What to do?(Gross topic)

[Wishing on a star]

I agree with you but my opinion is that the mother is not just rude but truly disturbed.

I still stand by my previous assessment that the mother is the one who needs counseling & agree with muffyn and minkydog's posts.

Yes, I agree!

While I might not use the word 'disturbed'... the mother definitely has some problems/issues here.

developmental/emotional issues in a 5 year old, I can understand...
The mother... not so much.

Like the poster just above, I have seen parents who cannot see their child's issues, and who refuse to accept any personal responsibility for handling their child's issues.

To me, that is the real situation here.

It is one that I would not advise the OP to become involved with.

 

[MELSMICE]

I would not go out with them again. If you can't be honest with the mother (& I probably couldn't either) then I would make every excuse in the book not to associate with her.

That's just strange not to potty train your 5 year old. Something is definitely off kilter with that family.

 

[Kath2003]

That is a good question. You can't force a child to be potty trained and it is against the law for a child not to go to school, unless the child is being home schooled so I am not sure if it is specifically written anywhere. I have never seen anything about this. If it is, there has to be some exceptions. My niece is almost 8 and just became potty trained. She has Down Syndrome and she is in 2nd grade in a regular classroom with a one on one teacher with her. She just wasn't developmentally ready to be potty trained.

That's different - your niece has developmental issues and therefore will have an IEP. Children with IEPs are not expected to be as developed as the 'regular' students (i.e. those who have developed at what is considered to be a 'normal' level) and the school has a legal requirement to abide by that IEP. I'd imagine that a student who had no physical or mental impairment which affected their development who, at 5 years old, was still wearing diapers would would run into serious difficulties with the school and the parents would be required to take the child to a specialist who dealt with children who will not (rather than cannot) be potty trained.

I would have said something - sorry. I'd have asked if this was common. I'd have explained that you're not happy eating in the presence of someone who has soiled themselves (the daughter herself must have been uncomfortable) then and there. I have all the time in the world for parents with children who have not developed as nature would have wished but no time whatsoever for parents who pander to their darling's wants at the expense of the comfort of other people.

 

[barkley]

That is a good question. You can't force a child to be potty trained and it is against the law for a child not to go to school, unless the child is being home schooled so I am not sure if it is specifically written anywhere. I have never seen anything about this. If it is, there has to be some exceptions. My niece is almost 8 and just became potty trained. She has Down Syndrome and she is in 2nd grade in a regular classroom with a one on one teacher with her. She just wasn't developmentally ready to be potty trained. My sister didn't let her do what this little girls did though. My sister would take her to the bathroom regularly whether she had to go or not to at least try to go. Of course she did have accidents. My niece did go to school in pull ups.

I don't know what this woman has said to her child or what she has done to help the situation, but if she is standing by doing nothing, then she is enabling her, unless this child has some developmenta issues. She needs to put her in underpants and if she has an accident hopefully the little girl would be embarassed about it and think again about using the toilet. If it was one of my daughter's doing this, i am not sure that i would take her anywhere acting like that. That is totally unacceptable.

there's probably not anything written into the regular information the public gets for the criteria to attend school because it's presumed that by age 5, baring medical issues, the majority of kids are potty trained. i'm willing to bet however, that there is something in the health and safety regulations about this. since a standard 'teacher' of that age/grade is generaly totaly prohibited in most if not all states from assisting a child with any toileting there should be something in place in a classroom to permit a child to attend under these circumstances. i would imagine there has to be documentation that supports and substantiates some kind of accommodations plan-and something to ensure that the other students are not being potentialy exposed to the child's human waste (if she is not of the habit or ability to chage a pull up on her own after she has 'used' it, something should be happening to ensure it is being changed to prevent leakage-esp in k classes where kids go from chair to chair, sit on shared carpeted areas, share swings, slides and other play equipment).

as for mandatory school attendance-i see the op is in michigan, so the little girl's enrollment would'nt even be called into question unless she was not attending/in authorized substituting education until age six (where we live it would'nt be called into question until age 8 ). so the school if they were'nt willing to make accommodations could easily tell the parent that up until the child reaches the mandatory age for attendance, absent of being potty trained or having a medical basis for accommodation-could not be enrolled.

if it were me i'de likely steer clear of this situation on a social basis-and since i had observed the child wearing leaking pull ups i might inquire of my pediatrician what steps i needed to have my child avoid contamination (and perhaps make a call to the school-privatly, not shared with any other parents) to inquire if those steps are being regularly instituted (perhaps i'm paranoid on this, but when i worked in and when my kids subsequently attended child centers with non potty trained kids there were very specific health/safety rules in place-one of which required that at the moment a child was discovered to have wet/soiled a diaper or pull-up they had to be cleaned and changed with the area they were sitting in sanitized-and absent of soiling/wetting-there was still the requirement that every 2 hours a child be checked to ensure changing was not needed-even if a child is in 1/2 day kindergarten this should mean that someone is doing this at bare minimum midway through each day).

 

[lovemylife]

The OP here. You would have thought that the little girl would have been uncomfortable and embarassed, but she was not. She acted as if it was normal and okay to do this out in public.

The mom is 48 yrs old and this is her only child. I don't think that the mom has much control over this little girl because the girl was not listening at all. The mom suggested that the next time they play at my house and I can't do that because I don't want urine to get all over the house. I don't want her playing in my sons room and "leaking through her pull up" and making a mess on the carpet, couch, beds, etc. I just can't let the happen. When I mentioned this to my DH he was so disgusted he said no way she is coming over here. I just feel so bad because my DS did enjoy playing with her, but I can't act like I don't know what is going on and that the behaviour of the mother and daughter is something I agree with.
Thanks to all of you so far who have written.