What would you do?

[motherhen17404]

I just had something happen at work and not sure if I handled it right.

Some background- I just went back to work after 6 years of being a SAHM. I work for a very small company, and have only been here for 3 months. One of the reasons I went back to work was because money is very tight for us right now and we need all the income we can get. My boss (who is very, very rich) knows how tight money is for us. He also knows that we don't have very much money to buy gifts for my 15 year old. So today he hands me a envelope and says to go buy something for my son so that he has a good Christmas. I refused the envelope. My pride just would not let me take it. My boss has already given me a Christmas bonus that I was not expecting nor have been here long enough to earn. He gave me 2 days off paid for Thanksgiving and even though I have not been here long enough to earn it, he even paid me 1 sick day (they pay sick days at the end of the year if you don't use them). Then to top it all off I come in this morning and there is a Christmas Longaberger basket on my desk. So after all this I just could not take any of more from him.

My DH thinks I am nuts for refusing, but what would you have done?

 

[Melissa M]

Thank him kindly then later when I'm able, pass that kindness onto someone else who needs it.

 

[pjb_hockey_mom]

That's a toughie....I think, because it was for my son, I would have taken it. Then at the first of the year I'd write the boss a lovely thank you note for all that he's done.

I can understand your pride and "enough is enough" so I can see why it's a tough call.

 

[Christine]

I understand your discomfort. It probably would have seemed "too much" to me too; however, I probably would have accepted it. Only because I do think it is the gracious thing to do. It could be that your boss KNOWS he's rich and he is just one of those people who wants someone else to enjoy his wealth. He has so much, he wants to see someone else have as much joy as he does. Maybe there was a time in his own life where things were hard and he just remembers.

It is difficult because you have only worked for him for such a short time--kind of hard to read his motivations.

FWIW, I don't think you are "crazy" for turning it down. You have to do what you can live with, but I don't think it is weird of him to do what he is doing. Unique, yes!

 

[icebrat001]

He likes his employee, nice boss. He is just trying to spread the holiday spirit. I think I would accept.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I probably would have been tempted to refuse. And I just might have. If money were really really tight and there wasn't any money for gifts for my son, I might force myself to accept it graciously. I do think, though, it's selfish not to accept it. The giver receives, too. You know how good it feels to help others. To deny them that feeling, is wrong, in a way - my opinion, of course.

 

[DisDaydreamer]

Thank him kindly then later when I'm able, pass that kindness onto someone else who needs it.

Yep

 

[azgal81]

I would have accepted it he was just trying to be nice.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

What a wonderful, thoughtful boss you have!

Although I do think it's not right to accept everything that is offered all of the time, I think a lot depends on the circumstances. I think it is fine if
the person receiving:
1) Does not feel entitled or that it is expected
2) It truly appreciative of the gift or offering
3) In some way shows appreciation. This could be done by doing something simple, like baking cookies or making a dessert or casserole or something. Or by sending a thank you card. Just something that lets the giver know that you appreciate what is being given.

Maybe if you had accepted the gift, your child could have written a personal thank you note or something. Your boss obviously knows that you could use help and he is in a position of helping. He sounds very kind. I can understand why it is hard to accept kindness after kindness. My FIL is just like your boss.

 

[Phrebert]

Is his name Ebeneez? I would have taken it, Thanked him profusely.

 

[motherhen17404]

So I guess I blew it... But in my heart of hearts I just could not accept. I know he was trying to be nice, and he has the money, but I just could not take it. I know it is very hard to explain. I am in a very hard position this year. Usually it is me and my DH giving to people who have nothing. It is very hard to take. I know I am letting my pride get in the way.

My son will have some Christmas gifts, just not as many as years past. And my son is OK with it. My son is more upset that I will not get any gifts this year. He even told me to take what money I had to spend on him and go and get something for me. So it is more important to ME that my son has gifts then it is for HIM.

Thanks everyone for your replys.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Keep it, because what goes around comes around. One day you may help someone.

 

[dejavu]

I too have a boss similar to this. He is just a nice guy who realizes people work hard. At first I thought it was too much but then after I was working at his company for a a while I began to see that he was very generous outside the company too. Take his gifts and send him a very heartfelt note thanking him. I send my boss and his wife a note saying thank you and I tell him how thankful I am to be able to work for such wonderful people. I let them know that even without all the extra things he does for all of us who work for him he would still be a great guy to work for.

 

[Marie17]

Don't feel bad at all for not taking the gift. I don't know how long you've known this boss (if before the 3 months or not) but it sounds a little weird. He may be just that way with everyone but I think that you got a Christmas bonus and the regular benefits of any other employee that should be expected no matter if you've only been their 3 months. It's considered normal.

My hubby went to work for his current company at the beginning of December - when Christmas bonuses came around 10 days later - he got what he was told - at least 3 paychecks. Very nice but we definitely did not think that it would start within the first 10 days of working there. It's always been that way.

If your boss wants to do that - then with you being a married mom quite new back into the job market - he should have just sent through the mail a gift card or a pre-paid American Express card so that you and your husband would be aware of it. It would have been a better way and a more sincere way to handle it.

Since you refused it, he should understand but I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if you find a significant raise in your pay at your first review. He would have thought about it and decided to increase your weekly check instead of doing the whole envelope payoff.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

I would have accepted it. Just PPs have said, perhaps he realizes that he has alot and others do not. If it were not the holiday season, I would have probably not accepted it.

 

[NMAmy]

I understand your discomfort. It probably would have seemed "too much" to me too; however, I probably would have accepted it. Only because I do think it is the gracious thing to do. It could be that your boss KNOWS he's rich and he is just one of those people who wants someone else to enjoy his wealth. He has so much, he wants to see someone else have as much joy as he does. Maybe there was a time in his own life where things were hard and he just remembers.

I would have accepted it graciously. I agree that he may have had rough times in his own life and remembers. DH and I both went through some rough times financially in our lives (before we met). Now he and I both try to help others when we can. While a certain sum may not be much to us, it can mean the world to someone who is struggling. We both remember that and help others whenever we can.

 

[doxdogy]

I would have accepted it graciously from him. He is aware of your situation and trying to alleviate some of the stress that you are feeling right now. He obviously has a good heart.