What would you have done?

[NYCgrrl]

I don't know if OP lives in NYC, and even New York's Finest may be upgrading their enforcement with their new leadership.

There are two problems with NOT reporting.

One is that "I can't see the police actually doing anything" becomes self-fulfilling. Hopefully they would take this kind of a blatantly sexual assault serious, but even if they don't at first, they will when they get multiple reports.

The other serious drawback to doing nothing is that the guy will continue, and probably progress. The fact that he didn't immediately leave the store tells us something. He's done this before, and will continue to do it. Not only that, but this incident was not all he'll do. He will progress. I guarantee you this is not the first time this guy has done that, and it won't be the last.

Unfortunately in situations like this victims are either part of the solution or part of the problem. It's not just about me, me, me. Everyone who didn't report shares some of the blame for future victims problems -- some of which may be much, much worse that this incident.

Cant see NYPD changing such a long-standing operating policy just because there’s a new boss. Got robbed? Go to the precinct since they are not coming to you.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I'm going to throw my .02 in here. Yes, I have been sexually assaulted; twice. (Trying to keep this family friendly, so not going into details too much.)

I was a child, it was by two family members, and I was told by the priest that my father took me to for therapy that "If you hadn't worn the pink bikini swimsuit in the pool that day, no one would ever have touched you." Yes, it was the pink bikini on my 10 year old body that caused the whole mess. The 2nd time, I had just filed divorce papers; and that didn't stop him from breaking in and, as the police put it, 'taking his husbandly rights'. (Not joking; y'all think the bad views of the Aurora CO pd started with the death of that young man? Nope, APD was corruptand bad policing the entire 15 years I lived there. My cousin was murdered, left in a school parking lot. Took over 20 years to get an arrest, then the case was over because of procedural problems with the evidence.)


In this particular case, the OP just reacted. It's understandable that she lashed out. I might have done the same. I would have definitely called the police, because as @JimMIA has said, this guy has done stuff like the before. You have to report it, or they can't catch him; they can't try to solve crimes if they don't know it happened. He could have been a bit more tactful in the way he put it, but he's right. You have to report these things, no matter how small. The longer people get away with their bad behaviors, the more bold they become, and things can progress from a simple behind-grab to rape in the blink of an eye.

I appreciate you telling your story and it's sickening the excuses people gave in the past and still give. I would never ask anyone to share their stories just to share it. Everyone's story is there own including mine.

In regards to the PP's comment I only took issue with actually telling/saying a victim is part of the problem if they don't report it. The goal is always to have reports to go off of (and if you read all my comments from the beginning of the thread that was always something I stressed). There's no tactful way to reword telling a victim they are a problem should they not report it. The tactful part is to just not say those words at all.

**I'm very sorry to hear about your story, you were just a child and your cousin's murder just how awful

Respectfully I don't want to keep that part of the thread going, enough has already been said, so please don't take offense if I don't respond further about the conversation yesterday, it is not meant as anything against you

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

In retrospect, I wish I had been bold enough to take his picture and to call police but I was really scared.

I can now understand, from my very small experience, how people would be afraid to report it. We shouldn’t feel that way.

If you feel comfortable or want to in the future report this incident you can; if you feel comfortable doing so you can write down for memory purposes later on. Just know that you're not alone in your feelings, you truly aren't.

 

[ibob52]

a in the moment natural instinct to Fight or Flight and while doing so a struggle within yourself for reacting either way .

 

[Dakota731]

Truth and it started in school. Boys popping your bra or worse unhooking it, grabbing at you and worse. And a lot of the teachers weren't much better.

You got that right! I remember a teacher who always grabbed my butt and another who would hug all the girls a little too long and often. And back then we just assumed men will be men. And don’t even get me started on bosses who groped, made lewd comments and propositions. I’m glad young women nowadays have more recourse than women of my generation did!