What is an appropriate gift for a Bar Mitzvah in NJ?

[frannn]

I've just been invited to my cousin's son's bar mitzvah, and I'm not sure of what the gift should be. It is at a Temple Emmanuel, in NJ, on a Sat night. The invite was addressed to DH, me, and family, but we'll probably just send a gift, or maybe just DH and I will go. Would a bond be good? A check? How much (we are not well off, but more like middle class). Thanks......

 

[punkin]

To start with, whatever, you feel comfortable with will be enough. I will give you numbers I would be comfortable with if it was my family. A bond or a check is always good. If you are not going, $50 should be sufficient. If you are going or are vary close to the family, I would say $200 for a couple. BTW I am assuming Northern NJ, not someplace rural with a lower cost of living.

 

[KelNottAt]

I asked a coworker the same question this morning. She said the number "18" carries some signifigance in Judaism (or is it Hebew?). Apparently the 18th letter, chi, means "life."

Anyway, she said it used to be customary for kids to receive $18 checks upon their bar/bat mitzvah. Then she added that that amount is pretty much considered rather small these days, even for a child-to-child gift (which was why I was asking.) So, DS will probably be giving his friend $36 on Saturday.

HTH,

 

[czycropper]

I live in Central NJ and for our friends kids we've given checks. Remember that they should be amounts/multiples of 8 for good luck or that's what we've been told. They are lots of fun and we already have two on the calendar!

 

[frannn]

Like I said, either we will not attend, or if we do, it would just be DH and I. I don't want to be cheap, but can't see myself giving as much as punkin suggested (200). That's a nice chunk of change to us.

 

[NJBlackBerry]

It's multiples of 18, not 8.

In Central NJ, the magic number (for a good friend) is $200. $18/$25 was more the norm when I had my Bar Mitzvah. In 1971.

 

[DisneyElf]

If you are going to attend -- I would suggest a compromise....

Give a check to the kid for $ 36 (double Chai - life) for good luck ... and a savings bond for either $ 50.00 or $ 100.00.

 

[maggiew]

I am not Jewish, so can't really say. BUT, my DD was invited to a Bar Mitzvah for a boy she knew from school. Let me just say that this was a big affair. It was more impressive than my wedding. My DD dressed in a nice dress (her black dress she wore for formal night on our cruise). She went to the ceremony at 10 am and it lasted for like 2 hours. Then they had rented a bus to drive all the kids to the hotel ballroom where they played games and ate, etc. We were to pick her up at 5 pm. As we were picking her up, people were coming in dressed in black tie for the evening festivities!!! I was so surprised by how big a deal this was. Anyway, we weren't sure what to give him as a gift, so we asked around to family and friends. We were told that for friends, really anything you might give at a normal birthday party would be appropriate. So we gave him a $50 Best Buy gift card. We were also told that family would probably be giving more like $200. This is in a Chicago suburb.

Maggie

 

[DisneyGirl83]

I went to many a bat/bar mitzvah back in the day (10 yrs ago) and back then I used to give $50 to my friends..I would think that amount would still be acceptable now for a child to give a friend. However if the whole family was invited it would be a much more considerable amount (I would say for 4 of you at least $150, if just you and dh go then you might be able to get away with $100). Honestly, you need to compare it to a wedding almost...some of the bar/bat mitzvah's I've been to have been nicer then weddings I've been to.

 

[Franne]

Being Jewish and from Central NJ, I think $200 is about right, if you want to go with the multiples of 18 give $198. He is a cousin afterall and that's family so you should give more. If you are not going, $50 would be more than enough. I just think that since it's a family member you have to give more.

 

[Mulan'sMom]

Never knew about the multiples of 18 thing. I've only attended 2 bar/bat mitzvahs, for children of friends. Maybe I'm a piker by comparison, but no one has ever been so insulted that they've turned the money down!

 

[punkin]

My daughter's Bat Mitzvah was last year and we are now in the DC area. She got much smaller gifts from her friends than we would have expected comming from Long Island (anywhere in the NYC metro are really) Here the friends gave $36 on average. Back home, $50 was the norm ($54 for chai multiples I guess). Family and good friends of the parents always give more. My counsin's son's bar mitzvah in Great Neck cost a small fortune-about 3 times what my wedding cost. I went with DH and one DD (this was 8 years ago) and gave $250.

All that aside, only you know what you can afford and I am sure they would love to have you no matter what you bring.

 

[drayke]

One thing you can do is find out what the community service project was for the bar mitzvah and make a contribution towards that or make a contribution to MAZON, the Jewish hunger relief organization. If you want to give a direct gift, give a savings bond or gift of "one share" (there are web sites that faciliate such) of a stock.