please read this twilight...please...
readergrl44 (2:53:51 PM): so what was with him at lunch
Epthoroughbred (2:54:25 PM): *shrugs*
readergrl44 (2:54:40 PM): he was all :-(
Epthoroughbred (2:55:48 PM): yep
readergrl44 (2:56:09 PM): poor kid
Epthoroughbred (2:56:31 PM): eh
Epthoroughbred (2:56:57 PM): frustration's the prevelant emotion right now
readergrl44 (2:57:02 PM): with him?
Epthoroughbred (2:57:56 PM): duh
readergrl44 (2:58:13 PM): breathe ellen. aim the volleyball at him
Epthoroughbred (2:58:31 PM): I CAN'T F-ING HELP HIM!!!!!
readergrl44 (2:58:43 PM): I CAN'T EITHER
Epthoroughbred (2:58:57 PM): no offense, but i have the most chance
Epthoroughbred (2:59:01 PM): and i can do nothing
readergrl44 (2:59:11 PM): no one can
Epthoroughbred (2:59:39 PM): he said that there's only one person
Epthoroughbred (2:59:54 PM): and the said person's no longer with us
readergrl44 (3:00:04 PM): oohh yes that friend
Epthoroughbred (3:00:08 PM): yesah
readergrl44 (3:00:31 PM): i heard a bit more of the story but still not how she died
Epthoroughbred (3:00:40 PM): what did you hear
readergrl44 (3:00:49 PM): something about sunsets...
Epthoroughbred (3:00:57 PM): i don't know about tat
readergrl44 (3:01:11 PM): and i can't say any more than that
Epthoroughbred (3:01:30 PM): *shrugs*
Epthoroughbred (3:01:38 PM): i know how she died
readergrl44 (3:01:42 PM): i don't
Epthoroughbred (3:01:53 PM): he loved her more than he'll ever love anyone or anything again
readergrl44 (3:01:57 PM): i know
readergrl44 (3:02:03 PM): i don't even know her name =/
Epthoroughbred (3:02:35 PM): i do, at least
Epthoroughbred (3:02:42 PM): but he'll tell you when he wants to
readergrl44 (3:02:48 PM): IF he wants to
Epthoroughbred (3:03:04 PM): if
readergrl44 (3:03:09 PM): probably not
Epthoroughbred (3:03:18 PM): i don't know
readergrl44 (3:03:29 PM): i'm just scared
Epthoroughbred (3:03:40 PM): about anything in particular?
readergrl44 (3:03:44 PM): yeah
Epthoroughbred (3:03:56 PM): ..
readergrl44 (3:04:01 PM): losing someone
Epthoroughbred (3:04:05 PM): him
readergrl44 (3:04:11 PM): or you, or aly, or meg
Epthoroughbred (3:04:19 PM): we're not going anywhere
readergrl44 (3:04:27 PM): anything can happen
Epthoroughbred (3:04:42 PM): we're safe
readergrl44 (3:04:47 PM): for now
Epthoroughbred (3:04:57 PM): for now
readergrl44 (3:05:02 PM): yes
Epthoroughbred (3:05:23 PM): we won't die on purpose
readergrl44 (3:05:33 PM): ....but...he...arghh
Epthoroughbred (3:05:44 PM): ?
readergrl44 (3:05:50 PM): he would die on purpose
Epthoroughbred (3:06:04 PM): yep
readergrl44 (3:07:58 PM): wahhhhh
readergrl44 (3:08:20 PM): i don't know how to handle him
Epthoroughbred (3:08:58 PM): he asked me today whether i really knew how much he cared about me.
and i was wondering if he really knew how much we care about him
readergrl44 (3:09:10 PM): :'(
readergrl44 (3:09:14 PM): when did he ask this
Epthoroughbred (3:09:18 PM): band
readergrl44 (3:10:01 PM): i don't think he knows how much we really do care
Epthoroughbred (3:10:06 PM): he doesn't
readergrl44 (3:10:21 PM): i've tried to show him. failing miserably.
Epthoroughbred (3:10:27 PM): same here
readergrl44 (3:16:14 PM): is this part of that stupid "i must get over ellen" kick he's
on?
Epthoroughbred (3:16:22 PM): *shrugs*
readergrl44 (3:16:40 PM): i told him he doesn't have to get over you but...well you know him
Epthoroughbred (3:16:56 PM): yep
Epthoroughbred (3:17:09 PM): if he thinks that it's what i want, then he'll do it
readergrl44 (3:17:27 PM): is it what you want?
Epthoroughbred (3:17:35 PM): i wasnt him alive
Epthoroughbred (3:17:57 PM): and at least mostly whole in spirit
readergrl44 (3:18:09 PM): mind if i tell him this? or no
Epthoroughbred (3:18:36 PM): i've already told him that
readergrl44 (3:18:44 PM): well i'm telling him again
Epthoroughbred (3:18:56 PM): that i dont' care whether he gets over me
readergrl44 (3:19:02 PM): if he hears it enough it'll eventually get through that thick skull of his
Epthoroughbred (3:19:08 PM): i just want him alive
readergrl44 (3:19:16 PM): so do i
readergrl44 (3:19:55 PM): more than anything right now...
Epthoroughbred (3:20:01 PM): so very true
readergrl44 (3:20:12 PM): :'(
readergrl44 (3:20:39 PM): i...i couldn't live without...him
readergrl44 (3:20:44 PM): there. i said it. happy now
Epthoroughbred (3:20:46 PM): neither could i
Epthoroughbred (3:20:54 PM): yes
readergrl44 (3:20:57 PM): it'd be...empty
Epthoroughbred (3:21:13 PM): you aren't telling me anything that i don't know
readergrl44 (3:21:27 PM): when i try to imagine it...it's just blackness
Epthoroughbred (3:21:41 PM): when i try to imagine it i start crying
readergrl44 (3:21:46 PM): i do too
Epthoroughbred (3:21:58 PM): so i try not to anymore
readergrl44 (3:22:02 PM): try, keywor
Epthoroughbred (3:22:17 PM): yep
readergrl44 (3:22:28 PM): this song isn't helping, damnit
readergrl44 (3:24:15 PM): i know now that you're my...only hope
readergrl44 (3:25:39 PM): seriously ellen, i read that book yesterday...he has depression symptoms
(obv) and even some suicidal symptoms
Epthoroughbred (3:26:08 PM): he wants to die, meaghan. he's wanted to die for about 2 years
readergrl44 (3:26:13 PM): i know he does
readergrl44 (3:26:26 PM): that's what scares me the most
Epthoroughbred (3:26:31 PM): that suicidal enough for ya?
readergrl44 (3:26:35 PM): :'(
Epthoroughbred (3:26:55 PM): i'll take that as a yes
readergrl44 (3:27:02 PM): i'm crying, how's THAT for a yes
Epthoroughbred (3:27:18 PM): i can't any omre
readergrl44 (3:27:50 PM): it's not that he just wants to die, or that he's thought about it. it's
that he's willing to find someone who WILL kill him
Epthoroughbred (3:28:21 PM): i know some people (loose term) want to
readergrl44 (3:28:40 PM): you've read the book impulse, right?
Epthoroughbred (3:28:45 PM): yep
readergrl44 (3:29:03 PM): know how it seems to be going well, until the end, when conner throws
himself off the cliff and dies?
Epthoroughbred (3:29:28 PM): yep
readergrl44 (3:29:33 PM): that reminds me of this
Epthoroughbred (3:29:35 PM): he can't take it any mor
readergrl44 (3:29:47 PM): so...is he going to be a conner?
Epthoroughbred (3:29:54 PM): i meant conner
readergrl44 (3:29:57 PM): just boom, die, leave everyone
readergrl44 (3:30:17 PM): i've even asked him, how could you leave us?
readergrl44 (3:30:34 PM): and of course he said "because it would be better for everyone if i
weren't around"
Epthoroughbred (3:31:42 PM): it's almost a good thing that somehow he ended up falling for me, he
never thought that he could really do that again. that makes an even stronger tie here.
readergrl44 (3:32:00 PM): see. one tie keeping him here. you.
Epthoroughbred (3:32:10 PM): one of them
readergrl44 (3:32:20 PM): the strongest one, at least
Epthoroughbred (3:32:26 PM): i will concede that
readergrl44 (3:32:40 PM): face it ellen, if he hadn't fallen for you...
Epthoroughbred (3:32:48 PM): *shudder*
readergrl44 (3:32:59 PM): he wants to be with her again. i know he does.
Epthoroughbred (3:33:18 PM): he can't live without her
readergrl44 (3:33:25 PM): yet he is, barely
Epthoroughbred (3:33:30 PM): he's surprised he's lasted this long
readergrl44 (3:33:37 PM): i am too, actually
Epthoroughbred (3:34:13 PM): and he thinks that i can figure out what to do
Epthoroughbred (3:34:28 PM): and i told him that by the time i figured it out, he'd be dead
Epthoroughbred (3:34:35 PM): he didn't believe me
readergrl44 (3:34:37 PM): i know. he challenged me to that too
Epthoroughbred (3:34:57 PM): and he thinks that i have figured it out but haven't realized it
Epthoroughbred (3:35:28 PM): then after school he was like "how long are going to keep up the
crap that you can't figure it out?" and i said until i actually figure it out
readergrl44 (3:35:38 PM): *sigh*
Epthoroughbred (3:35:54 PM): at me or him?
readergrl44 (3:35:57 PM): him
Epthoroughbred (3:36:00 PM): ah
Epthoroughbred (3:36:03 PM): i really don't kow
readergrl44 (3:36:08 PM): nor do i
Epthoroughbred (3:36:22 PM): if i figured it out, i would have done it already
readergrl44 (3:36:39 PM): unless you can bring back the dead, there's nothing you can do
Epthoroughbred (3:36:59 PM): nope
readergrl44 (3:37:04 PM): :-(
readergrl44 (3:37:17 PM): ellen...i have this gut feeling. do you feel it too?
Epthoroughbred (3:37:33 PM): that i need to do something, and i can't ? yes
readergrl44 (3:37:42 PM): no. that it won't be too much longer
Epthoroughbred (3:37:47 PM): like i should know it, but i dont' know what it is
readergrl44 (3:38:04 PM): it won't be too much longer
Epthoroughbred (3:38:10 PM): probably not
Epthoroughbred (3:38:27 PM): there's been times in school that he almost started crying
Epthoroughbred (3:38:29 PM): like today
readergrl44 (3:38:29 PM): i'm assuming he'll hold out til at least april
Epthoroughbred (3:38:34 PM): probably not
readergrl44 (3:38:39 PM): march. mid-march
Epthoroughbred (3:38:40 PM): it depends
Epthoroughbred (3:38:50 PM): on what we can do
readergrl44 (3:39:00 PM): there's nothing. i've tried EVERYTHING
Epthoroughbred (3:39:20 PM): we have to try everything, and that includes playing dirty
readergrl44 (3:39:28 PM): playing dirty meaning...?
Epthoroughbred (3:39:37 PM): well, you can't mention her
readergrl44 (3:39:42 PM): can do
Epthoroughbred (3:39:56 PM): that's how i tried to tick him off enough to keep him alive, if only
to kill me
readergrl44 (3:40:16 PM): what if he brings her up? change the subject?
Epthoroughbred (3:40:34 PM): said that if he killed himself, she'd come down from heaven and kick
his sorry, worthless butt from heaven to hell
readergrl44 (3:40:43 PM): lol
Epthoroughbred (3:40:44 PM): and back again
Epthoroughbred (3:40:48 PM): he blew
readergrl44 (3:40:52 PM): ouch
Epthoroughbred (3:41:02 PM): yeah
Epthoroughbred (3:41:19 PM): if he brings her up, which i doubt, just say that she wouldn't want
him to die
Epthoroughbred (3:41:24 PM): to kill himself
Epthoroughbred (3:41:34 PM): to stay for everyone else who's left
readergrl44 (3:41:45 PM): i'm just thinking of this line from spring awakening. "i'm ready to
be an angel now. funny, just a few minutes ago you could see stars on the horizon. now, nothing. so
dark...so dark...*kills himself*"
Epthoroughbred (3:42:05 PM): yep
readergrl44 (3:42:18 PM): with a gun, nonetheless
Epthoroughbred (3:42:30 PM): eh
Epthoroughbred (3:42:32 PM): it's quick
readergrl44 (3:42:48 PM): does he want to die quickly and painless, or slowly and painfully?
Epthoroughbred (3:42:55 PM): haven't asked, really
readergrl44 (3:43:04 PM): i'm guess the first one
Epthoroughbred (3:43:09 PM): did you ask?
readergrl44 (3:43:31 PM): no...but i just would assume that he wouldn't want his final moments to
be agonizing and painful
Epthoroughbred (3:43:45 PM): hmmmm
Epthoroughbred (3:43:51 PM): maybe
Epthoroughbred (3:43:53 PM): maybe not
readergrl44 (3:44:03 PM): i just hope we won't have to find out
Epthoroughbred (3:44:13 PM): i find myself leaning toward the painful
Epthoroughbred (3:44:26 PM): though he shouldn't do either
readergrl44 (3:44:30 PM): exactly
Epthoroughbred (3:44:48 PM): :'(
readergrl44 (3:44:59 PM): i can only imagine the letters and possessions he'd leave...
readergrl44 (3:45:39 PM): his last words to you will be "i love you"
Epthoroughbred (3:45:50 PM): what last words/
Epthoroughbred (3:45:54 PM): ha
readergrl44 (3:45:55 PM): ....
Epthoroughbred (3:45:57 PM): he wouldn't
readergrl44 (3:46:00 PM): would
Epthoroughbred (3:46:11 PM): he'd just slink out of life like the coward he is
readergrl44 (3:46:19 PM): you never know
Epthoroughbred (3:46:19 PM): not even a good bye
Epthoroughbred (3:46:39 PM): i'd probably end up with the beads. which then would have me
considering
readergrl44 (3:46:43 PM): true...he'd be like (on firstclass) "oh the bruins are on, brb"
and then bam
Epthoroughbred (3:46:51 PM): yeo
Epthoroughbred (3:47:00 PM): he wouldn't want us to worry overly much
Epthoroughbred (3:47:04 PM): yeah, ok
readergrl44 (3:47:06 PM): i'd end up with nada, nothing, zip
readergrl44 (3:47:14 PM): and yes, you'd get the beads. given.
Epthoroughbred (3:47:14 PM): yes, you would
Epthoroughbred (3:47:18 PM): the notebook
readergrl44 (3:47:23 PM): ...oh god
Epthoroughbred (3:47:24 PM): speaking of which....
readergrl44 (3:47:30 PM): he never gave it back
Epthoroughbred (3:47:34 PM): ah
readergrl44 (3:47:40 PM): i haven't even seen it today
Epthoroughbred (3:47:45 PM): neither have hi
readergrl44 (3:48:07 PM): was tempted to go through his backpack at lunch but he was so....that i
decided not to
Epthoroughbred (3:48:17 PM): yeah
Epthoroughbred (3:48:29 PM): that was one of the moments when he was about to cry
readergrl44 (3:48:33 PM): i know
Epthoroughbred (3:48:43 PM): and he'll kill me if i say that again
readergrl44 (3:48:51 PM): i know
Epthoroughbred (3:49:03 PM): look at the lyrics of storm
readergrl44 (3:49:07 PM): by?
Epthoroughbred (3:49:16 PM): lifehouse
readergrl44 (3:49:20 PM): ok, let me look
Epthoroughbred (3:49:26 PM): and you'll get a good idea of how he feels. about her, that is
Epthoroughbred (3:49:55 PM): that's the closest i can come to describing him right now
Epthoroughbred (3:49:58 PM): for that bit
readergrl44 (3:50:11 PM): ok, looking
readergrl44 (3:50:37 PM): If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light
readergrl44 (3:50:39 PM):
Epthoroughbred (3:50:42 PM): yep
readergrl44 (3:50:52 PM): so sad
Epthoroughbred (3:51:06 PM): that's how he feels
readergrl44 (3:51:11 PM): oh my god
Epthoroughbred (3:51:14 PM): that's the closest i can come
readergrl44 (3:51:22 PM):
Epthoroughbred (3:51:24 PM): yep
Epthoroughbred (3:51:37 PM): he really loved her
says:
