What do you think about relationships with a huge age gap?

[antmaril]

I have a good friend who is 47 years old and her husband is 35. It is a big difference, but it's working for them. They have two adopted children.

My brother-in-law got married last year - he is 51 and his wife is 36. They are a great couple.

My sister is 47 and her significant other is 60. They have been together for years and it seems to be working for them.

I really don't think a significant age difference is a big deal.

 

[always quiet]

DH and I are 13 yrs apart. We started dating when I was 22 and he was 35. Now, we're 41 and 54 and have been married for 17 yrs. It's never been an issue.

Now, his sister's father is my dad's age (87) and he is married to someone MY age! I've never met the man but can we say YUCK! They have kids who are my kids' ages. I can't imagine a man that old being a parent to teenagers!!

 

[mickeyboat]

My dad is 60, his wife is 37 (I am 35). They have been married for almost 4 years. They seem pretty happy. But he has just retired and they have moved to Sun City, AZ. I think this will be a huge trial for their relationship. We'll see how it works out.

And BTW, I was horrified when I found out about her. But I am very happy now. She is extremely supportive of his relationship with his family, and has never been anything but king and lovely to us.

Denae

 

[Castlebound]

I am 17 years younger than my mom and 18 years younger than my dad. Because of that age difference it would be hard for me to have a relationship with anyone more than a few years older than me. The thought of dating someone my dad's age is just uncomfortable to me. I know that many people don't have a problem dating someone their parents' age but I would.
Of other people as long as both adults are happy in the relationship I don't have a problem with it. I would be jumping for joy if my grandpa found someone who was my mom's age or even younger. Anything would be better than the hag he has right now.

 

[barkley]

i think it truly depends on the maturity of the individuals involved. i think a bigger factor though is what stage of your life you enter into this relationship at.

my dh is 7 years younger than me, and i initialy refused to date him because of the age difference-not because he was younger, but because we met when he was just shy of 21. i remembered what my interests were at 20, and frankly a frenzied, social, bar hopping lifestyle was not appealing to me in my late 20's. when we did begin to date i was very up front with him about my life goals at that stage in my life-and when he began to speak of marriage i was very frank about how our age difference would impact it (while he might have thought having children was not an "anytime soon" issue, i wanted to have mine in my early 30's). we also had to discuss how he would feel about having a wife who was further along in a career path (and as a result would likely be the larger earner for the foreseeable future), and would likely retire long before he was able.

we have had our ups and down in our marriage-i know there are times when our age difference has caused us to view circumstances/opportunities from much different vantage points and sometimes this has made it difficult. that said-we will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in march and i cannont imagine being happily married to anyone else.

 

[Shugardrawers]

There are 7 years between Dh and I. Not enough to make a difference. When I was 19 I dated a man who was 33. I was too young and naive to know he was playing games with me. I've always been much more attracted to older men and if I were to find myself widowed I'd be seeking out men in the 45 to 60 age bracket. At my age (41) that's not much of a difference though. I don't think age means much of anything so long as your maturity levels are fairly equal. My cousin was 32 when he was living with a girl of 15 In our home state though, unless the parents complained he couldn't be arrested. Her parents were just glad they didn't have to support her anymore. Now he's 43 and married to a girl who's 20 years his jr. At least this one is old enough to drive!

I don't think it matter which partner is older though. 35 year old men date 21 year old girls all the time. Nobody thinks anything about that.

 

[poohandwendy]

I really don't think of 10-12 even 13 years difference in age as 'huge'. I think of it as icky when you are dating someone who is the same age as your parents.

I do believe it makes more difference when you are younger, like a 19 yo with a 40 yo.

Obviously, it all depends on the people involved. Really, none of my business. But, since you asked for opinions, I will admit that when I see a couple with a really large age gap, I can't help but think...'ew'.

One thing I have observed (with a few couples who have a very large age difference), is that for a while, the older person tries to act younger....then as the years go by, the younger of the couple tends to act like the age of the older one. This is particularly obvious with my uncle and his wife. He is 22 years older and they started dating when she was 17...(yeah, it's a long Jerry Springer like story, but that is for another thread). In the early years of their relationship, he acted like he was a teen/20 something. After about 10 years of their relationship, she sort of took on his age group and seems 20 years older than she really is (things she talks about, way she dresses, etc) It's really bizarre.

 

[KathyFP]

I think it has less to do with age and more to do with common goals and purpose. Especially agreement about finances ( one of the biggest reasons for divorce).

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

My SO is 10 years older than I am and my sister is married to someone 11 years older than her. Funny thing is that my SO and BIL has the same birthday but my BIL is older by one year (my sister and I are twins)!!!

 

[MickeysMommy]

SO and I are 10 years apart and we have no problems. However, the man of my dreams is Tom Selleck and he's 60 but hey, I think he needs a 30 year old girlfriend!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I went out with a guy when I was 33 that was 22.......

I made a comment something like...."where were you 10 years ago"......
he told me he was 12

When I was 25, I dated a guy who was 43. The math on that would be 18 years. We were listening to Hotel California, and I belted out "we haven't had that spirit here since 1969" He gets a look on his face, the kind that says he is remembering something. He looks at me and says "1969, what were you doing in 1969? I was getting ready to go over to Vietnam." I told him, you don't want to know. I was A YEAR OLD, still in diapers!

 

[Nickunited]

I think as you get older age is not as important. At my age its tough - I am going to be 27 and I would date a 35 year old woman no problem but not a 17 year old woman - but 10 years from now - it might be a different story.

I am a strong believer that age is a number and its the person that matters!

 

[In a hurry]

They seem to work out fine until the proverbial "he's 70 and you are 55" actually happens. Not so pleasant then. At least not in the couple of couples I've known.

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

My friend is 37, her husband is 58! They have been married 14 years...

DH and I are 10 years apart..not bad now, but it was when he was 28 and I was 18~

 

[froglady]

I dated (on and off for about 5 years) a man 17 years my senior. It seemed like fun then, and he was an interesting person. However, had we married, I would have been widowed a few years ago.

SIL is married to someone 15 years older, who was a widower with grown and teenaged (senior in HS) children. He definitely didn't want to start a new family, so they are childless. Things were fine until he retired, and then he started complaining about her work hours, her travelling (he did a lot of travelling before he retired) etc. Her health started deteriorating; nothing serious, just lots of flulike things, etc. Now it's hard to tell that she's only a few years older than I am. He insists that she go to bed when HE'S tired, take an afternoon nap, and rarely does anything without her. She just retired (at 62) last year, so things are improving.

My step MIL also married a widower 20 years her senior. She wanted children, but his youngest was 24 at the time, so he refused. She's been a widow for over 20 years.

DH is 5 years older than I, which means (given our family histories) that I might have a decade or more of widowhood. There's a lot to be said about marrying a younger man.

 

[thelionqueen]

There is an 11 year age difference between me & DH. I am 36 and he is 47. I met him when I was 25 and he was 36.

We are still madly in love, and I cannot imagine even 1 day without him.

We are truly one of the happiest couples I know, and when people find out the age difference, they are all shocked.

He doesn't look 10 years older than me, and certainly doesn't act it It just depends. As adults, age should not matter, at least is doesn't to me.

 

[barkley]

i have to say that sometimes the age difference between dh and i can create some pretty humerous situations. one of his friends (same age as dh) once called me to get "first hand" advise on what to wear to a "retro party"-i was the "only person" he knew that was "old enought" to "remember what people wore "way back then" (the seventies ). we also got a big laugh at my 20th class reunion. i had gone to high school with a very egotistical "jock" who was always very concerned about his appearance. when he graduated from college a few years later he ended up being one of dh's high school teachers (and was no less egotistical). my dh took such delight in going up to him at my reunion (where this guy was REALY trying to hold in the beer gut and still project the "biggest stud on campus" appearance, had the "trophy date" on his arm, dressed way younger than our age) and saying "hey jerry-remember me?". "jerry" said "yeah, the face is familiar but we graduated with such a large group of people can you remind me which class we had together?'. dh (who i should mention was prematurly gray well beyond his years) replies "sure-you taught me in sophmore marine bio.". the guy's face fell and he almost popped the buttons on his shirt when he lost his breath- and everyone within earshot was rolling on the floor.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I think it depends on the people, too, more than the age. If the love and commitment are strong, and the parties both understand that the age difference may become more pronounced as they age, then it can certainly work out beautifully in the long run.

My parents were 14 years apart in age, and had a wonderful, loving marriage for 28 years, until my mom died. Ironically, she was the younger one, and died at 51. Until then, I think she was what kept my dad "young", he "aged" dramatically after her death.

Personally, I've never been attracted to anyone significantly older or younger than me. Even if I were, I don't know if I would be able to marry him, as I would be far too concerned about the whole 60/75 thing.

 

[va32h]

It depends. All age differences are not created equal!

The 15 years between 20 and 35 is not the same as the 15 years between 40 and 55.

Problems arise in marriages with a big age gap when one partner wants to have children and the other partner is too old (or feels to old) to start a family.

Or when one partner retires and the other still wants to keep up with a more active lifestyle.

My father is married to a woman 23 years his junior. He is now 65 and retired, she is still working to provide them both with medical benefits and supplemental income. She still loves him, but she did admit that when she married him at the age of 25, she did not envision living in a senior community, and essentially supporting her spouse.

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

My parents were 6 months apart..he died 3 years ago after 47 years of marriage..
I don't think you can live with "what if"..DH is my best friend and if I had 3 years or 30, I wouldn't give up a minute.

I know my friend has problems...she wanted kids and he didn't...he finally relented but 21 years is wayyyyy too much for me, but I am sure she wouldn't trade a minute...to each his own..