What do you think about teens changing their first names?

[JoannaOhio]

First off - I want everybody to know that I'm not a teen - but I'm the grandmother of one - and I'd really like your opinions about a situation in our family. Nobody else in my family reads these boards, so I'm not exposing information that could potentially cause them discomfort.

My granddaughter's birth name is a bit unusual to start with - Emelia - not the more "typical" Amelia. When she was little we called her Emmy. When she asked to be called Emelia instead, we made that switch. When she was 11, she asked to be called "Kitty" - mostly because she was such a cat lover. As she entered middle school, she asked her mother (my daughter) to ask her teachers to call her Kitty. Her mom said that it was up to "Kitty" to do the asking - and she did. That started about three years of her being called Kitty by pretty much everybody - (exept one set of grandparents who refused to make the change).

My granddaughter is now 14-1/2. Evidently she has felt for some time that the name "Kitty" hasn't really suited her anymore, but she didn't know quite what to do about it. Her mother recently became engaged, and it looks as if the family will be moving to another state within the next year. I think that my granddaughter started thinking that if she wanted to change away from "Kitty", this would be a good opportunity.

She doesn't want to use her birth name - (thinks it's too "girly" to suit her current persona). A week or so ago she said she would like to be called "Eevee". Besides liking the sound of the name, I guess it's the name of a species of fox-like Pokomon characters that she likes.

Personally, I was never fond of the name "Kitty", and I have no problem at all with her changing it to something else. Although I don't share the Pokomon connection, I like the sound of "Eevee" - (pronounced like E.V.) With her permission and enthusiatic approval, I sent a chatty email to friends and family members about what's going on in our family - and included the information about the change to "Eevee".

Well, strong resistance has developed from several people - including her stepfather-to-be - who thinks that changing her name isn't "normal" - and that it is somehow a cry for help - a sign that she doesn't like herself and is trying to reinvent herself by changing her name. This has caused my daughter to second guess her parenting skills - and wonders if she should have allowed the whole "Kitty" name change in the first place.

I would really like to hear from other teens about your feelings about this - and whether you or any of your friends have changed what you choose to be called. Feel free to send me a personal message if you'd like - or post here so others can read. Thanks in advance for any insight you can lend.

 

[!!PonyBoy!!]

Well I personally like the name Emelia in the first place. I also like Kitty. About the whole name change thing I don't think it is a cry for help, Just a chance to experience something new. Now I know it is not up to me but if it was then I would let her change her name to Eevee if she really wants. If you or her parents deny her that right then she might wanna change something else about herself. Something more important or more noticable than her name. I think she was bored with the old her and she just wants to try something new. If you guys let her try it with the switch from Emelia to Kitty you should give her the right to do it now.

~Jesse~

 

[MuNkY]

I don't see a problem with it. As long as she likes it, and it's not inapropriate, then I say go ahead.

 

[Sparx]

eh. I wouldn't worry too much about it. As long as she's not trying to legally change it. Kitty is one of my friends nicknames actually. if you wanna do the eevee though, I would change the spelling. Eve maybe?

 

[MonorailDude]

To me, Eevee is more girly sounding than Emelia. I mean, I guess I just wouldn't want to be named after a Poke'mon. As long as this change isn't a permanant legal change it would be suitable for a nickname only.

 

[2HOT2touch]

Well if she isn't changing it legally, then it is more like a nickname. my real name is Kristina, but i hate that name. So i have everyone call me Kristy, I don't respond to people or get mad at people when they call me Kristina sometimes, but it is just a nickname. Soon enough I will have people call me Kristina, but for the moment Kristy is fine.my teachers when I was in public school even thought my realy name was Kristy. And it is normal for people to have nicknames, my friends name is Katheryn, but we call her Kay. It's normal she just may not like her name right now, I haven't liked my name my whole life, but she will grow out of it. And as Sparx said Maybe she can change the spelling to like Evie or something.

 

[beachbaby91]

Personally, I like her first name to begin with. Myself, I'm more girly, if I was a tomboy I wouldn't care for the name "Jennifer," as I find it more of a feminine name. In her situation, I'd say it is normal to do. Maybe Kitty was a name she liked to grow up with, but does not fit her now. I'd understand that and propose to give myself a nickname if I was her. To me, it's not as if she is taking legal steps to change her name, she is giving herself a major nickname. From my view, it's just normal and she wants to give herself a different style. I wouldn't worry about it unless she really tried to change it frequently and wanted you to all accept and follow her with legal actions. I'm 14 1/2 myself, and I'm interested in giving myself my own nickname, it's just something a lot of teenagers are doing in my school, also. So to me, it's no problem . Good luck with that!

- Jennifer

 

[miss_elphie]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Especially at this age (teenage-ish (new word!) age I guess- it comes earlier for some than others I think), a lot of us kids are still trying to figure out who we are. With all those raging hormones it's tough at times. Your granddaughter is probably just trying to find a name to suit her personality, and that's fine. I myself am a girl of many names- my friends give me a new one about once a year (most of them don't stick for too long, but some of them do) and I think it's fine. I think that restricting her may make her feel as if she's been pushed into a mold- like you want her to fit her name, not the other way around. It's better that she change her name than her personality. Just let her know that you all love her and accept her, whoever she becomes, and I think it'll work out just fine.

 

[Princess Ash]

I think that changing her name is a fine idea. It is most certainly not a cry for help (unless there have been other signs). Rather, it is a chance for her to start a new life with something she can control. However, I would advise her to watch out for the fact that she considers it wonderful to have a name that sounds like a Pokemon. From experience, that trend (the Pokemon phase, that is) gets very old, very fast. If she wants to change her name, advise her to think long and hard about something that means something to her...perhaps even look in the baby-book for names and their meanings. I think that teenagers need to be supported in these difficult times. Do not push her in one way or the other. Instead, be there to support and love her. Changing her name does not change who she is on the inside. As William Shakespeare said, "A rose by ANY OTHER NAME would smell JUST AS SWEET"
Good luck and please keep us posted on what happens...

 

[Cinderella94]

I wouldn't worry about it too much, I think changing a name is fine. But, yes do be aware, as Princess Ash said, the Pokemon phase probably WILL get old quickly. Just support her and keep us updated.

 

[!!PonyBoy!!]

Yes please do keep us updated

 

[BandGeek911]

Maybe her name could be eve? (Like prounounced in christmas eve?)

 

[JoannaOhio]

Thanks ever so much for all your replies. We'll be spending Thanksgiving with the family of stepdad-to-be, and it will be interesting to see how things go. Eevee's mom asked her a couple days ago if she had thought about the longterm consequences of this name change, and what she would do if people didn't take her seriously. Unfortunately, I think this conversation took place when Eevee was really tired and not in a good mood to start with - so she responded to her mother that it wasn't worth the hassle - and to just forget it. Her Mom took this to mean that Eevee wasn't sure of it herself, so she went back to calling her Kitty. (Frankly, I think my daughter has been overly influenced by the negative reaction of her fiancee - and has forgotten how important it was to her - when she was changing her name 30 years ago.)

Today I sat down with Eevee and asked her to give me an honest answer. I used a slightly silly analogy, based on what happened a few weeks ago when I bought some chocolate pudding cups for her to take in her school lunch. The first day or two, she said they were great. Since they were on sale, I bought a bunch more. Then I noticed that the same pudding cup rode around in her lunchbag for a week. When I first questioned her, she said she just hadn't had time to eat it, but she finally acknowledged that she really didn't like the pudding that much after all.

So, I asked her these three questions - relating the name change to the pudding. #1-Did she think she liked it in the first place, but then decided she really wasn't that crazy about it? #2-Did she still kind of like it, but didn't want it every day? #3-Did she really like "the pudding" a lot, and would love to eat it every day, but decided it was too much of a struggle to argue with people who might say that she ate too many sweets, or the pudding was too expensive, etc.

Her immediate and strong response was that it was definitely the third example. I asked her why she gave up so easily when her mom questioned her about it, and she said that she felt back into a corner, and was worried that people (i.e. her prospective stepdad?) wouldn't take her seriously. I asked her if she really wanted people to keep calling her Kitty, and she reacted very strongly in a negative fashion. At that point, I told her that I didn't want to start a family feud, but if she really feels that strongly about it, I think she needs to make that clear to her mother - and that I will support her.

Eevee and her mom just left for the 5+ hour drive to fiancee's house - and I imagine they will discuss it on the road. (I'm driving my own vehicle there tomorrow in daylight - because I've been visiting here and will return to my home in Ohio after Thanksgiving.)

The newest wrinkle in this whole scenario is that stepdad-to-be is starting a new job - probably in January - which means that the whole move to another state is going to happen pretty darn soon. (I don't think I mentioned it before, but I will be part of this 4-person family - partly because my daughter's fiancee is disabled, and she's counting on me to pick up the slack as far as running the house, etc. - since she will be spending several hours a day meeting his needs.)

It looks like Eevee's timing for trying a new name will fit right in with the move to a new school - in the middle of her freshman year of high school, no less. And - I think this came at a good time in the process of blending three households into one. Perhaps a little test as to how we'll handle potentially sticky situations in the future.

I will definitely keep you updated as matters progress. Thanks for your great input. BTW, I've already thought that most people won't even think of the spelling of her name - just the way it is pronounced. And - if the sound still suits her down the road, she can always change the spelling to "Evie" or "Eve".

 

[JoannaOhio]

Good news! Everybody is on board with the new name. Eevee and her mom had a heart-to-heart talk on their drive, and her mom now realizes how important it is to Eevee. They both agreed that their discussion a few days earlier hadn't gone well because the timing was all wrong. Stepdad-to-be isn't in full agreement with any change, but he has decided to call her Eevee. (I think it's a wise move on his part, because it would only drive a wedge between them if the rest of us are calling her that, and he insisted on continuing to call her Kitty.) I think it helped that the rest of his family called her Eevee when we went there for Thanksgiving dinner.

Once we're all living together (which should be within the next two months), I think he'll get a better picture of what kind of gal she really is. For the past year, he has seen her only one weekend a month or so - while visiting at his house, where there's really nothing for her to do except play on the computer - and the focus of the visits is often the romance between her mom and him. This sometimes leads to Eevee zoning out and not being particularly cooperative - which is not her usual behavior at home. Anyway, thanks again for your interest.

 

[Princess Ash]

Our pleasure...I'm glad it all worked out...

 

[miss_elphie]

Glad to hear it's working out! Hope the move goes wonderfully and everyone will be able to adjust quickly to their new settings ^_^

 

[!!PonyBoy!!]

Glad Everything is working out for everyone

 

[jewellmmc]

My brother changed his name...sort of. In any case, he did have a major name change. Nobody really had a problem with it but could you tell her stepfather that it is just a nickname? Acknowledge that her name is actually Emelia and that Kitty was a part of her, but just now she has a nickname that she likes called: Eevee. If you don't actually call it a name change it may sound less dramatic. I have one name but everyone calls me by my nickname. It's just a personal touch, that's all.

 

[belle_of_the_ball]

so glad to hear its all solved! I hope she makes a great transition to her new school!

i have gone through so many new names...the only one that sticks is Dunph


currently my name to my friends and some family is "elf" due to my love of christmas.

nobody has had a problem with my name switches...so long as i dont leagaly change it to something....them they may have a problem!

 

[BandGeek911]

Glad everything workied out!