What should I do?

[tkyes]

My SIL is getting married in May and one of her bridesmaids has taken charge of the bachelorette party and run with it.

She wants us all to pay $45 towards a limo to take us bar hopping. The party is the weekend of Mother's Day and I always host a Mother's Day brunch for my Mom and MIL.

I could back out and say that I'll just drive myself and meet them at the bars, I have no intention of drinking anyway. Then I can just hang out for awhile and leave when I feel like it.

The only problem is I feel bad that my backing out will mean that the other people will have to pitch in more than $45 to cover the limo, including my other SIL who doesn't even have the $45 to begin with.

I don't want to be a big pain in the rear but I also don't want to stay out until 1:30 in the morning the night before I'm hosting breakfast and pay $45 for a service I don't need.


Any advice?

 

[Wishydoo]

If it were me, I would just pay the $45, and then, drive myself...I'd consider it a gift, and forget about it...just to avoid...stuff.

 

[RUDisney]

I backed out of my SIL's wedding a few years back after I saw the slutty dress she chose for the bridesmaids. I couldn't bring myself to wear something like that in public. Anyway, I also knew that I had made an obligation to everyone else, so I still chipped in for the shower and went in on her gift with the other women. It was alot more than $45.

Anyway, if you can afford the $45, be a bigger person, suck it up and pay for the limo then drive yourself to the bars that they are going.

It'll foster better family harmony in the longrun.

 

[snoopy]

I'd pay the $45 too, even if I didn't use the limo or go to the party. It just seems easier that way.

 

[crazyme5kids]

Maybe I'm a scrooge, but I don't go to bachelorette parties. I feel if the bride is having a shower people (usually the bridesmaids) should not be expected to have the added expense of a bachelorette party. I say back out, and give a little money to your SIL to make up the additional cost of the limo.

 

[Buckalew]

I wouldn't do it. If I was planning on participating and needed the limo it would be a different story to me. But if I wasn't going to drink and someone else planned this out, I'd just say no thanks.
Of course, every party has a pooper and that, of course, would be me. I think it would be easier to just pay the $ and forget about it but I hardly ever take the easy way out. I mean, $45 hardly passes the Disney test for me...

 

[elgerber]

I'm not sure what I would do, but are you saying your SIL has to pay the $45 for her own party??? That is what surprises me, I've never heard of a bride or groom having to pay their way for their own party like that.

Erika

 

[tkyes]

No, my other sister inlaw. I have 2.

 

[hercamore]

I'd probably go with anyway even tho I wouldn't want to.

Just because I wouldn't want to be driving around late at night by myselfbetween bars in downtown Mpls or anywhere else in the Metro.

Maybe you could get your gang to leave early since it's mothers day the next day.

The University of Mn. graduations are that weekend, and I am sure there will be a lot of partying going on.

herc.

 

[Mishetta]

Here is my 2 cents worth......especially since I'm not a drinker either.

I would say since your SIL made all these plans without checking it out with everyone first, then it's her problem where the extra money comes from. I think that's a bit much to ask from people when they do have all the other "wedding" expenses that comes along with standing up in a wedding.

I am sure that you are not the only one who isn't too keen on this but maybe they are not as brave to back out! (Did that make sense?)

Why don't you girls just throw her your own private shower giving her sexy nighties she wouldn't think to buy for herself? At least the "gift" will be going to the bride, instead of paying for a "service." Really, the $45 fee would just be for transportation...then there will be the bar costs, & cover fees (if any.) So I think we're talking a lot more than $45 here!

Sorry, I'm too practical!

On a positive note, I'm glad to see your SIL has enough sense to want to hire a driver if you're all going to be drinking! Thumbs up!

 

[tkyes]

It was one of the bridesmaids who decided on the limo and bar hopping.

Herc - I see what you are saying about driving downtown, but I'm OK with it. I'll just park in the target center ramp or the city center ramp and I'll be fine. I won't be staying out more than a couple hours, just enough to buy my SIL a drink and be polite.

I agree Mishetta that someone should have asked us first. I'm not in charge so I can't suggest anything else. I'm just going along with the flow.

There are plenty of us that aren't drinking that would drive people home.

I am actually only friends with my 2 SIL's, I don't know anyone else that is going out that night. Maybe that's another reason I'm not excited to go out, that and they all smoke like chimneys.


Tamie

 

[Wendy]

Oh, boy. My sil is getting married next month, and this wedding is costing us an arm and a leg. We have to rent tuxes for both my kids as well as dh, and then there's all the shower expenses, the wedding gift, the extra haircut appointments, the money I'm spending to make the ring bearer pillow and all the bubbles, etc, etc. Plus, we're going to be entertaining a number of out of town people while they're here, so it just keeps adding up and adding up. It is soooo expensive to be in someone else's wedding and often the bride and her family don't stop to think about just how much their wedding is going to cost their friends.

Did you agree to this $45 ahead of time, or were you just informed that you'd need to pay the money? If you weren't asked about it ahead of time, I wouldn't do it, but that's just me. I think that's a lot of extra money to expect people to pay (in addition to all the other expenses of being in a wedding party!)without clearing it with everyone involved first. Personally, I think the bridesmaid should have come to everyone first with the $ figure and asked if they wanted to do it. $45 may not be much to some people, but it's a good chunk of money to me.

 

[tkyes]

No Wendy, no one asked first.

I just emailed the bridesmaid "in charge" and told her I would be attending the party but would be driving myself. I offered the $45 if she needs it to keep expenses down for other people. I'm hoping she doesn't have the guts to ask me for it, because I don't want to pay it.

I guess we'll see what happens. Maybe they can get a smaller limo now and that will bring the cost down?


Thanks for all your advice everyone. I still don't know if I did the right thing, but it's over with now.


tamie

 

[Buckalew]

Tamie,
You never know. Some others may not be too keen on the idea and $ either. You may have given someone else the nerve to speak up too.
Have a fun time!

 

[DaisyDebbie]

Maybe your SIL has some other friend that would like to take your place in the limo, someone not in the bridal party? That would solve the problem.