What does the groom or his family take care of wedding wise?

[Boots]

I just bought a new book of etiquette to find out but would appreciate any help. I still have a while, as DS is getting married July, 2003. I know that we pay for the rehersal dinner. DS's fiancee wants to have a pool party at our house. So I need some opinions, do you think it would be ok if I had it catered here? I had thought something simple. There is a wonderful barbeque place that caters close by, so I thought maybe that since it is a pool party she wants. Or should we eat somewhere and then come here to swim? DS pays the preacher, but what else does a groom or his family do? HELP, please.

 

[mrsv98]

Well...traditionally speaking, the groom and his family pays for: the engagement ring, the rehearsal dinner, a gift for the bride and the honeymoon.

Now days, though there are a million ways pf doing things. For instance, my DH's dad paid for the rehearsal dinner but we paid for everything else (thank heavens for those wedding checks! ) and had a fairly small afternoon wedding. Now, I say small and it still cost $7000 including my dress and DH's suit. That was doing everything small and many things ourselves.

I think a rehearsal dinner poolside sounds really nice. If you ever watch "A Wedding Story" on TLC, you will see many rehearsal dinners held at home, even when the wedding is big and fancy.

Have fun planning!

 

[Kallison]

My Il's had a rehearsal dinner at their house which was catered. It was very nice and informal. We sat around for hours in the backyard talking and eating, you could not do that in a restaurant. Personally I think weddings should be a 50/50 split. What if one family has 4 daughters and another only has 1 son? It doesn't seem fair to have the girl's family take the brunt of the bill any more.

 

[kejoda]

I don't see anything wrong with having a pool party for a rehersal dinner (mine was at the family farm). One thing I would do is find out how many children will be there and hire babysitters for them, some for the pool and some inside. And make sure the kids have activities to do.

as for who pays for what you should get together will the groom, bride and her parents. The sooner the better so everyone knows who is paying for what and you know what the couple wants.

Have fun planning and congratulations!

 

[helenabear]

I too love the idea of a pool party rehersal dinner. We had my rehersal dinner as well as my brother's at my dad's house and it was nice and relaxing. It was a good way for family to get to meet and talk if they hadn't before.

 

[hercamore]

I think a pool party is a lovely idea! And a bbq sounds good, because who doesn't like bbq. You can add drinks and desserts and you're set! You can decorate to match the wedding theme colors with balloons and paperware.

Much more fun than sitting in a stuffy old restaurant all dressed up.
Everyone can move around and get rid of some of that "nervous energy and prewedding jitters".

It sounds like a great time.

Herc.

 

[Fire14]

I'm not doing a RHD but there's a lot of reason's why. I think a pool party sounds fun.

 

[ead79]

From what I've read in etiquette books, here are some of the things the groom's family traditionally pays for:

rehearsal dinner
groomsmen's gifts
accomodations for any out of town groomsmen
bride's bouquet (in some areas of the country)

But of course, what you pay for is up to your and your DS. Your rehearsal dinner idea sounds lovely. I've been to a BBQ rehearsal dinner before, and everyone had a great time!

 

[eeyore0062]

Well, it really depends on what they are WILLING to take care of... and unfortunately throwing the etiquette book at some people does absolutely no good.

However, in my case... my husband took care of paying the preacher and the organist, and the wedding night accomodations. His parents took care of the rehearsal dinner.

Grooms really do get off light!!!

 

[KimRaye]

Catered BBQ/pool party sounds wonderful! I think your future DIL has a good head on her shoulders.

I have 2 brothers and, when they married, my parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and a few selected other things. Like, the flowers and the video or, the DJ and the flowers. Depending on the cost, after it was booked by bro & sil's, my Mom would decide to pick up the tab, if she felt like it. It was always a welcome surprise to the couples!

Although no one ever stayed at a hotel (to my knowledge), Mom made sure everyone had a place to stay, even if it was with her.

 

[Kitty 34]

A pool party sounds awesome!!!

 

[doxdogy]

The groom or his family pay for the brides flowers and gifts for the groomsmen. A pool party sounds like a great idea. When the DD married 3 years ago, DH and I teased her that we were going to have the reception catered by Bono's BBQ.

 

[snoopy]

DH's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, the flowers for the wedding and for the Priest's services. They also helped pay for our honeymoon.

I think a catered affair poolside sounds lovely, Boots. Why do it in a restaurant when you have the room to do it at home? Much more cozy and warm imo.

 

[Lars624]

My in-laws paid for the rehearsal dinner, the flowers (MIL made them all in silk) and the liquor at the reception.

 

[jrmasm]

Pool/BBQ rehersal dinner than....

a wedding/BBQ (i'm going to one tomorrow)

 

[Jenn]

I think it depends on the situation -

for our wedding we paid for about 1/2 of the total, and my parents and his parents split the rest. His parents are very generous and offered and we graciously accepted. We had about 125 people and 75% were from his side of the family, so they felt like they should contribute and we certainly appreciated it.

In addition, his parents knew that guest list cuts would be made if we couldn't afford it and didn't want us to have to do that.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think a barbeque with a pool party sounds like a great rehearsal dinner!!! Talk it over with your future DIL, and if she likes, I'd say call the caterer, get the paper goods and go to town!!!!!!

As far as who pays for what, I think it depends on a lot of things.How do you get along with your future DIL's parents? Can you sit down and hash it out with them????

 

[newmousecateer]

DS is getting married next weekend. I just turned my pockets inside out, and they are totally empty

 

[shep]

My mom & dad paid for rehearsal dinner..
Now if they'd paid for the honeymoon..we might of went somewhere a little more extravagant..