what would you do?

[Minnie116]

I don't usually post here, but iam not sure what to do...i just got a call from my DD7's 1st grade teacher. apparently a boy at school showed DD his private parts. I really am not sure how I should react to it. DH is really angry about it. any suggestions?

 

[disneydragon]

How old was the boy? 7?

 

[Kath2003]

Explain to your daughter that what the boy did was inappropriate.
Ensure that the school have a "word" with the boy about keeping his bits to himself and have a word with his parents telling them what's happened.
I really don't see what else you can do?

At the end of the day, if the boy was 7, he's just a child. He should know better, yes, but kids are forgetful. I assume no harm was done to your DD - explain that your private parts are nothing to be ashamed of but that it's inappropriate to show them to anyone unless you're sick there.

Perhaps you could go through a book about "the body" and explain the differences between boys and girls bodies?

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

First of all I would find out the complete circumstances-- where were they, why did it happen, who else was around, what does the school plan to do about it-- kind of things.

I think you should talk to your dd tonight. Try not to make too big a deal out of it, but wait to see if she tells you and find out what she thinks about what happened and stuff. Definitly explain that people have private parts and they should remain private, but don't get too crazy with it because you don't want to scare her for life.

Wow, what a thing to have happen.

 

[rie'smom]

Explain to your DD about how inappropriate this was and that your sorry that it happened to her. As for the boy,I would let the school handle that with his parents. If I were you,I would not contact them. If they call to apologize,be gracious and accept. Parents are not always respponsible for their children's bad behavior.

 

[ducklite]

Assuming the boy was her age, as far as your DD goes I woulnd't make a huge production about it. Praise her for telling the teacher (if she did) and use it as an example of inappropriate behaviour, then drop it.

As far as the school goes, I would call the principal and make sure that the situation is being dealt with. I would probably also call the school psycologist and let them know that you expect them to follow up with the child.

If your daughter is really upset over it all, I would demand the boy--not your daughter, the victim--is moved to a different class room and kept away from her. Put it in writing, send it to the principal, school board, and superintendent of schools via registered mail, return receipt required. Imply that you are preapred to take it further through legal action if they don't move him to another classroom if it comes to that.

Anne

 

[mickeyboat]

I would react on two fronts:

I think I would probably make an appointment to speak to the Principal and Guidance Counselor. How could those children be in a situation where that could have happened? Where was the supervision? I don't necessarily think this boy is a danger to your daughter based on this one event alone, but I would be terribly concerned that the kids were left unsupervised long enough for that to happen.

How did your DD react? Is she really upset about it? You will have to talk to her rationally about what happened. Make sure she knows it is not appropriate, and that she did the right thing by telling someone about it.

I am curious about what other people think about this. My daughter has told me twice in the past two days that a little girl in her class asked a little boy to show her his privates. I don't think he did, but while telling my daughter that is not appropriate, and to tell the teacher if that happens, I will mention it to the teacher next week when we meet for parent/teacher conferences.

Denae

 

[ducklite]

To add, if the boy is older (I'd say anything over ten) then you need to make a stink with the school--not in front of your daughter. At that point I would probably request he be transferred to a different school or at least kept away from her. Let the school know you aren't playing games and if they won't handle it, you'll bring in the police.

It sounds to me that just by the teacher calling they recognoze the child was inappropriate and is dealing with it, which is a good thing.

Anne

 

[PlutosFriend]

I am curious to know how the school is handling it. Certainly they have to let his Parents know and what not. Myself and other girls had that happen to us while in the 6th grade. No one ever told on them! I have no idea why. Scary.

 

[Hannathy]

Explain to your daughter that what the boy did was inappropriate.
Ensure that the school have a "word" with the boy about keeping his bits to himself and have a word with his parents telling them what's happened.
I really don't see what else you can do?

At the end of the day, if the boy was 7, he's just a child. He should know better, yes, but kids are forgetful. I assume no harm was done to your DD - explain that your private parts are nothing to be ashamed of but that it's inappropriate to show them to anyone unless you're sick there.

Perhaps you could go through a book about "the body" and explain the differences between boys and girls bodies?

I think this is great advise especially the part that he is also another little kid. He doesn't need labeled a deviant for life from one small incident.

 

[ducklite]

I think this is great advise especially the part that he is also another little kid. He doesn't need labeled a deviant for life from one small incident.

I agree as long as the boy is around seven, has never done this before, and is remorseful. If the child is older (pre-pubescent and up) then unfortunately they ARE a deviant and need to be dealt with from a psycological and legal standpoint.

Anne

 

[mcco5543]

I am a teacher of young children and I agree. I would find out the ENTIRE circumstances, (did they agree to show eachother their privates and someone walked in when it was his "turn". This may not be totally all on the boy. His age is a huge factor, a talk about the importance and specialness of one's body and how it's a private thing except for special circumsances is in order. So is a call to the boys parents just to let them know they need to have the same "bodies are private and special" chat with their kid.
I would talk to your daughter about it, but I wouldn't over talk about it or she could start to think something really scary and bad happend when it might jsut be a case of an immature little boy being an immature little boy.

find out what the teacher is doing about it. Find out what the school's stance on it is. If i'ts a case of little kids being curious about their bodies, chalk it up to that and leave it.

If it's more serious and it was an older child who needs some psychological asistance then persue the matter to keep your child safe.

Good luck and let us know what happens?!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You meet with the teacher/principal to find out the whole story first.

You praise your dd for "telling on him".

If you find out that this boy has done it before then perhaps you can file some kind of complaint thing.
I don't know.

Maybe he is being abused or maybe he was goofing off??? I hope the school takes appropriate action.

 

[aprilgail2]

My daughter had a boy in kindergarten that was showing kids his *****. My daughter came home all mad one day because he showed it to her friend and not her! I told her that he should not be showing that thing around to anyone and that if he does she should just yell out "John put that thing away no one wants to see your *****" and that should get the teachers attention quick enough! The next day he got caught showing someone at lunch, they had his mom at the school and she grounded that boy for a month, he never did it again.

 

[ducklite]

My daughter had a boy in kindergarten that was showing kids his *****. My daughter came home all mad one day because he showed it to her friend and not her! I told her that he should not be showing that thing around to anyone and that if he does she should just yell out "John put that thing away no one wants to see your *****" and that should get the teachers attention quick enough! The next day he got caught showing someone at lunch, they had his mom at the school and she grounded that boy for a month, he never did it again.

As inappropriate as it is, I've got to see the humour in that story! Thanks for a good laugh--you handled the situation well. Of course the boy is probably now scarred for life and will need intensive therapy before his wedding night. He'll be getting snuggly with his new wife and this little girls voice will just keep coming back to haunt him...

Anne

 

[Ride Junkie]

I think I was about 6 years old when the boy next door showed me his. I remember thinking, "Yep, my brother has one of those too." And that was about it! I guess at the time I didn't think it was a big deal because 1) we were little kids, and 2) I had a younger brother whose diapers I changed.

I agree that someone should tell the boy at your daughter's school that it isn't appropriate to expose himself. You know how out of hand these things can get though...hopefully he won't be labeled as a sex offender!

 

[CharmCityGirl]

I can remember being about 5 or 6 when the neighbor boy next door, also 5 or 6, showed me his. I had a sister and I did not realize boys were so different! I think he showed it to me a couple different times. I didn't suffer any traumatizing lasting effects that I am aware of.

Seriously though, there could be more to it but I bet it's all very innocent. I would make sure the teacher and other parent tell him not to do it anymore, but I wouldn't make a big fuss over it. JMHO.

 

[becka]

If the boy is around the same age and this was not a pattern of behavior I would just explain to your DD that privates are private and that he and she should not go around showing them to people and leave it at that.

It could all be very innocent. In my DS's classroom the bathroom is right in the classroom. DS waits too long to go and when he has to go he really has to go. He often at home will be trying to undress himself in the hallway on his way to the bathroom. At school he did this once as well while running in from outside and he ended up exposing himself to a couple of his male classmates on his rush to get to the bathroom. He is not a deviant and no one was scared for life. We and his teachers had a discussion about waiting to get to the bathroom before you take off your pants, etc.. and that was it. He has not done that again at school...home is another matter.

 

[daisyduck123]

How could those children be in a situation where that could have happened? Where was the supervision? I don't necessarily think this boy is a danger to your daughter based on this one event alone, but I would be terribly concerned that the kids were left unsupervised long enough for that to happen.
Denae

1st grade teacher here ...

my bet is it happened during recess.
Playgrounds are big & there are plenty of places on the climbing equipment where children can be out of view for a moment.

And believe me, it only takes literally 2 seconds for a little boy to "whip it out & put it back in!!"

 

[Cool-Beans]

I would not make a big deal out of it. Kids take their cues from grown-ups, and if you start having a long talk about it, she'll think it is a big deal. If my daughter told me that, I'd say, "Well, he should NOT have done that!" in a sing-song voice and then change the subject.

...and I'd resist the temptation to say, "Well, you've seen one, you've seen 'em all!"

If the boy was a little kid, I'm sure it was innocent little kid stuff. If he was, say 12...lordy, I'd be on the phone with his mom so fast! Maybe the cops, too. I don't know.