What would you do? - Babies switched?

[gate_pourri]

I am watching this movie on my Netflix (Mistaken Identity), which is about two woman who give birth within a couple of minutes of each other and their babies were switched. They find out when the babies are about 2 years old.

What would you do?

I don't have any children, so perhaps I am wrong, but I think I would want to keep the child I raised the last 2 years... But icks... What a situation.

So, what would you do?

 

[golfgal]

Honestly, I would probably want them both but I think in the best interest of the child I would keep the one I had. I am just glad I never had to make a decision like this.

 

[MAKmom]

I would want them both too. I do not think I could give up the baby I went home with after 2 years.

 

[threecrazykids]

If you enjoyed this movie...read Look Again by Lisa Scottoline. It's about a woman who gets one of those missing children flyers in her stack of mail. When she turns it over the face of her adopted 3 year old son is staring right at her. Excellent book...takes you through the emotions, thinking would I really call the authorities if I knew he/she may actually be this missing child?
That is one of my favorite reads.

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

If you enjoyed this movie...read Look Again by Lisa Scottoline. It's about a woman who gets one of those missing children flyers in her stack of mail. When she turns it over the face of her adopted 3 year old son is staring right at her. Excellent book...takes you through the emotions, thinking would I really call the authorities if I knew he/she may actually be this missing child?
That is one of my favorite reads.

I read that too! It was good.

 

[castleview]

Every time I hear of these stories, I think it's best to not disrupt the child's life. If kidnapping is involved, that's another story though.

 

[dislaney]

I would hate to have to make that kind of decision. Yikes! I think I would want both too! What happens in the movie? Do they keep the children they are raising or switch back?

 

[Family Fun Mom]

I saw a movie like this once. In the end the mothers each kept the child they went home from the hospital with but became friends and raised the children to be like brothers, both very involved with each others families. That would be the best way a situation like that could be handled, I think.

 

[Happy Mom2]

I would have to keep the child I had raised, but would hope I could be friends with the other family so I could know my biological child.

 

[sunnyday123]

I can't imagine after two years someone telling your your child isn't the child you gave birth to. It's still yours, you raised that child. But what if you wanted to keep the child you were raising but the other family didn't? What if they wanted their birth child back? And do you get the choice to say whether or not what you want to do?

This would be a nightmare. I know when DD was born, I made her Father follow the incubator all over the hospital right into the NICU. And they had 17 thousand bracelets on her and I.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

You say that you would keep the child you've raised until then, but think about your biological child and how they might feel in the future--that you knew about them and yet you did nothing to get them back.

Truthfully, I would probably want my own child back.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

Unfortunately this is the type of question that can only be answered directly by a person involved and only for a specific circumstance.

Over 40 years ago, while in the Army, I found that an officer in my chain of command was filing false travel reports and getting paid for travel he did not do. Two times, while in group discussions with him present I asked what would happen if certain things were done. He did not take the gentle hints and continued what he was doing. The day I received my Honorable Discharge I mailed a report to the Base Commanding Officer.

Later I was invited to meet with Criminal Investigators, and was one of several people interviewed. Hew as charged with 12 counts of defrauding the government and counts of signing false official documents and spent three years at Fort Leavenworth with forfeiture of all pay and allowances.

The thing is I do not know, to this day, what I would have done if he had stopped his illegal actions. If I would still have reported him or not.

So this is, in a way similar. Unless you are the one in the actual situation you really cannot honestly answer the question.

 

[sunnyday123]

The Deep End of the Ocean is a similar theme, ( ok not really but it got me thinking ) in that the son is kidnapped and years later knocks on his familys door to cut the grass. The woman that kidnapped him has died, leaving him with his stepfather. After it all comes out, he feels very uncomfortable with his biological family and wants to return to the stepfater. I honestly cannot remember the ending of the movie, because it breaks my heart.

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

I would want my biological child back. I'd hope to remain in the life of the child I'd raised for two years, and I would always love it and long for it, but I would want my and my husband's baby.

 

[Imzadi]

I think I would want my biological child back. Yes, I'd love and mourn the child I kept for 2 years. But, there are so many more issues to think about than the immediate present. Like biological issues. Medical history and complications. You have to address more than the present. Until you start having medical problems, you do not know how necessary it is to know the family history. Viability & options for transfusions, organ donations, etc.

You can't later down the road, knock on a stranger's door and ask for medical help, when essentially that entire blood line has been a stranger. There is a line in True Blood, "He may be kin, but he's not family."

The fact that one day, if you keep the other child, that child you are raising will have children, who are not biologically related to you. They will not, by blood, be your grandchildren. You don't know if your biological child would form any kind of attachment to you as they grow. Your real grandchildren would then be somewhere else as they grow.

I don't think you can bring in all the usual arguments and fundamentals about loving an adopted child as your own, and of course their children would be your grandkids, too, into this situation.

Adoptions are done with a lot of forethought and consent. In THIS particular instance, the consent was originally taken away when the babies were switched. You didn't have a choice about raising a baby that wasn't yours. You DID conceive of one that was, and all the dreams that go with that.

PLUS, that child you did conceive is very really there. How do you address that in the future? What if that family has more children? What if throughout your biological child's life, they feel they never really fit with that family? And they never really formed a bond with you & your spouse?

Then, there's always the issue, most adopted children usually want to know who their real biological parents are and are like? That there is always a hole in them - no matter how much they love their adoptive parents.

Could you really let another person raise a child you know is yours? A lot of this theoretical situation of leaving your biological child with the other family is based on the belief that you child would be raised well in that other home. What if they other family is financially far below yours? What if you realize the other mother is like Octomom? What happens when that child gets into trouble or does drugs in their teen years? What if there is later found to be child abuse & neglect? Or sexual abuse? The perpetrator claims it wasn't incest, as the child was not biologically theirs. You weren't a major influence in their life growing up, can you live with the fact your biological child got messed up, and had you been a part of their life, that may not have happened?

 

[Liberty Belle]

I would want to keep the child I'd been raising, but I think both sets of parents should be in both children's lives.

 

[MushyMushy]

Being adopted, blood doesn't mean everything to me, so I'd definitely want to keep the child I'd known as my own. I'd also like to find a way to do visitation with the other child and vice versa.

But real life is probably a whole lot messier than that. My luck, the other family would fight to get the child I'd raised or not want me to see my bio kid.

 

[smidgy]

to me, the ideal situation would be: both families are affected, so you obviously have to be involved with each other (much like step families). you don;t get to choose those either. I'm thinking: visitation rights.
I think the child's best interests is most important.

there was a case in my state (Schaumburg, IL) quite a few years back,(ok not mistaken identity) where the child was adopted. he was about 4 years old and the father (who didn't know the child existed) sued for parental rights (he had now reunited with the birth mother, who had given him up for adoption). he won
this child was torn from the only mom and dad he had ever known, as well as an older brother. and the adortive family was given NO visitation rights.
I would think that this poor child (no fault of his own) should have been allowed to have visitation rights with his adoptive family.(the pictures on the news, where he was taken from the only mom he had ever known, were heart-breaking)
there are so many situations of step families, etc. that , in cases like this, the best thing for the child would be a joint kind of thing. of course, one family would have legal custody, but the other should have visitation rights.
if that ever happened to me, and I had my child returned to me, I would want him to have contact withthe family who raised him so far. (unless they were really bad people)

 

[smidgy]

another movie I saw (based on a true story) was where the one girl had a heart defect and died. only then was it found out that it wasn't their daughter..
I guess I would hope all parties concerned would be MOST concerned about the feeling of the child.

 

[Acklander]

another movie I saw (based on a true story) was where the one girl had a heart defect and died. only then was it found out that it wasn't their daughter..
I guess I would hope all parties concerned would be MOST concerned about the feeling of the child.

I remember reading about that in the newspapers. I think legally, you HAVE to switch the child back, don't you? I can't remember how the other case ended except the child ended up very emotionally screwed up.