What to do about this gift exchange situation?

[WeLoveLilo05]

I have posted about this before on here, so I am sorry if some of you have heard these stories before....

Every Christmas/Birthday my fiance's Aunt regifts her DD's past gifts. Which wouldn't bother me, if it was something DD would get use out of. Since DD turned 2, she has given her nonsense gifts. On her 2nd birthday she gave her outfits, a bathing suit (dds birthday is in January and it is cold here in Jersey) but they were all a size 6x!!! The next Christmas she received a high school musical barbie and clothing, size 10/12, again my DD is 2 going to be 3 at this point. Her 4th birthday she gave DD High School Musical sweatshirt and two dressier shirts guess what size? 14/16!!!! I was about to pick the shirt up and ask if it was for me, I could fit into it!
Now I KNOW money is tight, we are living off one income, trying to save up for a wedding while I finish up my last semester of college. But I still take my time and try to find her kids something nice. Her DD loves HS Musical so I got 2 shirts from the Disney store last year when they went on clearance. Her DS I try to get him a nice sports t or something at Kohls. I get even more annoyed b/c they have money to spend and we don't.

This just bothers me and I am not sure what to do about the situation. I'd really just like to end the gift exchange altogether, but they are kids and i would feel funny not giving kids something at Christmas/birthday time. Why should my DD get the short end of the stick? I mean, whenever she gets ANYTHING she always says "thank you" but I just don't think that its fair and in my honest opinion I feel like a fool. WWYD? Because honestly, if DD gets another shirt, it may be a juniors size this year, I may actually flip out, I feel as though I have kept my cool for too long.

 

[QVCshopper]

Maybe you could designate a certain item -- like an ornament -- to give? Or see if you can exchange tickets to something like a movie or zoo--experiences instead of gifts? Or special treats?

Honestly, I'd like to stop one of my own exchanges that I'm stuck in. I tried and tried. It only changed once everyone had the same amount of kids that I have and realized it would be an extra $80/year ($20 x 4 people). Bad exchanges kinda take away the spirit of XMas, instead of enhancing it.

 

[Justsyd2]

Honestly, I would graciously accept the gift, and either exchange it, or sell it and buy your DD another gift. You won't ever be able to change your fiance's Aunt. I just wouldn't take it personally.

You could ask your fiance to speak to her about it...it might be worth a try.

 

[kathie859]

For years my DSIL gave the most inappropriate, bizarre gifts one could imagine (i.e., an auto license plate gizmo that lights up in neon colors to a kid who doesn't have 1) a driver's license or 2) a car Or clothing that was obviously a second or used and in the wrong size in a style a kid wouldn't be caught dead in.

It became the family "joke"--not in a mean spirited way--just sort of "I can't wait to see what X gives me this year" accompanied by a big grin.

So that's my advice. Just grin and bear it. You're not going to change her.
If you really want to stop exchanging gifts, that's fine (we've pretty much cut back to kids still in school) but that's because I want to give them something--not out of a sense that I have to because their parents give my kids something.

 

[SandrA9810]

Maybe you could return the favor and give her things you DD outgrows.

... You know just in case she decides to have another one... especially if she's a bit past her prime...

Sorry that was probably a little mean. Do her children enjoy the gifts you give them?? They sound old enough to appreciate things. So they might get hurt if you don't think of them. However if your gifts go by the wayside... stick to 10$ gift card to like Itunes every year.

Even Kari got an Itunes gift card one year from th rich part of the family that really doesn't give any thought to what they give, we don't have an Ipod, or even internet at the time. A simple call to Kari's parents and they would've known not to give it.

 

[NYCDiane]

She's not going to change. The best you can do is, like other posters have said, either exchange the items, sell them, or give them away to a person who can use them.

Or you could speak to her and nicely tell her that she's giving you teenaged size clothing for a 4 year old child. Explain your daughter is FOUR years old and only wears a size 4 or 5 (or whatever size) and, by the time these clothes fit her, HSM, etc will be a long gone memory. Of course, you would have to say this in such a way so her feelings aren't hurt and it doesn't start a problem within the family.

Or you can "hint" to her at holiday time "oh, you know, MaryJane is just gushing over the new ______ " or "MaryJanes new favorite color is ____. She would love a new sweater in that color but I haven't been able to find any in a size ____"


Look at the overall situation ---- if she is a chronic "re-gifter" to everyone, then just let it be. Buy her children token gifts (nothing expensive) and just call it a day. Does she do this to everyone? Or just for your DD? If it's just your DD, then I would think something is very wrong and you're going to have to speak up.

 

[NYCDiane]

Maybe you could return the favor and give her things you DD outgrows.

... You know just in case she decides to have another one... especially if she's a bit past her prime...

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

She's not going to change. The best you can do is, like other posters have said, either exchange the items, sell them, or give them away to a person who can use them.

Or you could speak to her and nicely tell her that she's giving you teenaged size clothing for a 4 year old child. Explain your daughter is FOUR years old and only wears a size 4 or 5 (or whatever size) and, by the time these clothes fit her, HSM, etc will be a long gone memory. Of course, you would have to say this in such a way so her feelings aren't hurt and it doesn't start a problem within the family.

Or you can "hint" to her at holiday time "oh, you know, MaryJane is just gushing over the new ______ " or "MaryJanes new favorite color is ____. She would love a new sweater in that color but I haven't been able to find any in a size ____"


Look at the overall situation ---- if she is a chronic "re-gifter" to everyone, then just let it be. Buy her children token gifts (nothing expensive) and just call it a day. Does she do this to everyone? Or just for your DD? If it's just your DD, then I would think something is very wrong and you're going to have to speak up.

She buys things for the whole family, and regifts for DD. She may regift to her children's friends, but I am not sure as I am never around for those moments. I really think she just doesn't like us b/c she has passed a few comments that I have taken offense to. She has also made nut covered cakes and given DD reeses peanut butter cups for easter and my DD is allergic to nuts and EVERYONE knows it.
I think she is out to get us honestly.

 

[akcire]

I have some family members who did similar things. I started to ONLY buy them Monogramed items--much harder to pass on. You have no idea how many different things you can have monogrammed, I even got the LLBean Visa for the free shipping and monogramming!

Nothing says happy holidays like giving everyone in the family a towel with their name on it, ALL in different colors. Kids think it is great, and the adults...well how would you like to wash a hot pink, white, green, brown, and blue towel??

We stop on the way home from their house to drop of the re-gifts at the goodwill. I am particularly fond of when the cards are still attached (for someone else) and I do read them aloud. I am also certain to send a thank you every year. I will say, since the monogramming thing started the gifts have gotten better, but I can't say for certain they were purchased for my family.

You either have to laugh at their pettiness or become a predatory gifter like I am with the monogramming.......I also like to give them "ultra-healthy" food (think salad, no fats, no dressing), they eat like crap normally--and have to stick a few bits of my "dish" in their mouths at family gatherings.

BTW--the rest of the family all know I do this on purpose, everyone else gets "good and normal" gifts.

 

[StephMK]

Are you close to DF's family? Which one is she related to and can they explain her behavior? At the least, she is obviously putting no thought into it. I'd get token things for her kids & be done with it.

If you want to be sneaky, regift stuff from your DD that she gave you, back to her kids. Either her kids will spill that they used to have that but didn't like it or when she calls you out for regifting her gifts, explain how you thought they would be better suited for kids her ages & thought they'd like them. Or don't let on if she tries to point out you regifted back to her kids - "oh, you couldn't have possibly given this to DD last year, look how big it is, it never would have been meant for a 3yr old!"

 

[terri01p]

Just grim and bare it, her gifts are not going to be the end and and beat all of gifts ever so just forget it, don't bad mouth it in front of your child and just buy something for your child to look forward to for later.
My dd was treated this way for years because she's disabled and I guess they thought " who cares" so my dd now knows that after the exchange at home is coming something nice her way and it makes us all feel better.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

Are you close to DF's family? Which one is she related to and can they explain her behavior? At the least, she is obviously putting no thought into it. I'd get token things for her kids & be done with it.

If you want to be sneaky, regift stuff from your DD that she gave you, back to her kids. Either her kids will spill that they used to have that but didn't like it or when she calls you out for regifting her gifts, explain how you thought they would be better suited for kids her ages & thought they'd like them. Or don't let on if she tries to point out you regifted back to her kids - "oh, you couldn't have possibly given this to DD last year, look how big it is, it never would have been meant for a 3yr old!"

lol I should have kept the shirt, but I gave it to good will. But if i get something this year, I may have to keep it for next year and follow that idea.
O she actually married into the family and fiance is pretty close to her hubby.

 

[JR6ooo4]

reminds me of the kid who got bacon for a gift!

Mikeeee

 

[IDoDis]

The next time you see her you should wear the HSM t-shirt. I understand that you don't want to take it out on her kids, so you are kind of stuck. Maybe you could ask her if it were okay for the kids to exchange gift cards this year instead of wrapped gifts.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

When your DD opens the size XXXL gift I would say very loudly "Oh! Auntie Cheapy Pants, I think you mislabeled DD's gift. This couldn't possibly be for her. Look at the size. This wouldn't fit her for at least 10 years! I think this was meant to be one of your DD's gifts. Maybe the gifts got mixed up. Here let me help you check."
At the very least it will call to her attention that you are on to her. Good luck!

 

[cinmell]

Give her daughter clothes in your daughter's size and toys that your daughter likes. Then, when she re-gifts it back to your daughter, you know it will fit and be liked as well!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Give the kids a card with cash money in the amount of their ages. That will become "your thing". Kids like money and you don't have to spend your time and gas shopping for the "nice gift" for her kids.

That is probably what I would do.

 

[golfgal]

Why don't you just have a talk with her and call her out on her behavior? "Jane, I understand that you don't like my DD so maybe it would just be best if you stop giving her ridiculous gifts. We will just stop exchanging gifts between our families". No gift is way better then what she is getting now.

 

[BelleWDW]

I would not exchage gifts with such a distant relative-that YOU are not even related to!

Get the Fiancee to buy the gift!

I dealt with a wacky gift-giver for years and was relieved when we stopped exchanging stuff-she gave JUNK to my kids and it would really make me mad. SO NOT worth it!

 

[java]

Have you pointed out that your daughter is 2? When she gives her an inappropriately sized gift I would just kindly say - "thank you for the gesture but can I have the receipt to exchange that . It clearly won't fit her"


Who is the poster with the GREAT funny MIL Holiday Gifts? Remember the fuzzy sweater!! oh my