What?

[minniebeth]

Well.....I try not to say "what?" when I don't hear people...but....apparently it does get said at home because "what" said very loudly is something our parrot says to us and quite frequently, so I guess I have raised a rude birdie-child

Lol!

 

[MIGrandma]

You seriously think the child should have said "What, sir?" when he didn't hear what the dentist said to him? In this day and age?

I'm 52, my kids are 34 and 31 and we never taught them to say "sir" or "ma'am" when speaking to older people. My kids would have said "I'm sorry, what was that?" or "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, could you repeat that?" It never would have occurred to them to use the word "sir" to the dentist. It never would have occurred to me either.

I don't think people are rude at all if they don't say "sir" or "ma'am", I feel those are very old-fashioned words that are going by the wayside, except for people in the military maybe.

The only person I might use those words to speak to would be a cop, and maybe not even then.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

The only person I might use those words to speak to would be a cop, and maybe not even then.

Interestingly enough I have 2 friends who are police officers, and they do NOT want to be called "sir" in any way, shape, or form. To them "sir" is something reserved for high ranking officials in the military. They prefer to be called, "Officer." Apparently they take it very seriously, too, and have corrected people who called them, "sir."

The whole "sir" thing bothers me because it brings back some old childhood memories. One of my best friends growing up had a very abusive father. Part of that abuse was to constantly beat the 2 boys down by having them call him, "sir." Never was it "Dad" or "Father" but it had to be "Sir." To this day it just bothers me when I hear someone say they want to be referred to as, "sir."

 

[mhsjax]

You seriously think the child should have said "What, sir?" when he didn't hear what the dentist said to him? In this day and age?

I'm 52, my kids are 34 and 31 and we never taught them to say "sir" or "ma'am" when speaking to older people. My kids would have said "I'm sorry, what was that?" or "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, could you repeat that?" It never would have occurred to them to use the word "sir" to the dentist. It never would have occurred to me either.

I don't think people are rude at all if they don't say "sir" or "ma'am", I feel those are very old-fashioned words that are going by the wayside, except for people in the military maybe.

The only person I might use those words to speak to would be a cop, and maybe not even then.

You don't say what sir, you just say Sir? And what is wrong with old fashioned I mean the world is just a great place these days, just look at how many gripes people have about behavior, and yet someone who believes that ma"am and sir polite seem to be considered old fashioned and silly. And at least you r kids would have said I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. or something to that effect. To say What, IMHO is somewhat rude.

What is next, please and thank you, I guess those are old fashioned too.

 

[mhsjax]

Interestingly enough I have 2 friends who are police officers, and they do NOT want to be called "sir" in any way, shape, or form. To them "sir" is something reserved for high ranking officials in the military. They prefer to be called, "Officer." Apparently they take it very seriously, too, and have corrected people who called them, "sir."

The whole "sir" thing bothers me because it brings back some old childhood memories. One of my best friends growing up had a very abusive father. Part of that abuse was to constantly beat the 2 boys down by having them call him, "sir." Never was it "Dad" or "Father" but it had to be "Sir." To this day it just bothers me when I hear someone say they want to be referred to as, "sir."

I think you are taking it to extreme, those of us that prefer those terms don't expect our kids to address their fathers as sir. My kids have a great relationship with their dad, but you better believe that when he tells them to do something or asks them a question, they use sir.

Those terms have nothing to do with abuse, and everything to do with respect. My kids also take Tae kwon do, and you better believe they use sir or ma'am to the instructors, however the instructors also use it for the kids, it is a mutual respect.

 

[hentob]

POint taken. Just please remember that when you move down here, we also don't like hearing about how mush better things are done up north. Because, most of us down here in the south can't stand to hear that over and over again. See it works both ways.

What works both ways? You told us all how you are so glad you live in The South due to YOU having good manners. It is mannerless to say tell people that you are polite. I am glad you understand that now.

Nothing about northeners being superior was mentioned Oh wait...YOU mentioned that people in the North complimented you on your awesome manners

 

[Mrs.Toad]

To me, "sir" and "ma'am" are terms I might use when I don't know someone's name. Like if I notice someone drop something, I'd pick it up and say "excuse me, sir, you dropped this".

"What?" is short for "what did you say?". What is rude about that? (oops, was that sentence rude because it also used the word "what"? ) Is it also rude to say "Where?" if you heard most of what the person said, but didn't catch the location mentioned?

Saying "sir?" when you didn't hear what the person said makes no sense to me. How does that imply to the person that you didn't hear them and need the comment repeated (other than purely through a regional custom)? What if you were talking to your friend Bob? Would you say "Bob?" if you didn't hear him?

 

[Nancyg56]

I swear, I don't think I have ever in my life run across so many people that get offended by the word Ma'am and sir. Only on the dis boards, I have plenty of friends from up north and they don't have a problem with it. Only people here seem to. Makes me wonder. OH well, you would just have to think that my kids are "rude little pissa's, because they have been taught to say ma'am and sir and please and thank you and excuse me. You know, all of those good mannered words that seem to offend so many people here.

.

I am not offended when someone calls me "Maam" but Holy Smokes! I t sure does age me! I am 53 adn the first tiem my adult DD heard someone call me Maam she died laughing and promptly called her brothers and everyone else weho would get a chuckle out if hearing that" Mom got Maamed!"

You don't say what sir, you just say Sir? And what is wrong with old fashioned I mean the world is just a great place these days, just look at how many gripes people have about behavior, and yet someone who believes that ma"am and sir polite seem to be considered old fashioned and silly. And at least you r kids would have said I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. or something to that effect. To say What, IMHO is somewhat rude.

What is next, please and thank you, I guess those are old fashioned too.

I believe that what is the norm in one place is not in another. For me, and I am a lady raised by a lady, manners are not necessarily the words used but the tone and purpose of the words. A child in the dentist's chair saying "What?" to the dentist is not a rude kid. I am an adult and when I am in that position I am happy to be able to verbalize anything and concentrate on not biting him. (Reflex when someone sticks fingers in my mouth)

I taughtmy own children to say "Pardon me?" or "Excuse me" but would never be offended if they used a different word politely. And I have heard "Sir" and Maam" along with many other polite phrases used in pretty rude tones.

 

[ladycollector]

My parents made me say yes sir and no ma'am growing up and I did and still do think it is silly. I *DO* still use those words, but I discriminate between when they are appropriate. I very rarely use ma'am because it is considered offensive to many women, lol.

My children will be taught those words but I will let them decide when it is appropriate to use them. I will not force them to call all men "sir"... sounds servantly to me. If they are holding the door open for someone, "here you go sir" or "let me grab that for you ma'am" would be fine.

 

[luvmy3]

I would have said excuse me, but my kids would have said "what?". The only time I consider that word rude when responding to someone is when they call someone's name and the say "what" instead of "yes?".

 

[jrmasm]

You don't say what sir, you just say Sir? And what is wrong with old fashioned I mean the world is just a great place these days, just look at how many gripes people have about behavior, and yet someone who believes that ma"am and sir polite seem to be considered old fashioned and silly. And at least you r kids would have said I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. or something to that effect. To say What, IMHO is somewhat rude.

What is next, please and thank you, I guess those are old fashioned too.

Sorry, but I think that's a HUGE leap.

 

[MIGrandma]

Sorry, but I think that's a HUGE leap.

That's what I was thinking too.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Who would've thought a thread on manners could turn so harsh?
Nutty.

 

[bgirldeb]

What is next, please and thank you, I guess those are old fashioned too.

I beg your pardon?

Sir and Ma'am are not just 'old fashioned', they are particularly cultural/regionally used terms. Children are raised in different areas to be just as respectful without using those terms.

My kids use "please", "thank you" and "excuse me", and did not have to have it drilled into them. To me, using "what?" or "huh?" is all about the tone.

IMO, if a dentist asks you anything while they are working in your mouth, they are lucky they can understand any response you are able to give, be it a "huh?" or a grunt.

 

[bgirldeb]

Forgot to add, I used to work for a call center that had customers based in NY/NJ/CT, and we were advised not to use "sir" or "Ma'am" with them, because it is offensive to people from that region. It always helps to be respectful of different regional etiquette.

 

[lillygator]

I'd be heading to a new dental office.

 

[Robinrs]

Wow, I never saw a thread where so many people told their AGE!!!

It's REGIONAL folks!! I had to find out when I got to the South, too.

And "polite" is adorable but I like HONEST way more!!

 

[Scurvy]

Thank God I live in the south. I just don't understand why some people take offense to good manners.

Maybe it is a regional thing. I've lived all but two years of my life in the South. I've lived in Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee and Alabama and saying "Sir" in response to a question hasn't been the norm anywhere I've lived. (Using "Sir" and "Ma'am" is common, of course, but not in that context.) I might have heard one person do that, maybe. I do hear people say things like "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that." or "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?", or "Excuse me? I missed that." Or other variations. People even say "What?" I don't see anything rude about that.

Maybe I somehow missed that "Sir?" is the polite response to missing something, but I never noticed that in any of my etiquette books and none of the lovely ladies I've been surrounded by for most of my life have ever mentioned it. I really don't think this is as much an issue of good manners as it is an issue of personal preference.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Who would've thought a thread on manners could turn so harsh?
Nutty.

With all due respect, I don't see how it could have turned out any differently. The OP was was phrased more as a put-down than a question of manners.

I'd be heading to a new dental office.

Why?

 

[trip]

I don't know if I'd change dentists, but I do feel he had no business correcting/questioning the young patient.