What is with couples?!

[Ember]

Okay, seriously, I just got my third wedding invitation in two weeks (yes, I know it's Sunday, I don't check my mail as often as I should... ) that has gift instructions included.

One was for a five year vow renewal, complete with registry. (Because the $250 gift I gave only a few years ago wasn't enough?) One is my best friends brother with the instructions "No Boxed Gifts." And the one I got today is for a cousin which states "Cash Donations Appreciated."

What is wrong with people?!

I am starting to dread getting these things!

 

[mamilovesdisney]

Can I ask, what is the right way to handle this situation? It's funny you bring this up because I was having a disagreement with DF about his friends gift for their wedding at the end of June. He wants to just give them a card with cash. I don't like the idea but my sister said said that is the way it is for some folks. I am use to just arriving at the party with the gift. Money is for the money dance if the couple chooses to do it or as the gift. DF says the couple received all their wedding gifts at the shower and no presents at wedding so he felt pressured to give them one then. I don't get it?

How do you handle the Disney Honeymoon Registry?

Mami

 

[aduck126]

wow thats really presumptuous!

the 5 year VR...thats dumb skip it. People are losing all class and diginity I swear. I would toss them all out.

 

[Keira1387]

That is so tacky!

 

[aduck126]

I had an engagement party like a year ago and alot of people got me gifts for that. So now I am skipping the bridal shower. I have a big Italian family and traditionally you would show up with cash to a wedding. I'm expecting that most of my family will do that, i'm not expecting much though because they are do also have to fly out and stay at disney. So really me having them there is kind of my gift. But for the most part thats what I'm probably going to get.

My DF's family on the other hand is SUPER cheap. Most of them showed up to the Engagement party with nothing so Im banking on them doing the same for the wedding. Which kind of pisses me off considering my parents are chipping in alot of money and still will get us a nice gift. But his family doest even buy him christmas or birthday gifts so I'm not expecting much from that side.

What I'm trying to say is that every person and family is different. Do what you are comfortable with.

 

[Petals & Pixie Dust]

WOW! That's pretty bold of them!

 

[Ember]

Thanks, guys. When I opened the third one a little while ago I was so annoyed! There's no one home and I was stomping around making "humph!" noises! The cat was following me looking very concerned!

It's this sort of thing that sparks my distaste of vow renewals. I think there is a marked difference between recommitting to your partner and wanting to be the "bride" again so you can re-live the glory of being the center of attention and collect gifts. One has romantic intentions, the other proves you're a greedy attention seeker!

And the wedding invites just floor me. If these couples spent half as much time focusing on their relationship as they do worrying about getting only the presents they want out of people maybe there would be fewer divorces. I simply do not understand how anyone can think it's appropriate to tell someone else what to provide as a gift. Gifts are voluntary and are at the discretion of the giver.

Okay... Rant over. I feel better now. Thanks for letting me get that out.

P.S. The only wedding I'm going to is my best friends brothers. And that's only because I can't think of a way to get out of it.

 

[PrincessShea]

The last two are kind of weird and tacky...but maybe they just really don't want people to waste money buying stuff they don't want.

The vow renewal is ridiculous though. I would never ever buy a vow renewal gift. Especially after just five years.

 

[RangerPooh]

While I would love to have a VR (and we've been married 6 years) I would NEVER ask for gifts. That's just tacky.

As for the others cash donations and no boxes, perhaps they are already on their own and don't need many things. Or that they would rather receive gift certificates to places that they can buy their items from. As for the boxes, is it a destination wedding and they don't want to transpor them? Maybe it's just a polite way of asking for gift cards. Persoanlly I wouldn't list cash donations on the invite as that sounds rude.

 

[IrishLily]

If it's a destination wedding then I think "no boxed gifts" is totally fine. That's exactly what we planned on saying, but also adding that if they wanted to they could ship it to our address. I also can sympathize with the "cash donations appreciated". My DF and I both already have everything we want and would hate to simply make up a registry somewhere where we would end up returning it anyway. Apartments don't allow you to keep all the things you would want I think they could've worded it better: "Just your presence is enough, but if you feel inclined cash donations are appreciated. Other gifts can be sent to this address" Or something to that effect.

What I find tacky about it all is that they put it in their invitations! A little researching and you will find that this is a no-no. I plan on simply putting our wedding website in the invitation where they then can get gift information.

 

[Ember]

As for the boxes, is it a destination wedding and they don't want to transpor them? Maybe it's just a polite way of asking for gift cards. Persoanlly I wouldn't list cash donations on the invite as that sounds rude.

Nope, not a destination wedding. And regardless, people are not (generally) stupid. It's common sense to not lug a gift to a destination wedding, just to have it be lugged back again. Anyone who is inclined to do something like this won't heed instructions anyway, so why bother including them?

If it's a destination wedding then I think "no boxed gifts" is totally fine. That's exactly what we planned on saying, but also adding that if they wanted to they could ship it to our address. I also can sympathize with the "cash donations appreciated". My DF and I both already have everything we want and would hate to simply make up a registry somewhere where we would end up returning it anyway. Apartments don't allow you to keep all the things you would want I think they could've worded it better: "Just your presence is enough, but if you feel inclined cash donations are appreciated. Other gifts can be sent to this address" Or something to that effect.

What I find tacky about it all is that they put it in their invitations! A little researching and you will find that this is a no-no. I plan on simply putting our wedding website in the invitation where they then can get gift information.

I agree that a wedding website is a completely acceptable way to handle things like this. So long as the information must be clicked to (as opposed to on the main page with flashing lights around it ) I think it's a good solution. This way the information is essentially available by request, just like asking someone.

Also, just so you know, it would be far more polite to say (either on the website, or when asked directly), "We want nothing more then for you to come to our wedding. That's more then gift enough. However, we are saving towards ______ ." Rather than "cash donations appreciated." This gives a purpose to a cash gift. Also, the word "donation" makes it sound like the wedding is a charity, at least to me. When you send out thank you cards you also want to mention specifically what they money is being used for, though not the amount given.

Believe me, I can also appreciate the desire for money over gifts. But that's really not the issue. The recipient of a gift has no role in its giving other than to accept it graciously and then to say thank you. Most people will want to give a gift that the couple will really appreciate and so will ask, or in your case check the website. The remaining few will give a gift they thought would make you happy. My girlfriend who recently got married got a beautiful handmade quilt that told the story of their romance in pictures, all hand quilted. What a keepsake! Had there been strict "cash only" instructions, she would have missed out on this extraordinary gift. I also noticed a poster who got a Disney picture with her family as their favorite character, another amazing gift.

 

[NikkiLovesWDW!]

Can I ask, what is the right way to handle this situation? It's funny you bring this up because I was having a disagreement with DF about his friends gift for their wedding at the end of June. He wants to just give them a card with cash. I don't like the idea but my sister said said that is the way it is for some folks. I am use to just arriving at the party with the gift. Money is for the money dance if the couple chooses to do it or as the gift. DF says the couple received all their wedding gifts at the shower and no presents at wedding so he felt pressured to give them one then. I don't get it?

How do you handle the Disney Honeymoon Registry?

Mami

The way we do it here is, gift for the shower, card with cash for the wedding. It would be weird to do it any other way. I don't know anyone who still brings an actual "gift" to the wedding reception. There isn't even a gift table at receptions anymore, usually just a nice white box for cards. BUT like I said, that's where I live, I know other parts of the country are way different.

To the OP, I can't believe people have the nerve to say such things on their invitation! So tacky! My future DMIL said she just got an invite to a shower that said, "gift cards and cash gifts only." Unbelievable.

 

[tink774]

I don't know anyone who still brings an actual "gift" to the wedding reception. There isn't even a gift table at receptions anymore, usually just a nice white box for cards.

I haven't been to many weddings, but I can't remember any that had a gift table set aside. Last summer, DBF's brother got married, and they weren't expecting anyone to show up to the reception (at the house of the groom's family) with anything but cards, so there was no area for gifts. Then lo and behold, a lot of people did bring them to the reception! So they basically had to be tucked away in a corner because there was no other room for them. But what I could not believe was that towards the end of the reception, the bride decided she wanted to open all of the gifts "child's birthday style," as I call it. Maybe for a reception at home, the rules don't apply. But I've never thought it was appropriate to open gifts at the reception. I feel like this would just be awkward for guests, especially those who did not come to the reception with a gift. But I guess that's just my opinion.

 

[KSchwagg86]

How can those people seriously think that is ok

 

[figment52]

The last two are kind of weird and tacky...but maybe they just really don't want people to waste money buying stuff they don't want.

The vow renewal is ridiculous though. I would never ever buy a vow renewal gift. Especially after just five years.

At most I would bring wine to the vow renewal. Gifts are not appropriate IMO.

 

[Wish on a Star]

You know the word probably got out that you give $250 presents- everybody that knows you is probably sending you an invite!

 

[Ember]

you know the word probably got out that you give $250 presents- everybody that knows you is probably sending you an invite!

lol

It was a family wedding and was from myself, my now husband, and my mother who was unable to attend.

 

[disneymom8589]

We received an invitation recently requesting cash gifts. Maybe I'm "old school" but I think it seems tacky to even mention anything about gifts on a wedding invitation.

A 5 year VR...are you kidding me?! And to ask for gifts...unbelievable!!

 

[BecBennett]

I tried my best not to include anything about gifts on my engagement party invites, but everyone I asked whether they could spread the word about money not gifts, just told me to put it in the invite

So it's obviously not a big issue here. And thinking back, every wedding/engagement invite I've ever gotten has had something in it about gifts

Anyway, I did the best compromise I could and put a little poem in the invite which started off saying please come, but don't bring a gift, if you REALLY want to bring a gift then money would be lovely.

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

I thought there was an edict rule about not putting gift instructions with an invitation. If the bride has a shower, then registry information is acceptable but not inside an invitation!