What to do with old stuff?

[chell]

Many of you may remember the mess I had been late last year and early this year when Junior was killed. Everyone said things would get easier as time went on and it did for a while, then I had a time where I had a major back slide. Once again I am in a better point though. Actually I'm in such a great point that I can say right now I'm the happiest I've ever been. Seems kind of odd after my world fell apart less than a year ago.

When I look back on things I know how bad things were and I am happy (in some odd way) to know that I am finally safe and I finally have the peace I begged for from him for so many years.

Now comes the time when I am ready to go through things and clear out some of the junk I've been holding on to.

What kind of stuff should I keep? I no longer feel the need to hold onto his stuff.

The main thing I'm not sure what to do with is our wedding band set. Maybe if we had ended things on a good note and the marriage had been great I would want to hang onto them forever. But right now I don't really feel like I need to. Is that wrong? Should I keep them forever?

At some point I did buy myself a new diamond with a ruby wrap that I will keep forever because I bought it for myself even though it did replace the wedding set we had when we first got married. But I don't see that ring as a symbol of anything. I just see it as something I loved and bought for myself.

Help me out here. Do I keep everything or is it okay to let these things go?

 

[tevagirl]

It's okay to let it go, Chell.

 

[airhead]

Sounds like you're doin' ok!

 

[chell]

Thank you Denise!

 

[chell]

Sounds like you're doin' ok!

Thank you too!

 

[kejoda]

Sounds like your ready to let things go. If it will make you feel better call some shelters to see if they could use some of the things that you have.

 

[tevagirl]

Thank you Denise!

Your welcome, Chell. Keep the good memories of Junior. Get rid of the rest of the stuff. That's all you need.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You can let it all go. You will find that all memories are in your head to begin with.
I parallel it with "The Wizard of Oz". Dorothy finds that there is "no place like home" and she had the "power all along".

The act of "decluttering" is a symbol to you that you can allow one door to close and another to open.

I used to hang onto "old things", some of them good/bad, and found that once they were gone, it was a relief. I need to look forward, not behind now. I love looking forward.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I agree it's alright to let go. You had your time to grieve, be angry etc. and now you're ready for a new chapter in your life.

Enjoy it - you deserve it!

 

[Keli]

In the course of grieving you do move through each step one at a time. If you've come to the place you want to get rid of some stuff then that is exactly what you should do. I think not doing so will actually hold you back from recovering from your loss.

Personally, with jewelry I would have another piece made from the wedding set that you would enjoy.

 

[sweet angel]

I would say get rid of the stuff that you can get rid of comfortably. If there are nagging questions about any particular items, hold onto them until your feelings are clearer about them.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm glad things are working out for you. I'd only hold onto things that have happy memories associated with them. The things you're unsure about could be packed and put in a closet until you're ready to decide on them one way or another.

 

[KathyTX]

Personally, with jewelry I would have another piece made from the wedding set that you would enjoy.

I think this sounds like a very empowering suggestion if you have any interest in it. When you're ready, you could find a jeweler who does custom work and have the stones and metals recast into something new, symbolic of the new start that you've made for yourself.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

I would say get rid of the stuff that you can get rid of comfortably. If there are nagging questions about any particular items, hold onto them until your feelings are clearer about them.

I agree with this

 

[CajunDixie]

Sorry I don't know you're whole history but my only question would be if you had children with him. If so, then maybe keep the wedding set for them and let them go through everything with you. If you don't have kids I'd do what keli suggested. As for the rest of the stuff either find a homeless shelter, Salvation Army or Goodwill to pass it on to.

 

[Jeafl]

I would say get rid of the stuff that you can get rid of comfortably. If there are nagging questions about any particular items, hold onto them until your feelings are clearer about them.

I think this is excellent advice.

I don't remember, did you have any children? If so, maybe they would want the jewelry someday.

 

[chell]

I think this sounds like a very empowering suggestion if you have any interest in it. When you're ready, you could find a jeweler who does custom work and have the stones and metals recast into something new, symbolic of the new start that you've made for yourself.

The set is so small that there really isn't much of anything that can be done with it and I just wouldn't feel right still wearing that even if it was made into something else. It just feels like it is something I need to let go of completely so I can move on with life now.

 

[chell]

Sorry I don't know you're whole history but my only question would be if you had children with him. If so, then maybe keep the wedding set for them and let them go through everything with you. If you don't have kids I'd do what keli suggested. As for the rest of the stuff either find a homeless shelter, Salvation Army or Goodwill to pass it on to.

No children. If anything is in a condition to give to a shelter I sure will.

 

[chell]

Thanks everyone. It helps to "talk" it out. I know my family will tell me to do what I feel like but I thought I would get a feel for what others would say too.