What is it about daughters......

[disneyworld!]

I don't think that posts talking about apprehension about a daughter's first date or their child moving (far) away from home for the first time make anyone a raving lunatic. They could have just as easily been about a son instead of a daughter. The posters were articulate and well-reasoned, as far as I concerned.

In fact, these are the types of threads I enjoy the most because I can relate to them. People are looking for advice, empathy, or just a place to vent. More power to them! That's why the DIS is here.

I have a DD 17 and a DS 15. Some days, my daughter is easier to raise. Some days, my son is. I cherish every day that they're at home with me because the time goes by so quickly! And if I need a place to get advice, I can always count on the folks here to give it to me if I ask.

well said!

 

[Trish Bessette]

 

[cats7494]

Beth76 -
Just curious - are you protective of your boys?

 

[disneyworld!]

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I think we all have the potential to be "raving lunatics" with or without children of either gender. I think parental concern is quite different from lunacy.

 

[chobie]

You do realize that your original post came off as sounding a bit condescending to us parents of daughters don't you? It would be one thing to ask why parents of daughters worry about certain things, but when I read your post the part about being glad you have boys, it sounded gloating to me and as if somehow you are superior for having only born children with Y chromosomes. JMO.

 

[Blondy876]

Well, I have 2 dd's and I am concerned about their dating, self esteem, sports, academics, happiness etc. I would be concerned with these things if they were boys too. If my concern (I would call it being a parent) makes me a raving lunatic in your eyes, oh well.

 

[Serena]

I'm terribly sorry. But I fully claim sometimes sounding like a raving lunatic in regards to my daughters. Sometimes I do feel like I'm over my head with them and do want to protect them. My oldest has other ideas though and she worries me to death.
I'm sure I'll have those moments for quite a few years. So, I'd get used to it. People care about their children. Sometimes they'll sound more reasonable than others. We come here to vent, get opinions and get objectivity. Being called a raving lunatic does nothing but insult people though.

So include me in the lunatic club. I won't be lonely.

 

[disney4us2002]

I have sons. My oldest is taking driver's ed in 3 wks. While I will not be a raving lunatic, I fully intend to be a basketcase when he's driving solo the first several times. What can I say, I'm a worrier.


Jennifer (Blondy876), that daughter of yours has the most intense and gorgeous eyes! She's just beautiful.

 

[lissawynn]

I have two sisters, and I know why my mom turned into a nutcase at times. We drove her to it.
We fought over everything and anything you could think of. Mom said it would have been easier to raise three boys than the three of us.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

What do you mean 'raving lunatic'? Btw, boys have their problems too and they're not any less than girls.

 

[grlpwrd]

that turns parents into raving lunatics when they grow up? I am so glad that I have two boys (and to think I really wanted a girl).

Your kids are still young...

wait until they become teens. Gender won't matter. lol

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

There are two threads currently about daughters and the moms are freaking out. I started a new thread because I didn't want to single anyone out. It just irks me when I see parents who don't want their children grow up. I know it's not just girls, but it seems to be girls mostly. You know when people "joke" (oh god, I hope they're joking) about not letting their daughters date until their 30 and stuff like that. Just bugs me.

Frankly, it bothers me a whole hell of a lot more when people allow their nine year olds to date! I cringe each and every time I hear about pre-teen girls having boyfriends. Childhood should be just that--childhood. People are encouraging children to grow up WAY to fast. It's alarming. We live in a time where 20% of highschool girls have performed oral sex on boys IN school (the average age being 14) thinking it's no big deal because it's not real sex. What happened to having fun and just being a kid?

And yes, when people say things about not letting their daughters date until they are 30, it is a joke. My dad used to say that all the time (which I didn't care because I wasn't in to guys anyway) and he didn't hold me to it. He actually worried because I wasn't interested in dating and actively started to enourage it! Of course, he failed to put two and two together and get that he had a gay daughter! But that's OT. I'm quite sure people are joking. They see what I see. They see statistics about sex, pregnancy, veneral diseases, depression and drug and alcholism and they try to make lighthearted jokes about keeping their beloved girls young. There's no harm in that kind of teasing.

Dating does age a child. When young girls get a boyfriend, they tend to leave their other interests behind (not all of them so please don't site 15 examples of kids you know who havn't done this). They tend to get broken hearted when the relationship ends. That leads to depression and concerns about things that young girls just shouldn't be worrying about at such tender ages! My daughter has several 13 year old friends who thinks they are nothing if they don't have a boyfriend. They fight with other girls over who this or that boy "belongs" to and they do ANYTHING to impress the guys, even if it means smoking, drinking, or having sex. My daughter's friends tend to talk to me very frankly and it amazes me how much these 12 and 13 year old girls feel they NEED to have a guy in order to be somebody. It's just so sad. Somebody forget to love these girls enough to teach them that they are important and that a guy does nothing to boost their identity.

So count me as one of those raving lunitics who wants to keep her 13 year old a kid a couple more years. No, I won't deprive her from dating as a teenager, but 15 or 16 is a little more reasonable than 12 or 13. That's just my opinion, and I realize that there are millions of people who disagree with me. That's fine. I'm not raising their kids, I'm raising mine. And frankly, I've found the task of raising my daughter to be relatively stress free.

 

[Rafikifan]

Oh, okay, gotcha! I agree with you. My two DDs are really into sports and I can't tell you how frustrating it is dealing with parents who either don't care about their daughters' sport activities as much as their sons' or don't want the coaches to be "too intense" with their girls. It's an uphill battle just to get field space and practice time for girls. Some parents really coddle their daughters and don't let them grow up.

Can you tell it's softball season here? I'm so fed up with this attitude! Sorry for the rant.

ROFL. NOT AT YOU but parents of kids in sports in general. My dd doesn't play organized sports but is on danceteam and both my sons (9 and 11) play organized baseball, football, and basketball, my dh coaches basketball and assists baseball so I have seen my share of things (like the time I literally had to break up what was turning into a fistfight between 2 moms - yelling 4 letter words back and forth at one another with kids all around.
My dd is a freshman and will be 15 in Aug. but in her mind she is 20. I think a lot of 14 year olds think they are grown nowadays. She is a good kid but she has changed so much in the last couple of years. It's hormones, I swear! This was a straight A kid when she was younger who was always very conscientious, won science fairs, poetry contests, and was teacher's pet. Hormones took over, and now she does enough to maintain a B average, procrastinates like crazy, can't find her shoes, her school id, you name it. She and her bf of FOURTEEN months (long time for kids that age IMO) just broke up but at one point I got the vibes I needed to really have the "talk" and I'm sitting there thinking it seems like yesterday (I have this imprint in my mind) that she was 3 and went to the beach and she had on a 101 Dalmations swimsuit, matching Dalmation sandals, hairbow,and coverup on and now I'm talking to her about pregnancy!!!!!!! She's smart and independent so I'm hoping she keeps her head about her and doesn't make too many bad decisions (we've all made some right?) but all dh and I can do is pray we have raised her like we think we have and trust her because no matter how much I want to, I can't be there to watch her 24/7 anymore like when she was a baby. Right now I say girls ARE harder but that's probably more because of her age than her gender.

 

[Sandy V.]

It's alarming. We live in a time where 20% of highschool girls have performed oral sex on boys IN school (the average age being 14) thinking it's no big deal because it's not real sex. What happened to having fun and just being a kid?

I agree - it IS alarming. My son, the freshman, in high school, has girls in his class that he tells me are referred to through the rumor mill as "friends with benefits". Apparently that's the term for what you describe above. One of them is someone that my son has gone to school with since kindergarten and comes from a "good" family.

Not meaning to hijack the thread, but it is scary being a parent of both boys and girls these days because you have to educate them on many things much sooner than we learned them when we were kids.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I have two sisters, and I know why my mom turned into a nutcase at times. We drove her to it.
We fought over everything and anything you could think of. Mom said it would have been easier to raise three boys than the three of us.

Well, if your mom had my 3 older brother's I think she would change her mind! My mother had it MUCH easier with me. Of course she was pretty worn out by then.

I have 2 DD right now and I am starting to see the "fighting mom every step of the way thing with girls". Also a lot of not wanting your girls to date has more to do with what kind of boys are out there and they way teenage culture is (friends with bennifits and all). I must admit I like my DD's (4 year olds) taste in boys now. She has many friends who are boys and girls and she has a few good boy friends (not boyfriends ) and they are the nicest boys you would ever want to meet. Boys who are very rough, implusive and overly aggressive, she wants nothing to do with. If she still feels the same way in 12 years I will feel better about letting her date.

I love having daugthers (If I had son's I would love that too.)

 

[septbride2002]

ROFL. NOT AT YOU but parents of kids in sports in general. My dd doesn't play organized sports but is on danceteam and both my sons (9 and 11) play organized baseball, football, and basketball, my dh coaches basketball and assists baseball so I have seen my share of things (like the time I literally had to break up what was turning into a fistfight between 2 moms - yelling 4 letter words back and forth at one another with kids all around.
My dd is a freshman and will be 15 in Aug. but in her mind she is 20. I think a lot of 14 year olds think they are grown nowadays. She is a good kid but she has changed so much in the last couple of years. It's hormones, I swear! This was a straight A kid when she was younger who was always very conscientious, won science fairs, poetry contests, and was teacher's pet. Hormones took over, and now she does enough to maintain a B average, procrastinates like crazy, can't find her shoes, her school id, you name it. She and her bf of FOURTEEN months (long time for kids that age IMO) just broke up but at one point I got the vibes I needed to really have the "talk" and I'm sitting there thinking it seems like yesterday (I have this imprint in my mind) that she was 3 and went to the beach and she had on a 101 Dalmations swimsuit, matching Dalmation sandals, hairbow,and coverup on and now I'm talking to her about pregnancy!!!!!!! She's smart and independent so I'm hoping she keeps her head about her and doesn't make too many bad decisions (we've all made some right?) but all dh and I can do is pray we have raised her like we think we have and trust her because no matter how much I want to, I can't be there to watch her 24/7 anymore like when she was a baby. Right now I say girls ARE harder but that's probably more because of her age than her gender.

I have to agree with what you are saying. I remember thinking my sophomore year of high school - I'm a grown up. I look at 15 years old now and think - why are they dressed that way? I blame this partially on the media. When you read interviews of Britney Spears, Christina Augulera, and so on you read about 1) their empowerment and 2) their ability to clothes shop, go out, and so on. Since in all honest the media does not provide a "normal average" teen age girl to look to - they begin to immatate what they see. Of course with Spears and Augulera they are in their early 20's at the time and are able to do these things. I think the years 13 through 16 are especially hard on girls. They are to old to be little girls and to young to be ladies. Part of them yearns to wear their Care Bear shirts, and part of them yearns to wear things more grown up.

My mother can be thankful - grunge was in style when I was that age - I wore t-shirts, flannels, and jeans. No belly baring shirts for me!

~Amanda

 

[DisneyPhD]

In response to cothes for teenage girls. I am having such a hard time finding cothes for my 13 year old niece (her mother died 7 years ago and I am the one who pimarly takes care of her cothes, hair, room etc...) She is modest and doesn't like the bear belly styles and very thin (materail) that cothes in Jr. sizes have now a days. Also she is short (5 feet like me) but not thin. (not fat, just rather normal size 8 or 6 adult. So when I find cothes I like and fit me well I often end up getting them for her too (with her approval.) She must be the only kid in her school that shopps at jjill! (great petite selection!) I feel kind of bad dressing this 13 year old like her 34 year old aunt, but at least I am a cool aunt!

Really dressing teenage girls now a days is a problem! However dressing 4 year old girls and babies if FUN! ( I guess it all evens out.)

For mothers rasing daughter and even just women interesting in todays youth and young girls a great book is "Raising Ophila" by Mary Phipher. (I may have spelled that wrong.) I really like her.