What is wrong with these parents?(vent)

[bananiem]

Our elementary school has the 6th grade class from h-e-double hockey sticks. Why? Because any time the kids get into trouble the parents come back and say "How dare you accuse little Jason of that!" or "It was Sally's fault, not my Susan's." or a thousand other excuses instead of just PARENTING THEIR KIDS!!! Teach them responsibility for their actions. Teach them to respect people in authority. I was in an adjacent room today and could hear a 6th grade boy mouthing off to the principal. When he accused the principal of saying something he did not say I stepped into the hall and told him I was the principal's witness to what was said and the whole conversation. Yet when his Mom comes to school it'll be somebody else's fault he was in trouble in the first place. ARGH!
Exactly when did these parents decide it was a good idea to let the child wear the pants in the family?
Thanks for letting me vent...

 

[phisigprincess]

Both of my parents are in education, so I hear this vent CONSTANTLY. I think it comes down to people not being responsible for their actions or the actions of their children. Whatever it is, it's definately annoying.

 

[Cruise04]

They want to be their child's friend so their child doesn't hate them.

 

[binny]

Originally posted by Cruise04
They want to be their child's friend so their child doesn't hate them.

exactly!!

parenting isnt a popularity contest!

Why dont people understand this?
I dont mean that you want your kids to hate you ( though they probably will for awhile LOL) but kids NEED guidance thats our JOB as parents! Kids crave that!

Parents like that make me crazy!

 

[leahannpen]

I see a trend of parents not disciplining their children. We had some "guests" over this weekend, with their children 1 1/2 and 4. By the time they left I was ready to fall over. They ate EVERYTHING (then literally spit out what they didn't want, right on mom's lap) and threw toys and drew on things they shouldn't have and jumped on furniture and ate while running all over... it was unREAL. If my son would act this way, he'd be in a time out so fast!!! Then, after they leave, he DOES start talking and acting like them! He went straight to his room and hasn't acted that way since.

 

[Christine]

Fortunately, I don't thing ALL parents are that way--at least I'm not. I'm always quick to believe that the school is right and my child is the one who did wrong. That's how I was raised.

I do agree that is basically a discipline issue. When the kids are younger the parents don't discipline them (as the poster above describes). Then when they get older and really obnoxious, I think they are just embarrassed and the only thing they can do is get on the defensive.

I just often wonder what kind of adults we are going to have in the next 10-20 years. But, I'm sure our parents wondered the same thing. I guess they were right to worry--we've got a generation of parents who cannot control their children.

 

[Rippington'sFan]

I agree that children walk all over their parents today. No discipline what so ever. Teachers can't discipline them either because if they do then there will be the accusations,followed by lawsuits or whatever. Kids have no fear of anyone and don't respect adults.
When my dad taught NOBODY moved in his class. He put the fear of god in kids and if they got out of line he could discipline them.
Towards the end of his career he couldn't do that anymore because of how times were changing and luckily he was able to retire early. This is after kid's were swearing at him and one kid even tried to punch him. He would drag the kids that got out of control to the principals office and sometimes the parents would have to come in and guess what????? Big surprise here...the parents are just as bad as the kids so what are you supposed to do?

 

[Tess]

My kids are absolutely perfect! I'm really just kidding, I hate it when it's always someone else's fault. Our daughter has that attitude, e.g., my bottle of Sunflowers is nearly empty--it's my fault because it smells so good she just has to wear it! Naw, she doesn't get away with it--she's 13 and it is always all about her! Sometimes it really is a phase--we hope!

On another note, and the real reason for my post, did anyone see the tease for some interview with Julianne Moore? The tease indicates that she (JM) allows her children to draw on the furniture because "then it just becomes one more piece of art in [her] life"---PUHLEEZE, if my kid so much as thought about it! I guess when you make that much $$$$ you can replace the furniture, I mean art.

 

[shortbun]

While I am the first person to advocate for my child-I am the
"mean Mom" to him. I expect respect from him, expect him
to respect adults who deserve it and nothing less. I admit
that DS's school is lax when it comes to discipline. Kids are
encouraged to make better choices and only get into trouble
when no other course is available. Classrooms set boundaries
together and decide on consequences.
As a school bus driver, I have seen teachers behavior that did
not deserve respect...I would not require my son to give them
respect although he probably would. He'd let me disrespect them.
LOL! I tell him almost everyday how lucky his is to be at a school
where teachers respect children outwardly. It's rare. I like it that
my DS has adults mentoring him and 'showing' him how to act instead of "telling" him how to act. IMHO, this is a major cause
of student behavior problems with teachers. As a bus driver,
I earn the respect of my students. I have it and they all enjoy
their bus rides. Today I told one of my special needs 2nd graders
that his body was getting him in trouble and that he should
think with his brain how to control his body. He looked straight
at me and said " How did you know?" Ahhhh-life's little
successes! He rode the rest of the way to school peacefully.

 

[jetsetter90]

We also had visitors this past week but the children where 19, 15, and 14. They were down right rude. When they get to the house we realize the Mom is not with them, she couldn't get off of work anymore.

I was expected to be their tour guide, chef, maid, taxi driver and entertainer. What ticked me off was that they didn't even take their OWN plates to the sink, no help setting the table, no help serving, nothing, nada. My children put their dishes in the sink and you would have thought that after they saw that they would but NO.
One of the girls was taking a bottle of soda out of the fridge and there was only a little bit left, I say "I just put a bottle in the freezer downstairs" she looks straight at me and sits down and fills her glass, no mind to the other 8 people sitting there. The father gets up and brings the empty bottle downstairs, I'm assuming he's going to get the other bottle but NO. I was so glad for Tuesday Morning.

Mind you even if we were to go and visit them we wouldn't stay with them becuase we have family so it's not like our hospitality can be returned.

Sorry for the vent!! I just think this goes to discipline there is a lack of it today. I really think that children rule the homes way to much. I understand that parents are busier now days but what will happen when they are older.

TTFN
Jetsetter90

 

[bananiem]

I keep thinking that my well-behaved, perfect children will have no problem getting a job in the future. All the other kids their age will be in jail or too rude in an interview to land a job!!

 

[LvsTnk]

I think it starts with respect. What happened to calling adults by Mr. and Mrs. so and so. I amazes me at the adults that let children call them by their first names.

 

[Stimpy]

"Mean Mom" here too! It drives me nuts seeing how "nice" other parents are sometimes!!!! As some one who worked with teenagers and gang members in a lock-up facility, I was able to see how these kids can turn out. The middle and upper class kids were the worse to deal with. They have a sense of entitlement and "my daddy/mommy will get me out of this" attitude. Unfortunately, the parents were the same way and it was always someone else's fault or the police are just picking on him/her. I would much rather deal with the gang members any day. The were actually more respectful and knew they were there for their own actions.

DH still has to deal with this all the time. He's a police officer in an affluent neighborhood. Everytime he brings a kid home to their parents, he gets the same grief....."Not my kid!", "you're picking on him!", "it must be that other guy he hangs out with!" etc. Puleeze!! I doubt a cop would be bringing a 15 yr old kid home at 2AM just for kicks!

 

[Wishing on a star]

This is all left-over from the Seventies attitudes of - Don't GUIDE or God forbid ever punish the children, it will stifle there individuality and creativity... Don't tell them that anything is ever wrong, they will take it that you are judging them, and we can never show negative judgements or emotions to our children... The childs self respect and their precious budding self-esteem are most paramount - and respect or esteem for others is non-existant. Everything is OHHHHKAYYYYY ( I'm Okay - You're Okay....) Live and let live... Anything and Everything goes.... Nobody is ever WRONG.... You are only resonsible for only one thing, which is to look out for yourself.... Follow your heart (ie.selfish whims.....). All this amounts to absolutely zero discipline and control.

I kept three kids for a couple so that they could have a private adult only getaway together.... They dropped them off late on Friday evening. By 7:30 that first Saturday morning I was ready to call the parents Long Distance!!! I hadn't even gotten fully awake and poured a cup of coffee and the three kids were running amok!!! I am talking leaky magic markers... stubbed toes... horrendous mess to clean up.... Let's just say it involved pulling out the Garden Hose... etc... etc... etc.... Did I say that this all happened by 7:00a.m.!!!

Of course, I did not call the parents, but had to call a little PowWow and be VERY stern with the children, as it was necessary to gain some control of the situation!

Well, you guys guessed it... The parents are just as bad as the kids... This is the very purposeful and decided way that they are choosing to live their life and to raise their kids. (Everyone else in society, and the demands of civilized society, be darned.....) When the kids told the parents how they had been 'mistreated' (Believe me, nobody was ever yelled at or layed a hand on!!!!) This is the last I have heard from them....

This is sad, because we had been very close. This families loss!

 

[Beauty]

I'm a little of both I guess. I would NEVER EVER say my child wasn't involved in something he got in trouble with. I know him to well and I definatly know hes no Mr. innocent, never has been and never will be!

With that said though the kids in his class do call me Ms. Beth, not just BETH but Ms. Beth. I don't see it as disrespectful and I actually like it better than Mrs. XXXXXX (my last name). I guess I would also be the mom whos cool because I let them water fight in my backyard or I will go to the movies with them and sit in another row. Never EVER have I had one of these children be disrespectful to myself or my home. They are so much fun and they are all good kids who have grown up together (they are 6th grade too)

Now with J.C. I 100% believe in telling him EVERYTHING. If he has a question about anything he can come to me and I am going to tell him the truth. I want him to know FROM ME and his father about sex, drugs, smoking, drinking, peer pressure, kissing, hugging, cussing, music.....you name it he is allowed to ask about it and he is guaranteed the truth. I'm not going to hide him from whats going on in the real world because hes going to hear it anyway from friends or acquantences and I would much rather it come from us.

 

[Danauk]

I agree, I work with 7 year olds and most of them are lovely children however they lack basic manners e.g walking up to the teacher and talking straight away even though she may be speaking to another child or adult at the time. I had one 7 year old tut loudly at me today as I did not choose her to answer a question!! You wonder why they are like they are and then you get to parents evening (or at least the ones who are bothered about their childs education to come to parents evening!) and you suddenly realise why they are like what they are.
Outside of school I see children swearing at their parents and parents swearing back at their kids. I see children demanding their parents take them to McDonalds for tea (which they do) and I have even seen children hit thier parents! Then when we have issues with these same children in school and we call the parents in to discuss it they tell us they are well behaved at home and they do not understand why they misbehave at school!!
One thing I would say is that in my classroom there is plenty of discipline, the children know what is expected of them and they know to share and work quietly. If they do not follow these rules they are punished (miss play time, miss free time, miss extra cmputer time etc.) Good behaviour is heavily rewarded which most children really appreciate.
On the other hand I have also met some lovely parents with lovely polite children who are a pleasure to teach and to spand a lot of time with. It is those children who make my job worth while!

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Wow! Another mean mom with perfect kids checking in!

My mom was visiting a couple of weeks ago, and she had a very eye-opening experience for her. She teaches in a pubic high school in an aflluent district so she sees her fair share of parents in denial! Well the weekend mom was visiting was the weekend of the Irish parades in town. In fact she adjusted her trip by a couple of days when she heard there were parades so she could go with my DDs (who are 5 and 2). Several of our friends (men) were in the parade, so the wives and few men not in the parade met at a restaurant 2 blocks off the parade route at 12:30. We were going to eat lunch, then walk down to the parade. Knowing it would be a crazy afternoon, I actually fed my kids lunch at 10am, then put them down for a nap. When we got to the restaurant (similar to Cheesecake Factory), we (DH, mom, DDs and me) just had dessert. All of the other 5 and 6 year olds were insane except for one. Running around the restaurant, crawling under the tables, yelling and screaming, etc. I've learned to tune them out because I am used to the way those kids behave, but my mom was appalled, and while we were wating for the check, she had had enough. She volunteered to take my girls to the bathroom for a diaper change/potty break before we went to the parade.

Later she mentioned that she hoped I didn't think she was rude, but she couldn't take the kids or their parents' lack of interference/discipline. I told her she wasn't rude, that I have the same problems with the same people. Which is why they don't come over very often. Those kids seem to think my rules (no jumping on the furniture, no throwing thigs in the house. no yelling in the house, etc) are unreasonable.

What I really found amusing until that moment, Mom always thought I let MY kids get away with too much. That I wasn't enough of a disciplinarian. She changed her tune on that one! My kids are not perfect, but they know how to behave in a restaurant. They know if they don't, they won't get to go back!!

 

[ValerieK]

I have a neighbor that has a DS the same age as my DD (3). When he comes over to play and does something he is not supposed to she tells him no, he starts to cry and then she says that he needs some "snuggles" I can see now that he is going to be a terror when he gets older, and she is getting ready to have a second boy!

My children are not angels to be sure, especially DD, she is stubborn (dad's side of family) and has a temper (my side of family) but she get put in time out, or things that are important to her taken away until she earns them back.

People need to take more responsibility for their actions, most people don't seem to do that anymore. The area I live in has a lot of people with a "me only attitude" they could care less about anyone else.

 

[Poohbear123]

I see this at the grocery store EVERYDAY! The kids are allowed to run up and down the ailse's screaming, and playing with toys, or pushing the baskets INTO people instead of being INSIDE the baskets! Parents are oblivious to it all...

 

[MelessaG]

This is a big pet peeve of mine too. It's funny, I think my kids can be so much trouble sometimes, then I take them out in public and count my blessings. I guess all that owrk to discipline them is paying off.
Before I had kids, I taught at two different high schools. One was in a not-so-nice part of Oklahoma City, the other in an affluent suburb. Guess where I had fewer discipline problems? (HINT: Not in the suburb, that's for sure)