What would you have done?

[thinkerbell]

Last week, I was in a store buying birthday cards for my grandsons. I was on the aisle by myself. I felt a little something on my behind but not enough to bother with. Thought it was just my pants moving or something. Then I felt a definite touch. I turned around and there was a man standing right behind me. There was plenty of room in the aisle behind me that if he wanted to just pass, he could. He said, “Sorry“ and then just stepped back and looked at me. I screamed “Stop it” and then hit him with my fist in the arm/chest. I was thinking about what I was doing at the time but only in the sense of “I’m fixing to hit him and I’m going to get in trouble.” I couldn’t stop it. I was in a fog. He didn’t even act like he was going to dodge my hit. He just stood there. I’m sure it didn’t hurt as I’m a pitiful hitter. He slowly backed away and then walked down the next aisle. I followed to see where he was going and then went to tell the manager. Small store so it was easy to find and point him out. She followed him. I was so shook up that I just paid for the cards I had and left. I’ve often wondered what I would do in a situation like that but I was surprised at what I did. It was like I couldn’t control what I did. What do you think you would have done?

 

[Owlpost23]

Probably what you did! Good for you-what creep.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Sounds about right to me. I might have given a "touch me again, and I'm calling the cops and pressing charges for sexual assault" add-in, especially if there were no cameras and you weren't 100% sure of what happened and why - if there were, I might have called the cops and pressed charges right now.

When I was a teen lifeguard, I had a drunk 19 year old pull the "touch the butt" stunt on me. He was told exactly what I said above, and the manager (who was a college male himself) agreed with me to throw the guy out of the pool for the rest of the summer. When he came back the following year, it never happened again.

I managed to not slap him, but I was sure tempted...

 

[dclpluto]

Last week, I was in a store buying birthday cards for my grandsons. I was on the aisle by myself. I felt a little something on my behind but not enough to bother with. Thought it was just my pants moving or something. Then I felt a definite touch. I turned around and there was a man standing right behind me. There was plenty of room in the aisle behind me that if he wanted to just pass, he could. He said, “Sorry“ and then just stepped back and looked at me. I screamed “Stop it” and then hit him with my fist in the arm/chest. I was thinking about what I was doing at the time but only in the sense of “I’m fixing to hit him and I’m going to get in trouble.” I couldn’t stop it. I was in a fog. He didn’t even act like he was going to dodge my hit. He just stood there. I’m sure it didn’t hurt as I’m a pitiful hitter. He slowly backed away and then walked down the next aisle. I followed to see where he was going and then went to tell the manager. Small store so it was easy to find and point him out. She followed him. I was so shook up that I just paid for the cards I had and left. I’ve often wondered what I would do in a situation like that but I was surprised at what I did. It was like I couldn’t control what I did. What do you think you would have done?

You could of called the cops and ask them to look at the security footage. Take a picture of him so the cops will have it. A picture on your cell phone might be a better picture than the security footage.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I can't say for sure, but I think...

If I had turned around before he spoke, I probably would have defaulted to my old teacher look/teacher voice "Excuuuuse me" and (hopefully) sent him running for the next aisle.

It's tougher that he spoke first. - That would have thrown me off too. I think I also would have left.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

I don’t think I would have hit him. I probably would have walked away while getting a picture of him with my phone. Reported him to an employee and then I would have left the store and waited for him to come out and got his license number.

 

[Meriweather]

I would have screamed most likely. Just a reflex if I think I am alone.....and I hate being touched.
Definitely gone to manager. And hope that would have a follow up.
If he did it once, he will do it again,

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

Sounds about right to me. I might have given a "touch me again, and I'm calling the cops and pressing charges for sexual assault" add-in, especially if there were no cameras and you weren't 100% sure of what happened and why - if there were, I might have called the cops and pressed charges right now.

When I was a teen lifeguard, I had a drunk 19 year old pull the "touch the butt" stunt on me. He was told exactly what I said above, and the manager (who was a college male himself) agreed with me to throw to guy out of the pool for the rest of the summer. When he came back the following year, it never happened again.

I managed to not slap him, but I was sure tempted...

I’m glad the pool manager sided with you. When I was around 13, three teenage boys were playing near me in the pool and one of them swam underwater and groped my crotch. The other boys thought it was great! I immediately got out of the pool and reported it to a lifeguard. The lifeguard did nothing. I spent the rest of the day on the pool deck because I was afraid to go in the water. For the rest of the summer, I scanned the pool for those boys before I would get in. When summer was over, I told my parents I didn’t want to go to that pool anymore.

 

[Kitty 34]

Not hit him.....would not want to be that "close" to him. I would have definitely sought out an employee/manager.

 

[Sinder]

I would have told him if he touched me again I’d break his ****ing fingers.
Then I’d take a pic of him and post it on the local FB groups I’m in and explain what he did snd watch out for him.

 

[JimMIA]

I'm a guy, so my reaction probably doesn't count much, but I would encourage you to report that incident to the police.

It's not too late for them to investigate, and there are lots of leads. People in the store may know him. People in other stores in the area may know him. The police may very well know him. He may be on surveillance video (and don't assume they don't have video), or he may have made a purchase at the store or a nearby store that would identify him.

One thing I can tell you as a guy that does matter is that this is most definitely NOT normal "boys being boys" behavior. We don't go around touching complete strangers in stores. This guy is probably a sexual predator of some degree, and the sooner the police are alerted to him the better.

 

[Cheburashka]

I would have told the manager and also either called the cops myself, or insisted the manager call the cops. This is predatory behavior and will be repeated, possibly with someone underage. I'm 47 years old and in all those years have never accidentally put my hand on a stranger's butt while grocery shopping. We all know this wasn't an accident.

 

[holden]

Sounds like an assault to me. I'd call the cops and report it.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Get a hat pin since they are always in fashion.
I can’t see NYPD getting involved unless the complainant is famous or its a family member but wouldn’t it be nice to be wrong.

 

[Silver saucer]

Whoa! You go girl!! You are my hero!!!!!

 

[PollyannaMom]

I would encourage you to report that incident to the police.

I would have told the manager and also either called the cops myself, or insisted the manager call the cops.

Sounds like an assault to me. I'd call the cops and report it.

I have to admit that I would be afraid to call the cops at this point. As wrong as it would be for the guy to try turn the tables, if he's low enough, he might ask for her to also be charged with assault for punching him. (I realize it was a knee-jerk reaction, and he deserved it, but I would still be too chicken to risk putting myself through that.)

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Hard to say what I would have done on a split section decision but I can't see myself physically hitting the man after the fact, if I was swatting his hand away that's different but I can't see myself punching him. I would have yelled WTH? (probably not the DIS-friendly version), questioned what this person was doing/thinking, basically made a ruckus and alerted the store manager immediately to file a complaint there. At that point I would have also filed a police report although I would have either called the non-emergent line or walked in the report. From there on they can investigate it by means of looking at the cameras assuming they have one and alerting to a person so a pattern, if it emerges, has record of it.

No I wouldn't have waited for him (who knows how long he would have been), no I wouldn't have gotten his license plate either. There's too much opportunity for things to escalate from there and I'm not about to chance it by waiting around for this creep.

This reminds me of incidents in my area where there was cameras secretly installed for dressing rooms (and I think they may have been a bathroom one). Def. file a police report because in the chance that this is repeated behavior they have so much more to go off of.

 

[JimMIA]

I can’t see NYPD getting involved unless the complainant is famous or its a family member but wouldn’t it be nice to be wrong.

I don't know if OP lives in NYC, and even New York's Finest may be upgrading their enforcement with their new leadership.

There are two problems with NOT reporting.

One is that "I can't see the police actually doing anything" becomes self-fulfilling. Hopefully they would take this kind of a blatantly sexual assault serious, but even if they don't at first, they will when they get multiple reports.

The other serious drawback to doing nothing is that the guy will continue, and probably progress. The fact that he didn't immediately leave the store tells us something. He's done this before, and will continue to do it. Not only that, but this incident was not all he'll do. He will progress. I guarantee you this is not the first time this guy has done that, and it won't be the last.

Unfortunately in situations like this victims are either part of the solution or part of the problem. It's not just about me, me, me. Everyone who didn't report shares some of the blame for future victims problems -- some of which may be much, much worse that this incident.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

So sorry to hear about your experience!

Honestly I do not know how I would have reacted in your situation. I probably would have given him a dirty look and found a way to leave ASAP making sure he didn't follow me.

I guess people are right though, if he does this and gets away with it, he is likely to do it again. It is very sad and it makes me angry that people do things like that.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Unfortunately in situations like this victims are either part of the solution or part of the problem. It's not just about me, me, me. Everyone who didn't report shares some of the blame for future victims problems -- some of which may be much, much worse that this incident.

whoa you should never blame a victim like you are doing here. The ideal situation should be to report it, strongly suggesting someone report it, explaining why reporting it is a good idea but to tell a victim you're part of the problem? Dang dude