What makes your marriage/relationship work?

[Nancy]

We'll hit 21 years this year and I think a lot of it is not sweating the small stuff.

We had 3 kids in 5 years, made for not too much us time for a bit. I worked nights he worked days. After 10 years I went to days and I was really afraid that we would all of the sudden be strangers to each other...but we did ok. Now my schedule is all over the place, DH works FT days and has a PT job 3 nights a week, so we still don't see each other all that much.

Realizing that there will be days when things are not always lovey dovey..actually there are days that I'd like to just about walk out the door...but knowing that "this to shall pass" and working through it.

Knowing that he is the one person that will be there for me...no matter what, no matter when and vice versa.

We are just the opposite of a lot of people, we don't do a heck of a lot together. We don't have the same interests. BUT that works for us. I take vacations with the girls, he stays home. We take a family vacation once in a while and every so often...not often enough...we do get some "us" time.

 

[Buzz2001]

Love, communication, respect, honesty, HUMOR

Married 19 years and been together 21. I agree with these ingredients. And I'm only 43.

 

[wvrevy]

Friendship above all else. Oh, love is certainly important too, and I've been in love with DW since I first met her way back 16 years ago (it took her a little longer ). But love burns hot and cold, and simply isn't enough to sustain a happy relationship by itself, even though it is a necessary ingredient. But to sustain a truly happy marriage...that requires the understanding and fun of friendship. DW is my best friend in the world, and has been for longer than the 10 years we've been married (in June).

 

[Jeafl]

We don't sweat the small stuff.............

Ignore the little stuff we each do that bugs the other.......................

Tell each other when to back off.......................

Back off when we're told to back off.................

Face the big stuff head on together.......................

Do not play the "blame game" the "always/never game", the "4 years ago you said" game, or the "veto the other when it comes to the kids" game.

Just edited to say we also do almost everything together except occasional father/son specialties. I read somewhere that physical touching is important, too, and I realized we do touch a lot. Like another poster, we sit close on the couch, we will touch each other's shoulders or hold hands in public (sorry if it bugs others, we like it), kiss each other hello and goodbye, and well............................make time..............

I have to agree with this entire post. We've been together 24 years, married 21 years this June. With 3 extremely busy kids, we are often going different directions, but we always make sure to connect at some point during the day. We email each other just to say we are thinking about each other, or call just to say hi. We never leave the house or enter the house without kissing each other hello and goodbye. We always hold hands in the car wherever we are driving and make sure we make lots of time for...romance. Yes, that's it, romance.

 

[mickeyboat]

I agree with a lot of what others have posted.

The love is the easy part. We have a lot of fun together, we enjoy spending time alone and with the kids. We share the same goals and objectives when it comes to discipline, money and life goals. We have been together for almost 22 years (we met at 13), and married for almost 14.

It's the tough times (and there will be hard times) that challenge the committment. Being able to work through the hard times, and making it to the other side, is how I know that our relationship is a good one.

We never let the thought enter our minds that our marriage is something that is going to end. We are in it for the long haul. Sometimes we say things to one another that we later regret, and we can forgive one another.

Denae

 

[mickeyfan2]

We love, trust and respect each other. We communicate about everything and the one who has a less strong opinion is the one who backs down in a disagreement. We love to run errands together, vacation together and just watch TV together. We have learned to respect the others hobbies and encourage them too.

 

[Mercy]

We will be married 24 years this September. For us I think it is having a sense of humor, mutual respect, and of course love

My DH is a very funny guy, he keeps me and our kids laughing. We really don't take anything all that seriously, and are both easy going. We have a lot of common interests, and really enjoy spending time together. Lately, we have been searching for art for our newly remodeled LR/DR. We've been having a blast (and spending a ton of money!).

 

[caitycaity]

i really think what makes our relationship work is that we are like yin and yang - opposites in a lot of ways, but we compliment each other well. his strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa - so we make a good team. on top of that we both have respect for one another and (most of the time ) are willing to listen to the other's pov.

 

[mtdevine615]

For us it was easy we are best friends It makes it a lot easier when you start of that way. We're coming up on 22 years this June. I love being married to my best friend. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me and I let her know that everyday.

 

[mom2rb]

i really think what makes our relationship work is that we are like yin and yang - opposites in a lot of ways, but we compliment each other well. his strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa - so we make a good team. on top of that we both have respect for one another and (most of the time ) are willing to listen to the other's pov.

This is what makes our marriage work also. He doesn't get to handle the money and I don't pick out the furniture. We also hired a maid. I am a slob. He says " lets go to Disney ". I spend months planning every detail. We don't fight much. Most of the time, if we don't agree, one of use fells strongly about it and the other is only mildly interested. So the stronger opinion wins. Now the first six months of the twins lives we don't count. We screamed at each other ALL the time. It is hard to live on three hours of sleep a night.

 

[mrsltg]

We honestly like each other as people. He is, hands down, my best friend. One of us without the other would not work. We laugh all of the time. We carve out time for each other. We love being together. We love Disney . What more can you ask for?

 

[kelleigh1]

Work! We work at making it work.

We'll be celebrating our 2nd anniversary in a few months, so we're still newlyweds and still learning about each other. We were only together a year and a half before we got married. But we were also 32 and 33 when we met, so we had to learn about each other because we'd already done a lot of growing up. But because we were a little older, we'd been through enough to know what we wanted so less than 5 months after meeting, we were engaged.

I'll never say that it's easy, but it's getting easier because we're understanding each other more. We were raised differently, but with many of the same values. He was essentially and only childed spoiled by Mommy. I was the middle of three girls and we were taught to do everything from cooking and cleaning to mowing grass and shoveling snow. I am very independant and he was a Momma's boy. He's learning to do more around the house.

For some people, this wouldn't work. I make more money and I do more around the house. My sister says that I put up with a lot. But he treats me right and he's helping out more and more as time goes by. We laugh a lot. We do so much together, but we are still each individuals.

So we're working at it. Working every day and not taking anything for granted. We're not perfect, but we're perfectly us.

 

[rt2dz]

Mutual respect.

Mutual undying love for our kids; it's amazing how much those kids can affect you. My mom used to have a plaque on her night stand that stated "The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother". It works both ways.

Knowing what to keep private and what is air-able.

Never comparing our relationships to others. Everyone negotiates their own relationship and what works for one will not work for another.

And most importantly, COMMITMENT. Avoiding adultry is based on commitment, as is so many other things. You have to be (truly) willing to work on those little issues so they don't become big issues.

 

[Nancyg56]

I agree with other posters who say that falling in love is easy, staying in love is the hard part. I think that after 15 years together, we respect each other more than ever. We enjoy each other, and find that it is better to be amused by the other's "quirks" rather than to be annoyed by them.

I also think that spending time together is important. We runs a lot of DH errands together, because this is time we spend alone.

We also do things for each other just to please. Little courtesies add up. and it really does not take much to let your spouse know how much you care.

The above poster said that mainyaining privacy is important. There is a betrayal of trust when you shar what shoud be kept between the two of you.

So for us, we love each other, respect each other, find humor, trust each other, spend time together, and pick the battles. I refuse to argue over anything that is petty.

 

[DVC Sadie]

i really think what makes our relationship work is that we are like yin and yang - opposites in a lot of ways, but we compliment each other well. his strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa - so we make a good team. on top of that we both have respect for one another and (most of the time ) are willing to listen to the other's pov.

Wow, I'm so glad you posted. My dh and I are the same. I guess you could say we are total opposites. I love staying at home and being in my house except for traveling where as my dh would rather be out and about except when it comes to traveling. We do compliment each other and spend a lot of time doing things the other person enjoys.

We are lucky and have been married for 20 years come October 31.

 

[Disney Doll]

We have known each other 18 years and been married almost 15 years.

I married a man with integrity.

We respect each other. We remember that "this too shall pass". We laugh.

 

[laura001]

Secrets to a long and happy marriage? WELL... I will preface by saying that my DH and I have not always been happily married, went through a very tough time for about 4 years, but are now "HAPPILY" Married!!! Almost 22 years in total now!

We spend a lot of time together, shopping, errands etc., usually play backgammon after dinner with each other, can sit all night and talk, listen to music and have a glass of wine. We really enjoy eachother's company. We truly care about how the other person feels and want them to be happy and are truly a "SAFE PLACE TO FALL" for eachother when things go wrong.

I have learned that communication and respect are the two main elements that make our marriage a good one. Being able to count on one another and share without being judged.