What would YOU do?

[LindaR]

I got a phone call from one of my friends. We have both been busy and not had a chance to touch base for a few months (actually when the war started-her son went to Iraq).

Anyway, she calls me to ask for prayers. Husband went in to have his appendix removed, they found lots of cancer. Cancer is very mutant, fast spreading, not curable.

They are not telling their son in Iraq. Don't want to worry him and possibly distract him from staying alive.

I told her that I thought it was wrong. From the moment their son entered the Army, he became a man and if there was any lingering doubt, fighting for his country and his life from the moment he entered Iraq for sure has made him a man. He has the right to know about his dad and make the decision about a Humanitarian reassignment so he can spend some time with his dad.

What do you think?

 

[Talking Hands]

I agree with you. Compassionate reassignment can be requested. It is unfair to deny this young man time with his father before he passes. It should be his choice as much as possible. Sometimes we shield our children too much.

 

[Adrianna]

I'd tell him, he'd want to know. What if the guy unfortunately passes away, and the son never had a chance to say goodbye? He'd want to know - I mean if he's going to be home in a couple weeks or a month then maybe it's best not to say anything YET, but he deserves to know, you'd want to know, wouldn't you?

 

[LindaR]

The dad's feeling is that if the news of his cancer caused his son to be distracted and in turn, caused son to get killed, then dad could no longer fight his battle.

I thought that the idea of everyone else getting to spend whatever final time is left with the dad could cause resentment and bad emotions for the son.

 

[Rajah]

I don't know what I'd actually do, but I do know if I were the son, I'd want to know.

 

[grinningghost]

Strange as it sounds, my parents would probably be the same way. They've already told me if something were to happen to one of them while we were away on vacation, they wouldn't call us, and would wait until we got home. I've always asked that they PLEASE call me, and then they'll say OK, but I know they probably wouldn't anyway.

But yes, if I were the son, I would want to know.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I definately think he should be told. There can be a LOT of healing in knowing someone is terminal. If you don't know, you can't deal with getting used to the idea of death.

 

[catherine]

Years ago my FIL was in the military in a similar situation. His mother passed away and he wasn't informed until he got back to the US. I don'y think that he ever got over that. IMHO the only option is to share this info. with the son and then he is at least given the option of applying for reassignment.

 

[Saffron]

I would want to know if I were the son. But, if I had a son who was needing to keep a straight head 24/7 to stay alive, I don't know if I would tell him or not. At this point the father is thinking about and looking out for his son. He doesn't want his son killed because he was thinking about him or his death.

Are you asking us if you should tell, or are you just asking us a hypothetical question?

If you are just pondering, wondering what any of us would do if you were in the situation, I would have to say, I have no clue. It's a tough decision. I'm sure I'd want to be with my son and my son with me, but I'd also be concerned about his safety once he got the news then waited for the transfer.

If you're asking us what we would do if we were in your shoes, as in should you tell the son somehow, then my answer is no. That's up to the family and how they handle their affairs. I definitely wouldn't want to go against a dying friend's wishes and risk what your friend fears most in what's left of his life -- the death of his son in Iraq.

It's a very, very sad situation. I feel for both the father and the son and I understand both sides.

 

[helenabear]

Having gone through a parent who had cancer and died, I would want to know no matter what was going on in my life. By not telling they are possibly causing their son to miss out on precious last moments they could have (hoping that he could be reassigned to be closer). If I were the son, I would be upset when I did find out. My prayers are with all in this family.

 

[Lanshark]

My father is 74 year old. He was in Korea when his mother died. His brothers and sisters kept her condition from him. He was on the front lines(Heartbreak Ridge) when he got a letter informing him she had died. He was the youngest son of a close Italian/Greek family of 13 kids. He was extremely close to his mother.

This was over 50 year ago. When he came to visit me in June he informed me that along with the occasional nightmares about the war he still dreams that his mother hates him because he didn't come back to see her before she died.

Whether the Army would have let him come home we will never know. He didn't have the chance to find out because his older brothers and sisters make the decision for him.

I believe he should be told by his parents and noone else. They should give him the chance to decide for himself how he wants to handle things.