What to do?(Gross topic)

[floridafam]

Forgot to add, unless you know exactly what is wrong with this child I would proceed with caution and compassion. She could have a behavioral/developmental disorder that isn't diagnosed and her Mother may be totally oblivious to it.

I don't think it's fair to completely blame all of this on the Mother until you know exactly what is going on. It does sound like the Mother is a bit flustered right now but maybe they can both get some help.

 

[lovemylife]

I wouldn't run the other way but casually try and help in this situation. Yes, what happened was gross. Even if she has a reason for still being in pull ups she should have been taken to the bathroom.

Anyway, the girl should see a Dr. either a family Dr. or a Urologist. She could have a medical issue as to why she isn't able to go on the toilet.

Our DD has developmental issues and is not potty trained yet at 3 1/2 but she'll get there and I certainly would have taken her to the bathroom to do her business. Our DD has been thoroughally evaluated by her Dr. and a Urologist.

There could be any number of things wrong with the child.

Thanks for this, but the mother said that she had discussed it with the dr already and he said apparently there was nothing physically wrong with her. She just is afraid to go. I know that there are many physical things that could stop her from going, but she just doesn't want to. Apparently she sees the school counselor who is not getting through to her yet. The mother said they can't afford another psychologist because insurance won't cover it. I did mention that there is a Potty Training Elmo toy and videos and books, but she thinks she will just go.

 

[jenrose66]

I would decline further dinner invitations. This is just a bad situation. This little girl has issues, be them mental, physical or both and her mother needs to be addressing the situation with the help of professionals. In the meantime you do not need to subject yourself to outings where this type of behavior is exhibited, it would gross me out too.

You can be upfront about why you won't do the dinners anymore, or you can just make up an excuse (I don't have the money, we're really busy...etc..).

 

[floridafam]

I'd be taking my child to another Dr. for a second opinion. There has got to be a reason why she won't go on the toilet. Did something happen at school? Did something happen to her on the toilet at one point? Is she scared?

I think this topic hits a sore spot with me because we have been dealing with urinary issues with our DD for months and we've gotten some great advice.

I wonder if she actually did soil the diaper or if her urine just smelled really bad. Our DD's urine smells awful and really awful when she has a UTI.

Anyway,
I hope they can find the answer to the problem whether it be physical or pshychological.

 

[Disney Doll]

If this child does not have developmental issues, I find it abhorrent that her parents are allowing this to continue. If this is the case, then I would not go out with these people anymore.

If the child does have developmental issues, then I'd probably be a bit "easier" on the parents.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

Just say No is all I can say

 

[teacups]

Do you have caller ID?
If not... change your number.

 

[Stacerita]

I wouldn't be availble to go to dinner again with them.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have to admit that I would probably just say 'no'....

Yes, this girl seems to have some developmental issues...

However, I think that the way the parents are handling ( or NOT handling) these issues is the more important thing!

I have seen a couple of situations like this with aquaintances of my DS... In the most recent, we really tried to befriend the boy (and family) even though there really was just NO way... To many differences and too many issues.

This boy has some developmental or neurological issues that affect his social skills and behavior. (they openly admitted that DS was his only friend....) Yet, his mother is completely oblivious... He was calling all the time, and either venting, or just simply hanging up on DS... etc.. (these are 10 year olds) My son is just a kid and couldn't handle it.... I found out the hard way that when you have a hard time accepting/dealing with another child's issues, expecially when the parents are purposefully oblivious... YOU are the bad guy.... It is no-win....

 

[HOGFAN]

Triple yuck.

 

[muffyn]

there have been many people concerned there might be something wrong with the child.
ok,, so even if there IS

there is no excuse for the parent NOT to take her immediately into the bathroom & change her!! did she ever , during the evening change the child? or did she end up going home in wet 'poopy' pants? that is not good for her poor bottom!!

IF you could smell it, think of the rest of the people surrounding her! I am surprised no one sent over a manager to question this offensive smell ( let alone being disturbed by her actions)

I don't know what you can tell the mom, but sheesh, something is wrong with the whole family letting this go on like this.

I can't understand HOW she gets away with attending school.

 

[minkydog]

there have been many people concerned there might be something wrong with the child.
ok,, so even if there IS

there is no excuse for the parent NOT to take her immediately into the bathroom & change her!! did she ever , during the evening change the child? or did she end up going home in wet 'poopy' pants? that is not good for her poor bottom!!

IF you could smell it, think of the rest of the people surrounding her! I am surprised no one sent over a manager to question this offensive smell ( let alone being disturbed by her actions)

I don't know what you can tell the mom, but sheesh, something is wrong with the whole family letting this go on like this.

I can't understand HOW she gets away with attending school.

You hit the nail on the head! It is up to the parent to manage this situation, not the child. Obviously there is some disconnect from normal where toileting is concerned, whether this is from a developmental disability or a mental illness. But its still the parents responsibility to "take care of it" and not inflict the behavior on other people. I guess you have to decide if you want to be a part of their inner circle.

I"m not being harsh here, just realisitic. My DS13 wears Depends pull-ups to school. He is quite mentally impaired and autistic. He has his own little annoying quirks and even though we love him dearly, there are things that are not allowed--throwing food at the table, screaming, tantrums in a public place, pulling pants down Even though I know my son is not completely potty-trained, we do take him out to dinner with us. But you better believe we have a back-up plan and at the first sign of distress, one of us whisks him away from the table. Under no circumstances would I subject others to pottying at the table! That's just rude!

 

[Mkrop]

there have been many people concerned there might be something wrong with the child.
ok,, so even if there IS

there is no excuse for the parent NOT to take her immediately into the bathroom & change her!! did she ever , during the evening change the child? or did she end up going home in wet 'poopy' pants? that is not good for her poor bottom!!

IF you could smell it, think of the rest of the people surrounding her! I am surprised no one sent over a manager to question this offensive smell ( let alone being disturbed by her actions)

I don't know what you can tell the mom, but sheesh, something is wrong with the whole family letting this go on like this.

I can't understand HOW she gets away with attending school.

This was my thoughts on this. So yes there may be something developmentally delayed about the child, but it is the mother's behavior that I am appalled by, she should have excused them from the table and taken her into the bathroom, or if the child has that much fear out to the parking lot. I think the mother was rude!

 

[disneyfreakk]

I would have gotten up and left the moment that happend.

 

[agnes!]

This was my thoughts on this. So yes there may be something developmentally delayed about the child, but it is the mother's behavior that I am appalled by, she should have excused them from the table and taken her into the bathroom, or if the child has that much fear out to the parking lot. I think the mother was rude!

I agree with you but my opinion is that the mother is not just rude but truly disturbed. The child is just doing what she has been taught to do or what she is able to do or what her physical capacities allow her to do. The actual act (the BM) is not as disturbing as the mother's reaction/non-reaction to it.

I still stand by my previous assessment that the mother is the one who needs counseling & agree with muffyn and minkydog's posts.

And the child's behavior might be allowed in K, but not in the higher grades. The administration will probably strongly suggest that this child needs to be in a special-needs(social-delay) environment, when all that might be going on in this situation is the mother has abdicated her responsibility.

As she gets older her compatriots won't be nice to a fellow-classmate who *obviously* uses Pull-Ups and who *obviously* by her actions is doing her BMs. If the child is not already a social outcast, just wait until some incipient bullies or Mean-Girls get a hold of her.

agnes!

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

She attends school in diapers? I have no kids, but is that allowed? Don't they need to be potty trained? I'm assuming its kindergarten?

That is a good question. You can't force a child to be potty trained and it is against the law for a child not to go to school, unless the child is being home schooled so I am not sure if it is specifically written anywhere. I have never seen anything about this. If it is, there has to be some exceptions. My niece is almost 8 and just became potty trained. She has Down Syndrome and she is in 2nd grade in a regular classroom with a one on one teacher with her. She just wasn't developmentally ready to be potty trained. My sister didn't let her do what this little girls did though. My sister would take her to the bathroom regularly whether she had to go or not to at least try to go. Of course she did have accidents. My niece did go to school in pull ups.

I don't know what this woman has said to her child or what she has done to help the situation, but if she is standing by doing nothing, then she is enabling her, unless this child has some developmenta issues. She needs to put her in underpants and if she has an accident hopefully the little girl would be embarassed about it and think again about using the toilet. If it was one of my daughter's doing this, i am not sure that i would take her anywhere acting like that. That is totally unacceptable.

 

[Stitchfans]

umm...eww..
I'd politely find ways out of going out with them again....

Her childs inability to potty train is one thing...the way she flaunts it is total lack of parenting...

I totally agree with everything said here.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

My oldest DD was 4 before she was finally potty trained. I dont' know what it was, but I bet my lack of truly trying and having the experience to train was part of it...I'll take that blame, because with my 2nd DD she had just turned 2 and I had her dry during the night within week 1. I know every child is different, but the parent has to do something to intervene.
Here, my daughter couldnt' start Pre_K until she was potty trained. So, I'm assuming they'll be allowed if there are developmental issues, but the mothers disregard for other people is disgusting and not the type of person I'd want to associate with....

Yes...I know I answered this thread twice... lol

 

[luvsJack]

I don't think I would be going to dinner with these two again, regardless of why this situation is the way it is.

That said, I agree that there is either something physically and/or developmentally wrong with this child. 5 year olds are usually too worried about what the other kids think to not go to the bathroom; just think how embarrassing an accident can be to a child at that age.

As for the parents, I have known parents that seemed not to see problems with their children. I had children in my child care center that I had to suggest to the parent that they take the child to the dr., "just to make sure everything is ok", because I could see a problem but the parents just couldn't see it or face it or whatever. Some parents just can't get past the "my child has to be perfect" mentality and face that their child may have a physical, emotional or developmental problem; for some parents its almost like an embarrassment to them! I hope this child gets the help she needs soon!

 

[arminnie]

RUN as fast as the wind.

You do not have the credentials or experience to fix this mom so don't even try. If the child was miraculously trained tomorrow there will be many, many other problems for the poor thing because her mother's lack of parenting skills.