What would you do?(long vent)

[esbrick]

Dear OP ~

You have received some very good advice on a very scary situation. The one thing that pops into my mind that may help you put it into perspective is when you read in the newspaper about some young child who has acted out whether it's because of neglect, abuse or depression, and maimed or quite honestly, and I hate to say it killed some other innocent child, you most often hear people commenting about what they observed in the past and the woulda, coulda, shoulda pops up. God forbid anything was to go further, and in my and your opinon it has gone far enough, you never want to say would, coulda, shoulda. These poor kids deserve a chance to live happy lives and you can change that and become that person who made a difference, even if you are the only one who knows. Look easier said then done, and I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you don't want your child affected by some other parent's negletful parenting. You have the opportunity to do something wonderful for all concerned.

Best of luck. . .

 

[tinkerlisa]

I called the kids school today. They said while they can't do much about things at home, they can do things about it at school. Thankfully this boy is not in my son's grade! They did tell me however that they have had problems with him in the past and lately. So I am thinking they may have already called CPS.

As for the dog, I found out that my neighbor(not to mention a few others) called SPCA and now they are investigating.

 

[maidenfairy]

I called the kids school today. They said while they can't do much about things at home, they can do things about it at school. Thankfully this boy is not in my son's grade! They did tell me however that they have had problems with him in the past and lately. So I am thinking they may have already called CPS.

As for the dog, I found out that my neighbor(not to mention a few others) called SPCA and now they are investigating.

Well it sounds like you were not the only person concerned. Good job contacting the school.

 

[enchantingodin]

First talk to your son. He probably knows more about whats going on than you think he does. Ask him what kind of games they play at his "friends" house. Ask if the Mom is there – or what she does while they are "playing" together.

Because from what you're telling me the boy is being abused. Not necessarily in a sexual manner but some way or another there is abuse happening. Which makes me wonder - what about the little girl?? She doesn't have the capacity like he does to voice any wrong doing or even to act out. Please PLEASE call your local CPS. If there is nothing wrong going on then the Mom in question should have nothing to worry about. Glad one of your neighbors called about the dog. If the investigator is a good one they will call CPS if they see anything wrong.

But let me put it to you another way. How would you feel if you woke up in the morning, turned on the news, and found out the both those children were dead? I'm honestly not trying to be overly dramatic. But you don't know what goes on behind closed doors – and sometimes people (especially women) just snap.. There IS a reason that boy is abusive to others.

It's very sad that you have to deal with this. And it does take corage to be an advicate for those kids. Please call. Good luck.

 

[LydiaAch]

The inappropriate touching is a huge red flag and almost as disturbing, but not quite, is the animal abuse. Many sociopaths and criminals have a history of abusing animals.

As a mother, I would go straight to the authorities. Here's to giving you strength!

 

[kpadalik]

Any updates?

 

[woodkins]

Just so you know, if you call CPS your identity will be held confidential. She may "guess" that it was you, but they will never give up the identity of who made the phone call.

 

[tinkerlisa]

Any updates?

YES!!!

I hadn't seen the dog in a while but I saw the boy and asked him where his dog was. He told me that his mom had to find him another home because it was too expensive to take care of. I know that animal control WAS there because I saw the van they use last week so I think the mom just told him that instead of the truth.

As for the boy, I have been very strict in my policy with not letting my son play with him. Before, I think maybe I was too lenient and even having him in my yard, watching this kid like a hawk did nothing for his behavior. As for the inappropriate touching, my son says this is the only time he had done it. I said ok but gave him the "good touch, bad touch" lecture again anyway.
I am not sure if CPS ever went there but they said they would check into it. I figure if they did, then the mom would blame the husband as they are going through a nasty separation right now.

My son does not miss him at all. Mainly because there is a new *girl* in the neighborhood. She comes over our house to play and he goes over there. The cool thing is she is in his grade, but in the other 1st grade class and I think my boy has a huge crush on her! I also keep him too busy just in case he gets bored and asks to play with the boy.

We also have been teaching him self defense and I think instead of Cub Scouts next year, we may end up doing karate instead(or maybe both). I tell him to use his words first because DF thinks its ok to just hit back. I don't agree. I do feel that if his words don't work, then by all means go for it.

Thanks for everyones advice. I really appreciate it!

 

[TRICKY_TINK]

I must be one of those bad moms. My kid pee's on the trees ( I don't let him he just does it) My Son is picked on by the boy next-door and DH just told him to start hitting back (were just sick of the whining, and fruitless interventions). We tried talking to the mom and the kid but everyday he gets rough pulling on my DS, throwing him to the ground or hitting him. I have told the kid to go home and he just sits in my yard. I call mom to come get him and she calls his name a few times then goes back inside. Heck just last night for dinner we told him to go home and if our DS could play again we'd let him know. Well he sat on our porch knocking at the back door calling for my Son, we told him many time to leave, but he wasn't having it. These boys are 4 but I can't imagine its going to get better. So I feel for ya. Were just handling this a different way. My DH seems to think that once our DS fights back the kid will back off cause now he's not an easy target. Nothing like punching or kicking has gone on between them. He has thrown sand, smacked our ds in the back, screamed, chased and otherwise been an annoyance. Oh we also have seen all the boys (5 of them) "pee racing" on a tree together but told them thats no ok. They still do it though cause they whisper and laugh about it when they think I can't hear them. No touching or we'd have issues!

 

[mom2princessj]

I'd definitely stand ground with the mother...I can't imagine if my son came home with bruises how we'd handle that...my kids don't hit...not even each other so I think they'd be taken aback. My dd wouldn't hit back but my son probably would. Guess its just their personalities.
I lived across the street from neighbors whose children would wander out of the house and they'd have no idea where they were. My neighbor's dd was 3 and she wandered out of the house naked over to my other neighbor's house...they sent her home immediately as they couldn't believe the parents didn't notice she left the house naked no less. The mother is ALWAYS on the phone so she'll come out of the house like 15 or 20 minutes later frantic. One time I watched her dd for 15 minutes wander up and down the side walk across the street to other neighbors houses and then into the car. when the mother finally came out I directed her to where her dd was. The younger son now 3 is just the same. I tell my husband we must be in the minority because a few of my neighbors let their 3 and under children outside unsupervised all the time. I only let my 5 and 4 yos out in our fenced backyard with me watching them from inside. They KNOW not to open the gate. hell...they KNOW not to open the front door for anyone (unless its daddy ofcourse) without my permission. I can't even fathom the thought of either of my kids walking out the door or me not knowing where they were. I'd freak!
I hope CPS does intervene with these kids...sounds like they are really neglected or being abused and someone needs to step in and give them some help. Good luck OP. I think you are doing the right thing by staying away and keeping your son from playing with them!