What to say?

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

The other day DH mentioned that a guy he works with is actually a girl. No big deal. Over the weekend he said there is an article about her in the local GLBT newspaper, but the article says she is a guy. Poor DH is a little slow. I told him she is probably transgendered. Looked up the article, and that's precisely the case. Female to male trans. The article talks about how he was kicked out of his home, lived under a bridge for a time, but is now working and going to college.

DH asked me what he should say to the guy. Should he mention the article? What is an appropriate thing to say to show acceptance and support? The guy is only 21, and he has obviously had a rough time. DH feels like he wants to say something, he just isn't sure what to say.

 

[rpmdfw]

The best way to show that you accept someone is to treat them no differently than other people. (assuming that you treat people nicely, and having met your husband, I'm sure he does.)

My advice would be to not mention it unless it comes up. And if it comes up a "yeah, I knew, but it doesn't matter to me" type of remark is always welcome to someone who is afriad of being judged harshly.

Just my two cents, of course. Others my have different advice.

 

[DOPEYLUVER]

I would bring it up as something I saw in the article.

Wow, I saw that article about you in the whatever paper. You sure have been through a lot.

OR

Gee, that was a great article in the paper. You really are a strong person.

OR

I saw that article in the paper about you. It looks like you are going through some tough times, is there anything I can do to help.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Hmmmm...

I'm usually in favor of just being who I am with whomever, no comments, no questions, that sort of thing.

However, it was in a published medium so commenting wouldn't be inappropriate.

I guess it depends on the "goal." Is it important for your DH to let the person know that he is aware of the gender change? Is it important for your DH to let the person know that he is there for any support that the person may need as a result of the article (you never know who is going to read something like that and respond negatively)? Is it important to your DH to just let the person know that he is there as a friend, regardless?

I guess most of it depends on your DH!

Boy that was helpful, huh?

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Thanks! I think DH could actually take it from either angle (mention it or don't), just depending on the situation. I told DH if he mentions the article he could say he is sorry for what happened, but he is glad things are looking up now.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

DVC~OKW~96, I think DH would just like to let him know that it's all good. Of course we are old enough to be the kid's parents, so I doubt he wants to be "friends" with us, but you know what I mean. DH is an ally, and I guess he was wondering how to convey that. Perhaps I will just slap an HRC sticker on DH and call it a day!

 

[Sphyrna]

Although I think most people just want to be treated like normal, there's also nothing wrong with knowing you have other's support and approval. So I think it'd be ok for him to say something supportive.

 

[itsmuggsie]

Since there was an article written about this person, I'm sure this person understands that people he works with may see it, may want to talked about it. So I think it would be fine for your dh to say to him something like he saw the article and is sorry for all he's been through and he's glad things are getting better.

I have a nephew that is female to male transgendered and he just wants people to accept him for who he is. He started his transition about 2 years ago and now unless you knew that he was born female you would think he was just a regular guy.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

DVC~OKW~96, I think DH would just like to let him know that it's all good. Of course we are old enough to be the kid's parents, so I doubt he wants to be "friends" with us, but you know what I mean. DH is an ally, and I guess he was wondering how to convey that. Perhaps I will just slap an HRC sticker on DH and call it a day!

Hey! That would work! I use my HRC stickers to great advantage.

Don't underestimate the "power" of your age. That you are/your DH is older than he, that could well be a very positive thing for this young person. I mean, how wonderful to have an older person know, and not care!

I'm positive your DH will do what will be the best for the situation.

 

[C&G'sMama]

I'm in the "Hey, saw the article, very cool" camp. It might be nice for him to know he has an ally. At my previous employer I was involved in our LGBT network. One of our members cross-dressed (male to female, no intent on surgery (at least when I knew her)) and started doing so at work. She worked on the "shop floor" as they said. And she took a lot of flack from some co-workers.

So I think knowing he has someone's support might be helpful.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Thank you for the great suggestions! I will have DH read this thread when he gets home, then he can decide how to word whatever it is he plans to say.

 

[colaboy29]

The best way to show that you accept someone is to treat them no differently than other people. (assuming that you treat people nicely, and having met your husband, I'm sure he does.)

My advice would be to not mention it unless it comes up. And if it comes up a "yeah, I knew, but it doesn't matter to me" type of remark is always welcome to someone who is afriad of being judged harshly.

Just my two cents, of course. Others my have different advice.

I totally agree. Treat them just like everyone else.