What would you do? (Trouble on the school bus)

[mommaU4]

Okay I recieved a phone call from the aunt of one of my son's classmates. She said that my son has apparently been terrorizing her nephew Tom and her 2 daughters Liz and Sue. (Names have been changed) She said that today on the bus DS kicked Sue. And about 3 months ago DS got a letter from Liz who is a grade older than them. Liz had a crush on my son and when he read the letter he supposedly wrote her a mean letter back saying she should stick to kids her own age and she was sick in the head.

This aunt also claims that my son said she (the aunt) was stupid. So needless to say this woman is totally p.o.'d and I'm just speechless. My son is no angel but never has he been in any trouble before. Usually it the other kids picking on him. And the only person he ever talks back to is his sisters. Others think he is a saint.

So when I questioned him about it he said he did not kick Sue. That Sue was in his face blowing on him and just being a pain and he put his feet up to keep her away but didn't kick her. When I questioned him about the letter he said he didn't say any of those mean things he just told her he didn't like her, and then after that she got mad at him. He said ever since then both girls and Tom have been harrassing him.

I don't know what to do. I've got one story from the aunt who is very angry and wants something to be done. Then I've got a very different story from my son. I wasn't there, how the heck am I supposed to figure this out. What do you do when you have a he said/she said situation. I don't want to punish my son unfairly. On the other hand if it is true then he owes them all an apology.

Ugh. Kids!! And they are not even teenagers yet.

 

[RitaZ.]

Speak to the bus driver to find out if he/she witnessed any of it. Good luck!

 

[wilderness01]

Oh boy, we just went through something like this. The other little angel kept telling her parent that she didn't do a thing and that everyone was picking on her. Well this little angel was the culprit and it was my son being picked on. This mother also called my house to complain about my son. If I were you, since neither of you were there, I would believe my son, unless he constantly lies to you. I would also pull him off the bus and drive him to school. Keep distance between the kids to keep the problems at bay. I did this and believe me it helped. I would just say to the other parent that apparently there are three sides to the story, his, hers and the truth. Since no one really knows what happened, suggest that the kids keep their distance from each other so no one gets in trouble at school. This has been ongoing with our situation and is stressful. My word of advice, stay away from trouble makers and believe your own kid. Don't punish him unnecessarily or say anything bad about his character to anyone else. I found that I was always punishing my kid/kids and the others were letting their kids go scott free when it was truly their kid starting it. It was a tough lesson to learn. Good luck.

 

[wilderness01]

Usually the bus driver will say they know nothing since they are watching the road and not really paying attention to the kids. This is at least the case in our district.

 

[janette]

The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. My youngest has had a few problems on the bus and I've left it for the school and bus driver to deal with consequences. I did object when the only one with consequences was my DD and there wasn't a consensus that she was really the instigator. She's not totally innocent and I've tried to impress on her how important it is not to retaliate. It's hard for them to get it though.

 

[daisyduck123]

1st grade teacher here...our Asst. Principal is great at handling problems like this...I would involve her...here is what I would do if your DS was a student in my class..

I would explain the situation to my Asst. P. & she would call all students involved to the office (they would not be in trouble & would let the kids know this) to discuss/work this situation out. It can't continue like this.

Do you think anyone at school could help work this out?

 

[mommaU4]

Thanks. What a ridiculous situation to be in! I mean I wasn't there. Neither was the aunt but she is all ready to believe her kids, no questions asked. I mean maybe my son hurt her daughters feelings because he didn't like her and the three kids have been trying to do a little pay back ever since. Who knows.

I did tell him that I although I cannot figure out what happened that he knows he has to respect adults and not call them names, that we do not hit others and that in the future if a girl has a crush on him that he doesn't like than he should just say thank-you, that nice but he just wants to be her friend. Beyond that I don't know what more I can do. I just don't know who's at fault.

I mean there are three of them and one of him. I seriously doubt he's been terrorizing all three of them single handedly. And he does not have a habit of lying. Not that he couldn't especially at 11, but it's not his track record.

As far as the bus driver, she stays out of everything according to what I've heard. Unless someone is actually bleeding, she's focused on the snowy road.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Speak to the bus driver to find out if he/she witnessed any of it. Good luck!

This is my recommendation too.

 

[mommaU4]

1st grade teacher here...our Asst. Principal is great at handling problems like this...I would involve her...here is what I would do if your DS was a student in my class..

I would explain the situation to my Asst. P. & she would call all students involved to the office (they would not be in trouble & would let the kids know this) to discuss/work this situation out. It can't continue like this.

Do you think anyone at school could help work this out?

I don't know. The aunt is pretty mad and seems to want to place all the blame on my son. I was thinking of just telling the aunt that I had a talk with my son but the situation was not clear cut so I gave him a warning for the future. And see if that makes her happy. I really don't want to get into it with the aunt either.

If it keeps up I may have to go to the principal. I wish I could keep him off the bus for awhile but we only have one car and DH uses it for work.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would take my son to school and talk with the principal. I would take the phone call as a warning that something else is going to esculate.

The aunt has thrown down the gauntlet (imo) and is challenging you. That usually gives her kids fuel to go further and see how much trouble they can get your son in.

I would take a phone call seriously in this day and age.

 

[wilderness01]

DO NOT say that you gave your son a warning. Just say the situation is unclear and that the truth lies somewhere in the middle so ALL the children need to be watched. I don't mean to be paranoid, but this exact same thing happened to my child and he was blamed. I will pm you with the details. There is NO WAY it could have been my child as there were mutual witnesses but this parent was relentless. I was the only one reprimanding and I learned quickly to reprimand IN MY HOUSE ONLY and say nothing to others who only want to point the finger at everyone else but their own trouble makers. Can you tell this is still a sore spot for me?

 

[TinkInPink]

The bus driver may not have seen anything but it is still her bus to control. Could she seperate the kids have your son sit right behind the driver so they would have to come up there to do anything and have him immediately get the drivers attention. Why is the aunt calling is she their guardian? I also agree in not punishing your son yet if you normally believe him believe him now. I got a note about my daughter doing something wrong on the bus in kindergarten and I didn't believe it asked her and talked to the teacher, turned out my DD has a common name and the other kindergartener got the wrong one! I was very glad I believed her. And why is the aunt getting so upset over a supposed name calling it wasn't like it was to her face (which I would kill my kids if they did) how mature is that. I say believe your son, seperate him from them-do not sit, stand or be near them ever and wait it out. good luck

 

[Cindyluwho]

1st grade teacher here...our Asst. Principal is great at handling problems like this...I would involve her...here is what I would do if your DS was a student in my class..

I would explain the situation to my Asst. P. & she would call all students involved to the office (they would not be in trouble & would let the kids know this) to discuss/work this situation out. It can't continue like this.

Do you think anyone at school could help work this out?

I think your advice is excellent. It should also work to get the Aunt off her back.

Hugs to the OP. I commend you for not immediately jumping to conclusions and for realizing that there are two sides to the story. Hopefully the Asst Principal will be able to help resolve the issue.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would take my son to school and talk with the principal. I would take the phone call as a warning that something else is going to esculate.

The aunt has thrown down the gauntlet (imo) and is challenging you. That usually gives her kids fuel to go further and see how much trouble they can get your son in.

I would take a phone call seriously in this day and age.

ITA

I would not say anything further to this Aunt. Again, I would not have anything further to personally say to the aunt!!! I would accept no fault at this point. If your son is indeed doing something wrong, then it would be up to the aunt to notify the school and the bus/transportation department to handle the situation. (ie. separate the the kids on the bus)

First, I would have my son on full alert that he is to voluntarily keep himself separate from these kids, and that if anything else happens, he will most likely be held at fault, even if he did nothing at all. He is somewhat responsible. It takes two (or four, in this case) to tango.

If at all possible, I would notify the school (the principal/vice-principal or transportation dept...) of the situation. That there are three siblings/cousins involved against your one son. And, that no matter who has been instigating the whole thing, that it needs to be nipped in the bud.

I agree that perhaps all four of the kids could be asked to come into the office for very direct conversations.

If you only have one car, it might be a huge problem if your son is the one to end up being suspended from riding the bus.

Make sure your son understands this, and avoids further confrontation unless it is just impossible.

 

[clh2]

I would also get the principal involved. The aunt sounds like a nutcase. IMO, the proper way to handle this, would have been for her to call the principal instead of you. (In my DD's elementary school, there was no asst. vp.)

The principal should ask the bus driver. (Who may or may not have seen anything - but if someone got kicked - may have remembered a girl screaming because she was kicked.) The principal may also want to interview some people on the bus. Was your son sitting with someone on the bus? Were there any other children on the bus who could help to validate what really happened?

You don't want to ignore the aunt. Just deal with her through the principal.

 

[mommaU4]

Thanks for the advice guys. I have never been in this situation before and I wasn't sure how to handle it.
I am very surprised that the aunt called me right away. I mean she called after the kids had been home no more than 5 minutes. I don't think I would ever call another parent up like that. I mean not right off the bat. If I truly had a problem with another student I would be on the phone to the school right away but not that parent. I don't know, it's like she was looking for a fight and if that's how she is I can only imagine the kids.

She is the mother of the two girls invovled but not the boy. I don't know who his mom is or even if she's in the picture. I told the aunt on the phone that I would look into the matter and fing out my son's version. I did tell her that if I found he had done anything wrong that he would be writing a letter of apology to all those involved including the aunt. But I can't say that I have found that to be the case.

These kids seem to be trouble to me. I have told my son to stay away from these kids. My daughter was there on the bus and she said she heard them arguing but she did not see any one get kicked. Tomorrow DH is off from work so we will take them to school and pick them up. Maybe that will give everyone a chance to calm down. Although the boy is in my son's class, so we'll see what happens.

Ugh. Is this day over yet?

 

[Tammy1966]

Bus Driver Here...
Let the driver know what is going on. Ask her/him if there is anything he/she can/will do.
Call the school let them be aware of what has occured. Ask if there is or can be a camera installed on the bus.
yes, sometimes the driver does not see EVERYTHING that goes on BUT we can and will get to the bottom of the issue.
On my bus, I watch the road yes, but I am also responsible for the safety inside the bus. (and my sanity )
My title shouldn't be bus driver it should be referee, teacher, friend, counselor. homework helper etc etc
The aunt never should have called you where is this other childs parent??
Just my 2cents

 

[chris1gill]

These kids seem to be trouble to me. I have told my son to stay away from these kids. My daughter was there on the bus and she said she heard them arguing but she did not see any one get kicked. Tomorrow DH is off from work so we will take them to school and pick them up. Maybe that will give everyone a chance to calm down. Although the boy is in my son's class, so we'll see what happens.

Ugh. Is this day over yet?

You know, based on what you've said here, I would be inclined to have a conversation with the assistant principal at your son's school... that person may need to gather up all four children to find out the real deal here. Not only that, but this person is in a state of authority, and the children may be more inclined to listen and follow what she says...

 

[wilderness01]

Again, handle this properly in your OWN home, but do not say anything more to the aunt. I have learned this the hard way. I don't always agree that if the proper authorities are brought in that children tell the truth. Most normal, well adjusted children will, but not all. Again, learned this the hard way when the police were brought in for our situation. And as another note, our bus driver is aware but truly doesn't want to get involved. I went to the head of the bus system and unfortunately the same response there. We even had things written in a sharpie on the bus. There solution was to clean it off and not look at the tapes. I have been where you are, but did not have the kids in the same class/school. I would notify the teacher that there has been a problem and maybe the discipline coordinator at your school just to give them a heads up. But until you know the truth do not serve your son up for anyone's lunch. Again, I learned this the hard way and I was the only one doing any disciplining. I still reprimand my kids, but now in a very private way. Before if confronted, I would say to my kids "what did you do". Now with this one particular trouble family I just say nothing, and then question my son at home IN PRIVATE. Actually now since the police have been brought in by us, our families stay far apart. It didn't have to be like this, but this other kid would not let anything die and then the father crossed the line with attempted actions against my child/his friends. Good luck.