What to do with a child who's hitting?

[luvmyfam444]

She'll be 4 next month & has started hitting or throwing things- but only at one person typically -her daddy.

What tips do you have?

 

[happygirl]

I have a 4 year old as well. I tell him to use his words. If that doesn't work there is redirection and then time out.

 

[disneybound2010]

DS,who will also be 4, has started this as well...towards me! The only thing I have found that works is to get up and walk away from him. It is hard,but I pretty much give him the silent treatment(usually lasts about 5-10 minutes..he HATES that I will not speak to him) DS will come to me and apologize and I will reiterate that not only does it hurt Mommy wherever he hit me,but it hurts my heart,pointing to it.

We have tried time outs,taking away priviliges,early bed times. He is one hard headed little boy!

 

[Tinijocaro]

Walk away from him and ignore him for a bit.

 

[MushyMushy]

Consistent time outs. If the child won't stay in a time out, you leave the room for whatever amount of time you would have had him sit.

1-2-3 Magic is a great book, BTW. I used it with my kids and also use it in therapy sessions with kids.

 

[themilesfamily]

She'll be 4 next month & has started hitting or throwing things- but only at one person typically -her daddy.

What tips do you have?

Kids hit and throw things out of frustration and an inability to communicate stress. They also do it as a way to get attention. (It's negative attention, but it's still attention.) Is there something about her interactions with her dad that frustrate her? Is he good about giving her the attention she needs? Does he talk to her, maintain good eye contact, etc?

Or does he let her "push his buttons" so to speak, so she knows she can get away with this behavior with him?

I'd try to figure out why this is a problem only with your spouse and go from there. Obviously hitting and throwing things is unacceptable, but maybe there's something your spouse could tweak that would improve the situation.

 

[clarabelle]

Does he play rough with her? maybe she is trying to initiate some roughhousing to get some attention from him.

If he does roughhouse with her then maybe he can quit playing that way for a while and giver her lots of calm quiet attention (reading to her ect...)

Good luck
Parenting is tough!

 

[LuvOrlando]

There is NO violence of any kind allowed in my house, and that's pretty much what my kids have heard their entire lives. We don't hit so they don't hit. When my 2 were little and testing the boundaries I do seem to remember they taking swipes once or twice. What I did was stop everything, get down on my knees so I was eye to eye, hold them gently but firmly by the shoulders and tell them with out anger, "We do not do that here. Hitting hurts so unless you want me to hit you you should not hit anyone else. I will not allow anyone to hurt one of my children and that includes you." Then they got a time out. I thought of it like this, it is easier to correct behavior in a 35 pound child than a 120 pound young man or 200 pound teenager so I always made time for it, I never let it slide... not once ever.

I think my approach works because with 2 almost grown kids DD11 and DS12, I think I am the only one of my friends whose kids do not ever beat the crud out of each other. Seriously, they do not hit or get into screaming matches. They get mad, they bicker, they argue and sometimes slam a door but there are no steel cage matches in this house. I am forever stunned when I watch older kids beating their younger siblings as the parents stand around as if they have no control over the situation...uhh, yeah ya do. Sheesh, you are the parent for heaven's sake, DO SOMETHING! Saying it's wrong without intervening is not doing something.

 

[mommycrawford]

First of all, as awful as it is, s/hes only doing it to someone s/he feels no threat of losing their love...so clearly Dad has a good relationship with your child.

Be clear that that hurts....I would exaggerate how much because kids don't always know the impact of what they do: the all powerful self is still learning.

Be firm that "that's not ok." Let your child know that Dad won't play with them because he is afraid to get hurt again (mimicing the impact such behavior would have on schoolmates, friends, etc..) The fact that someone being hit won't want to be with them usually makes them want to discontinue the action or behavior.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I know your child is younger so I'm sure it's out of frustration. You've gotten some excellent advice from everyone so I won't add to it.

I will tell you how handled hitting with older kids though. We had incidents when my DSDs came to live with us. They used to beat the holy heck out of each other. I'm mean it was serious wailing, full fists and everything. They were 6 and 8 at the time. And the 8 yo always started it. So, the new rule was that hitting was not allowed - PERIOD - EVER! We gave them ways to channel their anger (time alone, venting to us where we actually listened and didn't consider it tattletaling, going for a walk, etc.). This worked for years. I guess the hormones kicked in and the older one just lost it one day and hit her sister. The younger one hit back. I guess they were now 11 and 9. As we weren't going to hit them as a punishment, I picked the chores they were made to complete right then and there. They each had to scrub either the kitchen or bathroom floor, on their hands and knees with a scrub brush. And while they were scrubbing had to think about why they were doing it. The one that defended herself got to pick first. She obviously chose our itty bitty bathroom.
I got clean floors and they learned their lessons!!!