what to do about people who invite themselves on your vacations?

[LVdisneyChick]

my sister did this to me a few weeks ago. she decided she was going to come with us, started asking me where we are booked...blah blah blah. she called yesterday. she can't get the time off from work

 

[bennyb98]

Just to vent this happened to me and my parents while I was on the College Program. They had saved up to come visit me for a few days and were all excited and low and behold as soon as a not to be mentioned relative discovered I was allowed to get discounted hotel rooms and a pass into the parks suddenly it became urgent to get to WDW since they had never been before... ugh... Not that I’m bitter at all.

 

[JzeroT1437]

Just noticed my tag. I rock so much.

 

[kaoden39]

Just noticed my tag. I rock so much.

I love it!

 

[ploeb]

Too funny! It seems EVERY time my family of 6 goes, someone on my hubby's side wants to tag along. One problem with this is we Always have Our Own agenda, after all its our vacation!And his family gets mad if we follow it! This past vacation, we happened to get a suite, and my MIL knew I had plenty of room for her and my two nieces so she came for the day and then started dropping hints about "Getting" a room,I had already told her they were sold out! So she suggested staying in our room, but she didnt want to go to the park the next day. Weird right? So she keeps going on about how shes soo tired...blah-blah..then she says we can have breakfast in the morning. I told her we already had a ressie at Goofys Kitchen-so she offered to pay and I informed her how $$$ pricey it is..she said No Problem-! Yeah right! Now I am thinking ok.. when she sees what it cost me in the am, she will know what type of planning it takes to do this No Holds Bar Trip We get up to the pay counter at Goofys and there are 4 of us in my family that day and 3 for her (2 adults and 5 kids), you can imagine the look on her face when she paid! Seeing her anger, I suggested I pay for me and my 3 kids, she said "No-with this exact face LOL!! Probably wont happen again any time soon! Since my SIL would never think to take her kids to DLR on her own, the sad thing is they more then likely wont go back again unless my MIL takes them!

 

[wazowskiLOVER:)]

I know exactly what everyone means because I am planning our trip for October and I invited family. My cousin and his wife said they would come and they up and invited my other cousin who has a brand new baby. I didn't invite them because it would be a pain in the butt to do things with them. Also they don't really cover their share of the bill at restaurants. On top of them inviting my other cousin, they also asked their friends if they wanted to come to. It was kind of annoying to hear it come out of their mouths but I didn't really know how to respond because I was so flabberghasted by the whole thing.

Everything fixed itself though. I just hope that they don't invite more people as the months go by. If they do I'll just have to say we'll meet up with you later when we get there. There's more stuff that has happened while I've planned this trip but I don't want to rant on and whine. Ick what a nightmare.

 

[sharona]

I know exactly what everyone means because I am planning our trip for October and I invited family. My cousin and his wife said they would come and they up and invited my other cousin who has a brand new baby. I didn't invite them because it would be a pain in the butt to do things with them. Also they don't really cover their share of the bill at restaurants. On top of them inviting my other cousin, they also asked their friends if they wanted to come to. It was kind of annoying to hear it come out of their mouths but I didn't really know how to respond because I was so flabberghasted by the whole thing.

Everything fixed itself though. I just hope that they don't invite more people as the months go by. If they do I'll just have to say we'll meet up with you later when we get there. There's more stuff that has happened while I've planned this trip but I don't want to rant on and whine. Ick what a nightmare.

A little off topic but I have this same cousin! My solution when separate checks are not appropriate - I make sure I have cash with me and when the bill comes, I grab it up before she can get to it then I figure out our share + tax and tip and then pass it over to her along with my money, leaving her to pay the rest which is she and her family's fair share. I also make sure to let her know what tip amount I based my calculations on.

As for people inviting themselves on a trip - I have planned and been invited on many large family trips and it's obvious or should be obvious when someone wants your company and when they don't. If they want you along they will specifically invite you. If you are not inviting them to come along, don't mention the trip to them. Don't Facebook brag about the upcoming trip. Don't talk about your plans with anyone (that's what the DIS is for).

 

[texasgingerbread]

I know it's easier to not tell, to be vague, to blame, or to give excuses but I believe honesty is the best policy as well. YES it is difficult! But you are a grown up. Let 2016 be the year you say "no" and not feel guilty about it. Everyone in life is in different financial circumstances, etc. and even though we love them it doesn't mean we have to pay for them. It sounds like you have a huge heart and soft spot for your mother and sister...I get it...but it is your vacation. It's not fair to your sanity, to the $ you're paying to have fun, etc. In my eyes you have two choices...put your kids and hubby first or accept it now and suck it up.

You can say no nicely and even renig on anything you've committed to. It's your vacation and vacation should be exactly that - a break and fun! "I'm sorry I know you'd really like to go to Disney with us this year but I would like to have a vacation with my kids and their grandmother. I've also committed to being media-free on my vacation so I can 'put down the devices' and focus on my family and not miss those sweet moments. I've asked Mom to do the same."

It might be a difficult conversation to have but believe me once you've had it you will thank yourself and be worry free. If she is upset by you telling her this then she is very selfish. She could be disappointed sure, but upset or mad at you...no way. Wouldn't you rather get it over with now so you can enjoy your planning and your trip? If you don't then accept and move forward with a positive attitude or you'll ruin your trip. Good luck!

 

[jammyjam25]

My BFF and I have also solved this problem by simply not announcing ANYWHERE (FB, Twitter, texting, etc.) that we're going until about a week before. We have several friends who would try to invite themselves otherwise. And though they're friends I love dearly they are not people I would do well traveling or exploring DL with.

 

[MICKEYFIL]

I recently found out that friends of mine are off to disneyland and I suggested to them that if they are going it would be great if we all went together. One of the members of their party just said no, that they would prefer to go as a family on their own and experience it by themselves. I told them I thought that was great and I hoped they had a good time. That is how grown ups act.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Just in case anyone's interested, I would think that the OP has figured it out - the question was asked almost 8 years ago.

 

[texasgingerbread]

Just in case anyone's interested, I would think that the OP has figured it out - the question was asked almost 8 years ago.

lol - no way! I didn't notice that. ha!

 

[az4boys]

So I read about half the posts and I agree with a lot of them. First option is to flat out tell them that you don't want to be with them on vacation, but that might be a little hard to do. So, if they want to come, they need to be in charge of their own hotel room, own transportation, own meals, and own tickets. You decide what you want to do and if they like it, they can follow along. If they want to do something else they can choose to do that. We've had problems getting family just to pay $150 for a split hotel stay. I would not chance a Disneyland vacation unless I could afford to just forget about getting paid back.

A few years ago we were at Disneyland the same week as my sister and her family. We stayed at the same hotel and we saw each other once! We met on the roof to watch fireworks one night. I think we might have texted a couple times but that is it. I'm glad we both agree that time with our own families was most important for us.

Mom mom is the worst when it comes to inviting people who were not intended to be invited. I planned to go to a very informal lunch with a couple of my sisters and thought it would be nice to invite my mom so she could get out of the house. She totally took over and turned it into a family reunion because she didn't want anyone left out. Now she gets left out because she turns simple plans into really complex social situations.

ETA: I just read that this thread is from 2008!

 

[hollypoast]

TinkerBell7:
Man, I feel for you. I would be annoyed too if that happened every time!

I think sometimes we are victims of our own vacation-planning success. Those of us who do our homework, ask lots of questions, find great discounts, etc., end up with great vacations that get the most for our money. When we tell our friends/family, I think some want in on the deal.

It sounds like you have become an unpaid travel agent/tour guide because you probably have had some great vacation successes. They want your expertise and deals because they don't want to do the work involved.

BINGO! People ask me all the time to either join them or when I'm going again so they can join me. I make it look fun but a whole lot of work, for months goes into making my weeklong vacation enjoyable. Happy to share my knowledge and information but that's it.

 

[mousehockey37]

Your nice and easy going spirit has left you to be walked all over. Buck up and just straight up tell them no. It's your vacation, not theirs, it's your money, not theirs. Oh and start inviting yourself along on THEIR excursions and see what their reaction is. If it's anything less than accepting, you then have a perfect reason (not that wanting to spend vacation with your family isn't the best reason ever) to tell them to never invite themselves along again.

For your "friend" that doesn't pay her fair share and such... I'd keep a running tab, and have her sign an agreement (get it notarized) that if you cover anything for her, she's to pay you back, with interest. If she fails to pay, take her to court and get it back.

Anyway.. have some backbone. You've suffered for 8 years with uninvited guests, think of your family and your sanity. It's not too late now to tell your family member for your Oct. trip that you don't want them with you. If you both vacation at the same time in the same place, wow, coincidence, but you don't want them in your face your entire trip.

 

[sherilaine]

This thread is like 950 years old, it is funny though how much is resonates with people to have risen to life again!!

 

[aussiegirls]

Is this an American thing? I can't Even fathom the idea of anybody inviting themselves on somebody else's vacation, I haven't even heard of such a thing. It seems so outside of normal social boundaries for me.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Is this an American thing? I can't Even fathom the idea of anybody inviting themselves on somebody else's vacation, I haven't even heard of such a thing. It seems so outside of normal social boundaries for me.

It might be an American thing if no one else does it in other countries? Most people won't do this here either, though. It did happen to me when I went to Spain. My cousin invited herself, two daughters, and daughter's boyfriend. It changed my plans in a major way, but luckily for us, it was a wonderful experience, and I'm really glad we did it. She never would have experienced our grandfather's birthplace otherwise, and it was really important to both of us that she see it.

 

[com_op_2000]

does anyone have any advice for this?

every single vacation we've been on in the past 8 years except for 1 someone has invited themselves to go along on. sometimes i don't mind but i'm getting really tired of this. just found out that my sister has invited herself & her family on our oct. DLR trip (not that they can afford it but somehow they always manage to find money to go on vacations, even if they lose jobs & don't pay bills).

i want a trip that's just for the people i planned it for for once. i feel like saying "if i had wanted you to go I would have invited you in the first place". i have a friend and other relatives who have also invited themselves to go along. my friend has invited herself on 4 trips to wdw, she doesn't pay her fair share & has also invited herself to go to DLR but says she doesn't think she has enough money "this time".

what can i do about these people??????? i'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me.

What I tell people is:
Whoever pays the piper calls the music.

If your family wants you to go on a vacation and they are willing to pay for it, go and have a great time on them. If you are paying for the trip you go where and when you choose to go.

 

[AlohaNow]

This thread is old, but still very relevant. We are purposely not mentioning our DLR trip this fall break at all. When we lived in Hawaii we met up with east coast family at DL once and had a fantastic time. But we are back on the mainland now so things are different. I just think if we say anything about going the same family might say, “Great! We’ll meet you there again!” My family needs time away, just us. DS13 actually wants to celebrate his 14th at Disneyland and this will be the first Disney trip that DS9 will actually be able to remember. (Haven’t been in a long time!) So we are keeping DL on the DL. (Get it?)