what would you do--grandkids and christmas gifts

[jo-jo]

Spend about the same for Christmas for all. Is there a way the 16 can earn extra money helping you out and you pay really well???

 

[QueenIsabella]

I had this problem from the other side, if you will. My MIL, God rest her, was, IMHO, overly generous with my kids when they were young--she would give $500 to each of her 7 grandchildren. My 3yo did NOT need $500! But, I agreed with her right to give what she wanted. So, here's what we did:

All Grandma checks went into the bank. Any gift cards could be spent right after Christmas (for accessories or whatever they didn't get that they wanted, etc.). Before our next vacation, I'd pull out some money, maybe $100, depending, for vacation spending money. I would remind them that it was a gift from Grandma, so they'd be thinking of her while they carefully spent their money. They would thank her when we returned home.

The rest was saved for bigger items, like travel or college or whatever.

 

[Dznypal]

I just thought of a few things that could maybe change things a bit
first my DS and DDIL already bought a car--a friend of my sons was selling it for his kid so they got a great price on it and my DGD is paying them back

also were not giving her hundreds in cash
its going to be around 50$
but I really appreicate all the thoughts on this
but each DGK are getting 4 gifts the amounts to vary but the 5 yr old is getting toys that were on his list so he'll be thrilled
the 11 yr old is getting mostly sports t shirts and those can be pricey but I got great deals on them
the 9 yr also got quite a few things from her list so shell be happy

good thought on having my DGD help me with things and Ill pay her but I know she woulndt take it
so I am leaving things as is
the kids will all be happy with what there getting so all is good

 

[disneychrista]

Can you just discreetly give the $ in an envelope? Seems easy enough.

slip the GK the cash out of sight of the others

This is what I would do.

 

[sk!mom]

I just thought of a few things that could maybe change things a bit
first my DS and DDIL already bought a car--a friend of my sons was selling it for his kid so they got a great price on it and my DGD is paying them back

also were not giving her hundreds in cash
its going to be around 50$

Actually this does change it a bit for me. Given those circumstances, I’d give the money straight to the parents to take it off her debt.

Honestly that amount wouldn’t make a dent in the cost of a car, so I absolutely wouldn’t hurt feelings over it.

I feel like you know that feelings will potentially be hurt or you wouldn’t have asked.

 

[nw6675]

I just thought of a few things that could maybe change things a bit
first my DS and DDIL already bought a car--a friend of my sons was selling it for his kid so they got a great price on it and my DGD is paying them back

also were not giving her hundreds in cash
its going to be around 50$
but I really appreicate all the thoughts on this
but each DGK are getting 4 gifts the amounts to vary but the 5 yr old is getting toys that were on his list so he'll be thrilled
the 11 yr old is getting mostly sports t shirts and those can be pricey but I got great deals on them
the 9 yr also got quite a few things from her list so shell be happy

good thought on having my DGD help me with things and Ill pay her but I know she woulndt take it
so I am leaving things as is
the kids will all be happy with what there getting so all is good

You are doing a good job and have planned it just fine.

 

[sasywtch]

I have 3 grandkids. 18, 13 and 9. I asked them what they wanted. The 18 year old is in college and getting $100 cash. I had given him a $25 gift card to Starbucks at Thanksgiving for helping me put up my lights. The 13 year old wants high top chucks that are $60 and I'm going to put in a $20. The youngest got a toy thing he wanted that was $25 and I'm throwing in $20. IF they complain that the oldest got $100, I'm walking over and taking their $20's from them. I don't think they will as they know I do things for them all the time. Tonight we went to a festival and I bought the 13/9 year olds the fair type little donuts and hot chocolate. Tomorrow we are going shopping for those chucks and I'm positive I will be buying lunch. They were told at a young age that older kids stuff costs more and they usually always get what they asked for so usually no problems. I gave up many years ago with the equal $$ when Nintendo games came out and one child wanted those while the younger ones still wanted $10 toys. I was more on equal number of gifts and not so much the cost. And, they were things they wanted so they were happy. The saving for the car, I might do as a birthday gift or in a separate savings account to give them right before they buy a car. I had a savings acct for all three of my grandkids where I put in $5 a month. It adds up.

 

[Robbie Cottam]

Thank god Christmas only comes once a year…

what happened to it is better to give than receive???

shouldn’t the kids be thankful for another year with grand parents ?

if you are concerned about hurt feelings.
give the car money to one of the parents,
or put it in a white envelope and don’t make a big deal out of it,
or even venmo it

 

[wenrob]

Thank god Christmas only comes once a year…

what happened to it is better to give than receive???

shouldn’t the kids be thankful for another year with grand parents ?

if you are concerned about hurt feelings.
give the car money to one of the parents,
or put it in a white envelope and don’t make a big deal out of it,
or even venmo it

I don’t think it’s so much about the kids attitudes as it is the OP doesn’t want to hurt feelings or give off the perception of favoring one over the others. As someone who was treated like the redheaded stepchild by a grandmother who blatantly and shamelessly favored my sister I can tell you it’s not about the things, it’s about being made to feel less than. I commend the OP for thinking it through so that it doesn't come off that way. That she thought about it shows what a wonderful grandparent she must be.

 

[Robbie Cottam]

I don’t think it’s so much about the kids attitudes as it is the OP doesn’t want to hurt feelings or give off the perception of favoring one over the others. As someone who was treated like the redheaded stepchild by a grandmother who blatantly and shamelessly favored my sister I can tell you it’s not about the things, it’s about being made to feel less than. I commend the OP for thinking it through so that it doesn't come off that way. That she thought about it shows what a wonderful grandparent she must be.

IDK, my mother insists on giving all the kids presents for each birthday, it just makes everyone else feel uncomfortable.

 

[wenrob]

IDK, my mother insists on giving all the kids presents for each birthday, it just makes everyone else feel uncomfortable.

You mean like it’s Child A’s birthday but she insists on giving Child B and Child C gifts as well? IMO that’s unfair to the birthday kid because it takes away from their day.

Like I said in my first post sometimes one kid will get more one time and another will get more another time usually based on needs and/or age, it all evens out over time and most kids understand this. It’s when it’s flagrant and one child is consistently favored over the others that it becomes an issue. I think the OP just wanted reassurance that it wouldn’t come off that way.

 

[dreamer17555]

I have always given the same number of gifts but not worried about equal costs. Toys are obviously cheaper than a new laptop (which was needed for school). Some years I spent more on my daughter, some years I spent more on my son. It's gone back and forth. It's about getting them both what they need and what they really want. Now I am rather lucky as neither of them has ever been the type of person to ask for anything ridiculously extravagant (even the much needed laptop did not make the wish list).

I don't really buy much for them year round (I was never pick out a toy when at a Target run parent) so I feel okay indulging more for the holidays and they have birthdays pretty close after so if I do overbuy for the holidays I sometimes will set gifts aside for their birthdays.

But I do make it a point that they both have the same number of gifts to unwrap under the tree as we all tend to take turns VS everyone opening gifts at once.

It is $50. Please do not tie yourself into knots about it. You are thinking about what each grandkid will appreciate and that is the most important part.

 

[Robbie Cottam]

You mean like it’s Child A’s birthday but she insists on giving Child B and Child C gifts as well? IMO that’s unfair to the birthday kid because it takes away from their day.

Like I said in my first post sometimes one kid will get more one time and another will get more another time usually based on needs and/or age, it all evens out over time and most kids understand this. It’s when it’s flagrant and one child is consistently favored over the others that it becomes an issue. I think the OP just wanted reassurance that it wouldn’t come off that way.

child "b,c,d,e" and yes, I agree it is unfair and detracts from the day, but she thinks it's unfair not to.... It's a wonder I never took up drinking...

IDK, the exact number of gifts makes me think of Dudley, *****ing he got more packages last year.
We have 5 kids in the house, and two are college-aged adults, I can't buy the same number of gifts for each, as the older two like more expensive things.

I think you are right though; it all works out in the wash...

 

[TheIncredibles!]

we have 4 DGK between the ages of 5 to 16
I alwasy try to keep the gifts the same number of gifts
and close to spending wise just something my mom always did
and she did a great job at it

this year we did good with the number of gifts
however the oldest DGD the amount spent
was a good amount higher then the rest
some of that due to the fact shes saving for a car so we gave her some cash to put towards it
I know the 5 yr old wont notice anything as long has theres gifts with his name on them

Im afraid that the 9 and 11 yr old might notice the cash
so what would you do
get the other 3 gift cards or cash
or just leave it as it is
we do have 2 adult kids of our own so they buy for each others kids which our the DGK Im talking about
so theyll be no shortage of gifts thats for sure I just dont the the others to feel bad

Dont give the cash for Christmas. Make it equal for Christmas so you don’t have to worry at all then give the cash quietly and off to the side when it’s appropriate. A gift for a new car purchase doesn’t have to be tied to Christmas and it’s something you can make sure you do when the other kids become of age as well.

 

[mousefan73]

My opinion give the 16-year-old the extra gift of cash since that child is saving for a car. This is a milestone in their life and something special. I think it’s a good lesson for the other kids to learn that Not all things are equal in life. In fact, you should be able to hand the 16 -year-old an extra gift of cash, stating that you would like to support them saving for a car, and the others should witness this and learn a lesson in life that for special milestones, you might get something extra and that you’re a great grandparent is supporting their sibling for such a milestone.

They need to learn to be happy that their sibling or cousin is getting extra support from you for something like this. Just keep in mind that they might expect the same once their turn.

Me personally I’m sick and tired of all the keeping count and making things sure all is even. Sometimes a special occasion allows someone else to be given something special.

Edit: I just recalled that my mother gave my son a much more valuable gift last year because he was going to go to school. She basically help support him getting a laptop. His sister, of course got something significantly less in value and they’re at the age where they know that. But my daughter wasn’t jealous or unhappy and asked for her “fair share”. that’s just the way life is he had a need and grandma stepped up and everyone was happy.