What makes a good parent?

[binny]

Ive been thinking about this a lot lately. What are the qualities in a good parent?

I want to be a really good parent to my kids. I dont want to be one that yells all the time or that constantly nags. I dont now ( at least I dont think so) but I never want to be like that.
I want to be kind of parent my kids will look back on and say "Thanks for being there for us" and " I loved it when..." I know it will take them awhile and it wont happen in the teenage years lol but someday....

I know I cant be their best friends I just want to be the best parent I can be.

So what do YOU think makes a good parent?

 

[MAC3]

Boy I wish I could answer this but if you ask my DD12 she'd tell you that I'm a nag/hag.....ect..

Although, I thought the same of my Mother when I was younger and now I think she is the best, most amazing person I've ever met.

I'm interested to read the answers you get.

 

[binny]

Let me just add that I am a disciplinarian. They have their rules and we stick to them.... we are pretty strict and I dont see that changing.

I just dont want to be a yeller I guess.

 

[CEDmom]

I know what you mean about wanting to be a good parent. I hope when my DD is grown she thinks I did as good a job as my own mom did. The things I try to strive for are unconditional love, setting rules/limits and being a parent not a friend. Whenever I do have a bad day and maybe yell or nag I just try to do better the next day.

I think we have to realize that our kids are going to hit a stage where they don't think we're the best parents in the world. We nag too much and don't let them do the things their friends can do. I'll be looking at that as a success .

 

[oogieboogie]

I don't think I'm qualified to give an answer to this.

There are days when I think I'm a good parent. I raised my kids to respect their elders, to respect one another, to be polite and conscientious and so far I think they've responded well.
When I get comments from other parents or people we meet on how good they behave, I think to myself.... wow... I did a good job.

But then, there are the days when I know I've been a bad parent... I yell at them and I lose my temper because they did something a normal kid would do. I know that when PMS hits, I just want to be as far away from kids as possible. Then I apologize to my kids.

So... does that make me a good parent or a bad parent? I don't know. But I hope that when my kids grow up and they're not into drugs, alcohol, crimes... then I think I've done a good job.

 

[Patty3]

What makes a good parent, you really gave me something to think about. My children are older and as I look back over the years, here are a few things that I know help to make a good parent. Talk to them and be there for them. Do not be the parent who drops them off at a little league game but never stays to watch. Keep your eyes open to their moods. You know when they are sad and happy. When they are sad and do not say anything to you about it, talk to them and ask them what is wrong. Spend quality time with them. Volunteer at their school, if you can. Take an interest in their interests. Let them know what you consider right and wrong, and make them follow these rules. I can not tell you how important it is that they know they are loved and cared for. Tell them every day that you love them and that they are doing great in whatever. Children have easily have bruised egos and the world can be a tough place. In the words of Dr. Phil, "Let them know that they have a soft place to fall". Hope this helps some.

 

[MAC3]

Originally posted by oogieboogie
But then, there are the days when I know I've been a bad parent... I yell at them and I lose my temper because they did something a normal kid would do. I know that when PMS hits, I just want to be as far away from kids as possible. Then I apologize to my kids.

So... does that make me a good parent or a bad parent?

I believe we all have those days. Whenever I have one I always let my DD know she isn't the reason for my outburst.

My Mom told me you Love them, teach them right from wrong, and then hope/pray they make the right choices as they get older.

I believe I am strict, not as patient as I once was. I see other children do things I would NEVER let my DD do.

Now I am trying to "pick my battles" . The biggest obstacle we have in front of us right now is she wants a cell phone.

I guess it's one day at a time.

 

[Cinders]

I think part of being a parent is giving kids a structured life. Give them rules and actually stick to them. Never talk down to them....if they ask a difficult question explain the answer as well as you can. Let them earn your trust too. Get involved in whatever they "do" whether its scouts, sports, music...

The biggest obstacle we have in front of us right now is she wants a cell phone.

DS14 wanted a cell phone for his Bday. He's a very responsible kid but no way did I want to be stuck with another bill on a monthly basis. So we compromised. I bought him a tracphone and his first 100 minutes and set it up for him online so he got bonus minutes and used a code for more bonus minutes. I told him after those are gone he'd be responsible for buying more cards for more minutes. He mows a few yards in the summer but I told him I absolutely am not buying him a card in the middle of winter if he is out of money. He can ask for cards for Christmas if he chooses though. He's already learned it only takes 1/2 a credit to send a text msg so as not to waste his minutes.

 

[Lanshark]

Someone who is constantly evaluating they're job as parent and doing the best they can to raise well-mannered, responsible, respectful children.

From your questions I'd say you're already a good parent.

I tell my teens that it is not my job to be their best friend, although I'd like that. It is my job to raise them to be the best people they can be. My 17 year old has told my 13 year old, "You may not like it but she's doing it for your own good". I loved that.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What makes a good parent? Rules & teaching them how to maneuver through life. How to set goals and attain them. Being "plugged in" to their life. Also a willingness to be flexible and admit when you are wrong. Open to negotiation to reach another plateau of maturity. Sometimes you do have to let them go and "mess up" to learn. Teach them to be a good citizen and help others in need by example, by your side. Then when they are "ready" (college age), let them go.

 

[TigerBear]

I know you are asking this question to get people's opinions, but I thought you might find research in this area to be of interest. The parenting styles literature indicates that the most well adjusted children come from parents who are both warm and high in control/limit setting.

From
http://www.athealth.com/Practitioner/ceduc/parentingstyles.html

"Parenting style provides a robust indicator of parenting functioning that predicts child well-being across a wide spectrum of environments and across diverse communities of children. Both parental responsiveness and parental demandingness are important components of good parenting. Authoritative parenting, which balances clear, high parental demands with emotional responsiveness and recognition of child autonomy, is one of the most consistent family predictors of competence from early childhood through adolescence."

 

[TigerBear]

Btw binny, from your posts it sounds like you already are a wonderful parent!!

 

[joats]

I'm not a parent yet, but here is my two cents for what it is worth:
Love is really spelled T I M E.
Time, structure and for their parents to be happy either together or a part from one another. And I guess the ultimate goal is to raise them to be independent and function in society on their own.

I too think you are a good mom Binny! I think the people who worry about being a good mom are the good ones! People who think they are already great moms and don't need to change - usually aren't so great afterall.

I have to say from posts on this board, there sure are a lot of wonderful mom's (and dad's) on the DIS!

 

[JimB.]

Time & energy.

The willingness to be involved in all facets of oyur kid's lives.

The willingness to be a PARENT & not a FRIEND. To hold oyur kid's accountable for their misdeeds and to put up with them being po'ed at you as a result.

WAY too many people I know let their kids run wild because they do not want to make them mad.

Set Limits. Enforce them. Widen them as your kids EARN more trust. Tighten them when they don't. I always tell my kids they can buy more freedom than they can steal.

Be willing to let them try & fail, but be there to pick them up when needed.

Take 'em to Disney World.

A lot.

 

[flaps]

Good question.

I'd say: Love. The 1 Cor. 13 kind. JMHO.

 

[binny]

thanks for opinions ( and the compliments )

I always like to hear others views on parenting I think there is so much we can learn from one another and in the end that makes for a better place for all of us, right?

I really appreciate the input!

 

[Kitty 34]

Laugh a lot WITH your kids.

Set rules and expectations and stick to them as best as you can.

Enjoy them!!

 

[jrydberg]

When you set rules, be prepared to follow through with them. Don't set rules that aren't important Spend time with your kids.

 

[Poohs Pal]

Thats a tuff question. I think it's when your children do the right thing because it's the right thing to do and not because they fear punishment. Also realizing your child will make mistakes and allowing them to do so and fix the error themselve's. Knowing no 2 children can be parented the same. Forgiving yourself for your mistake's, your kids will be just fine! Well I say all this after having raised my children and having made many mistakes and we all survived(LOL). Now I get to be a grandmother and all rules are out the window . Susan