What should I do...

[Avery's mom]

I have a surprise trip planned for my family in 2 weeks

However, my daughter (9 years old, and somewhat naive yet neurotic...) came home today and told me that she has a small solo in her very small school's holiday concert. She is happy about this, as she loves performing on stage.

Normally, I'd be happy too - except the holiday concert is on the Sunday we are leaving for DL

So, as I drove home, I tried thinking of all the ways "fix" this.

A) Talk to her music teacher and let him know she won't be able to attend the concert, so please offer the solo to another student. This disappoints my DD (temporarily, I assume) but keeps the happy surprise to DL. I imagine she'll wonder why she didn't get to keep the solo.

B) Tell my DD that we are going to DL, which is why we can't attend the concert. This ruins the surprise, but hopefully she understands why she isn't going to sing in the concert.

C) Something else I haven't thought of yet....

I can't move our dates, due to hubby's work schedule - I already asked him.

Keeping the surprise is more important to me, than it is to her, I imagine. However, I know that going to DL is more important to her than this small part in the school concert. FYI - She will just be finishing a 3 week run of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever the night before we are set to leave, so it's not like she doesn't ever get to be onstage.

Considering her #1 item on her list to Santa is "gas money to drive to Disneyland" I am sure that no matter what happens, she will be happy we're going.

Any ideas??

 

[danaesacto]

Is she the kind you can explain, "trust me, you will be happy with what I have planned that day" without being specific? My girls would be disappointed then distracted trying to guess and not knowing how old your daughter is, maybe you could even plant false clues to make the guessing more fun? Best wishes!

 

[Avery's mom]

Is she the kind you can explain, "trust me, you will be happy with what I have planned that day" without being specific? My girls would be disappointed then distracted trying to guess and not knowing how old your daughter is, maybe you could even plant false clues to make the guessing more fun? Best wishes!

I wish it were that easy! If I told her that we had something planned without being specific, she would guess DL in a nanosecond! It is the #1 thing on her radar, and she would definitely know. The last 2 times we surprised her we had her faked out with "false stories" and I think she knows our MO by now.

Maybe we are too predictable....thanks for your good wishes

 

[MommyLove]

How fun! We love surprising the kids when we can pull it off!

A) Talk to her music teacher and let him know she won't be able to attend the concert, so please offer the solo to another student. This disappoints my DD (temporarily, I assume) but keeps the happy surprise to DL. I imagine she'll wonder why she didn't get to keep the solo.

I would do this. Maybe he could work with you to figure out something that doesn't make it seem like she had her solo taken away from her...

 

[GMU MOM]

Can you talk with the teacher and see if he would be willing to have another student practice the same part without necessarily taking the part away from your DD. He can just explain that in case one student cannot make it, the other student would be a back up.

 

[abby]

I would tell her now. If she is excited by the solo then suddenly can't do it she may be sad and not as happy with your surprise. Also, you don't want her to feel like she let the other kids down....just my thoughts.

 

[Geemo]

A) Talk to her music teacher and let him know she won't be able to attend the concert.

Speak with the music teacher. Explain the SURPRISE. See if he can make adjustments for a successful program.

As others have mentioned....
Have a back up soloist available to step in for your daughter.
Instead of a solo with back-up change to a duet, knowing it will be a solo the night of the program.

Good luck with the surprise.

Geemo

 

[skellinton]

I would tell her. It isn't really fair for her music teacher to have to get involved, and how could he have another child practice without telling the new child what was going on? I can't imagine the other child would be able to keep the secret.
I think part of the fun of going on a trip is the anticipation though, so I would just tell her. It will still be a surprise to her, no matter when you tell her!

 

[Gisele]

I know the point of your trip is to go as a family but with that said what about asking your daughter which she would prefer to do? Knowing that another trip to the land will be in I am hoping the near future for you and your family perhaps she would be fine with this option instead, that is of course if she prefers to keep her solo if not then I would imagine she would have another opportunity to perform at her school. I realize this would mean that she would have to stay with a trusted relative or close friend while you and the rest of your family are away. Just some thoughts...

~~ I love you Phil and you will forever be with me! Forever my very best and most special friend! I love you to no end. ~~​

 

[mouseymommy]

I think I would modify my surprise. I would still make it a big deal, but so it ahead of time. Some people have done scavenger hunts, and some people fill boxes with balloons and have the surprise attached to the balloons. That way you both get the fun of the surprise, but she won't be disappointed about missing her solo.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I would not ask the teacher to get involved in keeping the trip a secret. He likely has enough going on right now trying to get the kids prepared for the performance. He should be told right away that he needs to choose another soloist. Before informing the teacher, I would sit down with your DD and tell her about the trip. As you said, the surprise is probably more important to you than it is to her. Let her know upfront that she can't do the solo and that there's a good reason for it. It wouldn't be fair to her or to the teacher to spend time rehearsing the solo when she won't be able to perform it.

 

[lori2tigers]

I'd just be straight with your daughter and tell her. Although you and I love surprises, it'll pay dividends later when she knows you'll always tell her the truth.

 

[shell8558]

2 weeks really isnt that far away, I would schedule some type of surprise reveal- soon. (It will be an awesome surprise no matter when you do it- now or in 2 weeks.)

 

[mrslamb]

I have a similar situation!!!! We are going the 9-12th and it is a surprise for our DDs, 6 and 2. 6yo DD has a Christmas performance at school on the 10th! Ugh. She is very excited about it :/ In her case, it is not a solo, and the teacher is aware she will not be there, but she is still practicing for it at school and is really looking forward to it :/ We are I think just going to let it go and bank on the fact she will be so excited about DL she won't care. ( We are pretty confident in this). But your DD is older and it is a solo, so that's a little different. Why can't they schedule these things around our trips??!! LOL!

 

[Eeee-va]

I would not involve the teacher in a secret. You said your daughter is "neurotic" and even if you hadn't said that, I can't imagine what kind of explanations a 9-year-old girl might think of for losing a solo. Maybe she has enough self-esteem that it won't occur to her it could be something she did wrong, but the very first thing I'd think of was that it was my fault.

If you asked the teacher to help, not only would he have to be in on it, but if the "duet" idea was used, then a student who was sure he or she would be playing with a partner would suddenly be alone, which could be upsetting to them. (Or would have to keep the secret.)

I am assuming there is no way to start the trip a little later? (Leaving straight from the recital would be pretty funny.) Or drive part way Sunday night and the rest of the way Monday morning?

Barring that, think I'd just tell her with a surprise now. If she's so eager to go to Disneyland, then the excitement of knowing in advance may be a great present for her, too. (I know I'm a lot older than 9, but I personally love the anticipation almost as much as the trip itself.)

 

[Disney Dreams]

Two choices:


1. Can you move departure day to Monday?
2. Tell her now. It's still a surprise, just with an early reveal. She'll be able to build up excitement to it, which is half the fun and while watching others prepare for the concert, she will know she is going to Disneyland --- woohoo!

- Dreams

 

[Minuet888]

well I"m speaking from the music teachers point of view as I have been a high school music teacher for 11 years (not that your child is high school but just saying)
I don't know if her music class is for a grade but not showing up to a concert could effect that.
Also not that I do this BUT (I personally always have a substitute soloist and I imagine he or she does too)
getting a solo and then not doing may mean that she doesn't get a solo in the future.
I know A LOT of music teachers that are very particular about what you cna and can't miss a concert for.
I'm just saying, be careful when you talk to the music teacher.

It sounds like from what you'ce siad that she will be happy with Disneyland no matter if it is a surprise or not. You did say the solo was small.

But yes as a music teacher PLEASE tell the teacher asap. If you want to keep it a surprise tell him not to tell her she isn't going (you probably know the music teacher better than me) in order to make sure the music teacher can plan accordingly maybe in secret.
Personally it's something I could do, as I usually have substitutes at the ready (kids do get sick) just tell the music teahcer she won't be going (be prepared for consequences though) and please do not tell her she will not be attending the concert as the reason is a surprise.

 

[larina]

I'd tell her about the trip and let her decide. Or move the departure day, if I could.

 

[6Smiles]

I am in the same position, but the concert date was moved to our trip date. My daughter is in a duet for her band concert. I am contacting the band teacher and am still hoping are extended trip can be held secret.

 

[Rosanne]

I am also a music teacher and at the same time a huge Disney-trip fan. I would say most definitely tell the music teacher at your first opportunity. Even a small solo is an honor and (at least for me) takes a lot of thought. If she will not be there the teacher will need to choose another student. The earlier the teacher knows, the better. I do also always plan back-up students but it is much better if the other student gets a chance to practice, knowing they will actually be singing it.

From the kids POV I wish that there was some way she could do both... even if it meant leaving a bit later. I will always always remember that in 6th grade I was going to play the part of the robber in a little school play. We were just performing for the rest of the 6th grade. I was so good at my part and couldn't wait to perform it in front of my friends. The play was going to be on a Tuesday. After school Friday my parents pulled up in the Winnebago for a surprise trip to Florida. We got to see the Red Sox at spring training, go to the beach, etc. But I never got over missing my play. It still bothers me. I'm not obsessed about it. I didn't misbehave about it. But someone else got to play my part and I never got to relish my audience's praise.

Since then, I have played/sung/danced with decent choreography in front of thousands many times but it does not mean that I don't wish I had been told up front. At least I wouldn't have practiced the part and looked so forward to it. I really think you should tell her and let her have a say. The best thing would be to leave later, IMO but if you tell her about the trip and she says the solo is no big deal comparatively then you and she can feel good about it.