What is wrong with elementary age children?

[gr8tpanther]

My situation stems from a medical mishap and really isn't even my daughters fault really. She was born with Heart Disease and had to have emergency surgery at 10 days old. There was a problem with the oxygen level during her surgery that left her brain damaged, and of course, this damage affects her behavior and such, so it really isn't MY fault or hers that she is this way, but at the same point and in some cases, it is the child, but in many cases as stated before it is the parents. And sometimes, the children are just looking for the attention they are not getting at home. And sometimes those children picking on other children, are the product of in home ridicule and their way of getting back or lashing out is to take it out on someone who can't or won't fight back.

I have done ALOT of research on why kids are the way they are and with all the therapy and counselors and such that I have been to in the past 9 years, have gathered alot of WHY's in the way the youth of today function. There is no fix if you can't get parents to help their kids. I have done all I can to help mine and won't give up on her, just very frustrating sometimes when there is not much more I can do aside from putting her in a residential fascility that will tell her I gave up. I am not giving up, I am fighting the system.

 

[Purrrrfecta]

when my son was in daycare he was bitten at least five times by another child before the mother of the child was asked to remove the kid from the school. One time be bit my son so hard my son started to bleed. I found out when a young girl who worked there told me the truth. The owner of the place told me he fell and cut himself. You honestly could not tell it was a bite mark. Anyway my son just rolled up into a ball when it happened and cried.

Now that he is in third grade he has not changed much. He is still very sensitive. When a kid pushed him down and a pencil lead went through his hand he just cried.

I am a teacher, and I know that there are some kids that will abuse other kids (like my son) who are sensitive and passive.
I hate it, and I let my students know that I HATE bullies, and that behavior will not be tollerated in my classroom.

The bottom line is that there are troubled students everywhere, and there is nothing that we can do. We can only teach and prepare our children on how to deal with them......It's sad really.

 

[LScot]

To the OP, I know private school is expensive but are you sure there is no possible way to send your DD also? We send our DD to a small private school that I am most happy with. It is expensive and sorry to say, it is a year to year decision for us to stay there. But, I believe I can think of things I would give up to try to keep her there. She thrives at her school and is very happy and feels safe. It is not a perfect place but the teachers deal with bullies and DD has also learned skills to deal with them on her own. Private school is a sacrifice for us and one I hope we are willing to keep up. Best of luck to you all. I feel for your little girl and am happy to hear your son is doing well.

Threads like this one make me so sad. Our children are hurting. Not just the kids who can't do their work at school but those who are acting out and not obeying the rules. Something has gone very wrong for the children of this country. They seem angry and neglected and are acting out.

 

[disykat]

Gr8tpanther, please don't think I'm talking about you when I'm talking about it being a parenting problem. As you've stated your daughter has some serious problems she is dealing with. As I said there have always been a % of deeply troubled kids and always will be due to medical issues, psych issues, poverty, etc.

I still think the problem is not with those kids, but rather with the mainstream kids. It now seems to be the norm not to expect self-discipline out of children (or to start teaching it to the younger kids). Even the deeply troubled kids had a better chance when they had positive role models to follow. Now it seems like the majority of kids do not want to behave.

I have an extremely well behaved 11 year old who gets very frustrated at school because he can't find friends that won't get him in trouble (talking to him during class, etc.). He feels like he is singled out because he is the "good kid". On the other hand, my 9 year old could really use some good role models - when the "cool kids" misbehave, he goes right along with it! As a teacher, I think it's much easier to handle a class with one severe behavior problem - than it is to handle a class with lots of constant general misbehavior.

I think it is a parenting problem, but also a school problem. I think some teachers have fallen into the trap of not expecting good behavior anymore. I understand why(because we're doing parenting as well as teaching!), but as a substitute teacher I can really tell when a teacher has high expectations and sticks to them!

 

[Disneycrazymom]

chris1gill,

Try going to the school board or the principal and explan the situation. At our school there is a discount for more than one child enrolled and also there are some "special" cases were the tuition is done on sliding scale. At the very least talk to them and see what is available. I hope your DD has a better day tomorrow.

 

[gr8tpanther]

Thanks for not ridiculing, I used to get that ALOT from people, until I handed her over to the people who thought they could do better and they gave her back Just had to prove it wasn't me.

Anyways... I see kids today in mainstream with my DD10 who goes to a NORMAL school, and honestly, I think that SOME Of the problem is society because teachers TRULY have no disciplinary control anymore. Heck, I remember getting my butt paddled ONCE and that is ALL that took! Teacher's can't do that anymore. Kids KNOW what the teachers and even parents can and can't do. So they play the system. We as parents remember when we got our butts fanned and we were good kids for the most part.

Maybe it is a bit of both society AND parents, but as far as teachers go, there is NO way I would EVER be one! The stress of other people's misbehaved kids and not having any control is not something I would want to do.

BUt thanks for understanding that there are kids out there who really DO have problems and it isn't the parents.

 

[HollyJoy]

I don't think you can blame troubled children on public school, or think that you only find them there. My sisters children all go to a private Christian school (and my sister teaches there), and believe me, they have their share of "troubled" children too. They are no saints. It's sad though. I do agree with you that it seems like more and more children today are out of control, make really bad choices. However, I think in most cases, you need to turn to the parents for the answers.

 

[clutter]

I just pulled my dd out of a private christian school, and she's SO much happier at public school. In private, when there's only a few girls and a couple of them cause problems, you can't escape them. In public school, there's more kids to find friends amongst, and get away from the kids you don't want to deal with.

As for "what's wrong with kids", I watch the news, see the political "spin" being spun, and read some of the threads here and get my answer. Show me where respect and courtesy is well-regarded in our society any more. It's not. Not in our media, our entertainment, our business practices and, sadly, even more and more of our houses of worship.

 

[Madi100]

Last year DD was in a class with a little boy who could not control himself. I really don't know the cause. I do know that he got violent quite a bit. I have a friend who has taught her children fighting is not right, but you can defend yourself. Right or wrong, that is what she has taught them. So, one of her sons has a run in with this child last year. The principal told the parents that in the case of this boy they should not defend themselves, because that would be worse instead of better. This little boy also played basketball with my daughter. I was very scared that the whole game. He is very aggresive. MANY times they had to stop him and calm him down. I visited the school one time and saw TWO MALE teachers carrying him down the hall struggling to keep a hold of him. He was kicking and screaming and hitting.

Now, I understand that this is public school. We area dealing with all walks of life. I think it's great. That is what she will have to deal with when she is an adult. To shelter her from it now will just make it harder for her to deal with an an adult are my feelings. But, what I don't understand is how we hold others back from learning by the disruptive ones. The SERIOUS troublemakers that obviosly have problems cause problems in the classroom all the time. This little boy was constantly taken out of the room. This disrupted the class. This stopped the other children from learning.

I think that children like that should be put in a classroom of their own. There are special education rooms for severely handicapped children that can not function in a mainstream room. My niece has Downs. For the most part, she's mainstream. But there are some things she can't function with in the regular room. Then she goes to her special ed. class room. I don't see how the behavioral disability is any different than the physical or mental ones.

 

[bananiem]

Originally posted by HollyJoy
I don't think you can blame troubled children on public school, or think that you only find them there. My sisters children all go to a private Christian school (and my sister teaches there), and believe me, they have their share of "troubled" children too. .

My sister quit teaching at a private school last year. There were so many cases that needed to be tested in the public schools that they had to wait until those were all done until a boy in her first grade class could be tested. So she and the class put up with his yelling and screaming, hitting and kicking, and throwing chairs and turning over desks (and other behaviors) until MARCH!! The results said he needed a BD classroom, which would have meant he would have had to transfer to the public schools. The parents refused because the "what will the neighbors think?" mentality. Where they live the wealthy send their kids to private school to show they can, not becuse it's the best fit for their child. And this is in a large city in Iowa that has a decent public school system.
Her principal was NO help. Since she only had 16 students he wouldn't hire an aide for her room, not even part time. He didn't believe students should be sent from the room when disruptive so she couldn't even call him to remove him so she could get on with her lesson for the other students. Basically, he didn't want to deal with him.
I wonder what damage was done to the other kids, psychologically, having to watch it every day.

 

[Jeafl]

I agree with everyone who said the parents were a large part of the problem (gr8panther, your situation is totally different).

I work at an elementary school and I see parents all the time defending their child's actions. When I was younger, my parents almost ALWAYS took the teacher's side, but today I see parent's blaming the teacher or the school for the discipline problems. One boy last year was extremely mean to other kids. When his parents were called in they yelled at the teacher and principal to get him under control. They took the kids' side and said it could not have possibly been their son's fault.

As someone else said, the kids today know that the school's hands are tied as far as discipline and they take full advantage of it.

I'm not blaming Montessori, but the kids around here that went to Montessori school were taught that they are on the same level as adults, and speak to them as such. You can spot them a mile away in this neighborhood. I doubt all Montessori schools are that way, but this one sure is.

 

[goofy4tink]

The only time I have ever asked for my dd to be in a certain class was 2 years ago. She had been in class with the same little boy for 3 out of her 4 years. I asked the teacher to try to spit them up the following year. She did and my dd had a much better year. Yes, there are disruptive kids. I have no problem with any 'special needs' kid. I worked in one of our elem. school librarys for 4 months and saw a lot of these kids. Most of the kids had an aide assigned to them. They are NOT the problem. It is the mainstream kids. They have never had a 'line drawn in the sand' so to speak. No consequences for them. If a teacher has a complaint...well, it must be the teacher's teaching style or her personality. It certainly isn't my child!!! Hear it all the time. A teacher tries to discipline a child and the next thing you know, they're in front of the school board as a 'bad' teacher. Kid's need to know there are limits. If we teach them this as young children then it isn't as hard to deal with them when they are older and bigger than us!! An example...last year, 4th grade, my dd was being harrased by two other girls. Made her life just miserable. I spoke to the teacher about it. She told me that she was aware of the problem and my dd wasn't the only target. At a follow-up conf. the teacher told me that she had spoken to both the girls' parents and they both said that 'the teacher must be mistaken. My daughter is way too sensitive and sweet to be mean to anyone else!' By the end of the year, the teacher had made some headway and my dd actually became somewhat friendly with these girls but the parents never acknowledged the dd's bad behaviour.

Private school seems to be a great alternative. But we live in a town with a 'so-called great school system'. High taxes. So, we would have to move to a cheaper town to be able to afford private school. Yes, looks like our kids have to depend on us to advocate for them. School is not what it used to be. Way too many pampered kids.