What would u do if u were me? [More info Post 18]

[disneyjunkie]

Just a little more on the scenario. I am not paying for DN's trip she has paid for it before hand POP+Tickets+Resort. She is also not being stingy. She just does not feel the need for the tshirts or the glo sticks or anything. Money is not an issue for them common sense is. There are other stuff like passport for my child in EPCOT or personalized Mickey ears which I am buying cheaper beforehand and all. I dont mind having her with me in Disney nor do I mind sharing what i know from here. I also do not want to impose on her my plans but if she is gonna be with me I cant plan every magical moment for her kid. a 87c poncho and a few dollar sticks are just examples the passport+ ears+ autograph book add up dollars. She will probably have to buy it in the parks which is fine I guess!!

My DH is ok with this as long as it is my DN and her son. The DNH is overbearing and so if he would have asked to come I would have said no. I have already told her when she booked that we do our vacation very laidback. Dont go on all the rides, spend time at the pool and if she wants she can stay with us or go to the parks. Next time I will KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT ABOUT A DISNEY VACATION!!!

Why do you think commons sense is an issue?

I just don't see what the neighbor did that is so awful. (I don't think the husband should have asked to have the wife join you)

The wife sounds like my sister. When it comes to planning trips, we're complete opposites. While I love to plan, she doesn't.

Her family joined my son and I on our 2004 trip. (It was the first trip for all 4 of them) I like to take months to plan and research. All she wanted to know was when, where and how much.

She could care less about money saving tips. She didn't want to hear ANYTHING about the planning. She spent more time shopping for vacation outfits than she did on the planning.

I planned everything and we had a blast. I never tried to make them do things my way.

 

[mitushib]

Well like you said u did it for ur sister. My family i can take the liberty of doing things and knowing it is ok. Like I said in the first post i dont know them super well. Why I mention common sense is if the ponchos are so cheap and the glo sticks r dollar shop items then what does it matter if she takes a few with her. If she tells me when, where and how much I would be happy to shop for her [heck I would be happy to shop for any1 who lets me. I LOVE shopping]. But I just want every1 of us to have ablast without her kid feel left out thats all.

 

[CampbellScot]

It sounds like you need to just plan your vacation and let your neighbor do what she wants. You are not their tour guide. If you are an over obsessive Disney planner like I am, I know how difficult it is to let other people UNDER plan!!! But you have to or you will go nuts. If she doesn't have a poncho and it rains, she can pay the $6.50 to buy a Mickey one at the parks. If her kid wants a glo stick and she doens't have one, she'll either tell him no or buy him a pricey on at the parks. It's all up to her. She chooses not to plan, then she chooses to be unprepared. Then again, she may just not care. She may not be the planning type. Either way I wouldn't let it ruin your vacation. Do what you are going to do, invite her along, but don't stress over her personality differences. It's very nice of you to let her come along with you. I can't imagine my husband just going off to do something so extreme for a MONTH. I think that's crazy/dangerous and a bit selfish...but that's just me. Anyhow, she's probably pretty lonely and will be happy for some company. You are a good lady.

Also, I would make it VERY clear to your kiddo that the rules for his behavior will NOT change just b/c you have a guest along. You know how kids get when there are new people around..."let's see if the rules apply with guests in the mix!!"

 

[mitushib]

I can't imagine my husband just going off to do something so extreme for a MONTH. I think that's crazy/dangerous and a bit selfish...but that's just me.

Its not just you. OH I would never let my DH do it. I would go crazy worrying. That is part of the reason why Is aid yes. She would be all alone.

Also, I would make it VERY clear to your kiddo that the rules for his behavior will NOT change just b/c you have a guest along. You know how kids get when there are new people around..."let's see if the rules apply with guests in the mix!!"

I know what you mean. "If he can do it so can I" rule. So yes I will have to prepare for that snce the kids r the same age.

 

[seven dwarfs]

It may be a good idea to have some planned time apart. I learned this the hard way. Time away is better for everyone. Even a meal apart is nice. Then have time together. It will give you time to vent and have time with your family.

I would just as you have let her know things here and there (like the shirts, ponchos, and glow sticks) so you know you did your part. If she doesn't do the things you think she should, she will live with that. Like if it rains she will be buying a nice Mickey poncho. Everyone is different. I am controlling and have to plan everything. Another friend of mine who is coming on our next trip is not. I have tried to give her input and what she does is on her. It is so hard I know. Here to hoping it all works out for you.

 

[MousekaMaddi]

wow, interesting neighborhood u live in LOL
Last Sept. my 2 very good un married 34 yr old no kids girlfriends and I decided to do an all girl WDW trip. Me 40 yrs , DD4, and my 2 friends, (they both adore disney but arent obsessed as I am ) I did all the planning altho I asked for and got plenty of input from both...what worked for us is I took a very small spiral bound pads and made a schedual for each day, factoring in park hours early morning and late openings etc and dinner ADRs for each nite, as well as tons of cool info, parade times and best spots...firework info for whatever park we would be at that day(we didnt hop altho DD4 and I have season passes and could hop) and I gave them EACH their own notebook full of this info, flight times, bus info whatever I had planned for.... then when we were getting ready for bed that first nite (all same room) I said dd4 and I have a 7 am wake up call and will be in MK (as notebook indicated) for opening, if u wanna come along great!!! otherwise check in on my cell when u get there or we can just meet us at the ADR for dinner together. it worked wonderfully. We were mainly a foursome but when they got pooped out (yes tiny DD4 way outlasted two 34 yr old very in shape girls)or wanted to shop they would meet us at ADRs that evening. I highly RECOMMEND this!

 

[MousekaMaddi]

PS Be sure to write YOUR CELL PHONE number in her spiral notebook!

 

[BlakeNJ]

It seems as if you are/will feel a little guilty about pulling out all your "stuff" while down there. If it will make you feel better, I would purchase extra ponchos and glo sticks (the cheap stuff) to pass out if needed. That way, you won't feel like you aren't sharing. If you say money is not an issue for her, then I would assume she doesn't want to overpack (not that you are--we all do!) and will just buy as needed down there.

Don't worry too much. Tell her your plans for each day and mention she is welcome to come--that is all you can do.

Make sure we get an update when you return!!! I'm always curious how trips go with multiple families who are not related.

 

[mommyseven]

When confronted with a surprise request, most of us have an initial response of "yes" because we are caught off guard. Try to train yourself (I'm working on it myself) to say, "let me get back to you after I talk it over with my husband" or something similar. It buys you time to think it out and determine what you want or don't want to happen if you say yes.

I think the original poster is more concerned about the neighbor's child seeing her child get all these goodies and feeling bad. That is certainly understandable. As other posters have mentioned pick up one extra poncho and one extra glow stick just in case. However, be prepared for the opposite...

Money is not an issue with this lady. While she is not preparing now, it doesn't mean she won't go "hog wild" with buying stuff while there. Her child may be getting goodies left and right and she'll be doing it in front of your child without concern. Your concern, while warranted and applauded, could be for nothing.

I do hope that everything turns out fine. If for some reason it isn't, don't hesitate to take off early one morning and leave a note on her door stating that you all headed out early and you hope she has a good day.

 

[Barb D]

Money is not an issue with this lady. While she is not preparing now, it doesn't mean she won't go "hog wild" with buying stuff while there...

Good point.

Also, OP, if you haven't already preordered your Mickey ears, you might want to wait until you get there. There are lots of different styles in the parks, and part of the fun is picking out which ones you want and watching the CM do the embroidery.

 

[yrdlyprincess]

I must say that my DM has a saying the fastest way to become enemies with someone is to go to the shore with them. I would have to say that with this it's even faster!! I agree with you that it's not the $$ it's the point.I am buying certain things here and certain things THERE. Well good luck again and hope that you didn't buy ajoining rooms!

 

[mitushib]

Well the have a preferred room [only preferred left when they booked] and I have a standard so we will probably not have adjoining room.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think it's really nice of you to include them. But- I just wanted to add that we do not buy anything like glo-sticks or ponchos at the dollar store. We buy them in the parks. We like the Mickey Ponchos and our kids get some great souveneirs while we are there. We don't go crazy but we like to buy our stuff in the parks. So she maybe isn't just blowing off your advice, but I would be the same way and I do like to plan but certain things we prefer to get at WDW. I hope you have a great trip!

 

[bumbershoot]

I have a few thoughts.

When she asks "why" for the ponchos, did you TELL her? I brought one for myself, b/c I was the only one planning on going on splash (I go to Disneyland, and am not familiar with all the rides at WDW, sorry!). She might not know, and it would be a grand time to tell her.

Did you explain the glow sticks? Actually, I'd like an explanation for those, too. I don't understand why you'd need them.

As for matching tee-shirts...there's simply no reason for you to even *think* about including them in that! Drop it from your mind. If she isn't planning to do that for her family, she likely won't feel jealous about it (I wouldn't).

You said that you told you guys do it really casually...gotta tell ya, that's not what I get! I'm sure you're casual once you get there, but if I were a happenstance traveller with you (just like my brother and SIL thought of me before we did our one-day blasts through DL), I wouldn't think "casual" was the word! Very very very prepared is how I felt I was at DL, and I didn't do t-shirts or glow sticks or ears ahead of time (or anytime, just didn't feel they were needed at DS's young age ), or or or. (of course, thanks to my planning, everyone had a terrif time, especially once I realized that they weren't as gung-ho as I was, and that I needed to say "ohm" a few times )



Now about this Everest thing. She must be scared, um, breathless. So many awful things can happen up there. It must be just a little week where she can do something other than wonder what is happening with him. I'm almost in tears, putting myself in her position, even if she was in support of this expedition, she must be terrified. And if she is, no wonder she doesn't really seem to care about all the particulars of this trip.

Ooh, just thought of something else. This expedition of NDH's must have taken a LONG time to prepare for, with oodles of lists of things to bring with him. She might just be EXHAUSTED about having someone plan things to the nth degree, and she might be VERY happy to have someone else take care of it all, without her having to hear about it or worry about it.

Even if she was supportive of his trip, I feel so sad for her, for the worries she's going to have.


I would lightly schedule a time together with her, and really easily tell her that when you go, you do xy and z, and it's tradition for you and you love doing it, but that she doesn't have to. You just want to let her know of these things, along with the reasons why, so she's not surprised when you show up matchymatchy and have glow sticks, um, wherever you'll have glow sticks. (I don't mean to be jerky, I'm just mystified! )

The ADR thing, that's important to go over, to make sure you guys have the money issues taken care of. Some people think that you can go with a group and then split the bill evenly among the group. (I hate that way) Others split it properly, others make sure the bills are separate, and so on. Get it figured out NOW. I've gotten really strict about that sort of thing, after having a huge group meal with almost-strangers, where they were ordering wine and prosciutto appetizers, while we ordered marinara spaghetti and water, and then they divided it by the number of couples at the table (making us subsidize those things that we didn't eat). I don't even care if I come across as rude, I don't want to have that surprise after a meal! Especially with a neighbor! (that meal was in 2001, and I'm STILL angry about the $60 we paid when we budgeted for and ordered only $20 worth of food)


Hope my thoughts came across nicely; if not, just pretend they did, because even though I know that sometime I come across "wrong" (in person too, dangit), I don't mean it to.


And good for you, for opening your trip to them!

 

[mitushib]

Thanks for the prespective on how she must be feeling about her DH's trip. Frankly did not cross my mind. There is a chance she is witing for his shopping to finish and he does have a LOT of shopping this i know.

As far as glo sticks is concerned. last year at every night parade/show i spent a fortune on them so I am getting them to save a few bucks.

ADR's are no issue at all DN and I are in agreement and are on DDP so no issues. Bu casually I meant not the planning but the vacation. We r not "50 minutes before rope drop" kind of people nor r we "I have paid a lot so my kid need not nap" kind. I will be getting together with her and trying to clear things a bit more.