What would you do? I need opinions please.

[Lynn CC]

To try to make a long story short... I have been offered a fabulous paying job with great benefits that I don't know if I should accept, The hours are M-F 7:30-5:30.
I have a DS who is a Junior in HS, I have worked 3 different flexible hour jobs over the years while he was growing up but I've ALWAYS been there when he's been home from school, vacations, sick..summers.
I could use the extra money for college for him because I'm making a whole lot less now. DH says it's up to me, but I think he wants me to take it.
But my stomach feels sick with the thought of not being there when he's home. He's a great kid, and I don't really need to be there all the time. Things will surely be different around here if I'm not here all the time to answer everyone's needs.

I guess I'm asking how you all manage a job and a family with not a whole lot of time to be home. My Mom was a SAHM, so maybe that's where all this is coming from. It will be new to us all if I do take it.

HELP me see clearly, please.

 

[browneyes]

I'd take the job.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Accept the job and if it clearly does not work out for you then I suppose you could quit.
Having the extra money when he goes to college would be a blessing.
Good Luck

 

[Toby'sFriend]

If the job appeals to you I'd take it.

 

[goofy4tink]

I would go for it! My mom was a sahm until I reached high school age. And I had younger siblings. I figure that your DS gets himself around from his activities and probably will have a job himself over the summer. If he's a good kid, then I would trust him to do the right things. Take the job and rest assured he will be fine.

 

[snoopy]

I'd take the job, but I've always been a working parent by choice. The key to managing a job when you have kids is by being organized - I usually spend all of Sunday organizing our entire week. I also have established a good repoirre with my manager - he knows that I am willing to work overtime, through lunchbreaks, etc. when necessary, and in turn, he understands that my children come first and when I need to be away from the office because my children need me, that is where I'll be.

If you are going to be sick to your stomach over it, you have to do what is best for you. How does your son feel about you taking the job?

 

[CRB#33]

Originally posted by Lynn CC
But my stomach feels sick with the thought of not being there when he's home.

This is the part of your thread that hit home for me. Do you have to take this job? If it's going to hurt you this much, which I completely empathize with, then maybe you need to follow your gut.

A tough decision. I thank God I don't have to make that because I'm a sub. teacher and get my summers off. Take care and know that you will do what's best.

 

[FOJMO]

Coming from a working mom (always), I would take the job. You will find that a Junior/Senior in HS is already VERY independent and more than likely will have an after-school job. Our DD17 was already driving herself to work during her Junior year and she pays for her own car payment with her own money. They are also involved in more extra-curricular activities, volunteer work, etc. so they aren't home anyway!

It's probably more concern on your part than it is on your DS. Believe me, between work, school and friends, a lot of the time parents are on the "back burner" anyway when it comes to time. LOL

Good luck!

 

[SamanthaL]

I am full time mom NOT by choice. I HATE leaving my little ones behind. I guess it is time for you think about you for a change. In another year he will be getting ready to go off to college. Would you regret not taking this job then? You are very lucky to have this be YOUR choice so enjoy making it. I would say that since your son will be getting ready to go to college then I would take the job. However, if it truely makes you feel sick then you shouldn't. I bet you know deep down what you want to do but are scared to do it. Go with your gut, and good luck.

 

[jsmith]

I would take it-college is expensive and he will be home less during summers and what not as he will likely be getting a job himself. I work M-F 730-500 and still manage to make it to games and concerts-as for how we manage the rest-DH and the boys help with the chores and we take a really good family vacation once per year where we focus on the kids. With our older one in college now the money is important too and I realize I need some identity for myself as my boys leave home.

 

[disykat]

Boy I can relate to your post. I've also been a SAHM by choice and substitute teach now that the kids are in school. I've been debating about when to get a more permanent job. My kids are a bit younger than yours, but my oldest will go to junior high in two years and I don't want him to come home to an empty house every day.

I think it gets harder as the kids get older because you don't go the day care route. I think the kids handle being home alone okay, it's more about whether the parent can handle it. Ultimately if you can afford it, I'd do what you feel most comfortable with as a parent.

At this point the decision is probably more about you. If you think a few years down the road you'll be struggling financially and wish you had taken this opportunity - go for it. If you really want the challenge of this new job and think it would be personally worth some sacrifice - go for it. But if ultimately you want to be home in the afternoons - wait a few years and seek out another opportunity then.

Good luck with your decision! (I'm doing something similar this week applying for a part time job and I understand the struggle!)

 

[Lynn CC]

A lot of that feeling is that I think over the years I've lost some of my self confidence. Getting out there and meeting new people is probably just what I need. Maybe it will prepare DS for college more by me not being there to do everything for him?
I'm leaning toward taking it. I have a little while to decide.
I still have to go for a detailed interview, but it certainly sounds enticing! I just wish I could be sure I'd fit in with everyone there, I'm kind of the quiet type, they're very outgoing have a cocktail after work kind of people. I don't even drink, I may have a glass of wine every 3 months if that. They celebrate everything, then drive home (somthing I would never do).

As for DS he doesn't work, just goes to school (that's his job). He'll probably get a job during the summer, part time.
He doesn't really say much about it, I don't think he actually thinks I would really take it, when it comes right down to it.
I really don't like change, but on the other hand maybe it's time.

 

[CamColt]

Ive been lucky enough to be a SAHM for almost 5 years now, since my oldest was almost 2. Although still having little ones, its hard for me to say, but I would think by the time they were in High School, if I had a great opportunity, I would take it. At that age they are old enough to fend for themselves and probably dont even want their parents around, LOL! My mother worked once my sister and I got older and I never felt neglected or hurt or anything like that. It seems like you have done well in always being there for your DS and raising him, but if this is something you really want to do, then you deserve to do something for yourself too. And just think, more money=more Disney trips.
Good luck! Im sure this is a very difficult decision.

 

[tc]

I was a SAHM until my kids were in high school, then I took a part-time job from 9-1:00. I cherished the times I spent home with my kids after school. It's not that they needed me, or that they couldn't do it w/o me, but they loved knowing that I was there, to talk, or just for assurance. If you have a choice, and it's not going to change your circumstances much, I say wait till he graduates. That's only a couple of years, and think what you'd miss if you went to work full-time now. Sure, saving for college is good, but, if it means less time with your son, is it worth it? I know I am probably in the minority here, but I would have really regretted not being there on those afternoons, after school. We had some really nice talks then. Life with your kids is short, and they'll be gone soon enough. Take the time now, if you can.

JMHO,

 

[FreshTressa]

Where would your son be during the time that you worked??

Is he involved in after school activities that require you or someone to transport him?

Personally, I would want to be home after school for my junior high child. That is the time when good kids are most likely to get in trouble. When the family is not there to offer supervision and provide activities in the afternoons, the child could go looking for fun elsewhere. I think it is more important to be home then than it was when they were younger because younger kids are less likely to get into BIG trouble.

And again, our school has at least 2 days with no school every month, where would he be on those days? I just wouldn't feel comfortable with him home alone during that time, no matter how good of a kid he is. People don't like to be alone, especially kids. They will tell you that they don't need you or don't want to spend time with you, but they really do!

 

[RUDisney]

Freshtressa, Lynn said he is a HS Junior, not in Jr. HS. That makes a huge difference, IMO. A 16-17 yo should be able to handle being at home after school by himself.

Lynn will need help with household chores if she goes back to work. There is no reason her DS couldn't get dinner ready sometimes for the family, or vacuum the house, etc., while he's waiting for his parents to get home. It will be good training for when he's married someday.

Right now, he's trained to know that Mom is there to do everything for him. It would be unfair to his wife if he didn't know how to make dinner or clean up the house. Independence is a good thing.

Lynn, I'd take the job if offered it. Big deal if they go out drinking sometimes after work. There is nothing wrong with ordering a soda when everyone else is drinking scotch. There should be no rule requiring you to go to happy hour ALL the time... just go when you want and skip the rest of the time.

If it doesn't work out... you can quit.

 

[snoopy]

Maybe it will prepare DS for college more by me not being there to do everything for him?

I think this is a good observation.

As far as the going out to happy hour - you aren't obligated to do that. We have the "happy hour" crowd around here - most young, single people, and a few that are married with either older kids who have left home or no kids; but most of the married w/kids crowd goes home after work. I wouldn't let the fact that they go drinking after work make or break my decision. I'm sure you will fit in even though you aren't a partier.

 

[JetMom]

JMHO - I think that you should give it a try! I know how hard change can be, but I think that in a short time you will be glad of it.

Bottom line - I think that everyone in the family should sit down and make pro/con lists and talk about the potential benefits and pitfalls of both sides.

Ultimately it is your choice, but I wouldn't make such a big decision without getting my family's input.

I guess that's what this thread is in a way... input from your "family"

Let us know what you decide.

 

[tc]

Again, something from the minority. Just because you are more available to your son, does not mean you are doing a disservice to him (or his future wife). You are teaching him how to communicate, share his feelings, count on sometone. Although I was available to my girls till they both graduated from HS, that did not mean I waited on them hand and foot. They did their laundry, chores, cooked meals. What they got from me not working after they got home from school was me, not what I did for them. I was able to be there emotionally for a bad day (or a good day), help with homework or projects, do research with them at the library, watch movies, bake cookies, help with soccer practice, etc. I am not saying you're wrong if you work, but if you can stay home, MHO is, stay home.

 

[Lynn CC]

TC - I do everything for DS and DH. I take care of the house get their drinks, you name it I do it. It isn't very often that I ask for a helping hand. That's just something I enjoy doing. Although they do know how to do everything in the house, they proved that during my last 3 operations over the past 3 years. They waited on me hand and foot, and took care of everything!
I know it's not helping DS become independent, but it's something I've always done. I'm an Edith Bunker LOL
I talked with DS and he says he doesn't know what it's like to be home alone after school and all summer long, so how can he say anything.
I could wait for another opportunity after he graduates and is off to college, but I think things would be easier if I worked now to contribute more to his tuition.
I'm so confused. I'm not usually this indecisive.

I love reading everyones responses....Thank You!!