What Would Your Reaction Be?

[Allison]

Exactly just because break-ins aren't common doesn't mean that everyone is just going to walk past an unlocked car with a purse visible. There are bad people everywhere.

Exactly-People will take advantage of an available opportunity.

 

[NewRVLady]

Monday AM, my coworkers DH got in his vehicle early AM and noticed a hand swipe on drivers side window-so someone swiped the mist and look inside...walked to each neighbor with cars in driveway-same thing...drove out and EVERY SINGLE car left in driveway had a hand swipe. He called the non emergency police #
They live in a new very nice subdivision in a town with no crime

You just never know

I would never leave my purse in car-ever

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I do not think the end justified the means in this case.

You are not a child, regardless of what you did.

ETA And oh yes, I think you should definitely stop leaving your purse in your car, too.

 

[Hrhpd]

We're remodeling our kitchen right now, so our garage is full of construction type stuff. So after being spoiled and always parking in the garage, I've been parking in our driveway for the past month or so.

I've gotten in the habit over the last several years of leaving my purse in the car in the garage. I'm horribly absent-minded so it's helpful to just leave it in the car so I never forget it. Well I've still been doing it, and my husband has been connnnstantly harassing me not to do it, or to at least lock the door to my car if I do ( I always forget that too since I'm used to parking inside!)

Anyway, this morning I took my boys to school and went to the grocery store with my daughter, got all the way there and realized my purse was gone! I didn't panic at first, thinking I left it at home. But got home, searched the house top to bottom, and no luck. Then I got back in the car and went to all the places I was yesterday (with a cranky 3 year old in tow.) No luck finding it. I'm panicking at this point because I have my wallet, my checkbook, my sons' fundraising money for their tball team and other things in there. I called the CC companies, and good news, no charges on the cards after yesterday. I figured the purse hadn't been stolen at that point, since the criminals usually use the stuff right away. We have a huge dumpster at the end of our driveway for the construction garbage, and so I ended up climbing in and going through that for an hour to see if it had inadvertently been tossed out with scraps from the kitchen.

Long story short, I never found it. My husband came home and I'm like dreadddding telling him because of the "I told you so" that I know is inevitably coming. He says,

"You look frazzled, what's up?" (Incidentally this should have been my first clue, he never notices the way I'm feeling ) I tell him I lost my purse and a huge grin cracks over his face and he says,

"Hmmmm, maybe in future you'll remember to lock your car!" And he pulls my purse out of his work briefcase!!!!! He had walked out to his car this morning and noticed my car was unlocked again, so he grabbed my purse and took it to work with him.

So yeah. I'm LIVID. Though I get that he was trying to be helpful I think what he did was ridiculous and infantilizing. Then again, I know his heart was in the right place. And he's currently putting all three kids to bed while I relax in a bubble bath with a glass of merlot to make up for my day

What would your reaction be if your SO did this? Totally egregious and just begging for an at-home vasectomy, or a worthwhile lesson for this very absentminded mom?

Sorry, I don't buy the whole story.

Who calls all their credit card companies to see if credit cards haven't been used, is relieved that they weren't used, but then doesn't cancel them while on the phone when they think their purse may have been stolen?

You must have had an inkling of what hubby did.

That said, I would need more information. Are your accounts, including banking accounts solely in your name? All your credit cards solely in your name? If that is the case, then your irresponsibility would only affect you when your purse did eventually get stolen.

However, if you have joint accounts and your total irresponsibility would severely affect your husband and the family finances, I would side with him. By your own admission, he has tried to ask you as an adult, to the point of "constantly harassing you" to be more responsible, but you ignored those requests because you said you were "absent minded and just easier to leave in the car." Since you are acting like a child, maybe being treated like a child was in order. Obviously, talking to you and asking to be more responsible didn't work.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I say it's your business if you want to leave your purse in your car. If it gets stolen, that's your responsibility. You deal with the consequences. I'm not on DH's side at all. This is something you may do to teach a child a lesson, and even then it is mean.

DH was mean in his actions, but if her purse has credit cards and a checkbook, it is not just "her business". The consequences of a stolen purse impact everyone who lives in that house.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Would I be mad? Yes. But truthfully, I think you needed that kick in the butt. It is just plain irresponsible to leave your purse outside in an unlocked car, and the forgetful mom excuse is a cop out. There is no reason why you can't hang your purse on the doorknob leading to the garage or in a hook next to the door so you don't forget it. And even if all the accounts are in your name only, if they were to get stolen it would impact the whole family. You said your husband tried reminding you to lock the car and bring your purse in, and you kept forgetting. I think putting the fear of god in you was the next logical step.

People break in to cars parked in driveways all the time, in all types of neighborhoods. No neighborhood is "safe" when it comes to that. In fact, the "safe" neighborhoods can be targets because people let their guards down.

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

Would I be mad? Yes. But truthfully, I think you needed that kick in the butt. It is just plain irresponsible to leave your purse outside in an unlocked car, and the forgetful mom excuse is a cop out. There is no reason why you can't hang your purse on the doorknob leading to the garage or in a hook next to the door so you don't forget it. And even if all the accounts are in your name only, if they were to get stolen it would impact the whole family. You said your husband tried reminding you to lock the car and bring your purse in, and you kept forgetting. I think putting the fear of god in you was the next logical step.

People break in to cars parked in driveways all the time, in all types of neighborhoods. No neighborhood is "safe" when it comes to that. In fact, the "safe" neighborhoods can be targets because people let their guards down.

ITA. Your DH did what he felt he had to do to get your attention!

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I would just be thankful that he had it, and that it wasn't stolen. Lesson learned.

 

[SydSim]

if i were you, i'd be ticked that he put you through needless stress by taking your purse. But if i were him, i'd be ticked that you put me through needless stress by storing your and his (assuming you have joint accounts) financial information so recklessly. It appears that he put you through stress to teach you a lesson and prevent worse problems for the two of you. You put him through stress for your own convenience. He has the high ground, imo.

+1

 

[penn19]

This is one of those questions where the women are gonna side with the OP..."oh he would be in the dog house for weeks"

and the men are gonna side with the hubby...."see if you had just listened to him that would not have happened"

I have to say that it is completely irresponsible for you to be leaving that type of information open in the car. I would think you should count yourself lucky that it was just your hubby that did this and not someone else with a more malicious intent.

I am a woman. I side with the husband. He might have gone a long time without telling her which is wrong yes but, to always leave your bag in an unlocked car? I wouldn't even leave my bag in my car in my garage. I just think its to easy to be stolen. The money, the credit cards, personal information. Like why even take that chance? I don't get it.

 

[gwynne]

If I were you, I'd be ticked that he put you through needless stress by taking your purse.

But if I were him, I'd be ticked that you put me through needless stress by storing your and his (assuming you have joint accounts) financial information so recklessly.

It appears that he put you through stress to teach you a lesson and prevent worse problems for the two of you. You put him through stress for your own convenience. He has the high ground, IMO.

ITA. Being forgetful really isn't a defense. Not to be unkind, but it's a choice. OP, maybe find a place inside your home to place your bag each time you return.

 

[Lionqueen2]

Yes, I would be annoyed, but not at my husband. I'd be upset with myself for having to put DH in a situation where he had to resort to that tactic to get the message across to me that leaving a purse in a car that is unlocked is not a wise thing to do. I think you owe him an apology.

 

[pryncess527]

Though I get that he was trying to be helpful I think what he did was ridiculous and infantilizing. Then again, I know his heart was in the right place. And he's currently putting all three kids to bed while I relax in a bubble bath with a glass of merlot to make up for my day

I think I'd feel this exact same way. I would absolutely feel infantalized and would be upset. we aren't in the habit of teaching each other lessons like that. But I'd also understand his intentions and let it go, after enjoying a pleasant quiet evening with the activity of my choice

 

[momz]

WOW! The actions by your husband (stealing your purse to teach you a lesson) were certainly passive aggressive...which only leads to resentment on your part.


But, why didn't you take his concerns seriously? The fact that you continued to leave your valuables vulnerable to theft even after he let you know his concerns indicates that you do not respect him. This set him up to act the way he did.

You were wrong to disregard his concerns. He was wrong to play the stealing game.

2 wrongs don't make a right. You both owe each other an apology. And you, my dear, need to listen to your husband when he is telling you that a particular behavior of yours is compromising the entire households' security.

BTW, do you have a garage door opener in your car? If so, leaving your car unlocked in the drive gives criminals easy access to your belongings in the garage too.

Leaving your purse in an unlocked car is inviting trouble.

 

[kathie859]

Yeah---I'd be po'd at DH's actions; but equally, I'd be embarrassed that I'd opened the family to financial harm by my "absent minded" attitude. Get a grip---- and figure out a way to be more responsible. (Stickies on the door reminding you to take your purse? Stickies inside of car or attached to key chain reminding you?--whatever "trick" that would work for you.)

 

[polineedyan]

My wife wouldve beat me bloody blue if I'd have done that. I can say the same is true vice versa.
With that said, if my wife lost her purse, I would probably be the first person she called. The same is true vice versa.
I would never be too afraid to tell my wife I lost my wallet.
She, on the other hand, isnt the type to try to 'teach me a lesson.'
Bad form, all around, I say.

 

[aprilchem]

I would be livid. You are an adult, and it's your business what you do with your things (even if you didn't make the best choice). I think it was immature and childish on your DH's part, and can't imagine my husband doing something like that. Sure, he'd ask me (nicely) to keep it in a safer place, but stealing it?

 

[DizBelle]

I would be livid. You are an adult, and it's your business what you do with your things (even if you didn't make the best choice). I think it was immature and childish on your DH's part, and can't imagine my husband doing something like that. Sure, he'd ask me (nicely) to keep it in a safer place, but stealing it?

But it wasn't just "her" things. Their financial information and security belong to the whole family.

 

[cabanafrau]

It's inconsiderate and disrespectful for her to be so cavalier with her family's security.

Agreed. Particularly after reasoning that the purse hadn't been stolen after verifying there had been no charges to the credit cards. Considering the DH would also have been inconvenienced if the purse had been stolen and reasonable requests to rectify the situation were disregarded, you get what you get & haven't got a lot of room to complain.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Would I be mad? Yes. But truthfully, I think you needed that kick in the butt. It is just plain irresponsible to leave your purse outside in an unlocked car, and the forgetful mom excuse is a cop out. There is no reason why you can't hang your purse on the doorknob leading to the garage or in a hook next to the door so you don't forget it. And even if all the accounts are in your name only, if they were to get stolen it would impact the whole family. You said your husband tried reminding you to lock the car and bring your purse in, and you kept forgetting. I think putting the fear of god in you was the next logical step.

People break in to cars parked in driveways all the time, in all types of neighborhoods. No neighborhood is "safe" when it comes to that. In fact, the "safe" neighborhoods can be targets because people let their guards down.

I agree with this 100%.


To all the posters who said its wrong for DH to treat her like a CHILD. Sorry, but she totally behaved like a child!!!!!!!! 100%!!!! Purposely leaving her purse in the car, and in an unlocked car, is childish behaviour! He gave her the kick in the butt she needed. I applaud him. Hopefully she learned her lesson.