

Thanks again!

 

[declansdad]

Here is the problem....You offered to drive someone knowing you would be late. That is a no-no.
If you know you are going to be late do not offer and turn down people asking for a ride.

Alot of people find being "late" very uncomfortable.

You can't be serious??????????

 

[PeterPanette]

I talked to her and told her how I felt regarding the email, in a very adult manner, to which she didn't understand my point. So I said "Well, take a look at your actions, and maybe you'll realize how childish you're acting." I didn't want to press it any further as to ruin tonight for my best friend's birthday. She just emailed me with an apology, so all is good. Like I said, I don't let these things bother me because life's too short, but enough was enough with the way she was acting (this has been going on too long).

Thanks again!

You handled it perfectly, Tim. I am late to this discussion (as usual), but just wanted to say that my best friend in highschool was gay, and I just accepted it as FACT that if I were going anywhere with him - we were going to be fashionably late! He was always worth the wait.

ETA: This was not an attempt to stereotype anyone. Gay does not equal late. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

 

[NewJersey]

Hey, fashionably late to events...fashionably late to discussions!

It's backwards for me..I'm usually the one on time, but it's my boyfriend who's always late. If he says 2:30 I just tack on 15 minutes and think 2:45.

 

[Figment2]

As a woman, let me say this.....tell her to drive herself (and never, never offer to help her again)! With an attitude like hers, she can find her own transportation.

Cyn

 

[Chicago526]

mystery machine - She takes the attitude of "holier than thou" and I'm better than you. She has a way of being quite passive-aggressive. And I've noticed it more and more over the past year. Someone I don't really want to be around much anymore.

Wow, we must have the same friend!

My former best friend is like this. I say "former" because while she is still a friend and always will be, her attitude the past few years has caused me to downgrade her "status", as it were. And it's not just me, several other's in our group of friends has noticed the same bad attitude from her over the years.

Anyway, glad that you've seemed to have worked it out. Have fun at the party!

 

[RNMOM]

Uh, I think it is rude to show up so early for a party that probably won't start till 8.