What's a good birthday gift for someone in a nursing home?

[EllenFrasier]

My Aunt recently moved from her home into a nursing home. She is not happy about it at all. My Uncle lives in the same facility now, but is in a different building and has an assisted living apartment. Because she has fallen numerous times, even with a walker, he cannot take care of her and she needs to be in the nursing home part. They have been married for over 60 years and now they are living apart. My heart breaks everytime I think about how they must feel about all of this, but it's the only living arrangement solution.

They live 4 hours away and I cannot get there to visit her for her birthday. She is turning 89 this year! I want to send her something. I usually just send her a card, but I'd like to send her a gift this year. Something to cheer her up. Her daughter says she is kind of depressed and not at all happy about being in the nursing home. She told my mother that she never imagined that she would die in a place like this. Now the nursing home is a nice place, my cousin assured me and the staff is very nice and efficient. I think it's just that she probably feels like she is in a hospital and not her own home.

What would be a good gift to send her? I imagine she has limited space to store things - only one room with a sitting area. She used to enjoy art work - drawing, painting, etc. I had thought about sending her a drawing pad and some pastel pencils, things like that. Something to make her feel that she is still useful and to have something to do. I was worried about a place to put it all though. I guess is wouldn't take up too much room. Then I saw these gifts baskets on Amazon - they have cookies and candy in them. Some have tea. Not sure if she can get that kind of stuff for herself though or if the nurses have to bring her a snack?

Anyone have relatives in a nursing home that could make some recommendation to me? This is the first time I have had a close relative in a nursing home. Thanks!

 

[prncess674]

Art magazine subscription. She can toss or share the mag when she is done.

 

[Jajone]

How about gift cards for a dinner out if she is able or to get her nails or hair done. Monthly floral bouquets delivered. Warm slippers with grippy bottoms. Assortment of cards, stamps and a notepad. Books or books on tape.

 

[Maddie2]

I think your art supplies idea is a wonderful one - like you said, something "to do". You might ask your cousin if your aunt would still be able to use them - or perhaps your cousin would have some good ideas as well.

 

[Plantlady]

I am surprised that your aunt and uncle can't be together.

My grandparents are in a nursing home. It was their choice, family offered to have them stay with them... anyway, my grandpa is bedridden, my grandma is a feisty 94 year old lady. They have been married 76 years, and are in the same room. My grandpa is the only bedridden patient in that part of the home, but my grandma does most of the work for him. No heavy lifting, but fetching drinks, covering him up, making him comfy.

Anyway, we do pictures. She decorates their door with family photos. She also has a laptop, so I try to keep her stocked with digital copies of all of the family.

I think the idea of the art magazine is good. Opportunity to decorate, and can throw it away, guilt free. We also do cookies sometimes, something that Grandma can pass out to visitors. She misses being a hostess.

Honestly though, it is hard to shop for them. A call or a visit is much more meaningful.

 

[kent285]

Maybe a framed photograph of you and your family, music CDs, pretty scarf.

 

[mom2d&b]

My grandma is in an assisted living and I agree it is difficult. I know what she likes most are pics, mail, visits and phone calls. The food basket would be good too but know she will probaly pass it out to others. I know you are 4 hours away, but you may want to consider planning a party for her 90th. We just did that in October for my grandma. We surprised her. It was awesome, she really enjoyed it. We invited EVERYONE, even having all the grandchildren fly in to be with her. She is in Florida, and all but myself are living in MA, NH, & MI. I live about 2 hours from her but the planning was pretty easy since the facility has a large party room we could use. I started planning this about 10 months before the event so those out of state could save money, & vacation time in order to attend. At the end of the party we gave her 1 more gift. I photo of all the grandkids that had been taken earlier int he day. She was amazed that we could do this.

 

[luckyfin]

How about a digital picture frame loaded with family pictures? Or a cozy blanket? Or many of the facilities around here have salons on site- maybe a gift certificate for a few haircuts?

 

[aaronella]

Every year at Christmas time, my aunt makes a calender for my grandmother with everyones birthdays! Each month, it is pictures of whomevevers birthdays will be that month, kids, grandkids, great grandkids etc!!

 

[LMN]

That is so sad that your aunt and uncle can't be together. I can't imagine how terrible that must be for them. My aunt was in a nursing home from age 48 thru to the end of her life (about 5 yrs) due to an aggressive form of ms. She was in 3 different facilities in that 5 yrs. Even the nicest facilities have problems with theft: from both the staff and other residents. So I would caution against giving her items that would be desirable to others as well as easy to steal. A sad statement to have to make, but the truth. I agree with a pp: the best gift would be a visit or a call or a note from you. Good luck.

 

[prncess674]

I suggested the magazine but I also agree that calls and visits are the best. I think most people who enter facilities are sad that they are losing their family and independence. Make a point of calling and just chatting. Call while you are in the car. It is time that you are just sitting anyway and it will truly make a wonderful difference. Even if you don't think you have anything to say, just chat about anything!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

a photo album and tell everyone you know to write a card and send a picture to put in her book!

 

[Jey12]

I too am surprised they can't be together. If you can maybe look into other facilities? They usually don't separate out married couples anymore just because of certain levels of care. One person receives the care and the other person is allowed to do what they can for themself. My grandmother has been in a nursing home for over 4 years now and they have 4 rooms on both levels that are larger and are meant for married couples. That makes me very sad to think of them having to live apart.

As for gifts, personal visits are what is treasured the most. Letting the person know they haven't been forgotten and basically sent someplace to die. I know it's sad but that seems to be the mindset of many nursing home residents, and honestly it's the truth. They are trying to learn to live in the place they know they are probably going to die at. Personal visits gives them something to look forward to and plan for. Other items I've noticed are appreciated are nice blankets, music cd's, puzzles, books and craft supplies. Pictures are wonderful just make sure they aren't getting a ton of them because of the limited wall space, the suggestion of a digital frame that can scroll through many pictures is a wonderful idea. If she doesn't have a phone in her room, you can pay for a phone and line if that's possible? I know where my grandma is they don't provide a private phone for each resident so we as a family share the monthly bill so grandma doesn't have to keep using the phone at the nurse's desk.

Also don't forget the staff. I've found that if you bring them special thank you treats and let them know you're thankful for the good job they are doing it goes a long way in how they'll view your aunt. Often the only recognition the staff there gets is when they've done something wrong or negative words said to them by a frustrated resident. If the staff isn't sure who or when family is going to visit or that they remember you bring them little presents too, often your aunt will receive the special care that she deserves. If you have any pull at all, maybe ask about a room both your aunt and uncle can share? That really just breaks my heart and it doesn't have to be that way.

 

[mousefan1972]

I am a physical therapist and some of the patients I treat live in an assisted living facility. The rooms can be quite small and there is often very limited storage space. So whatever you choose for a gift, think small and practical. It is very sweet of you to want to cheer up your Aunt. She is lucky to have you.

 

[MommaB]

A friend made a DVD full of all kinds of things for her Grandmother to play. Some of it was just daily life, a bit of Q&A among the family, the kids put on a skit, her daughter danced in circles, every segway was someone singing Happy Birthday and all kinds of little bits. It took up no room, was goofy and fun and was a huge hit

 

[Swan4Me]

the BEST thing is a picture albumn of old pics...........my Mom has a few We've made for her-helps her memory also

 

[thebeesknees]

Before my DMIL passed, she asked us to send her an assortment of greeting cards, since she couldn't get out to purchase them herself. So I went to the Dollar Store and picked up 2 of everything I could think of, from Thank You notes, to Birthday, to Anniversary, Get Well, etc. Plus some stamps. She was so thankful.

 

[2luvmickey]

My parents are also in an assisted living facility. They have side by side one bedroom apartments, and in my mom's opinion, after being with my dad for 63 years, she loves her own space

Many posters have great ideas: GC for hair and nails (sometimes they are in the facility), or a GC to a store that they may visit (such as Target, or a local drug store like CVS) to pick up essentials.

Cards and stamps are appreciated as well. I send my parents pre-printed labels with family member addresses to make it easier to address cards.

I would not suggest flowers - at least for my mom it brings on her allergies, which turns into bronchitis, and may lead to pneumonia.

The most precious gift? A weekly phone call and a visit when you are able. Letting them know they are loved and thought of is the best gift.